Was I The Only One?

“Yes!” I heard Emma shout gleefully from behind the curtain where she was getting fitted.

“What?” Brenda shouted from behind her curtain.

“It has to get taken in! Woo!” She cheered.

I giggled and shook my head. I’d been nipped and tucked and was in love with my dress, full stop. We all wore identical royal blue dresses, they were made of a flowing material to create a lovely silhouette for when we dance and twirl. The maids of honour had strapless dresses while the bridesmaids all had a deep v neck cut with thick straps that crossed at the back.

I was having a lovely time with the girls and this day was beginning to bring a smile to my face. But I couldn’t help to think about last night. I’d discovered that my love for Joe was definitely strong still, I needed it to fade away, a part of me didn’t want it to but it didn’t seem to be going anywhere and it was extremely frustrating. Whenever I saw him I still got the feeling of love everywhere, he still made my heart pound and my knees go weak and I hated it, I hated that he still had that power over me.

“So, Hulijarr,” I rolled my eyes at Emma’s ‘backward’ name for me that didn’t work in any way shape or form. “What were you and Joe talking about in the kitchen in the early hours of this morning?”

“Nothing.” I replied, “He made me tea then shouted at me for the whole James thing then got my mom to shout at me some more. Anyways, I don’t want to talk about him.”

Emma chuckled, she pulled the curtain back and revealed herself wearing her long blue bridesmaids dress. “Verdict Danielle…”

Danielle grinned and clapped her hands, “Perfection, now, get out of it.” She demanded waving her hand like a Queen.

Emma curtseyed and twirled back into the dressing room, she almost face planted herself into the wall but managed to block it with her hands in time, we all got a chuckle out of that one whereas she fake frowned offense and tugged the curtain shut roughly.

“All this wedding talk makes me want to get married.” Emma shouted even though we could all hear her if she spoke normally. “Though, my wedding wouldn’t take this long to sort out, I’ve had mine planned since I turned 10.”

Danielle laughed, “Have you sorted this out with the groom then?”

“No, don’t need to, he has no choice.” Emma stated sharply.

The conversation flowed like any conversation between a bunch of girls would, we talked about boys but not Joe, and we talked about shopping and food too. Once everyone was fitted and the shoes everyone would wear were picked we were all driven back to the Jonas home where everyone basically headed home. But I couldn’t, I had to face my mother.

I was afraid that she’d shout, I wasn’t even afraid she’d be disappointed in me because I’m an adult; she doesn’t have control over me anymore. Sure, I made a dumb mistake but it wasn’t one that I had much control over once he’d started to drive; I couldn’t exactly dive out of the car now could I?

I was right, she did shout, quite loudly actually. But she also recognised that I was in control of my actions and that she couldn’t and wouldn’t punish me anymore. It was a relief to know that she understood that things had changed since I was fifteen; everything was up to me now. I wasn’t scared that I had to depend on myself anymore, but I was excited and ready to do something for me instead of thinking about what everyone else would feel about it. I wanted to sky dive and swim with sharks, I wanted to do dangerous yet thrilling things in my life and not just let it all fly by.

…………..

For the next few weeks I tried to stay incognito. I spent some time here and there with Emma and Danielle but I avoided Jonas boys like they were the plague. I pushed any chance of my being near them away with a ten foot barge pole and hid until it blew over. But there was always going to be the one thing that would bring all of us together.

Kevin and Danielle’s wedding was a mere two days away, I had the morning to pack then I would be flying out to Long Island to stay in the castle where they would be wed. I was excited but nervous also. I didn’t know if everything had been changed to fit the break up. As far as I knew it hadn’t which meant I was down as Joe’s partner for the dance; it had been arranged that after Kevin and Danielle had done half of their first dance the main party would pair up and join the dance. It was an amazing idea when I was with Joe now I wanted them to have a nice 3 minute long solo dance. I didn’t want to ask if it had been changed because if it hadn’t it would cause a commotion trying to rearrange everything again.

I went peacefully with my mother to the airport where we met up with the Jonas family, minus Danielle and Kevin as well as Joe to my pleasant surprise. We walked through the airport ignoring paparazzi and headed to their private plane.

It was nice to sleep for a long time; I was only awake for a maximum of twenty minutes on the plane and that was because Emma wouldn’t stop talking once we sat down. She actually talked me to sleep, I think I offended her a little bit by dozing off but she had Nick to entertain her. Emma and Nick were sickeningly cute, even if she was mid sentence he would randomly just say to her ‘I love you’ or he’d kiss her nose or neck. It made me quite sad but happy at the same time; it made me want someone to cuddle but it made me smile to see them both so deeply in love with each other. I was jealous of their relationship, I’d never seen them argue.

Later on in the day, once we had all found our rooms (I was sharing with Emma) I decided to go for a walk around the ground. Emma saw me in the corridor and decided to tag along. We walked together in silence until we got outside in the chilly December air and to the gardens where the darkness was just settling in. All the flowers were bright and bold, everything was trimmed to perfection. The air had that crisp icy smell and feel to it; it was the perfect setting for Kevin and Danielle’s wedding.

“So, how’s the relationship going?” I asked Emma, my voice seemed to intrude on peacefulness of everything here. It was almost foreign

Emma sighed happily, “Perfect.”

I chuckled, “No relationship is perfect.”

“Nope.” She shook her head, “Mine is.”

“How so?” I challenged folding my arms over my cold body.

She shrugged, “I don’t know. Whenever we’re together I feel safe. I trust him with my life because I know it’s the one thing he values most. I’ve never been with someone who just adores me so much that when he’s asleep and he rolls over that he whispers in his moment of being conscious that he loves me. I’ve just never had this or seen this type of love in my life; I just, love him I guess.”

My heart broke with every word but it brought a smile to my face; she had everything that I wanted and everything that I had had with Joe. “I’m really happy for you.”

“I know you are.” She said surely. We settled into another silence. “You know, I talked to Joe yesterday about you.”

“Mmm.” I mumbled staring up at the crescent moon.

“He was at his desk writing something and I asked him what he was doing, he said ‘writing my 35th letter to Julia.’” My eyes widened, “You never mentioned letters to me.”

I sighed, “Because I haven’t opened them, I just add them to a bundle. I’m going to give them back to him.”

“Aren’t you curious at what he has to say to you?” She asked in amazement.

I shook my head, “No.” I answered blankly. “It’s hard enough trying to fall out of love with him without reading how much he loves me.”

Emma gently touched my arm to stop me from walking any further. I turned to look at her face, she had a small confident smile on her lips. “Julia, you’ll never fall out of love with him.”

I frowned, “I can try at least.”