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Celebrity Crush

Chapter 56

December 12, 2009

The mirror shines back at me as I attempt to smile. Mid ways into the smile it falls and I can feel the tears trying to fall from the corner of my eyes. I close my eyes and sigh, I thought today was going to be easy.

I open my eyes once again and look at myself in the mirror. I'm sitting at the mirror connected to my dresser trying to get ready. It's the day I say goodbye to one of my best friend's, Alex. His funeral is today and burial is today.

I look down at the black heels on my feet and chuckle which causes the tears to fall even harder. Alex always wanted to see me in heels. I hated them because I didn't have the best balance in the world but today I was going to suck it up. Today was all about remembering Alex and what a great friend he was. I could deal with the heels for one day.

I grabbed the pearl necklace with black stings at the end and brought it around my head. I did my best on tying it around my neck, maybe this necklace wasn't the best choice. I sighed, oh well, it matched my pearl bracelet.

I looked in the mirror at myself. I was wearing a strapless black dress with white designs at the bottom. A black sweater that stopped just at my waist to cover up my cleavage that I didn't want showing, a pair of black heels on my feet, a pair of black and silver heart shaped earrings, and a black and white pearl bracelet around my wrist.

I sniffed my nose since I had been crying so much this morning. The church services were at noon and I was somewhat in a hurry. I could hear mom and Robert in their bedroom getting ready. Mom had to fix her hair and do her makeup so if we were late I'm blaming her.

I heard the bedroom door from their bedroom open. I heard the footsteps walk past my bedroom down the stairs. I stood to my feet and looked around the room for my purse that held my phone and other things. My eyes looked around and found a picture sitting on my desk. I hadn't looked at it much lately. I walked toward the picture and picked it up. My fingers were on the glass touching over the person smiling back at me.

I remember this day, my birthday last year, Kimi, me in the middle, and Alex on my other side. We were all laughing and smiling. I remember that day perfectly now, I remember the bracelet that sat on my wrist was a gift from Alex. I sniffed as closed my eyes as they began to fill with tears. I had been crying all morning ever since I woke and looked at the calendar.

The door down the hall opened again and I sighed. Maybe that was mom now. The footsteps came down the hall and stopped at my door. A hesitant knock sounded from the other side of the door.

“Come in,” I said barely loud enough for whomever to hear.

The door came opened and just like I thought it was my mother. She was dressed in a full black expensive dress suit. It had the short sleeve top and the skirt part stopped at her knees. She looked beautiful; she really did try to look her best for me today. She wore her hair down with makeup on her face, her expensive diamond earrings, and a silver chain necklace hung from her neck with a blue stud in the center, and not to mention the black and silver ring Robert bought her a while back.

“Honey, are you ready to go or do you need a few more minutes?”

I shook my head and willed the tears away, “No, I'm fine now. We should go before we are too late.”

She nodded but I could tell she wasn't convinced. She sighed and closed the bedroom door walking toward me. She laid her clutch down on the desk and she came right up to me.

“Honey, it's alright. You don't have to put on a brave face in front of me. I know that Alex was important to you; crying doesn't show weakness it shows love. Baby, he was your friend and he died because of some crazy man that was in our lives. Crying shows you remember him and that he was loved and he won't be forgotten.”

A sob broke through my lips and I collapsed in her arms. Mom just stood there holding me as I cried into her chest, staining the top of her suit. I continued to cry on her arms for what seemed like hours but I knew was really only minutes.

We both heard the footsteps coming up the stairs and then the hallway. The door was pushed open and I felt mom turn her head. She didn't say anything to Robert but whatever look she gave him caused him to come toward us.

I felt Robert wrap his arms around the both of us holding me while I continued to cry over my lost best friend.

**

We all rode in the SUV to the church. I was sitting in the backseat texting Kimi. She and her mother were bringing Annie since she didn't really have a ride. She couldn't drive the motorcycle in heels apparently.

Annie wants 2 know how ur holdin up?

I shrugged.

She the only one wantin 2 kno?

I hit the send button and laid the phone back in my lap. Robert was driving since mom kept glancing at me in the rear-view mirror. I kept my eyes mostly out of the window and in my lap with my phone.

“Laura? Honey, we are about to turn the corner for the church.”

I sucked in a deep breath. Could I do this? Could I walk into that place and look at my best friend's dead body without breaking down? I knew this was impossible. I would break down as soon as I saw his pale dead body.

I could feel the tears filling my eyes as the SUV turned that last corner and I took in all the cars. My eyes looked over every car and I smiled as I took in the white car of Kimi's. I guess her mom was driving her car now. I could already guess that Kimi didn’t like that idea of her mother driving her car.

Robert finally found a place to park along the edge in front of the huge church. Once the engine was cut my heart started pounding. My eyes glanced in the mirror and I found Robert's blue eyes staring back at me in concern.

My eyes quickly moved away from the mirror, I didn't want to start something else today. Today was about saying goodbye to Alex not fixing things with Robert.

Mom started talking and I tuned her out and looked out the window. Kimi and her mother hadn't gotten out of the car just yet. I watched the car and suddenly the door was pushed open and I saw Kimi step out.

My hand jumped to the handle and I pulled it open, “Mom, I see Kimi. I'll get them to come over here. Oh and is Robert wearing his shades the entire time?”

Mom sighed and looked at Robert, “Well he has a hat to wear so that he doesn't disrespect anyone in a church.”

I nodded and jumped out of the vehicle. I ran through the crowd and started yelling out, “Kimi I’m right here!”

She jumped and turned to look at me with a smile mixed with a frown. She was dressed in a black dress with a purple around the top edge and around her waist. She looked great just like I pictured she would be, with her purple sandals, purple studded earrings, her dark purple sweater, and her purple bracelet.

She walked calmly toward me and I could see the reason for the smile and frown. She had been crying, tears stained her cheeks. We looked at each other and then suddenly we were hugging, tears streaming down both our faces.

We hugged each other tightly until we heard a car door slam. Kimi chuckled and pulled away. She turns her head to the approaching person and I saw Annie. She was dressed in a military type gray tunic/dress with gray heels. She was wearing her gray motorcycle jacket as well. The girl didn’t look like she was dressed for funeral.

“Don’t give me that look, Laura. I didn’t dress fancy for my own brother’s funeral. Do you really think Alex would want people dressed in black crying over his death? No, he wouldn’t. He would want people dressed in their regular clothes laughing instead of crying, remembering his life.”

I nodded my head at Annie. She had a point. Alex had brought it up once before, when his uncle died. He told me that he didn’t want people dressed in black and crying, his words were, “It’s too depressing. I want people not to morn my death but to celebrate it. I lived, I might not be famous, but I did live. I wasn’t some couch bound person. I lived and I had a life, please Laura, remember that and not the fact that I died.”

I sniffed, remembering him telling me that outside after his uncle’s funeral.

I looked at Annie more closely. She had a pair of swords hanging from her ears as earrings, a white wrist watch sat on her wrist, and a gray ring on her finger with a key lock on it. Although as I looked more closely both her and Kimi were wearing Cullen crest bracelets like Edward does in the movie.

“Kimi?” I asked turning to face her.

“Why are you and Annie wearing those Cullen crest bracelets?”

She smiled, “It was Annie’s idea. Apparently Alex was a Cullen fan and he wore his bracelet a lot. We thought that since we were his closest friends, we could all wear a bracelet in honor of Alex. Don’t you think he would like that?”

I nodded, “So where’s mine?”

Annie laughed and opened her skull clutch she had in her hands. I watched her pull out a Cullen crest bracelet and walk over to. The bracelet was added to my right wrist to match the wrist they were wearing theirs. I moved my watch out of the way as she tied the bracelet around my wrist.

“So who all came with you, Laura?” asked Kimi.

I sighed, “Both mom and Robert. So far they’ve stuck to what they promised.”

They both nodded and I heard heels clicking on the ground. I looked up to see Jennifer walking toward us. She was smiling a sad smile at me. She was dressed in a black leopard print dress with black heels, black and white jacket, and some black earrings, and her heart watch.

“Hi, Ms. Lewis.”

She smiled at me, “Hi, Laura. How are you holding up?”

I shrugged, “Not sure really. Guess I’ll know when I see the body, right.”

She nodded and then everyone’s gazes snapped up to people behind me. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I peeked behind me. Robert was standing behind me and mom was walking closer. A gust of wind blew around us causing me shiver. Looking up at the sky it looked clear with clouds full in the sky. There wasn’t any chance of rain today but it was supposed to be cloudy all day. I suppose Alex was causing this up in heaven.

He always complained how people thought a cloudy day could ruin anything. He showed Kimi and me time and time again that a rainy day could be times more fun than a sunny day.

I look back down as I felt someone grab my hand. Kimi had taken it looking at the sky herself.

“Do you think Alex is causing this weather? He always did like a cloudy day over a sunny one.”

I chuckled, “Never can tell with that boy. Maybe he’s letting us know that he will always be there whenever we need him.”

She looked back down at me and I saw her eyes full of tears. No words were spoken as the moment of silence enveloped us.

“Hi Molly, nice of you to come and help Laura through this. It’s going to be a tough day for us all but it seems better with you here,” said Jennifer when she spotted my mom.

“Well I knew today was going to be tough. She needs me today and I’ll be here as long as I can.”

Suddenly Annie spoke up, “It looks like Alex’s mother is coming over.”

I looked in the direction Kimi was looking. Sure enough Alex’s mom was walking over to us. She was dressed in a black dress with this black veil covering her face.

“Well Hi Laura and Kimi. I see your families have made it along with you. Its good see you as well Annie. Laura, do you think I could talk to you and Kimi for a minute?”

Kimi and I shared a look but then nodded walking away from our families. Mrs. Mason smiled at us and led us a good deal away from our group of family and friends. She turned around once we were away far enough.

“Well girls, I know today is going to be tough. Max isn’t in town anymore so we can’t have him talk about Alex. I hope that the both of you can come up to the podium when we ask for friends that know Alex best. The entire family knows about the both of you so it would mean a great deal if the both of you could do that.

We can’t find someone that is willing to sing on stage. I want to do something for Alex himself. I know he wouldn’t like people crying over him so we should be able to celebrate him. My husband managed to get his guitar out of storage so we were wondering if one of you could sing a song from the band he liked. Never shout never, right? He was always singing songs from them so I thought it would be appropriate. We just need someone to play the guitar as well.”

Suddenly Kimi piped up, “Laura could do it. She’s great at singing so matter how doesn’t like it. She knows that band and we can find someone to play the guitar while she sings.”

My eyes widened, “Kimi…”

She looked at me and said the words she knew would get me to comply, “For Alex. He always loved your voice as you sang along to those songs.”

I sighed, “Kimi, I don’t know if I can today. After seeing him in that casket it won’t be such a good idea.”

She gave me a look and huffed turning back to Mrs. Mason.

“I’ll do it. I can’t promise that it’ll be that good today. Crying tends to damage a good singing voice. Is it alright if I choose a song myself?”

She nodded, “That’s fine Laura. Pick any song that Alex liked and play for us. I don’t mind which one just pick one. You and Kimi will be the last ones on stage so you can sing it then if you can do it.”

I nodded. She smiled and looked down at her watch, “Well it’s time to go in the church. Visiting the body will take place after the service and then we leave for the burial.”

Kimi and I nodded waving bye to her as she walked back up to the church. Kimi looked back at me and smiled, “What song?”

I shrugged, “You don’t think what is love would hurt do you?”

She chuckled, “No I don’t think it would. Alex loved that song.”

**

The church was mostly packed full. It was a small church that Alex’s family attended on holidays. They weren’t huge Christians but Mrs. Mason tried to have God in the house still.

Mrs. Mason actually made Kimi and I sit on the bench with her family since we were going to say a few words about Alex. Mom and Kimi’s mom along with Annie were sitting right behind us. Kimi had managed to talk Robert into playing the guitar while I sang. I was surprised that Robert had heard the song before so it worked out great.

I was still sad of course and crying occasionally but it wasn’t that bad. I suppose it was because the casket was closed until the end, they didn’t want people breaking down as soon as they walked in the church.

“Alex was such a great son. He had hopes and dreams just like the normal teenage boy would even if we didn’t agree with the things he wanted. I mean Alex wasn’t going to let anyone bring him down or kill his dreams.”

Alex’s mother and father were at the podium now. We were after them since they could get a lot of people on stage to talk about Alex. Grief consumed the church and no one wanted to hurt Alex’s memory by crying during a speech.

“Well that’s all I can say. Now all that’s left is Alex’s good friends. Laura and Kimi please come up here. You can bring Annie if she wants to come.”

Kimi stood to her feet first and I looked behind us at Annie. She was smiling as she stood to her feet.

“Alex was my friend too. I want to say a few words.”

I gave her a look that meant not to mention anything about him and Blake being together. It was obvious that most of his family didn’t know about that little detail. I followed Kimi up the steps to the podium standing at her side as Annie came to my side.

Kimi started first, “Well, first off I want to say Hi to everyone. My name's Kimi Lewis. I don't know if Alex ever mentioned me but I was his friend. I don't know if he considered me one of his best friend's but I know he was one of mine.

Alex was different the first time I met him. I mean I knew him at school but we weren't friends until our friend Laura showed up. I was the first person to talk to Laura and she brought in Alex. He was a jerk at first and then he changed. I say he was different than I thought because when you're popular you have to act a certain way. With us he was different. He was open about how much he hated the attention. I know he loved to hang out with us.

Then a new school year changed everything and he stopped hanging with the popular crowd all together. He was a great friend to the both of us. No he wasn't just a friend, he was my brother. The way he treated us wasn't the way a friend treats his friends but the way a brother would treat his sisters. We played and we fought but the most important thing was we looked out for each other,” she stopped and looked at the casket, “We are going to miss him like crazy especially at graduation when we walk across that stage and then off to college. Alex may be gone but he certainly won't be forgotten. Now for our friend, Annie.”

Kimi walked to my side as she saw the tears running down my face. Annie took her place at the podium.

“Well I don't know how to follow that but I'm going to try. My name's Annie Fitch. I met Alex a few months ago. He met my brother at a coffee shop and they became friends. My brother, Blake, was a great guy and cared for Alex like a brother. The night Alex was shot my brother was shot as well. My brother wasn't as lucky as Alex was. If want to call it lucky. My brother died instantly from the gunshot wound that punctured him. Alex got to lie in a hospital bed while I buried my own brother. It saddens me to know that my other brother, Alex, died as well. So I really lost two brothers in one horrible accident that my uncle caused.

Blake and I weren't as horrible as him. We hated him and now he took away the two people that I cared about the most in my life. I have to thank him though, not for killing them but for bringing me other friends. Laura and Kimi are the best friends, no sisters, anyone could ask for. I know Alex, wherever he is, is looking down at us and happy that we came together in our time of grief. Laura and Kimi are my sisters now and no one can hurt them as long as we are together,” She stopped and just like Kimi she looked at the casket, “Alex we do love you and we will miss you, but I know you are in a much better place. Away from all the pain and despair from this place. The only thing I ask is that you and Blake not cause too much ruckus up there alright? Now I know everyone wants to meet her because Alex could never stop talking about her. Here is the one and only Laura.”

Annie took a step away from the podium and microphone to look at me. I was smiling while tears covered my cheeks. She came toward me and wrapped her arms around me comforting me in the way I needed.

I whispered, “Thank you,” in her ear before she pulled away.

She pulled away and just smiled at me. Kimi gave my back a push causing me to glare at her. I took my step up to the podium.

“Hi everyone. I’m pretty sure Alex mentioned me a few times to most of you. My name’s Laura Robin May. I met Alex a few years ago, in tenth grade. He was a jerk and a flirt when I first met him. After being at the school for a couple of months I found him at the mall. We started talking and hung out like friends. Soon we all became the musketeers because there were three of us.

Alex meant more to me than he could have ever imagined. I stand here knowing that my best friend was in love with me and I never saw him that way. He was just a brother I never had. He protected me through some of the hard times in my life. He never knew how much I cared for him in that way.

I know he must be mad at me though. Even though he should be having fun he’s worried about me just like always. I say that he’s mad at me for the simple fact that I blame myself for what happened to him and Blake. You see I was kidnapped by Alex’s and Blake’s shooter. If it wasn’t for my kidnapping they would still be alive. I know Alex must want to come back down here and strangle me for even thinking this way but I can’t help it.

I lost one of the most important people in my life and I’m never going to get him back. I met Blake the day of a party and that was the last time I really hung out with him before the kidnapping. I could see so easily what Alex saw in him and I trusted his judgment.

Things haven’t gone our way but I know that Alex is having a blast where he is. I remembered earlier today, the last funeral Alex and I attended was his uncle’s funeral. He pulled me away from everyone, from the crying eyes and the grief that had taken over people, to the outside world.

He told me this, something I just remembered today, “It’s too depressing. I want people not to morn my death but to celebrate it. I lived, I might not be famous, but I did live. I wasn’t some couch bound person. I lived and I had a life, please Laura, remember that and not the fact that I died.”

He didn’t want people to cry over his death but to celebrate it. Alex was never one to let life happen on its own. He was the type that had to be out there and make life happen for him,” I sniffed and looked at his casket, “Well Alex I promise to only cry about the memories we had and to tell you that I’ll miss you but I know you and Blake are having a blast.

Just like your favorite Peter Pan saying Alex, Never say goodbye, because goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting. So In your words Alex, See you later.”

I heard people start clapping after my little speech. Annie smiled at me and then Kimi gave me a hug. My eyes looked toward Robert to see him standing and walking up the steps of the church.

Annie looked confused but Kimi ushered her away as they both went back to their seats. Mrs. Mason came up to the podium once again.

“Well to end the ceremony we have Ms. Laura here singing a song from one of Alex’s favorite bands. Just bear with her because we all know how hard it must be to come up here and sing for a deceased friend.”

Mrs. Mason smiled at me and then Robert came up beside me. Before the ceremony had even begun I had asked mom to let her know about Robert. He would have to wear shades up here and I didn’t want to disrespect her. She had given her permission for him to wear the shades. Most of the people here hadn’t gotten a good look at him so it wasn’t problem now.

Mrs. Mason handed Robert the acoustic guitar and he found a chair in the middle of the stage. Mr. Mason had fixed up a microphone in the center for me to use. I followed behind Robert and as he took a seat I walked up to the microphone.

“One of Alex’s favorite bands is nevershoutnever. The song I’m going to sing is What is Love?”

Robert started playing on the guitar before I started singing.

[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/n/nevershoutnever/what_is_love.html ]. (Nevershoutnever What is Love?)

“In a sitch like this you've gotta think

And I don't think you think about the way he thinks

And I know you live life for yourself

But it all comes down to the way you help

And I know your life is such a hell

You wake up early and you work until

You have your drinks at 5 o'clock

The hours blend and your thoughts all haunt

Your hopes, your dreams, your everything

Well, momma I hope, I dream, that you won't leave

And I have a question!

What is love?

What is love?

Love-e-e-e-e

Is it giving up?

'Cause that's not how you raised me, yeah.

In a sitch like this you gotta think

And I don't think you think about the way

She thinks

And I know you work hard everyday

But it all comes down to the way you're

Paid

And I know you're oh so sorry dad

I truly believe that you're a better man

To share one kiss then give away

All the love you come home everyday

To your hopes, your dreams, your everything

Well daddy, I hope, I dream that she won't leave

And I have a question!

What is love?

What is love?

Love-e-e-e-e

Is it giving up?

Cause that's not how you raised me.

And what is love?

What is love?

Love-e-e-e-e

See, I don't know anymore;

I used to look up to that love.”


When I was finished everyone stood and clapped. I even saw my mother smiling and clapping while tears ran down her cheeks.

--

After the church ceremony everyone got their chance to look at Alex’s body. Kimi tried to pull me to his casket but I wouldn’t budge. Alex refused to look at is uncle at his funeral. I just wanted to remember the happy go lucky Alex and not the pale cold dead body of Alex.

We all went to the burial afterward. That was even harder. He was buried in the exact cemetery as Blake. We didn't realize that until Annie froze while stepping out of the car when we all first arrived. Mr. and Mrs. Mason said a few words about Alex and then let Kimi and her mom along with Annie, and then my family pour a handful of dirt in the ground they were burying him.

Kimi brought a black rose while Annie brought a fake red rose. Mom had surprised me by giving me a blue fake rose. We all dropped the fake roses on top of the casket. Annie even threw in another red rose with black dots on it to represent Blake.

We all held one another as the burial ended and our friend Alex was buried in the ground. Mrs. Mason had invited all of us to Alex’s grandparents’ house since they had already moved and that was the only house in town for family.

As we were walking back to the SUV mom’s phone started buzzing. I looked over at her as she pulled her clutch from her jacket. She walked ahead of Robert and I since Kimi and Annie went back to their car.

Great alone with Robert on a day I really don’t want to be!

It was quiet and awkward. I could tell Robert wanted to say something but right at the moment I saw him open his mouth from the corner of my eye mom came back.

She gave me an uneasy smile, “Laura, it’s up to you. Some of my people are in town from New York. It's mostly about the man that I work for that got in that car accident. They need to talk to me but I told them that I was busy with my daughter. It's up to you if you want me to join you at his grandparents’ house.”

I sighed looking at her face. She hadn't really been around to really get to know Alex's family. She would be bored and the odd one out.

“You can go. I don't mind going with Kimi. I want to go so I can see his brother and see how the little guy's doing with all this.”

She smiled and walked to me, “Are you sure? I can tell them no at any time that you need me.”

I gave her a smile, she had done great today. I couldn't have asked for more. She might not be the best mom in the entire world but she has her moments when she's that mom I remember. She knew I would need her today so she came for me and for my friends.

She had even apologized to Annie for how badly she had treated her. They were on good terms now, mom didn't realize about Blake at the time so Annie was forgiving.

“I'll stay with her Molly. You need to go and settle that. Laura could use someone here.”

Mom smiled at him, “Well in that case take the SUV. They offered to pick me up anyway, just take it. You have the keys anyway and whenever you get done you two can come home.”

We nodded as she hugged us both. She kissed my cheek and pulled away walking toward the entrance of the cemetery and pulling out her phone. I looked toward Robert and smiled, “Let's get going, I'm kind of hungry.”

He chuckled and pulled out the keys for the SUV. We walked to the car alone just the two of us. I took the passenger seat as he climbed in the drive side. Buckling the seat belt around myself after he had done his as well we were off, following everyone else to the grandparents’ house.

“Laura are we ever going to talk about this?”

Was it too much to ask that I didn't want to talk about it today? That I didn't want to be in an even worse mood today after talking to him? I knew I couldn't keep putting it off. Alex would want me to give it a shot but I hated this feeling of second best. I was always going to be second best behind my mother. What the hell did that mean? Could I continue to sit in the shadows while he played us both? I wasn't sure if I could keep doing that to my heart.

“What is there to talk about? You are dating my mother, you are allowed to fuck her any time you want. No matter what I say. That was the deal and I agreed to pay that price.”

He sighed ending the conversation immediately.

The rest of the ride was silent and awkward. We found a parking place along the edge of the sidewalk and Robert cut the engine. I unbuckled my seat belt ready to get out of here once and for all. The doors were suddenly locked and I gasped as my arm was grabbed and pulled into his chest.

His lips were on mine before I could protest. He barged in his tongue greeting mine in a fierce battle. I moaned in his mouth as his tongue rubbed the roof of my mouth. No matter how much I hated the fact he had this control over me. There was nothing I could really do. Just like that I was under his spell once again and I was sure it would lead to heart break.

“Come on and let's get inside.” I pulled away first and hit the unlock button. We both stepped out of the vehicle and for the first time Robert was going to see the type of friends I had. I didn't know if that was a good thing or a very bad thing.
♠ ♠ ♠
Author's Note:

I don't know how I feel about this chapter. It was difficult to write without tearing up. I had just lost my stepfather in August of last year so I had to use that grief to write this chapter. I had Laura not view the body for that reason. I knew if she viewed the body she would break down and Laura wouldn't be herself for the rest of the story. Seeing someone you care about like that can tear you apart in more ways than one.

If this made you cry or tear up or really sad, than it did it's job. Funeral's aren't very fun, they are sad and Laura really cared about Alex because she knew him more then we did. So I can kind of sympathize with her.