Everyone Pretends They're Happy

When Garrett and I had arrived back to the house, everyone had left. John was clearing up with the rest of the guys and Loretta was washing a few glasses.
I didn’t want to face anyone, I didn’t want them to look at me with either disgust, disappointment or shame. Garrett stayed in my room with me that night, he helped me sleep by stroking the base of my back and humming silently in my ear.
I woke the next day with a sore head, throat and stomach. Garrett’s arm was draped over me and his head was rested near my shoulder. I carefully moved his arm and went to the bathroom to sort myself out.
After I’d showered and fixed my hair, I left the house to take a walk and clear my head. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to stay with Garrett and the guys anymore. I didn’t want them constantly thinking about my past and what I’d been through. I didn’t want them to think I was wanting a child at such a young age and I was careless enough to let it happen.
Then I knew I couldn’t leave…I had to set them straight on what happened so they weren’t assuming anything about me.
I walked down the same street I’d ran down the night before. The sun was beating down on my skin, warming it nicely. I lost track of my thoughts after a while. I stopped thinking about what had happened and decided to deal with it when I got back to the house.
As I walked I saw a sad, sorry looking Harriet sitting alone, crying on a bench. I wanted to just ignore her and laugh silently at her misery, but I couldn’t help myself, I stopped right in front of her.
‘‘Karma sucks.’’ I spoke up, making her turn her gaze from the floor to my face.
‘‘It really does. I’m so sorry, Evie. I never meant to hurt you like that. I get crazy when I drink. None of that meant to come out.’’ She said, controlling herself from crying.
‘‘But you clearly dug deep enough into my past to find that out. You were going to use it at some point.’’ My point was clear and true.
‘‘But I’m so sorry…that’s all I can say.’’ Harriet cried.
‘‘I don’t want your apologies, Harriet. You’ve helped me by doing this. You got things out for me that I was going to keep bottled up for as long as I possibly could. You’ve made my relationship with Garrett stronger, so thank you…and good luck with what crappy life you have left now.’’ I told her and walked away, leaving her to cry alone on her bench.
***
‘‘Where’d you go?’’ Garrett asked as I entered the door.
‘‘Just for a walk. Clear my head.’’ I told him, taking a seat on the sofa next to him.
‘‘No one thinks badly of you, we’re all just worried in case you bottle things up again.’’ Garrett went on to say.
‘‘Well, is everyone up?’’ I asked him. He nodded and with that, called them all to where we were sat. ‘‘I want to explain some things, so please, sit down.’’ I announced to them. The guys and Loretta all took a seat and faced me, waiting for me to explain myself.
‘‘You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.’’ Kennedy said, everyone else agreeing.
‘‘I want to. I don’t want any of you to think I’m a girl with a troubled past.’’ I replied. I took a deep breath then explained. ‘‘Tyler and I didn’t want a child so young. We were always careful, but obviously something went wrong. I don’t believe in killing off a child, so when I found out, I told Tyler. He said he’d stay with me forever, look after all three of us. When I told him I’d miscarried he seemed all too happy. He seemed relieved. While I was still recovering from that, he was at a party, then the next day I found out him and my ex best friend had slept together…she fell pregnant and they’re happy together.’’ I felt tears well up in my eyes and a lump formed in my throat. ‘‘Its why I hate New York. Its why I struggle to trust people and let people into my life.’’ I dropped my head into my hands to stop them seeing my tears.
‘‘Its ok, we understand. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. We don’t think any differently of you.’’ Garrett said, taking a seat next to me and hugging me.