Princess

“Do you mind telling me what that little display was for?”

I barely glanced at Calloway, too distracted to formulate an answer that would please her. “It wasn’t a display. I truly hadn’t known that Dylan Fuller knew who I was really was.”

“And you had to bawl your eyes out in order to let Sean Fuller know how upset you really are?” inquired Calloway, her tone cool and distanced.

This time, she had my total attention. I stared at her unblinkingly, wondering what had happened to her before she became Head of the Agency. Had she always been able to control her reactions, her anger, like this? Or did that skill had to be nurtured just because of her profession? “What are you trying to say?”

“You made another foolish mistake, Kristen, not only by showing Sean Fuller exactly how much you had trusted or even liked his stupid son but also by even showing anything at all. Though I’d been angry when I first heard that the Fuller son knew your identity, I was certain that you would never have disclosed anything potentially useful to him...especially since the Fullers had never even suspected that we had information about them. Our dear Sean had actually been rather cordial until he realised how much we had gathered about him.” Then Calloway frowned, her fingernails tapping against the table, punctuating her sentence. “But when I saw your obvious anger and shock when you discovered that his son knew who you were and had even been completely prepared to use you the same way you were treating him, I must say that you are a lot weaker than I had imagined. I would’ve thought your strength of character or even your pride would’ve prevented you from giving Sean Fuller the satisfaction of knowing that you were affected by him.'

“The mistake that you have made today is even graver than messing up the mission before because this mistake is a rudimentary one—you should never have gotten so emotionally involved, Kristen.”

“Is that the rule you apply to your life?” It was strange how satisfying and good it felt to say all this aloud to Calloway. Even odder was the flicker of shock in her eyes before she quickly masked them with professional disinterest. “To pretend that you don’t care about anything and hide behind pretty words designed to cut other people down? I don’t understand what’s wrong with opening yourself up-”

“I never said that there was anything wrong with that, only that I would have thought that if there was anyone you felt like you could’ve trusted with your secrets, it should have been me.”

“Is that what it is now? You expect me to confide in a woman who’s too busy with her work, too involved in arresting all the criminals of this world to realise that when she grows old, she’ll still be rotting in this hellhole?”

If it was a movie, Calloway would’ve immediately exploded with anger, showing me for the first time that she was a human being with actual emotions but this was not a movie and so, her face remained passive. “Keep your emotions in check, Kristen Hart, you do not want to mess with me or this Agency, especially not when you’re still part of us.”

I was still part of them? What was she saying? I sat down on the chair in front of her table. “But I thought...our contract...?”

“Don’t you remember what I said?” An innocent smile played on her lips. “I said that I’d let you go because you finished the Mafia up for us. But, as it turns out, you haven’t because Sean Fuller knows who you were and whatever information we have, as a result of your actions, are quite unreliable now. So I suppose that you’d still have to stay with us, while other agents carry on with your mission, since it would be...ah...dangerous for you to be alone, when the Mafia are out for your blood.”

I froze, feeling numb. “You tricked me.”

She shook her head and replied, quietly, “I never trick people, Kristen. You know me very well; you should understand that I always take precautions.”

It seemed like no matter what decision I made, I would always end up on the losing end and would always end up being tricked. I knew that it wasn’t because I was stupid or innocent. Normal people didn’t have to worry, like I did, every single time when someone did something nice for me but I had to because my world was filled with people with cunningly disguised words.

But even then, I couldn’t discern the truth from the lies; the good from the bad. So why was Calloway so insistent on keeping me here? “I know that you said that I was one of your best agents but it’s clear that I’m anything but. So why am I still here?”

“You still have your uses.”

Everything seemed so far away and fuzzy, but I sudden sinking feeling of dread in my stomach.

Calloway smiled slowly, chillingly and added, “I forgot to mention—we found Jeanne Ingrid and she wants to speak to you.”
***
I had not expected this. How could Jeanne Ingrid be Jenna Fuller?

Yet, what had I really expected? In a way, it made an awful lot of sense. It ran in the Fuller genes to backstab people who really trusted them.

She smiled nervously at me, with her hands clasped together. “Hi.”

“Um...hey.” I sat on the chair opposite her and stared more at the table than at her. There had been many things which I had thought of asking her over the years but now that I was in front of her, I couldn’t even recall a single one. Instead, I had other concerns. “Did you know that your brother...?” I swallowed hard and tried again, hoping that this time it wouldn’t hurt to say it aloud. “Did you know that I was in charge as well?”

Her knuckles turned white from the way she was gripping her hands and her nervous smile faded. “My father told you.”

I nodded once.

“Did he also tell you what he said to Dylan in order to get Dylan to do what he wanted? Did he tell you that he played the guilt card and told Dylan that if you found out enough about the Mafia, that he would have a life sentence?”

My vision swam with the sudden tears that gathered in my eyes. I thought I was done crying but it turned out that I wasn’t, especially not when it came to Dylan.

“If you can remember that first day when you came by my house and the hostility I had for you, I think you’d know that I’m not the best person to be speaking on behalf of Dylan but I know my brother well enough to know that it probably hadn’t been easy for him to do that to you. I’m sorry for what both of you have had to go through.”

With that last sentence, she reminded that I had done the exact same thing to Dylan but I was acting like I was the only one that had been hurt. It was hypocritical and I had no right to behave in this manner. With that in mind, I blinked hard so that my vision cleared. I let my tone harden and reminded myself that I had to get through this conversation and get what I needed. “I suppose you’re sorry for what I had to go through when I found out that my partner had been a double agent, as well?”

“It wasn’t easy for me either. I had been younger and I had been played by my father just like my brother was. I did care about you, Kristen but there wasn’t anything I could do to make up for it. I doubt that even if I tried, you would forgive me.”

“You could’ve still said something. You left me alone, with Calloway but without an explanation.”

To my surprise, she rolled her eyes. The action reminded me of the summers we had spent together at the training school and all those giggly, dumb conversations we had when we were younger. “Stop hosting your own pity party, Kristen. You know my father and even though I’d felt bad about it, there was nothing I could’ve done after I left. You need to let it go.”

“Letting it go is a lot easier said than done.” I didn’t like how my tone had softened into a whisper. But I gave on pretending that I was fine, because I wasn’t. I had never been fine by myself. “And I’m not holding a self-pity party. You have no idea what I’ve gone through these few years.”

“Neither do you.” Jenna placed a hand on top of mine and smiled sadly. “But you do need to let it go. I don’t know why you sold Dylan out like that when you knew that he had feelings for you-”

Again, I felt wetness on my cheeks and realised that I was crying. But I still said, fiercely, “Don’t tell me things that you don’t know. Even if it’s true that it was because of your father that Dylan...used me like that, you don’t know if he really liked me. I don’t know which part of our relationship was real. Hell, I don’t even know who Dylan Fuller is.”

She looked as though she was going to interrupt but I continued, “What I did was for the benefit of the masses out there, okay? Your father is a criminal, a mob boss and you expect me to just sit back and let him continue because I was in love with his son?”

I slapped my hand over my mouth, realising what I had said aloud. How could I? How could I still think that I loved Dylan when I really hadn’t known anything about him? Why did it have to hurt so much that crying once for him wasn’t enough?

“No, I didn’t expect that.” Jenna’s eyes were downcast and she removed her hand from on top of mine. “And I didn’t realise that you would fall in love Dylan, or I would’ve stopped him from the very beginning.”

“It’s a little bit too late for that, isn’t it?” I laughed bitterly, tears coursing my cheeks. I rubbed at them furiously.

“But I suppose that in a way, you needed Dylan.”

My jaw dropped. “How can you say that? How can you say that I needed a boy to break my heart when you’d already done it before?”

“That’s not what I meant. I might’ve started this whole thing but I really did enjoy our time together. You were the first friend I ever had and you’d been the only person I’ve ever considered to be enough for me to disobey my father. But in the end, I’d made the wrong choice and made you so miserable and guarded. You needed my brother to help with that. You opened up to him.”

“Yeah, I did. So what? I got tricked again.”

“No, Kristen, you weren’t.”

I gazed at her and thought about it. Then I realised that there was no point speaking to Jenna Fuller. I had what I wanted—an apology from her, the fact that she had treated me as a friend but had her own family obligations to think of. I couldn’t blame her for what she did, even though it was easier to do so. But I didn’t need to hear her speak on her brother’s behalf and explain to me what all his lies meant.

She would always try to convince me that Dylan hadn’t meant to hurt me and had struggled with his decision, the same way she had. But I wasn’t persuaded. If he hadn’t meant it, it would’ve been him sitting here and explaining to me, not his sister.

“I’ve heard enough, Jenna.” I stood up. “I’m glad that you’re cooperating with the Agency’s investigations even though it’s hard for you. And I thank you for having been my friend.”

She frowned at me, her eyes a mix of confusion and disappointment. “Don’t just brush me off like that. You have to understand that Dylan-”

“I don’t care what Dylan meant anymore. His actions speak for themselves.” I spun around and turned the door knob and left.
****