So This Is Love

Gerard Way’s Point of View

I hugged him for too long, and I had a feeling he knew it too. When we broke apart, he had this look in his eye—I couldn’t for the life of me tell what it was. I don’t know why I suddenly felt so bold, but I did it. Gently, I put my hands on his shoulders. Frank looked at me, his eyes glazed over it seemed.

“Do you feel awkward?” I asked him.

“No,” he whispered.

I nodded, but only slightly. I leaned in closer to him. I could feel his breath on my lips. Frank allowed himself to close his eyes. In one swift motion, I closed the three inch gap between our lips. I barely moved my lips, and even then so, Frank moved back. I felt butterflies in my stomach. He was kissing me back! Mikey would try to beat me with a golf club if he knew I was doing this…

“You're not trying to use me, are you?” Frank asked, suddenly pulling away from me.

“What? Why would I do that? I would never use a person, Frank,” I said quickly.

“Okay … is it wrong that I want to kiss you again?” he asked, lowering his head. I was about to speak, but he put his hands on my hips, making me jump in the slightest.

“I don’t know,” I said.

Was it wrong? He was engaged, sure, but he wasn’t actually dating her, so this doesn’t count as cheating, right? Before I could ask myself anymore questions, Frank was kissing me.

This wasn’t right though. No matter how much I wanted this, it wasn’t right. I pushed away from him, noticing a hurt look on his face.

“It’s unethical,” I quickly said. “I work for you. You’re technically my boss, and you're getting married. We shouldn’t be doing this.”

“Nobody’s going to know…” he said, looking down again.

“Are you ashamed?” I asked him.

“Why would I be?” he asked.

“You just kissed a guy. You're parents might not approve so much, nor would your fiancé.”

“Do you remember that conversation we had in the diner? About you telling me what it felt like to be with a guy and not a girl?” he asked me.

Of course I remembered. The entire time I was talking I was hoping that he would just jump over the table and have sex with me then and there.

“Yeah,” I sighed.

“Gerard … I-I liked kissing you just then. I don’t know if this means that I'm gay or bi or whatever else, but I liked it,” he said.

Frank was so confused. He was more confused than he knew. First, his parents are making him marry a girl out of money, not love. Now, he decides that he doesn’t want to marry her, but he doesn’t want to disappoint his parents either. And now he thinks he's not straight, but he doesn’t know anything. I feel so bad for him.

“Listen, don’t worry about your sexuality. People go through life dating whoever they want and they never specify exactly what they are. I think you should go home though,” I said.

I didn’t want him to go home. Fuck, I didn’t want him to ever leave my house. I was letting my crush take over my mind. This has only happened once before and it did not end pretty…

“Please don’t make me leave. I don’t want to live with them at the moment. They … ugh!” he screamed. “They get on my fucking nerves! My Mom specifically. She thinks she's better than anything else in the whole fucking world and that she doesn’t have responsibilities—only the ones that she wants to take care of, such as this idiotic marriage. I'm not getting married to her, Gerard. I just can't do it.”

He started crying. Instinctively, I hugged him, trying to get him to calm down.

“Hey, listen,” I whispered, “you don’t have to go home, but you're going over there with me tomorrow. You need to tell them how you feel. I’ll listen to you whenever you need a friend, but all that shit you just said—they need to hear it, Frank. Honestly, I don’t care how long you stay here, but if you want to continue living here, then you're going to do that tomorrow, understand?”

He thought over it for the next ten minutes. In those ten minutes, I thought of scenarios that could happen—no, they weren’t at all realistic unless Frank was rather experienced in the sexual field, but I can't help it. I've thought about having sex with the president before, and that totally scarred me for life. I don’t even know why I was thinking about that.

“Deal,” Frank finally said. He looked at me, almost expectantly for a few minutes.

“What?” I asked him.

He looked at me sweetly and then leaned forward, trying to kiss me again, but I stopped him.

“Frank, as much as I want to … you're engaged. It’s not right, even if you don’t want to marry her. At this point, you can't change that,” I told him firmly.

“It’s not like it’s going to harm anything,” he insisted.

“Frank … I can't let myself do that. Who knows what effect it’ll have on you in the long run? I-I'm going to lie down,” I said, leaving the room and heading for mine.

Frank didn’t say anything else, which I'm actually quite thankful for. I couldn’t believe what I let myself do. God, letting him stay here was bad, I just knew it.

I started pacing my room, unsure of what to do. There wasn’t anything to do, actually.