...and the mistake takes the cake.

"FUCK YOU, DON'T BE LIKE THAT." I screamed for the 100th time, my curly dark brown hair getting loose from the new failing banana clip I had put in, upon finding it on the floor by my suitcase. It fell into my currently blood shot gray eyes. I didn't even bother to wipe it away.

"FUCK ME? FUCK ME?! ISN'T THIS WHAT GOT THIS FIGHT STARTED IN THE FIRST PLACE?! I SWEAR TO GOD ANNA, YOU'RE HALF RETARDED." John yelled back. His lean top half of his body exposed, and the bottom half covered by long plaid pajama pants.

I sniffed, another tear falling from my eye. I turned away quickly, refusing to give him the satisfaction of hurting me. I sniffed again and took one of those I'm-about-to-cry-so-fucking-hard-all-over-the-place breaths.

When that happened, I could HEAR John soften.

"You feel like I lead you on." I said, understanding the situation completely and swinging back around fiercely. John's brown eyes were glassy. And in a moment, I could see in his eyes all the trust he had for my basically being flushed down the toilet.

"No, that would be different. The thing is, I KNOW that you lead me on." He mumbled, blinking back a few of what I thought might be tears.

I looked at him in disbelief. Not believing any of this.

Why would I want to do that? John didn't look phased by my gaping in confusing mouth either. My whole mouth probably looked like an upside down U and and I could feel the water cascading down my cheeks at full speed to my chest. "John, I swear to God, I had no intention for leading you on! I loved you, and still do. But, I don't think we'd be happy together. No less than 3 days ago, I was convinced that you were the guy I wanted to marry. The one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with...." I wiped my eyes furiously as more sobs escaped my mouth. I managed to silence them so I can finish my argument. "Now, I'm not to sure. I wish I knew John. But I don't."

John looked at me, I was crying and although I never liked resorting to this for sympathy on him. I did anyway.

I could see his eyes soften, the slightest bit ever. Even at his moment of absolute rage, his soft side was always for my tears.

I looked away from him, wiping my eyes a bit. Have you ever been at a sad moment in your life, and suddenly look back at all the happy things and think. "What a lucky bastard." to yourself? And suddenly you wish you could go back and somehow avoid this.

I do.

If I hadn't said yes to John when he asked me to marry him. If I wasn't so stupid and ignorant when I was a teenager, and actually noticed Pat's love for me. It was all there. If I hadn't come on this tour.

Everything in my life seemed to be one big if.

Then John embraced me in his arms. I froze up, not expecting this at all. At first, I didn't know how to react. But then the tears started coming again, and I just buried my face into his chest and wrapped my arms around him.

"I'm so sorry John!" I sobbed, so much so that it was barely audible. "I'm such a stupid bitch who doesn't know what she wants. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean to hurt you, I swear."

John remained quiet, the only thing he did was brush his fingers through my hair.

"Shhhh, stop crying..." He requested, in a dreadfully sad tone. But of course, I couldn't. His affection for me after all I've done to him just made me cry more. "Anna...please, don't do this."

"Don't do what?" I sniffed. "Which part of my miserable decisions don't you want me to do."

Then came the moment of silence. Of which John thought about what I had just said. "Everything." He said after awhile.

The answer was so like John. He would say one word right after a dramatic silence. And although it would always be one word, it would mean the world.

I sniffed, wiping a tear that had escaped the fabric of John's shirt with my hand before looking up at him. "It's not that simple."

John's grip loosened. "Anna, everything in your world can't be simple!" he said in a stern voice, one that made me wince. "I mean...FUCK. IF EVERYTHING WERE SO SIMPLE I WOULD'VE BEEN MARRIED TO YOU BY NOW. BUT GUESS WHAT ANNA? IT'S NOT. LIFE IS A COMPLICATED MOTHERFUCKER......" I jerked back a bit, stunned by his sudden raised voice. And I found myself, actually scared of John. He must've noticed this too. Because his voice volume dropped dramatically after. "Life can't be simple. Take for example, I still love you. And it's making things a thousand times harder for me."

I took the last statement as a pang straight to the heart. John still loved me. I thought after everything the flame would've left.

But when I looked up into his dark brown watery eyes, I could clearly see. Life indeed, wasn't that simple.

"I think you should leave." He said, after I had made it clear that I had no response.

I looked down to my toes on he floor as John turned around and sat on the bed. He too, not making eye contact.

Standing there for a good 3 minutes, none of us moving at the slightest bit. Tears started pouring down my face once again. And I turned, heading straight for the door.

I slammed it shut, but not because I was angry or frustrated. But because I was about to break down for what seemed like the 100th time today and I didn't want him to hear me.

I slid down the wall, clutching my sleeves and wiping my eyes so much that the skin underneath was starting to get tender. Then I buried my face into my arms, making only the back of my head visible. I could feel all the thick long dark brown curls cascading everywhere.

I barely made a noise when I sobbed, but my shoulders moved alot. I tried my hardest not to make them move, until a large hand rested itself on them.

Stunned, I looked up. Trying my best to blink back the tears from my grey eyes.

It was Pat of course.

"Anna...?" he questioned sympathetically.

I turned my head away from him.

"I'm fine." I said, being my stubborn self.

"Then why are you crying?"

I waited a little while before answering Pat. I knew if I answered him now, it'll just be a sobby mess. I looked back up at him when I thought maybe I'll be able to say something aduibly. The tips of his hair was still wet, from the shower I presume. And his big brown eyes were wide with worry. I felt bad for him, imagine how he must've felt when he came out of the bath and I was gone without a word once again?

I opened my mouth to speak. The picture of John's watery eyes ran through my head. "I'm ruining everyone's lives that's what."