Celebrity Crush

December 27, 2009-December 31, 2009

Most of the week I’ve been with Annie and her friends. I’ve been avoiding mom and Robert like the plague. Annie’s other friends are much older than me, in their mid-twenties but they’re really nice.

Annie has been trying to get me to open up more around all of her friends but I just can’t. I’m afraid that just by association that all my friends are in danger. I sigh from my spot in hotel room. I’m in Angel’s and Scott’s room while everyone is crowded around the TV playing a game system they brought along with them.

Annie is texting on her phone trying to find something to do tonight. I actually wanted to watch the ball drop tonight but Annie said she was tired of doing that every year. She told me that a party would be more fun and that if I still wanted to watch ball drop than Angel and Scott would take me.

Angel and Scott loved watching the drop in Times Square. I personally had only ever watched it from the TV screen. My New Year’s Eve was always spent at Kimi with piles of junk food since they always came back because of me. This year Kimi and her mom were spending New Year’s Eve and Day with Jennifer’s mom, Kimi’s grandma, and Jeff, Kimi’s uncle along with aunt and cousins.

Annie looked up feeling my eyes on her and gave me a smile before returning to her phone. I sighed leaning back against the wall. I had been staying with Annie most nights just a few spent at the apartment. I was afraid of Sarah. I didn’t know if the damn girl would kill me in my sleep or not.

The nights I did sleep there were mostly to make sure mom and Robert were safe. I didn’t trust a word Sarah told me but I didn’t have much else to believe. I had to believe her words to me the other night.

Suddenly I heard beeping from my phone in my jacket. I pulled my phone from my pocket flipping it open.

One new message from Starry Night.

I groaned that feeling of dread seeping into my stomach once again. I hadn’t been eating properly either since Sarah had come clean about everything. Food just didn’t seem appetizing when I knew Sarah could hurt someone I loved very easily.

I opened the text message to read what she had sent.

Broke it off yet? I’m about to tell mom if you don’t.

I sigh snapping the phone shut. She’s been doing this all week. She hasn’t actually called me just sent these messages all week. I don’t know what to really do. I can’t tell Annie or Kimi for fear they could be hurt in the process.

“Laura?!”

I snap my head up at the sound of Scotts voice. I give him a smile as he grins at me, “Want to play? I’m sick of being beaten at bowling by this twerp.”

I giggle nodding. Maybe if move around instead of sitting around won’t be so depressed. Angel is holding Wii remote pulling his arm back for his mii to bowl. I giggle as he scores a spare. I’ve played this game before with Alex at his cousin’s house.

Angel hands me the remote while Scott plays with his hair. I gaze at them; they are so much in love despite all the people around the world that looks down upon them. I wish Robert would love me like that; not caring what the world thought. As long as I was with him than nothing else would matter. I couldn’t seem to get Robert to understand any of this.

I pull my arm back and bring it forward for my mii to bowl a strike. Angel groans, “Great, I’m about to be beaten by a girl. Where did my masculinity go?”

I giggle causing Annie to chuckle before replying, “Maybe it left the building when Scott pushed his…”

She didn’t get to finish because Scott had managed to slap a hand across her mouth causing her to murmur the rest of the sentence. Angel groaned obviously embarrassed by Annie’s comments. Suddenly I heard my ringtone and sighed. I pulled it out looked in the screen

Starry Night calling!

I groan, “I’ll be right back. I need to take this.”

Annie nods while Scott is trying to butter up Angel in a better mood. I walk toward the door stepping out into the hallway. I answer the phone walking down to the stairwell so no one can hear me.

“What?!” I bark into the phone finally making it to the staircase.

“Don’t get an attitude with me! I’m calling to tell you that if you don’t call it quits with Robert before you leave for home in the next couple of days than I am sending mom the photos. She will never know who sent them but you can guarantee that you will be disowned.”

I sigh, “Fine, I’ll break it off today.”

“Good,” I can hear the smirk in her voice, “I was hoping you would say that. Mom left about an hour ago to see some of her friends. Robert’s alone so now would be the best time to break it off without mom in the way.”

I take in a deep breath, “Fine, I’ll leave now. I’ll come and break everything off.”

“Good girl. I won’t be here when you get here. I’m staying with a friend for the night. Bye Laura. I’ll find out if you broke it off or not.”

The line goes dead and I hear the beeping. I stuff my phone back in my jacket before walking back to Annie’s room. I release a shaky breath before walking into the room.

“Annie?” I call.

“Yeah?” she answers back.

“I’m going back to the apartment. I need to get ready for tonight and I need to talk to someone.”

Annie nods giving me a sad expression, “I’ll come get you tonight for the party and ball drop. I’ll make sure you see it, it’ll take your mind off of everything.”

I think Annie had a good idea about what was about to happen. I gave her a hug and was on my way back to the apartment. I took a cab instead of walking or I’d get lost trying to find my way again.

The cabbie was a jerk and tried over charging me but I was smarter. I short changed him and before he could count it I was out of the cab and inside the complex. I wasn’t so lucky with an empty elevator. Damn thing was pack to capacity. I really hated the city during New Year’s Eve.

The elevator stopped at every single floor before only me and an older woman with her small dog was left. I smiled at the puppy until the elevator stopped at my floor. I walked out waving at the older woman to which she just sneered at me.

I pulled out my set of keys as I approached the apartment. I stuck my key in the door unlocking the knob and stepping inside. I shut the door with my foot and turned the lock back on the back of the door. I walked through the apartment toward my room and turned on the light. My room was in the same way I had left it. Bed unmade, suitcase unzipped on top of the dresser, and not to mention my shoes scattered around my side of the bed.

I dropped my keys to the dresser feeling my body trying to tell me it wasn’t up for this right now. I moved toward my suitcase rummaging through the contents for something to change into and something for the party.

I sighed not finding anything worth changing into. I kicked off my shoes and pull off my jacket. Suddenly I heard knocking on the door of the apartment. Groaning I walked back through the apartment calling out, “I’m coming, I’m coming!”

I grabbed the knob of the door turning and pulling the door opened to reveal Robert standing in front of me. My heart took off in a sprint seeing him in a button down shirt and black slacks. The shirt had few buttons unbuttoned showing off his gorgeous chest.

“Can I come in?” he asked with a smirk forming in his face. He had to know the control he had on my body.

I just nodded my head moving back to let him in the apartment. I closed the door behind him turning the lock so we wouldn’t be disturbed.

“Is Sarah here?”

I shook my head, “Nope. She wasn’t here when I got back so, I don’t know where she is.”

He nodded walking toward the living room, “Where have you been all week Laura?”

I shrugged, “With Annie and her friends. We’ve been exploring the city.”

He nodded replying, “I’ve missed you this week” before taking a seat on the couch. I didn’t really know how to respond so I stayed quiet. He outstretched his arm on the back of the couch patting the open spot next to him. I reluctantly joined him on the couch. He moved his arm to my shoulders pushing me closer to his body.

He gazed into my eyes and then his eyes dropped to my lips. I unconsciously licked my lips causing him to gulp. We both start leaning in for a kiss. I missed his lips; the last real kiss we had shared was at the Christmas party.

He licked my bottom lip constantly begging for entrance into my mouth. I couldn’t deny him anything really so I opened my mouth and our tongues fought for dominance. The kiss quickly turned to a make out session. My hands had a mind of their own as they pulled on his shirt and moved toward his hair.

During the session I climbed into his lap feeling his friend already alert. I could feel the blush in my cheeks at the realization of the effect I had on his body. His hands made their way into the back of my hand twisting into my hair.

My fingers moved to his shirt unbuttoning each one slowly. I needed skin on skin contact. He groaned as I got frustrated with the buttons and started running my fingers over the already expose part of his chest.

His delicately experienced hands made their way up my shirt rubbing my sides causing me to moan into his mouth. Things were getting heated very fast as his hands gripped my shirt pulling me closer to his body. He grabbed the bottom of my shirt and tried pulling it off of my body. I momentarily broke from his mouth so the shirt could be discarded.

We immediately regained our places and our lips attached each other. My hands gripped fistfuls of his shirt quickly unbuttoning the last few before pushing it back across his shoulders.

“Maybe we should take this to the bedroom?”

I giggled and nodded. He held my body close to him as he stood to his feet, my legs wrapping around his waist. I continued to kiss along his neck as he tried walking toward my room. I heard the door opening and I was half aware of him kicking it closed before moving toward the bed.

He must have tripped over a scattered shoe because we fell toward the bed neither one of us really minded. I hope this last time with Robert is really worth it.

**

We pull away as Robert grins at me with a sweaty face. My body feels exhausted but I know that I have to end this soon. He leans back on the pillow grinning.

“Man, why can’t every time be like that?”

I raise an eyebrow holding the sheet over my body as I hold my head up with my arm.

“What do you mean?”

He smiles at me, “Molly and I have been having sex this week, more than usual. It’s nothing like with you. When I’m with you everything is heightened, I can’t think about anything else. When I have sex with Molly I can’t concentrate on it, I only get off to you believe it or not. I’m just thankful that I haven’t muttered your name during it.”

I can feel my anger wanting to come up. This was the reason we had break it off anyway. He would tell me things like this, making me think he really cared about me maybe even loved me. In the end, though, he would always choose my mother. I was never going to be good enough for him.

I had finally made up my mind. I knew, in the end, that I was going to have to break things off myself because I was only hurting my poor heart by letting this continue.

“Robert, we have to talk.”

I mentally cringed. Why did I have to start off like that? A talk?! Every break up on TV started with those lines.

The smile on Robert’s face dropped and his eyebrows furrowed.

“I told you sooner or later that you would have to choose. What you just told me is pretty obvious you aren’t going to choose. So I’m making the decision for you, Robert. I can’t deal with this any longer. My heart is hurting way too much for you and you just don’t seem to care. I gave everything to you but in the end you still choose my mother because she’s right for image and can deal with the drama in your life.”

I move as he tried to grab my arm.

“Laura, please. Don’t move away from me. Let me explain. I shouldn’t have told you about Molly and me. When I get around you I can’t stop talking. You are so easy to talk with that I can’t think straight. Please, Laura, give me some more time or something.”

I can tell from his eyes that time won’t matter. He won’t be changing his mind anytime soon on his thoughts about us. I hold the sheet over my body, suddenly self-conscious. I stand from the bed walking toward my bedroom door, I hold out my hand pointing toward the door.

“You made your choice long ago. I’m just bringing it to light because I can’t keep doing this. I refuse to be your closet girl anymore, Robert. So just leave.”

He sighs standing from the bed butt naked. I avert my eyes moving to my suitcase.

“Just remember, Laura, I do care a lot about you. If I didn’t I wouldn’t care about ruining your life.”

I hear him pulling his pants on over his legs and then I can see from the mirror on the wall him buttoning up his shirt. He walks over to me and places his hands on my bare shoulders. He presses his lips to each shoulder and I hate the shivers that line my shoulder at his touch.

“I know you care about me too. I’m sorry, Laura, but in the end, I choose Molly not because I love her but because I refuses to ruin your life with me being there. Just know that it’s not Molly I love.”

My breath gets caught in my throat as he stuffs his feet inside his shoes and walks out of my room and out of the apartment. Tears stream down my face.

“Did he just say he loves me?!” I whisper aloud to myself.

The tears are even worse now and I try to wipe them away but they refuse to budge. My heart feels like it’s about to combust and my legs are fighting me to run after him. I’m hopeless and irrevocably in love with Robert Pattinson and I can’t even have him.

The truth to my already aching heart is just about too much. I can feel a sharp pain in my chest but I know I won’t die from this. No one ever died from a broken heart. I look up in the mirror to see my tear stained face and my fingers are clutching the sheet to the point they are turning purple.

I can’t seem to get my body to move an inch. I look down at my suitcase telling myself to move. I move alright just not in the way I wanted to move. I fall to the floor, my knees folding into my chest and a sob breaks through my mouth.

The tears falling freely now and I let myself breakdown. I can’t see anything from the tears and I just sit there letting my body release the anger and sadness at losing my first love to my mother of all people.