New Earth

I guess sometimes the past just catches up with you, whether you want it to or not.—Paul Edgecomb, ‘The Green Mile’

Fifteen minutes later we were pushing through the last few feet of weeds before reaching the Canyon. We sat down at the edge. I crossed my legs; Phoenix dangled his over the side. He gazed over the great abyss wistfully for a moment, as if he were having a flashback. And it wasn’t a pleasant flashback, either, but just like that, the flashback was over and Phoenix was back in the present.
“Okay,” he said, a bit of a command in his voice. “Talk.”
I sighed, playing with my fork a bit. “Because for one thing,” I began, “I have my own money. And for another… I kinda sorta own the place!”
The last few words came out in a rush. Okay, I felt awkward. I crossed my arms and moaned when I realized that I’d just stuck my elbow into a plate of perfectly good chick-en alfredo. “Aw, shoot,” I hissed, doing my best to lick my elbow clean of the stuff. Then I remembered that it was physically impossible to lick one’s own elbow. Plus, I was about two feet away from a drop to instant death, which was not the best place to attempt it, either. Phoenix was looking at me strangely. I judged it to be partially for the fool I was making of myself and partially out of shock of the whole I-partially-own-your-favorite-restaurant thing. “What?” The slight surprise was evident in his voice. “Since when?”I thought for a moment, counting backwards on my fingers. “About five years ago. But I worked there for about six years all together. I didn’t get
paid for the first year, though.”
“That’s weird,” said Phoenix. He had stopped swinging his legs over the side, and he was using his non-angry, kind of sexy brogue. “Why?”
I shrugged nonchalantly. “It was my uncle’s shop, but Mama made me work there as punishment. Well, technically I was already being punished by the Captain, so it was technically her own personal punishment…”
“Wait a minute,” he said, surprised. “What could that old bat be punishing you for?”
“Yeah…”I trailed off awkwardly. “PJ and I kind of… sneaked onto the bridge while in operation. It was the same day that we went through the blank. The Captain took pity on us, apparently, and set us up as sanitation engineers instead of putting us in the brig.”
Phoenix, lapsing in his few minutes of politeness, chuckled. “He… he set you up… as janitors?”
“Yes,” I said plainly. “I was janitor. And believe you me, I’ve seen things that would make even your hair drain of color and curl into rivets on your head.”
“Oh, really?” It was clear that he doubted my ability. I looked him straight in the face and said, “Yes, really.”
“Do I get an example?”
I thought for a moment, trying to remember my grossest ‘assignment.’ “I have been pelted with human excrement and then doused with the urine of someone who seemed to have an addiction to asparagus.”
Phoenix raised his eyebrow in a face that said, You really expect me to believe that?
“Someone somehow managed to make all the toilets in the men’s latrine flush back-wards and raise the water pressure to the correct measurement, effectively creating an extremely powerful crap catapult.”
Finally, Phoenix full-on laughed. “Well then,” he began once his laughter had subsided. “The crap catapult. One of the cheapest weapons of mass destruction on the market.”
“Anyway,” I continued, “Our mother decided that it was time that I learned where I did and didn’t belong. Not like social placement or anything. I mean the ‘keep off the grass’ kind.”
Phoenix leaned in a bit to look closer at me. “Wait a minute…”
I looked at him strangely. “What?”
“I remember you now…”
Say what? “You do?” I couldn’t believe my ears. But he was completely serious when he said, “Yeah, I do. You and PJ were right beside me when we went through the blank…”
It was my turn to be shocked then. “That was you?”
Phoenix nodded. “Uh-huh. I was just a lowly lieutenant then.”
“Wow,” I murmured. “Weird how the past can come back and nip you in the bud, huh?”
Phoenix just grunted in agreement. “Yeah, it is.”
We were silent again after that. It wasn’t awkward, really. I didn’t know how, but I knew that he was trying to think of how to say something. At least, I thought he was. Sighing, I scooted away from the edge and lay back, placing my hands behind my head like a pillow.
Later, I would think back to how beautiful those stars were, and long for them. But that was not to come for many, many years. Let’s see here, I thought. I see Orion over there… and Taurus over there… oh, and there’s Cassiopeia…
Phoenix’s voice brought me out of my star-studded reverie. “Hey.”
“Hm?”
“I never told you my story, did I?” I shook my head about as well as one could when lying upon their hands before sitting up. “No, you didn’t.”
He nodded thoughtfully. I scooted closer and asked, “Can I tell you something first?”
“Sure.”
“How do I say this?” I murmured. “You don’t strike me as someone who would decide to join the Patrol willingly.”
Phoenix just chuckled. “I guess I don’t, do I?” He folded one leg up, swinging the other one out over the side as he stared thoughtfully at the night sky. “Where to start, where to start… Ah. I know.”
There was a subtle change in his outlook just then, as though he was beginning to regret agreeing to this ‘storytime.’ I could think of a few people who had seen my face with a similar expression. This story was going to be painful for Phoenix to tell. Something told me I was the first and last person he was even going to tell. He sighed. “Here goes.”

I believe that I was sixteen when I joined up. I had been a party addict; booze, mostly, but I did tend to experiment. I’ve always loved to push the limit, you know? It really didn’t help much that my parents were Patrolmen. Or maybe it did, in the long run? I don’t know. But I definitely got two things from my parents that have stuck with me: hair that was the color of an angry sunset and a temper to match it.
Well, I got three things. My little sister, Serena, was twelve at the time, four years younger than I was. I loved her. She had the heart of an angel, or something pretty close. I’d do anything for her. I did my best to keep her from knowing anything of my ‘other life’.
But my best wasn’t enough. A few weeks after her thirteenth birthday, I got into a game of cards. Started winning pretty quick, and pretty soon had enough to buy a house, almost. Feeling like I could do anything (I’m pretty sure that the three tumbler-fulls of straight whiskey I’d drunk had something to do with it) I went ahead and bet all, hoping to double it on the next hand. Needless to say, I lost. I went home sad, penniless, and slightly drunk.
A week later, a Friday night, I believe, I got into a fight with my parents about… some-thing. I don’t remember. But I do remember sneaking out that night and going to a bar. I made sure before I left that Serena was safe in bed. She was, so I left, feeling free to do whatever. I was tall for my age, and it wasn’t like they could check our information or anything. Besides, most of the pub owners didn’t care.
I’d been there for about an hour I think (or was it two? I can’t remember) before some guys came up to me. I recognized them from the card game the week before. They both had that trademark smile created by downing whiskey courage plastered on their faces. “Hey,” said one of them, “What’re you doing here? I thought you lost all your money last week.”
I just looked at him like he was a complete idiot as I said “I have a tab,” before turning back to my beer and muttering, “Idiot.”
He obviously heard me. “What did you say? Why, I ought to--!”
His friend put a calming hand on his shoulder. “Louie, take it down a notch. We just wanted to play a little game with him.”
Game? I thought. I like games. “Alright, I’ll play.”
They looked at each other with a knowing smile. “Follow us.”
I hopped off of the barstool and immediately regretted doing so. I tried to take a step, but the ground tilted to the left at an uncomfortable angle. The two guys caught me, saying, “God, this guy’s wasted!”
“Are we gonna play or what?” It was obvious to them that though my legs were limp as noodles, my mind was still much sharper than a spoon. The guys laughed. Louie turned to me and said, “I think you’re gonna love this game.”
Drunk as I was, I still detected something was wrong with the picture here. It’s probably nothing, I thought as we walked out of the bar. They‘re just messing with me. Later, I would only remember a huge smack in the back of my head and then, blackness.
I woke up in what seemed like seconds to the blinding pain of a hangover. The chair I was sitting in was a wooden straight-backed chair, no cushions. It was then that I noticed my hands and feet, bound tightly to the sharp arms and legs of the chair with bits of rawhide. But that discomfort flew to the back of my mind when I noticed my surround-ings.
I was in a sort of store room. The ceiling was held up by rotted wooden support beams, all at least hundred years old. Right in front of me stood the two guys, one of whom had apparently knocked me out. The same smug smile from earlier was on both of their fac-es. And between them, tied to one of the beams, was Serena.
I couldn’t believe my eyes. They had stripped her completely naked. Her hair, which was as red as mine, was her only form of cover. She was hanging her head in shame. Serena lifted her head to look at me. Her eyes were fearful, and there was a bruise on her forehead. She wasn’t just ashamed; she was scared enough for the both of us, confused too. My head didn’t hurt anymore; I felt like I could have killed someone. “You,” I turned to glare at Louie. “What did you do to her?”
He just laughed. “Oh! Felix, you aren’t wimping out are you?”
I yanked at my bindings, trying to get free so I could kill them and feel their blood drip freely over my hands. “You stay away from her, you sorry son of a--!”
His friend interrupted my rage. “Felix! Watch your language,” I could have cut that stupid smirk off of his face. “We have a lady in our presence. And we’re about to start playing our game.”
“No!” I pulled and pulled against the ropes until my ankles and wrists were bloody and burning. I heard the man say, “Louie, hold his face. I don’t want him to miss this.”
I tried to resist Louie, biting his hand as hard as I could. He yanked my hair back harshly, holding the chair steady with his knee as he forced my eyes wide open, forcing me to watch as his friend approached Serena with a glare of maddening glee in his eyes and listen to my sister scream.
“No! Please! No!”
I was there for…. What seemed like hours, or days even. I saw every sickening touch, every motion, every little thing that he did to her. And as each hour passed, as Serena’s screams grew weaker and hoarser, I began to grow blind. I didn’t think about my parents, or my past. I didn’t even think about how I would do it. I just thought about killing those men. I heard Serena’s scream grow more frantic for a moment, and then become silenced by a gunshot.

Phoenix grew silent, thoughtful as he contemplated the cuts he'd just revealed to me. I was familiar with how he was probably feeling; awkward, as bearing one's soul typically is. There was probably some infinitesimal amount of fear as well. The idea of telling someone else a horror story like that (because that is the only thing to call that sort of thing, a horror story) was very hard for anyone to stomach, especially when telling it for the first time. I felt for Phoenix, truly I did. I knew how horrific it was, to watch someone you loved die in anguish. Was it sick of me to be happy to hear his story? I felt like it was, but I didn't care.
I wasn't alone; I wasn't the only person on the planet who had seen both heaven and hell, sometimes one more than the other. I didn't speak; I just knelt beside Phoenix and hugged him, laying my head over on his shoulder. His black shirt was tighter than I thought. His shoulder was lean, and I could feel the taughtness of his muscles underneath. Phoenix was also a lot warmer than I remembered guys being. It took the utmost self control for me not to wrap my arms tight around him. And did Shore or Gil ever smell so GOOD? I didn't think so. What was so different about Phoenix? Why did I get like this around him? Why--?
Phoenix's voice stopped me mid-thought. "Blue," he said. "What are you doing?" I let go of him, realizing how awkward I must have made him feel. "Sorry! I just thought that..." You looked foxy sitting like that, I almost said. I couldn't think of another way to finish my thought except for, "That's what I would have wanted someone to do. Well, still wish someone would do."
He looked at me incredulously. "What makes you say that?"
I sighed. "Let's just say that I know exactly how you feel and leave it at that."
Phoenix scooted around to face me. He had on a face that told me of his high doubt. "Oh, you understand, do you?" His angry brogue had come back. "You understand what it's like? You have seen your sister being raped and murdered, have you?"
"Well I--!"
"No, you haven't! You have no idea what that's like!"
My face began to heat up. "You haven't the slightest--!"
I snapped. "Phoenix, for the love of God, SHUT UP!"
Phoenix looked like he was going to go on, but I didn't let him. "I discovered my uncle's body, did you know that? He had been mauled to death by a Nineveh. He went down fighting, though; I found his hand maybe five feet away, holding a cleaver covered in Nineveh blood. I had to finish the job for him. It was my first time to kill anything that wanted to kill me more. One year later, on my birthday, guess what I got? My mom was attacked by a Nineveh as well!"
I was smiling by now; almost laughing with the irony, no, utter idiocy of Phoenix's assumption. "I heard her scream. Found the thing standing over her like she was a suckling pig. Mama Bella's guts, her guts, were strewn everywhere. She asked me to sing to her while she died in my arms. In my effing arms, Phoenix! My arms!" My voice broke on the last sentence. I continued, my voice crack-ing every two words or so, "And then just this year, my best friends..." I wasn't laughing anymore. I was a mirthless smile that had died inside. "I saw them and about thirty-six others get blown up defending this sorry pile of dirt we call home. But thank God I didn’t have to watch them being raped!"
The entire upper half of my body was shaking now. I couldn't even fold my hands into fists long enough to punch him, no matter how much I wanted to. I grappled at my knees with my fingers as I pulled them up under my chin. My smile had melted, and then my eyes began to melt as well
Your eyes aren't melting, honey. Said my common sense, sounding a bit kind for once. You're crying.
Oh. That's what that felt like?
Afraid so.
I felt something strong and warm wrap around me. Phoenix was hugging me. Wait, he was actually hugging me? Whoa. I didn't know he could hug. I barely knew he could feel stuff, much less hug. Today just kept getting weirder and weirder. Not that I didn’t like him hugging me. When he let go, I asked him, “What was that for?”
Phoenix shrugged. “Just… returning the favor, I guess.” We sat in silence for a while after that. It was a bit less awkward than before, but it was awkward nonetheless. The wind began to blow, chilling my shoulder to goosebumps. It smelled of mown grass, wet and earthy as it blew against the weeds, slapping them together as if in celebration. Yay, they seemed to say. Now we can get on with the story.
By then the sky had become black as fresh tar. Millions and millions of stars glittered across it like false jewels. The moons had gotten even brighter, Ishtar especially so. Its light cast a dim blue glow over everything, illuminating enough that I wouldn’t fall into the Canyon, but no more than that. I lay back, not really caring how dirty my clothes got as I stared once more at the sky. “You know something?” said Phoenix a few seconds later. “I know your story, and you know mine, but none of us know a single thing about Marco.”
I hadn’t realized that. Other than random trivial facts, I knew almost nothing about the doctor…commanding officer…. Whatever he was. Maybe he was like us, trying to ignore the past even though it would always be there. It was then that I realized that that was the second worst thing about this planet. No matter how thoroughly the past had been eradicated, it would always be there, staring us in the face. This race, the human race, would always have the memory of how badly it screwed up. Even thousands of years in the future, when all of my generation would be dead and gone, that would still remain. “We should ask him someday,” I said, putting my hands under my head for a pillow. We sat in silence for a few moments before Phoenix asked, “So… are we good?”
I thought for a moment and smiled at him. “Yeah. We’re good.”
Another gust of wind blew our hair about, chilling my arms to goosebumps once more. I took one hand out from under my head and stretched it out to my side. The dirt and sand felt grainy under my palm, full of tiny rocks that scratched a little. The silence was not awkward in the least this time. A sense of almost understanding each other worked its way into the breeze, making it smell sweetly of rain and contentment.
Phoenix sighed. “It’s getting late,” he murmured. “We should head back to HQ.”
I sat up. “You’re probably right. They might be getting worried.”
Brushing the tiny rocks off of my arm, I stood up and stretched. Hard ground wasn’t the most comfortable recliner in the world. My brain seemed to do a flip-flop, throwing my vision and body off-balance. Little colored spots appeared in my vision. The ground started to tilt to one side, and I stumbled into something very warm. Phoenix had caught me.
“Okay,” he asked, “What was that?”
“Nothing,” I replied. “I’m just a bit dizzy, that’s all.” I turned to look up at him and smile to show that I was okay. It startled me a little how close his face was to mine. I felt the hair stand up on the back of my neck. My insides seemed to be doing flips over each other. They wouldn’t stay still. It was as if time slowed down to a halt for that one moment that I looked into his eyes. It was then that I saw them twirl.
I don’t mean that Phoenix’s eyes rolled back into his head. I mean that the little yellow-orange compass points actually twirled, as if someone had spun them on a spinner.
“Phoenix…” I didn’t realize that I’d spoken until Phoenix asked, “What?”
“Your eyes…”
He gave me a slightly puzzled look. “What about them?”
I realized how insane I sounded when I replied, “Your eyes, they just… they just spun!”
“Oh,” he said. “You had me worried for a second. The spinning thing is normal, actual-ly.”
“Yes,” I said sarcastically. “Sure, everybody can make their irises do somersaults on a whim. But seriously, though,” I backed off, not wanting to have another fight today. “That kinda scared the heck out of me.”
Phoenix sighed. “It’s another thing. My eyes are kind of… bionic.”
“Bionic?” I asked. “As in, they’re android eyes?”
“Well,” he sighed, smiling a bit again. “There is more to it than that… but yeah, that’s the gist of it.”
“They have those?”
“Among other things, yes.” There was a sort of neutrality to his tone. It was obviously his first time telling anyone he had robot eyes. It was also quite obvious that he didn’t really want to continue the conversation. I decided to change the subject. “So what col-or were they?” I asked, nonchalantly folding my hands behind my head. “You eyes, I mean.”
“They were bright green.”
Huh. Phoenix was born with green eyes. I guess we learn something new every day.
As we walked back, I was watching Phoenix. I was sure he didn’t see me, because he would have said something smarmy.
Later on, I was lying in my bed, unable to sleep. Questions chased each other like cats and mice in my head, each asking and being answered by another. Why did I get like this, this emotional rollercoaster, around him? What was it about him that brought out the worst in both of us, but made us comfortable at the same time? And why on earth did I have to be doing this now, when there was so much else more important going on?
I think you know why.
Logic, is that you? Or is it Libido again? Or maybe you brought your friend Id in, just for a bit of color?
When are you going to understand that we’re all here?
Well, half the time you all sound the same to me.
You really can be thick, you know that?
I ignored them… her… it. Logic was confusing. Libido was hyperactive. I didn’t think I wanted to meet my Id just yet. Or maybe I already had. I sighed, punching my pillow into a more comfortable shape.
Why couldn’t everything just work for once?