I've Got These Woes and I Just Can't Solve Them

“Bye, sweetie,” my mom’s nurturing voice tickled my ear from the close distance due to the hug. “Have fun and be careful.” She smiled softly and slowly let go of my frame.

“I’ll try to call everyday, Mom,” I promised with a small smile.

“You better,” she grinned teasingly. “Garrett? Come hug your mother!”

“Coming, Mom,” my brother obeyed, setting a couple bags down by the door.

“Have fun, honey, and be good,” she told him. As they released one another, with my mom holding him at arms’ length, she stated, “Oh. And make sure your sister doesn’t break her arm or anything again.”

I sighed and smiled a little, shaking my head. My mom chuckled. “I don’t think you should worry about her breaking something else, Mom,” Garrett started. “I don’t think she’s dumb enough to not learn from her mistake of not being aware backstage.” He grabbed his bags and muttered, “Hopefully.”

My eyes made that same familiar motion that I’ve done since early adolescence. “And this is what I’m about to live with for another month of touring. Thanks, Garrett.”

“Stop trying to be sarcastic and get your bags. They’re just pulling up now,” he ordered. We bid our mother one last farewell before making our way outside to the soon-to-be crowded and dirty van.

“Well if it isn’t the Nickelsen twins!” I sighed. Peter knew my brother and I weren’t twins. But the young, skinny, strange guy didn’t give a care in the world. He thought it was hysterical. He thought nearly everything was hysterical.

“And hello to you, too, Peter,” I mumbled as he took a couple of my bags and helped me stow them away in the storage trailer.

“Hello, my little love bunny.” He grinned and pinched my cheek before laughing his way to the other side of the van.

I shook my head, some of my dark bangs falling into my view for a moment. Frustration started to bubble inside me as I tried over and over again to push one of my bags further into the space. My arms were too short.

“I swear,” I heard a familiar voice behind me and I saw a familiar arm drive the bag in I was attempting to push. “That guy seriously chewed on way too many toys or something when he was a kid. Didn’t he get the memo that there’s apparently lead or something in that stuff?”

I laughed a little. “Thank you, Jared.” He smiled in return and was on his way. Finally, I got my last bag in with nearly no trouble in the process. I was just about to turn around and join everybody else, but the pair of arms around my waist stopped me from moving whatsoever.

“Hey there,” he said into my ear before kissing the side of my head.

I smiled, feeling the familiar kisses of heat touch all over my cheeks, and turned around in his arms. My green eyes met his big, sparkly brown eyes. “Hi there.” We moved in at the same time to touch our lips together in a short kiss, the end making a soft smack.

“Do you need any help?” Pat asked me.

I shook my head a little. “Nope. I’m done.”

“Alright, let’s go then.” He took my hand gently and pulled me along, still so gently I questioned whether I was gliding or not, to where everybody else was. It wasn’t long before we decided to hit the road. Of course, I sat in my normal spot—the seat all the way in the back next to the inside window—and Pat stayed next to me.

Above all the banter and sounds of everyone moving, John could still be heard as he called from the driver’s seat, “Is everyone ready?” He chanted it almost like a cheer, rising nearly everyone’s spirits.

In return, John received a chorus of positive answers ranging from ‘hell yeah’, to ‘fuck yes,’ and just a simple ‘yep.’

“Alright, then!” John stuck the key in the ignition and soon everybody was talking once again. Before he pulled the van out of the driveway, John picked up his sunglasses. I watched him warily, which I soon regretted when I noticed right before he stuck his black sunglass on top of his nose, he caught my eye and managed to wink and smile a bit before shielding his eyes with the sunglasses.

I sighed, my chest feeling heavier than before, and looked down to my lap and then stomach, where my eyes seemed to rest at. I couldn’t help but let my mind wander and drift off into places I really didn’t want to be.

If there’s one thing I’d like to say I learned from watching so many soap operas with my mom, it’s to never lie to, cheat on, or steal from somebody you love. I’ve evidentially committed three out of three crimes. I’ve lied to my boyfriend for almost the whole time we’ve been going out. I cheated on him with a best friend of his. And whether or not you want to count the last one is up to you, but my boyfriend claims that I’ve stolen his heart.

I regret two out of three things. Can you guess which one I wouldn’t take back?

Pat Kirch has my first kiss. John O’Callaghan has my virginity. And now, not only do I have to pick up the pieces and fix this, but I have to worry whether or not there’s now something growing inside of me— a child.

I couldn’t help but hope that this Secret Valentine tour would embrace me with warm, welcomed arms, but deep down, as we started our trip to South Burlington, Vermont, I knew that the thought was only a joke. This would be one of the toughest tours for me yet. I knew that even once I entered the van.