Celebrity Crush

December 26, 2009

The day after Christmas is filled with a bunch of goodbyes once again. It felt like it was Thanksgiving all over again. All the younger kids could now tell that something wasn’t right; some of us were getting ready to leave.

I was standing around in the room I had used during this break. Sarah was casually filling her suitcase next to me while I sighed looking at the scattered pieces of clothing all around my own suitcases.

I could tell something was up Sarah’s butt but I just ignored her. She had been acting funny ever since the party last night. Considering she didn’t come back home with the rest of us was another matter in itself.

Momaw was the one that caught her trying to sneak back to our room this morning. I just rolled my eyes bending down to grab some of the clothes in the floor. I was not in the mood to pack my suitcase. The conversation with Robert last night was in the back of my mind all night. I barely got enough sleep to function the rest of the day.

I was lucky that I could hopefully sleep on the plane. I just hoped that another stunt like at home, at the airport won’t be happening again. Mom was being careless at home but part of me figured that she wanted the world to know already. I think she was tired of hiding; she was about to be alone without me there. She didn’t need to hide behind me and I didn’t have to stand in her shadow.

Sarah was still mumbling under her breath about something that I couldn’t hear but I have a hunch that it was about her night with a hotel guest. She had taken mom’s role last night sneaking off with one of the guest since she didn’t have her own man hanging around her.

Speaking of mom, she was dead on her feet about two hours into the party. Robert and her had to leave early since she was getting sick and about to pass out because of the alcohol she had consumed.

I stayed at the party with Momaw and Aunt Karen. The party had ended at midnight and consisted of all of us that were still awake to clean. The younger kids had fallen asleep around eleven. Momaw wanted to keep all the leftover food saying that she could use it for leftovers for a few weeks.

So basically I was dead on my feet when I came back. Not that sleep came easy last night. I was thinking about Robert and mom all night. I was afraid of the choice that I told Robert he had to make. Mom didn’t know what was going on so she didn’t know the possibility of getting hurt. She was the lucky one.

I knew that if he did choose I wasn’t going to be the one he chose. It was common knowledge since he had said over and over again that he didn’t want to ruin my life with his status. I really couldn’t even picture myself standing next to him caught red handed in a photo from hidden paparazzi. Every time I pictured it I saw my mother. She was used to the life of being a celebrity with always following behind them never actually getting in the picture.

Something told me though; mom was tired of living in the shadow of the people she worked for. I could tell that mom was changing and not for the better either.

I sighed as I heard the door slam downstairs. Rachel was in a bad mood all morning. I tried getting her to talk to me but she would frown before shaking her head. I didn’t know what was going on with everyone.

Mom and Robert seemed to be the only ones not in a bad mood. Mom was practically glowing and only the three of us knew the reason behind her smile. Robert had told her the words I longed to hear; he loved her.

I didn’t care what he said to me about the words being a lie. People don’t say that unless they really mean it deep down. Otherwise he was just being cold. Robert seemed to be in a great mood too but when I looked at him his grin tripled. I could tell he was in a good mood because of our time last night. We hadn’t had one on one time together in days and he was practically glowing.

I don’t think he took me seriously when I told him he was going to have to choose between us soon. I couldn’t keep up this charade much longer. In just a few months high school would be over and I would leave for college. Robert wasn’t going to keep me in the shadow forever because I wasn’t going to allow it. Sure, everything was going great but what would happen when I graduated?

I knew soon Robert was going to have movies to star in and things would have to slow. If he didn’t choose between us soon I was going to make the decision for him no matter how much it hurt my heart.

Sarah kicked her suitcase toward the wall before grabbing a sweater and stomping out of the room. I shook my head while rolling my eyes. What was wrong with everyone today?

My pajama pants fell from their roll up position around my thigh down my leg. I sighed before I pulled them off my legs completely. I found a pair of jeans pulling them up my legs. Maybe I should have gotten dressed before packing.

I found a blue shirt and pulled it over my head feeling a little bit better. All morning with everyone in bad moods I felt like something big was going to happen soon. I felt like something was hanging over my head making me want to vomit. It was that feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach that slowed my movements and slowed all thought process.

I took a deep breath willing the feeling to go away. Nothing was helping, not even the thoughts of Robert from last night.

I found a pair of socks in the corner of my suitcase and rolled them up my feet over my toes. I wiggled my toes at the tip before stuffing them in my blue and black converse.

I looked down at my suitcase shaking my head. I hadn’t even made a dent in packing and our plane would leave in just a few hours. Robert hadn’t really unpacked his things so he was already packed within an hour. Mom was in the same predicament as I was, trying to find everything that was ours and pack it up in suitcases. Mom had packs of make-up, hair accessories, and not to mention all the clothes she tossed around the room in a drunken haze last night.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door to which a muttered a low, “Come in.”

The knob slowly turned and I saw Momaw. She was frowning as she looked around the room.

“I came up her because of all the noise. I was afraid someone had gotten hurt.”

I shook my head at her, “No afraid not. Sarah just being Sarah, as usual. She kicked her suitcase toward the wall and then slammed the door on her way out of the room.”

Momaw sighed, “Sorry about her. I don’t know how you deal with them. I’m already ready for Molly to leave and she’s my own daughter. How do put up with them?”

I giggled smiling at her; she always knew just the things to say to brighten my mood. No matter she said though that feeling of dread never loosened.

“Honestly, Momaw?”

She nodded her head to which I replied, “They’re never around. Mom’s always gone and by the she usually starts to get on my nerves she leaves again. Sarah hardly stays around when she does come home. I try to stay out of her way as much as possible since she only stays maybe two days if I’m lucky.”

She nods her head moving around the room. She spots my suitcase to which she chuckles, “Being slow on packing?”

I shrug, “Not really, just having one of those days, you know. My mind’s somewhere today, can’t concentrate on anything.”

She smiles nodding like she understands. She walks into the room some more closing the door behind her, “How about I help you out? That way your mom won’t start yelling at you about packing.”

I sigh but nod; maybe she can take my mind off of everything.

With Momaw’s help packing goes much quicker. She spots my clothes around the suitcase immediately and starts dropping them in the bag. She even talks to me about the party. She met a few people that plan to stay in town longer. A few even promised to have lunch with her next week. I was so happy that Momaw had that personality that everyone loved. She would always have friends around her so she was never really alone.

Mom and Aunt Karen had different fathers just like Aunt Karen’s kids. My grandfather wasn’t around much as one could tell. He was the man mom grew up with even if he wasn’t her actual father. Mom had never met her real father and he hadn’t tried looking for her either.

There were times after she told me that I tried to picture what he could look like. Some people said that mom favored him in the looks but it was hard to tell with her being female.

Anyway my grandfather, the one I knew at least, wasn’t around much. He and Momaw didn’t last much longer after mom was in middle school. He moved off and only surprises us with visits here and there. Sometimes when he shows up mom and I can’t come to see him since we live so far away.

“Momaw?” I looked at her pondering how to ask this question.

She raises her eyebrow at me but nods for me to continue.

“Do you know what’s wrong with everyone today? I mean Rachel won’t even talk to me and everyone else seems to be in their bad moods.”

Momaw sighs before coming to take a seat on the bed. She waves me over to her and I take a seat afraid of what I might hear.

“Rachel told you about her father coming to visit, right?”

I nod.

She sighs her eyes getting misty, “Well he’s causing a lot of problems between Karen and Jack. Daphne and Phil are the only that don’t see the ciaos around them. It’s taking a toll on Jack because he loves Rachel like his own and this man is trying to take Rachel away. They thought, at first, he was after your mom but now they don’t think so.

Rachel just got an acceptance letter from a college closer to him. She made the mistake of tell him about it and now he’s demanding that she attend that college. Rachel was looking forward to the college but now that she knows he lives close to that she’s not so certain. She’s waiting on a college close by so she can tell him she decided to stay here so her siblings don’t forget her.”

I nod, “How come it’s taken so long for her to find a college? I mean she’s older than, more closely to Sarah’s age. I’m just confused, I guess.”

Momaw smiles sadly, “At the time that Sarah was graduating high school she didn’t have the right mind set for college. She stayed home with Karen and Jack claiming to help with the kids. Karen and Jack have been really grateful that Rachel stayed behind while the rest of her friends went to college because the younger kids were a handful. Karen quit her job, remember, just to take care of Phil and Daphne, she works from home now just to take care of them.

Karen and Jack noticed that Rachel had been talking to her friends over the phone. A few of them were graduating college and they could tell after she got off the phone that her mood would change to depressed. Karen and Jack hated the fact that Rachel stayed behind after that; Karen started filling out forms for universities around the state.

Jack was the one that suggest they try out of state colleges. Rachel was stunned when the acceptance letter came in a few weeks ago. She wanted so much to go but with her father being in the way things aren’t going as they planned. He’s also been calling Karen all morning trying to talk to Rachel because of the holidays. Rachel refuses to talk to him but he thinks Karen is stopping her from calling. Bunch of mess if you ask me, though.”

I sigh, nodding my head understanding Rachel’s situation a little better.

“Rachel is also acting strange for some other reason. She came in last night with this look on her face. I don’t what it was because she wouldn’t tell me. Maybe that’s what’s really bothering her. I kind of figured you meant everyone else as well because of the door downstairs. Jack doesn’t seem to know what not slamming a door means.”

She frowned shaking her head while I giggled.

“It looks like your bag is almost packed good and tight.”

I sighed standing again to help her finish packing my bag.

**

I stood on the stairs giggling as Robert tried pulling Sarah’s huge suitcase down the stair case. I saw his arms flexing as he dragged her suitcase down the stairs. Unfortunately, Sarah was coming with mom, Robert, and me to New York for New Year’s.

I wasn’t looking forward to spending another full week around her. It seemed this holiday break wasn’t going to go the way I hoped.

Robert lifted his head giving me a glare. It was the first time he had really ever glared at me. For some reason instead of turning me off it turned me on. It was horrible; the hold he had on my body. Nothing he could do would put me off and that sucked big time.

The front door came opened in stepping Jack shivering from the cold outside air. This winter seemed brutal then last years. It seemed that global warming was indeed happening no matter how much those big time business people claimed it wasn’t.

Jack looked toward the stairs as he heard Robert struggling with the suitcase. He chuckled shaking his head before walking over.

“Need any help? If that’s Sarah’s you’re going to need all the help you can get. Molly’s is a shopping bag compared to hers.”

Robert pulled away nodding his head, “Yeah, sure. I can tell, I’ve pulled Molly’s down the stairs with ease but something about this one just isn’t working out.”

He chuckled, “Yeah, tell me about it. The girl has a trunk load of clothes in each suitcase.”

I took a seat on a step on the stairs watching them struggle to get the bag down the stairs. With Jack’s added strength it didn’t take much longer before the suitcase started moving. I couldn’t help but giggle with a huge smile on my face.

“Seems like the men around here just got a gold medal.”

I turned my head at the sound of Mom’s voice. She was glowing still; my heart dropped at the look on her face. I wish I was the one that heard those words even if they were a lie. She really didn’t know how lucky she was to have Robert tell her those words. All I got was that he was falling for me but hadn’t fallen yet.

Mom carried a coat over her arm as she walked down the stairs. I rolled my eyes, she really didn’t know how stuck up she looked. Anyone could that she only cared about her happiness over someone else’s.

“Laura, you should go tell everyone bye before we leave. Robert and Jack just need to get Sarah’s bag in the SUV and then we’ll be leaving.”

I sigh standing to my feet wiping my butt off. I gave her a smile and nod before running down the stairs toward the kitchen. Aunt Karen and Rachel sat at the table drinking hot chocolate and talking. I walk to Aunt Karen wrapping my arms around her neck.

“I love you, Aunt Karen.”

For some reason I was trying to be extra chipper since I knew everyone else was in a bad mood. Karen chuckled placing her hand over mine and running her fingers across the top of my hand.

“I love you too, Laura. I know you about to leave but be sure to go up and say bye to Daphne. She may be sleeping but the girl will kill us if she doesn’t get to say goodbye.”

I giggle nodding my head. I move to Rachel as she stands to her feet, “I love you cousin. Remember to keep in touch now.”

I smile at her shaking my head, “Of course, Rachel.”

We hug each other before she pulls away really soon like something has upset her.

“Rachel,” I ask looking at her, “are you alright? I mean since the party…” She cuts me off, “Don’t worry, Cousin Laura, I’m fine. Just a little tired from being up really late.”

I know she’s lying since she stays up late texting friends on her damn phone. I smile like I believe her when in fact I know she’s lying. I nod and tell them goodbye before running toward the stairs. I make a bunch of noise to which Mom gives me a glare. The door comes open and Sarah steps in the house. Her face is all sour like she just had a bad a phone call or something. I shrugged running toward the stairs.

“Hurry up Laura!” calls my mother up behind me.

I look over my shoulder and give her a smile even though I want to throw a knife at her face.

“Just got to say goodbye to the little ones is all. I’ll be back down as soon as I’m done.”

I run down the hall to the room where they are napping and see the door already opened. I look around the entrance to see Momaw waking them from their naps. Phil looks to be in a bad mood, always is after he’s been woke from a nap. I see Daphne rubbing her eyes and she spots me.

“Cousiy Laura, you haven’t left yet.”

I smile shaking my head, “Nope. I’m about to leave now though. I had to say goodbye to my favorite people before I left though.”

She giggles climbing down from the bed and running toward me. I bend down to my knees as she comes to me, wrapping her arms around me. Phil’s late but he’s grinning at me as well.

“I love you, cousiy Laura. Visit again soon, k?”

She smiles before pulling away to which I nod at her question, “Of course, Daphne. You know I can’t stay away from you too long.”

She giggles and then Phil falls into my arms. He hugs me tight, “Bye, bye cousiy Laura. Visit like Daphne said and I will play again?”

I smile and nod before standing to my feet. Momaw pulls me into her arms hugging me tight, “Just call me if she gives you any trouble.”

I nod hugging her back just as tight. She knows unlike the younger ones that visiting is very hard. We pull away and she pushes me out in the hall.

“Better go before she sends the army.”

I laugh and nod running back down the hall and stairs. Sam isn’t here since he stayed at home after the party. He was so tired that he didn’t feel like coming today. Karen and Rachel are at the door and I give them a wave before grabbing my other jacket from the coat rack and pulling the door open.

Mom’s standing on the other side about to come in when she smiles at me, “There you are, we have to leave now. The plane leaves in an hour and it takes twenty minutes to get there with traffic.”

I nod waving to everyone again before running to the SUV. Sarah’s sitting in the backseat as well with earpieces in her ears. Robert’s in the driver seat and Mom climbs into the passenger seat. After I climb inside and buckle up we are on our way to the airport.

The airport is unfortunately in a busy part of Jackson. The traffic is bumper to bumper with cars moving not even a mile an hour. Mom groans from the front seat as we finally pull into the airport. A person from the rental company will pick up the SUV.

We all climb out, Robert getting the entire luggage with my help and not Sarah’s or Mom’s. Mom runs inside to make sure everything is set up the way it’s supposed to be. Robert put everything on a cart and I walk beside him inside. Since there are so many people around we don’t talk just in case there’s a photographer.

Mom comes back without Sarah and tells us everything set up right this time. There shouldn’t be any problems with security. It still takes about twenty three minutes for Mom, Robert, and I to get through security. Mom telling us that Sarah went through the security at the plane which is more relaxed than the main security.

By the time it hits the time for the plane to leave we are loading inside. I collapse in a seat far enough away from everyone. Everyone starts buckling up and I pick up my bag unzipping the top. As I rummage through the bag for my book an envelope falls from my bag.

Laura

My eyes widen and my fingers quickly rip the seal open. I look around making sure no one is looking my way. Mom and Robert are engaged in conversation while Sarah’s got headphones in her ears and her eyes are closed.

Returning to the envelope I pull out the contents and my eyes widen. There’s nothing but pictures of the Christmas party. Robert and I walking in the room and coming out together with flushed faces. The person has no idea but these pictures they take are the only ones I have.

It can’t be that means the person was at the party. As I look up after stuffing the pictures and envelope in my bag I can feel the dread filling me once again. Nothing is as simple as I wish it was.