Did We All Fall Down, Well After All

::Frank’s POV::

I curled up on the couch in the dressing room watching Gerard who was maybe a few feet next to me. He sat there, quiet, still. Across from me Mikey sat next to Ray and Bob. I was closest to Gerard; I wanted to comfort him, but I was too afraid that if I were to touch him, he would slip through my fingers, like dust.

We had asked everyone to leave. The show had been cancelled, but we could still hear the fans outside chanting “MCR! MCR!” from behind the gates. They weren’t leaving anytime soon and all of us knew it. It broke out hearts to let them down like this.

“Gee.” I was the first to speak. He didn’t look at me. “Gerard. We-” I didn’t know what to say. None of us did. Even if we did say something, he probably wouldn’t acknowledge it. Mikey stood up and left the room. Ray, Bob and I all looked at each other confused. Bob felt out of place, a blind man could see it on his face. He pulled at the sleeves of his jacket, bringing them over his hands.

“You can’t do this,” he said. Ray and I looked at one another, almost in disbelief, but did not interrupt what he had to say. “Over a million people look up to you as their hero, and no one can watch their hero fall. And Hannah, you saved her from this kind of lifestyle and she is endlessly grateful for it. Imagine what it will be like for her to see you in this state, the very thing she was hiding from her entire life. It ruined her. . . her innocence. No, it stole it away before she ever even had any. This kind of stuff has changed her life drastically, but so have we. We helped her have a chance. She’s already had one father figure die because of drugs. It will torture her to see you go down the same path. You’ve been through this bef-”

“You have no idea what I’ve been through,” he broke grimly looking up at Bob. Ray didn’t dare speak, attempting to control the emotions inside him. I addressed him instead.

“No one wants to see you go back to your old habits Gerard. You remember how wonderful you felt after you got clean and sober?”

“But as soon as she appeared, everything went back downhill. It’s all her fault.” I saw out of the corner of my eye Ray’s hands clenching into tight fists. He quickly stood up, standing there for a minute most likely contemplating whether to beat Gerard senseless or leave, and thankfully chose the latter. As soon as the door shut he spoke again. “They leave because they know they can’t control me.”

“They leave because they can’t bare to see you like this Gee!” I shouted. His head turned in my direction and I could see the moisture gathering in his eyes. I sighed. “Bob, do you mind?” He shook his head and got up and left as well without saying a word. It took two more minutes of just watching Gerard before he finally crumbled. I held his blubbering form in my arms, trying to soothe him but unconsciously failing miserably.

"Inoushuhav...." he mumbled.

"Hmm?"

"I know I shouldn't have," Gerard articulated. "It's just..." he stopped once more to hold back another cry, "I've been through a lot lately, you know? With Hannah and Mikey and Bert and all this pressure." He turned to look over towards me, his eyes bloodshot and puffy. "I think it's getting to me." My fingers pulled his hair back away from his face.

"It's okay. You have all of us to help you with Hannah. Don't feel like you're in this alone. And with Mikey, he's your brother. He made a mistake, we all do. And that should prove to you what alcohol can do. Imagine if that was you." His lip quivered.

"Do you remember when Hannah was having those nightmares?" I thought back to the time, recalling it vividly. She dreamt that Gerard had. . . .

"Yes," I said. I had to stop myself before I got emotional as well. I had to be strong. For Gerard.

"When the doctors told us what we had to do to get Hannah's memory back . . . it was supposed to be me."

::Mikey's POV::

“Worm? Worm, where are you?” I asked, on my phone walking around in circles through the venue.

“I’m trying to get all these people to leave.” I opened another door and saw the stage in the distance. A sigh left my lungs causing me to sigh mentally.

“Let’s just take this one day at a time. Our next show is in three days. We’ll see how it is then and go from there.” The sound of the crowd deceased. He had gone inside.

“Mikes…” he started.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. Do you know where Brian is? I need to talk with him.” My eyes wandered around the empty venue. I had to be in charge now. Gerard had made a decision that forced him to lose the role. I had to do this.

“I’ve been looking for him myself. I got to go Mikey. Call him, he should pick up.” I pursed my lips together.

“Alright. Bye.” I shut my phone, glancing at it momentarily. Looking up at the stage, I saw the lone microphone that stood in the middle, downstage. Unmoved, untouched. My body sank to the ground.

". . . .I can't. . ."