57 Hilton Street

The thought of high school always scared Alex.

Of course, he never let that on to anyone - not even Jack.

The nerves of leaving a secure, almost homely, school that you’ve known and - for the most part - loved, for three years of your life and then it’s gone as soon as it came.

Alex hated that part.

However, on the bright side, he did notice girls for the first time when he hit fifteen. And he really noticed girls this time. He saw their eye color, their personality, what made them laugh, what they hated, what they loved, everything.

To Jack, on the other hand, they were still just girls. They were still the kids he’d grown up with, still just like him, minus one dick.

It was strange, but so long as Alex didn’t notice - which he didn’t - then he could get away with it. And he did.

It was tenth grade before Alex noticed anything.

Alex and his elder brother Oliver had come to school as normal. Alex had spent the day hanging out with Jack, Rian and Zack like always. Oliver had disappeared off at lunch and hadn’t returned for afternoon lessons. By the time Alex had got home after school, Oliver was dead. He was seventeen. Alex hadn’t known what to do.

When his mom came home two hours later, Alex wasn’t home. He’d tried to call her ten, maybe twenty times, to no avail. So he ran, ran for Jack like there was a magnet pulling him to the younger boy.

He practically busted down the door when he reached Jack’s house; he slammed his fists down onto the painted wood until he got an answer. It was May.

She’d changed a lot in the space of a few years; she’d grown about four inches, lost all lingering ‘puppy fat’ and her curves were starting to show. She held out her arms and he fell into her, sobbing uncontrollably into her shoulder.

“Jack…” She shouted, massaging circles into his back “Jack!”

Her brother came careering down the stairs like an elephant, freezing on the bottom stair as he saw Alex.

“Lex?” He asked quietly, a look of concern plastering his face. Alex looked up through fluffy brown hair with reddened eyes and blinked a few times. He didn’t think he’d ever let Jack see him cry before. May gently passed the weeping boy on to her brother and slipped away from the hallway.

“Ssh. Ssh, it’s okay.” Jack whispered quietly, rubbing Alex’s back gently “What happened?”

Alex carried on crying into Jack’s neck. Jack had always been a few inches taller, and this is the one time Alex really appreciated it. Alex’s arms are locked around Jack’s waist - some immovable force preventing him from letting the younger boy go.

“It’s okay, come on.” Jack mumbled, petting Alex’s out of control hair gently. Jack pulled him gently up the stairs and sat him down on the bed in his room. Jack basically sat him down on the mattress and plonked down opposite him, his hand holding his wrist loosely.

Alex looked up at him through teary brown eyes and shakes his head. He couldn’t bring himself to say. Jack looked across at him and brushed a few unruly strands of hair from the older boy’s face.

“You can tell me, Alex.”

Alex squeezed his eyes shut, a few stray tears trickling down his cheeks.

And he didn’t manage to splutter any words out before Mrs Gaskarth arrived in tears. Jack worked it out from there.

Two weeks later, there was the funeral. Jack kept a tight hold of May’s wrist throughout the whole thing, and she toyed with the folds of her dress. Neither of them could bring themselves to look at Alex.

If they had, they would’ve seen a broken boy. He’d lost his brother. He was sitting there in the pews, tuxedo jacket buttoned shut over a tight white shirt. He looked deadly uncomfortable.

After the service, back at the Gaskarth house, May had vanished to go console Alex’s younger sister Lottie, leaving Jack with Alex.

“I… I don’t know.” Alex sighed into the wind, the force ruffling his fringe into his eyes. His eyes were red, hands buried in his pockets.

“It’ll be okay.” Jack replied quietly, his hand latched around Alex’s wrist.

“How do you know, Jack?” Alex asked desperately, standing still and looking at the younger boy “You’re not a clairvoyant.”

“Alex.” Jack sighed, his eyes softening as he caught the look of desperation on his best friend’s face.

“I’m… I’m going to sound horrible now, but life… well, life has to go on. Whether Ollie’s here or not.” Jack said quietly. Alex stared at him, new tears collecting in his fearful brown eyes.

“I don’t get it, Jack!” Alex shouted, his voice shaking “Why, why did he do it? Why didn’t he just talk to someone?” He sat down on the grass in the front yard, pulling the blades out from the soil.

“I can’t answer everything.” Jack replied, sliding down next to him “And if I knew, I’d tell you.”

Alex let out a choked sob and sniffled, his breath catching in his throat. Jack slipped his arm around the elder’s waist and held him gently to his side. He mumbled quiet reassurances into Alex’s ear as he cried.

“I’ve still got you, haven’t I Jack?” Alex asked worriedly, looking up through his messy fringe at Jack.

“Yep. I’m not leaving any time soon.”

Alex nuzzled into Jack’s shoulder and Jack softly petted his hair flat.

There was a time gap of about two seconds where Jack just about thought his next move through before he did it.

“Alex…” He whispered, making the elder turn to look at him.

“Yeah?”

And before Jack replied, he pushed his lips to Alex’s and kissed him.