Jizz In My Pants

“Damn it, flat tire." The slowing bus had been the first signal, but when Mason realized it wasn't Rian pulling his lollipop, he knew that the 'fapfapfap' sound must have been from a flat tire. Jack and Anna came out of the backroom, faces red. Alex and Melissa fell out of their bunk, trying to button up their jeans. And Laura and Zack walked to the front of the bus sleepily.

Zack yawned, asking Mason, "Can’t you just, I don't know, poof it fixed?"

Mason shook his head. "My magic doesn't work on rubber. I don't know why. It just doesn't." The wizard scratched his head, wondering why whenever his magic was needed, there was some convenient wizard law that got in the way.

Mark stopped the bus, opening the doors. "Let’s go see if we can fix it." Everyone except Rian and Mason stepped off the bus to follow Mark.

They stayed at the front of the bus and sat down on the couch. Rian pulled Mason onto his lap, pouting. "I don't like this."

"I'm sure they'll fix it soon, love." When Mason smiled optimistically, Rian playfully hit him on the shoulder.

"No, I mean this damn power. I don't like reading everyone's mind. There's some creepy shit going on in there." Mason sighed, hugging Rian. He could only imagine the images he had been getting.

"I'm sorry, baby. I wish I could make it go away, but-" Suddenly a loud boom echoed around the entire bus, and they both looked around in horror as flames erupted outside the window. "What the hell?" Mason wondered, peering out the windshield. The bus wasn't on fire, but the outside seemed to be. It was as if they drove right into a large wildfire. Rushing to the door, Rian and Mason peered outside, mouths open in shocked gapes.

The ground outside had turned red, and giant spiky rocks appeared from nowhere around the bus. Flames randomly spouted from holes in the ground. People were walking around outside as if it were normal. Stepping off the bus, Mason narrowly avoided a giant black crow breathing fire. Someone bumped into Rian, sending him into Mason. "Sorry, bab- Wait, is that Hitler?" Looking closely at the short man, they both agreed that it was in fact Hitler staring at them. "Where's his little mustache?"

The Nazi leader stared at them for a moment before responding in a girly pitch, "Satan decided it was too manly. He also cut off my dick." Rian screamed, clutching his own testicles.

Mason asked, "Wait. Are we in hell?" Hitler nodded before continuing on his merry way. Looking around, the two boys decided to find their friends. Rounding the flaming bus, they found all of them sitting on the ground near a giant red man in leather pants. Alex looked up at them and stood quickly.

"Guys, this is-" The man in the tight leather interrupted Alex in a booming voice.

"I am Satan, fear for your eternal soul!" Rian giggled at the slight lisp in his voice. This enraged the giant red man.

"What do you laugh at? I can turn you inside out so the buzzards can peck at your organs!" Rian shut up, clutching onto Mason. "Sit!" They sat. Melissa pulled Alex back into his spot, holding his hand. Looking at them all slowly, staring them down, Satan stopped on one person, glaring. Mark squirmed. "Ahh, Mark. You thought you could escape my wrath?"

Staring at his idol, Jack sputtered, "W-What do you want with him?" Satan laughed as Mark looked down.

"He sold his soul to me for music. Obviously." Everyone stared at Mark Hoppus, mouths open in shock.

Laura spoke first. "That's why your music is so amazing! It all makes so much sense now!"

Zack chimed in, "What other bands have sold their souls for music?" Satan pulled a blackberry out of his tight jean pocket, scrolling through his contacts. Mason wondered briefly how he got anything to fit in his pants, receiving a glare from Rian as if to say "Shut the hell up, don't stare at Satan's tight ass." Rian smirked briefly, happy Mason understood.

Satan started cursing at his phone. "Damn thing, doesn't work for shit. Why does that...no wait. Okay. Let me see," He murmured, clearing his throat. "Obviously, blink-182, Depache Mode, The Used, Nine Inch Nails...Damn phone, no, I don't want to delete any contacts. Gahh!" Throwing his phone viciously, it bounced off Kanye West's head.

Melissa reacted first. "KANYE WEST? HE'S DEAD?" Everyone gave sad condolences to Kayne West's already dead self. He patted his chest, smiling.

"Naw, son, it's okay. Thanks, though, thanks."

"Why are you in Hell, Mr. West?" Mason asked. The man looked uncomfortable for a moment, looking around.

"I've uh...Let's just say I've done some things I'm not proud of."

Satan laughed. "I forgot to give you your punishment, Mr. West." Snapping his fingers, Satan turned Kanye West white. Looking at his hands, the rapper screamed in anguish, running away. Everyone felt bad, but couldn't help be reminded of Michael Jackson. Anna had to know.

"That reminds me, what ever happened to Michael Jackson? Is he in hell?" Satan shook his head.

"Nope. He hasn’t actually died yet. Right now, he's in the Arctic Circle, living out his life as a white girl. He'll die in eight years when he tries to cut off his own dick. The doctors will refuse to change him into an actual girl, thus resulting in hell. Oh, yes. What fun we'll have." Exchanging glances, the gang wondered what the hell Satan wanted with MJ, king of pop, but was interrupted by a screeching sound. Turning around, everyone screamed in horror at the person before them seething with anger.

Trace Horse-face Cyrus. Oh hell.