My Heart Is Yours

It had been six years since I’d seen her…

Six really long-ass years that I honestly couldn’t believe I’d lived through. The memories of her leaving still haunted me in my dreams. What was even worse was the fact that I no longer had Ronnie to mess around with and drown myself in drug use with.

I guess I should start from the beginning, huh? I’m probably confusing you…

Well, my name is Max Green. And I’ve been in love with my best friend forever since…well…a really long time ago. We were dating when I went and fucked everything up with my drug use a month or two after our high school graduation. My band, Escape the Fate, had a gig to play and Ronnie managed to coerce me into doing the drugs. And I agreed because I thought the Wednesday, my girlfriend and best friend, hated me. Or was pissed off at me for some reason. Why? She hadn’t talked to me for a few days and she’d been avoiding me completely. I mean, I lived next door to her and everything, but she didn’t leave her house for those days and wouldn’t respond to anything that I’d sent her.

What else was I supposed to think?

I was really fucking high. Something that I’d promised her at the start of our relationship almost a year before that I’d stop for her. Sure, I had gotten high a few times since dating her, but it was always a short little high. And only when I was really stressed out and needed it really bad. But that night? I was so fucking wasted, I was amazed that I could function enough to play the bass.

Wednesday was there the morning after. Waking me up an hour and fifteen minutes after I had begun to try sleeping my high off. She was standing in my room, worried as hell, arms wrapped around her stomach. She looked absolutely gorgeous, bathed in the moonlight that seeped through my bedroom window. I remember because she was pretty much my saving grace on not getting into drugs again. At least, that’s what I thought she was going to be.

Until she saw how fucked up I was. And how horribly I’d broken that promise. I hurt her bad, and she ended things with me. She got into college on the east coast somewhere. I’m not even sure where yet, but I just know it’s somewhere over there. It wasn’t even a week later that she was gone from my life again.

And after that, everything went downhill fast and hard. Hard to believe, right? Haha, not really.

A couple of years later, Escape the Fate got pretty big. All thanks to a contest held by My Chemical Romance. You have no idea how exciting it was to hear our name on the radio saying that we had won. So yeah. We did a few tour dates with them, got a large bit of a fan base, and then came back to Vegas. We were signed to Epitaph, did touring stuff, released our CD, yada yada yada.

I don’t think I need to go into details with those things. Ronnie and I were pretty much on drugs the entire time that we were doing all of this. Me mainly to get Wendy out of my head. I hated having to think about her all the time and drugs kept the thoughts of her away. I can’t say why Ronnie did the drugs, I’m not him. But he ended up fucking himself over not long after I’d cut myself off. I’d decided that these things weren’t going to help anything ever and were only making things for me worse. So. I quit, and my best friend got into some deep shit with paraphernalia and shit like that.

He was on probation, we couldn’t tour, let alone leave Vegas as an entire band, etc. So. Once Ronnie violated his probation, we all made the executive decision to kick him out. Neither Ronnie, or his girlfriend Skye, have talked to me since. Which is really quite depressing, but I try not to think about it so much…

Key word being ‘try.’

So. We’d lost Ronnie and, not long after, Omar. So we were down a singer and had only one guitarist left. But then Craig came back into our lives and saved us all. I swear, he saved me… Or at least played a part in my being saved…

So we had the band back together. And we’d gotten a second album out. That was where we were today. Touring around the country, once again, to promote ourselves. The difference about this tour? Once we were done with it, we were actually going overseas to play in Europe. And then all the way down to Australia.

I can’t express how excited I am about finally getting out of the country, not just to Canada or Mexico. Out of the continent, I guess I should say. With Ronnie as our headman, we never really got the chance to go out of the country because we’d always run into… complications, to say the least.

As for Wednesday, I hadn’t heard anything of her for the last six years. Nor had any of the other guys, for that matter. Which was disheartening in the largest of ways. I hated not being able to have any information on her. But that was how it had been for the last six years. And before the time that she was back, those nine years. I hated everything about not having her by my side to help me go through everything.

All I had while she was gone was those whores, the guys, and drugs. Drugs not so much anymore. But the girls were still a major factor in my therapy when I could get them. Which wasn’t that hard now that I was pretty much famous.

God…I was such a horrid person. I seriously could not believe myself…

I’d fucked over my chances with the only girl that I’d ever really loved because I couldn’t say no to drugs long enough for her to tell me whatever it was that she had been avoiding me for a few days for. I’d resorted to using women to get myself over the fact that I couldn’t get over Wednesday. Yeah. I was definitely one of the worst men on the face of the planet…

I suppose you’re wondering what’s going on now. Well, like I said, we’re on tour. And currently, our bus is stopped at a shitty gas station in the middle of nowhere Florida. Hard to believe there was more than old people and marshes that wanted us to play shows in this damn state.

I was laying in my bunk, staring up at the ceiling and wondering if I should work up the effort and will to roll out of bed and go get something from that gas station. Bryan’s head poked through the curtain that separated me from everyone else and I almost jumped. “Dude, do you want anything?” he asked.

I probably should go and get more smokes… I was running low and the next time I was probably going to be able to get more wasn’t until after the show that we played tomorrow night. I sighed and nodded, pulling open the curtain and hopping out of bed for once. “I’ll just come in. I’m sure I’ll find something in there…” Bryan offered me a grin before he turned and made his way out of the bus. I sighed, running a hand through my hair roughly before I began doing the same.

“Wow. Bryan, you succeeded in waking the dead!” Craig exclaimed as my feet landed on the pavement below me. I sent a playful glare at Craig before smirking and nodding, brushing my hair out of my face.

“Damn straight I did! It’s not like anyone else was going to do it if I didn’t,” the guitarist said, grinning before he shut his mouth again. He probably wouldn’t say much for the rest of the time that passed between now and our next show.

Running my hands through my hair, I shook my head and headed towards the door of the gas station building. Once inside, I browsed the shelves that were stocked with various food substances before pulling out a bag of Sour Patch Kids and making my way over to the counter. I got a couple more packages of cigarettes before paying the kid behind the counter and making my way back out to the bus. Now to get back to moping around and trying my hardest not think about Wendy.