I've Got These Woes and I Just Can't Solve Them

Just as I thought, after that first show of the tour, everyone and everything broke into a steady rhythm. There were no more jitters, just exhaustion and excitement. Tonight we were in Virginia for the fourth show of the tour. The band weren’t playing yet, but I was still busy with selling merch at the booth. I stood there in my gray boots as a pale, blond guy probably a couple years younger than myself asked for a CD and a t-shirt in Medium. I retrieved them with the same fixed smile and politeness I’ve managed to uphold for the last couple hours, if you’re only counting tonight’s show.

“Oh,” the guy mumbled as I handed him his change, which he seemed to not expect. “Um, here you go,” he said with a crooked smile while shoving in the crinkled dollar and some odd cents into a tip jar I heavily decorated with Sharpies, construction paper, and glitter one night.

My polite smile widened at his sweet gesture. “Thanks a lot, hun, we really appreciate it.” I watched him in the corner of my eye as he walked away, then I turned to a large group of young girls to continue my rhythmic job.

A few hours later, after all of the guys played their sets, I was left to handle the mess of the booth. I didn’t mind, but I couldn’t help but be a little jealous of the guys, who got to hang out with their fans and make someone’s day, while I was just responsible for cleaning up and organizing the items these fans held onto tightly or were already clad in.

“Hey, we’re wrapping it up out here,” my brother said as he approached my booth, jabbing a thumb back toward the doors that led outside. Well, our booth, I guess. “So if there’s anything left here, just leave it and we’ll take care of it. You can start taking shit out to the van.”

I shook my head as I silently counted and recounted the pile of 20-dollar bills in my hand. My bangs fell into my focused eyes and furrowed brow. “No, I’m just about done here. All that’s left is putting it away.” I motioned to the boxes piled near me.
Garrett nodded as he ran his pale hand through his hair, a lazy motion that left some pieces sticking this way and that way. “Okay, I’ll help you get started,” he muttered as he grabbed a large box. I mimicked his actions as I followed him outside to our van/trailer.

While walking outside into the bitter cold, I looked around at everyone doing their various jobs. We all seemed to look the same when working: heads down, focused, tired, and all in our own little worlds of work and music. I silently thought about how those who were simply venue workers were lucky that they got to go home to their own beds when they were done tonight.

“I’m so tired,” I idly commented while Garrett loaded the first box into the trailer. He motioned for me to do the same, and I did while he took a step out of the way.

“Same,” he mumbled. “But stay alive, Cara, because we’re not even halfway through this tour.”

I rolled my green eyes at my brother’s warning. The movement made my eyes water a bit from the cold night air. “I know, Garrett, I was just saying.” Nobody needed to remind me that we weren’t halfway through this tour yet. I could have told you that one. Hell, I have been telling myself that every day since the tour started.

“What were you saying?”

I looked past Garrett to see John approaching us with an intrigued look in his tired gray eyes, and his hands stuffed in his dark jacket pockets. He bit on his bottom lip softly, and I seemed to involuntarily mimic this action as a flutter wound through my stomach. As I stared into those gray eyes, suddenly flashes of every other time I looked into those eyes came to mind. I shuttered slightly from some of those memories and the cold.

Garrett turned around as he answered, “Cara was just bitching about being tired. That’s all.”

I smiled, tilting my head back so that I peered into the black sky. My hands folded tightly together against my cold, crisp hair. “I’m so done with you, Garrett.” I saw my warm breath float up, up, up into the chilly night until it faded away forever.

My feet had already began making the move toward the venue to retrieve more boxes, when I heard my brother call out, “I’ve been saying that about you since the day Mom and Dad brought you home from the hospital!”

I softly laughed my way back into the venue, continuing my job and ignoring the tingly, exhilarating sensation crawling across my skin, and then the sudden bad taste in my mouth.

***

“I like the way you look when you’re cold,” Pat randomly started, drawing me closer to his body with a hand. He squeezed my body gently while gazing at me with those wide, brown eyes. “Your cheeks get all rosy and cute.”

I smiled along with him and looked down while giggling softly. “Yeah?” I covered my cheeks playfully with my icy fingertips as I looked into his warm, glassy eyes.

Pat gently pulled my hands down and kissed my right cheek. “Yeah,” he mumbled while moving to kiss the other side. “Like a doll.” His smile grew playfully.

I laughed as I leaned into his warm body. “Well aren’t you just a charming thing?” I asked rhetorically with a giggle. Pat chuckled as he pulled me into the awaiting van so that we could begin our journey down to Georgia.

My body eased into the smooth seat and I ran a hand through my dark hair, sighing contently at the thought that we were just going to get through tonight’s drive, tomorrow’s show, and then have a few days off to relax and enjoy ourselves. Well, as much as you can enjoy yourself in Alabama.

My brother cleared his throat. “Yo, what the hell are we gonna do in Alabama when we get there?” My eyes widened at the strangeness of this coincidence. It was odd enough to make even me believe that my brother and I were somehow connected even more so than just siblings. Maybe we were twins.

“Uhh, sleep? Throw rocks at each other? I don’t care, we’ll find something, I’m sure,” Kennedy reassured as he looked down at his phone. The combination of the dark van and the brightness of the screen lit up his smooth features and made his eyes glow.

“Well,” Garrett began as he stretched out a little in his seat, “at least it won’t be as hot as the underside of the devil’s di—“

“Is the trailer locked?” John called out to the members of the crowded van, successfully interrupting my brother.

“Yeah,” Peter and I answered in unison. He gave me a devilish grin at our coincidence. I rolled my eyes but smiled nonetheless.

“Kay,” John muttered as he started up the engine, the leather seat underneath me vibrating to life. John wasted no time as he pressed on the gas, surging us forward.

I leaned my head against the chilly window as I watched the lights of the Virginian parking lot slowly but steadily pass by one by one, creating a yellowish blur that reflected onto all of our faces. I turned away to look at Pat, who I could tell was strategizing how he wanted to lie down back here.

“Lay your head down on my lap, babe,” I commanded softly while grabbing a medium-sized pillow with a white Buzz Lightyear case. I placed it on top of my thighs and then motioned for Pat to lay back.

“You sure?”

I nodded quickly. “Absolutely.” I smiled gently as he mimicked my facial gesture before turning and laying his head back onto the pillow placed on my lap. I leaned down and kissed his lips softly three times, letting the last kiss linger longer than the rest. His lips tasted a little sweet and warm, which reminded me of honey sitting on the bottom of a cup of tea, or maple syrup pouring slowly over hot pancakes. “This okay?” I asked while running my fingers through his hair, a gesture I did many times while being with Pat. But I couldn’t help it; his hair was soft and I liked how it was a little knotty. It was very boyish and sexy. I tucked a strand of his hair behind his ear and away from his face.

“Yes,” he whispered with a sleepy smile. I watched as his eyelids became heavier and heavier, until it was just too hard for Pat to keep them open. I smiled rather triumphantly when he totally closed them and they stayed that way.

It didn’t take long for the other boys to fall silent. If they weren’t sleeping or trying to fall asleep, they were on their phones. The white and bluish light illuminating the van looked neat and serene as the outside displayed a whirl of white, yellow, orange, and red blurry lights. My eyes closed as I imagined, even for just a second, that we were in a world away from Earth. That time stood still and the rules of the real world didn’t apply to us. That judgment and secrets didn’t exist, and we could let our thoughts run wild. That freedom and fun mixed together to create an ultimate peacefulness. Even for just a second.

I could feel my body slowing down and relaxing as Sleep took me with his gentle, nurturing hands. My eyes shut as I succumbed to his willing waves of peace and serenity, even if it’d only last for a few hours. Or perhaps even for just a second.