Jizz In My Pants

What happened next was a whirlwind of randomness and confusion. Once Jack and Anna realized that they no longer rode in a van and instead lived in an RV, they devised a plan. Somehow, Jack convinced the bank robbers that he had a bomb and was going to blow up the van unless they released them at once. They did so before they could exit the parking lot. They drove away scared for their lives.

Then, the couple made their way to the safety of the RV. Out of nowhere, Jack had the brilliant idea to try and drive the Awesome Mobile. In a moment of stupidity, he turned the key still in the ignition and took it out of park. The bus rolled down the slight incline of the parking lot and picked up speed. Jack and Anna feared for their naked lives and hid in their bunks, waiting for their imminent doom.

By pure chance, the bus came careening into the room where Rian lay comatose after the successful surgery to his brain. Mason, Alex, Melissa, Zack, Laura, and Mark just happened to be visiting him, as he was due to wake up any minute. The ass-end of the bus smashed through the wall and came to an abrupt stop only centimeters from Rian’s bed.

“MY BABY!” Mark ran over to the bus and started kissing it. “Who did this to you?!” He ran up to the front of the bus and opened the door.

Laura narrowed her eyes and ghetto stared at the bus. “This smells of naked Arab. It must be Jack’s doing.” She, along with Zack, went to the front of the bus to investigate.

Alex was just about to comment when a stirring beside him distracted him. “Wait guys! Rian’s waking up!” He smiled and watched as his best friend slowly started moving his fingers and fluttering his eyelids.

Mason got up from his seat and ran to his bedside. “Rian!”

In the chaos, Jack came running out of the bus flailing his arms. “Quick! Get Rian in the bus! The police are going to be here any second!” He got to Rian’s cot and started to push.

Mason was about to protest when he heard the sirens of the police off yonder. “SHIT! WE GOTTA GO!” Alex and Mason helped Jack quickly wheel a waking Rian from the hospital room to the bus. They pushed him through the gaping hole that used to be a wall and to the bus door just as a police car came to a skidding stop a few yards off.

Alex took charge and picked the patient up, hauled him over his shoulder, and ran onto the bus. Mason carried his IV while Jack ran on and shut the door behind him. Mark already had the bus in gear and floored the pedal. “Screw authority!” The police officers getting out of the squad car had to jump out of the way to avoid the raging driver that was Mark Hoppus.

In the back lounge, Alex threw Rian on the couch. Mason slapped Alex in the face for being so stupid. “Dude! He just came out of brain surgery! Be gentile!” Just then, they felt the bus jerk to the left. A muffled apology came from the front where Mark was desperately trying to drive the bus to safety.

Moaning and groaning were heard beside them. They looked to see Rian holding his bandaged up head and pressing closing his eyes tensely. Then he opened them and looked around. “Wh-Where am I?”

Mason’s eyes lit up once he saw that Rian was awake. “Baby, you’re up! Oh my god, I was so worried about you.” He gingerly wrapped his hands around Rian’s shoulders and gave him a hug. “Do you remember anything about what happened?”

With another groan, Rian closed his eyes again and tried to think. “Uhm, let’s see. I remember being pissed at the world for being able to read minds… Oh yeah! Then I had a seizure. Then they made a hole in my head and carved into my brain like a Thanksgiving turkey. Right?” Alex and Mason laughed and hugged Rian more, thankful that he was back. “God, do I have a headache.”

Jack heard the voices in the back and came right in, still naked mind you. “Hey look! Rian’s finally awake! Dude, with that bandage on, you look like my uncle.” He snickered and bent over in hysterics, pointing at an unamused Rian Dawson.

“Shut up you hairy jackass.” Rian rubbed his head again and looked angrily at Mason. “Can’t you like, fix my broken head or something? Make the hurt go away!”

Just as he wished, Mason pulled out his wand and waved it around, sending a ray of light to Rian’s head. “Okay, I fixed your scar from the surgery and sped up the recovery process. It should be okay for you to take off your bandage now.” He smiled as Rian breathed a sigh of relief.

Melissa came in the room and approached Rian. “Here, let me.” With the slightest of hand, she carefully unwrapped the white gauze wrapped around his head layer by layer. Finally, when it was completely off, she widened her eyes and stepped back. “Oh my…”

“He’s… He’s beautiful!” Everyone took a moment to admire Rian’s radiant beauty. Because of the surgery, the doctors had to shave his head, leaving a very sharp looking man before them. The very prominent widow’s peak gave his head perfect symmetry. It completed his look. Mason was I awe. “I love you.”

Rian shifted uncomfortably on the bed partly because he didn’t know what they were staring at and partly because he felt the back of his hospital gown fly open and let in a breeze. “I don’t kno-“

“Look in the mirror!” Alex grabbed Rian’s arm and hauled him to the bathroom. Everyone got a passing glance at his ass before he was safely inside the cramped bathroom. Looking in the mirror, Rian got an eyeful at what everyone else was so ecstatic about. “Oh my god! Channing Tatumn ain’t got shit on me!” He smiled his perfect, pearly white grin and looked from side to side. “I’m thinking this is a very James Bond kind of look. Do you concur, Alex?”

Alex laughed and rolled his eyes. “Like you need to ask me. Just read my mind dumbass.” He continued to laugh until he saw Rian staring into the mirror with a vacant expression. “Uhm, Rian?” He observed as his expression morphed from blank to excited. “No way! You can’t read minds anymore!” The beautiful man turned around and hugged Alex as tight as he could.

“It’s a miracle! I’m healed! I’m-“ Alex and Rian both fell backwards; Rian ended up in the bathtub and Alex, seeing as the seat was up, landed his ass in the toilet bowl and got stuck. Rian groaned and blacked out again, for on his decent, he smashed his head against the porcelain tub.

Alex squirmed in his toilet trap. “Really now,” he muttered under his breath. Then he shouted, “What the fuck was that, Mark?!”

Mark yelled back an apology. “Sorry! We just hit another police car. No big deal, but there’s a lot of dead people on the road right now. I think your wizard friend should like, do something about this. I think they’re calling in the copters on us.” Mason took his cue and went up to the front of the bus to assist Mark in not getting arrested and given the death sentence.

The whole event didn’t even faze Laura and Zack, for they were having hot sex in their bunk and blamed all of the movements of the bus on Zack’s super strength.