Was I The Only One?

We’d done the rehearsal speedily, everyone was basically talked over everything that would happen and where they needed to be and when. It was all pretty simple and I’d managed to avoid even seeing Joe during it. The bridesmaids and maids of honour came in and did their bit then left. We got a tour of where the pictures would be taken then to where the reception would be. It was all very beautiful even though not everything was in place yet; case of point there was no flowers and there was going to be a lot of flowers.

Everyone had gone to their respective rooms. They were all very classically styled, with dark mahogany furniture and old hardwood flooring. The walls had landscape paintings enclosed in golden frames over the plain cream coloured walls. Each bed in the room was double sized and four-poster with insane amounts of pillows on them. Emma seemed to like her bed so much that as soon as her head hit the pillow she fell asleep leaving me wide awake.

I was beginning to think that sleeping for hours on the plane was a bad idea, though it helped pass the time I was now wide awake. I looked around the room and spotted the bundle of letters from Joe poking out of my suitcase. I walked over and picked them up, debating whether to read them. I chose not to and put them in my jacket pocket.

I decided to go for a stroll through the castle. I was so mesmerized by all the small details in the castle, such as the occasional shields carved into the skirting boards and the way that the stone bear walls were all uneven, that I didn’t take notice as to which corridors I turned down. So, consequently I managed to get myself lost in a massive castle that I’d never walked around before in day light. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I’d gotten lost in daylight because people are always walking around the castle cleaning and running errands and such forth but at night when everyone is asleep is possibly the worst time to get lost in a castle.

After much wandering I found a clear glass balcony door that was open, it led outside which from there I could make my way back inside from a point I knew. The balcony was all stone and had a set of curving stairs either side. When I was looking out over the castle ground I spotted someone walking around the edge of the circular pond at the end of the gardens. I could tell even from this distance that it was Joe.

My curiosity led me down the steps in the freezing cold night and down the long path in the middle of the gardens towards him. He heard my shoes crunching against the pebbles and turned to see who it was, I couldn’t make out his facial reactions as I walked towards him with my hands tucked inside my jacket pockets and my pyjama bottoms slightly grazing against each other as I walked. I didn’t realise until I put my hands in my pockets that the letters were there still, it caused me to panic a bit. I pushed my hair back out of my face and tucked some behind my ear in an attempt to look casual.

Joe jumped down from the edge of the pond he had been walking around and stood watching me come closer to him. Once I reached him I simply sat down on the edge, he followed my action and gazed out at the beautiful castle in front of us.

“So, what are you doing out here?” He asked casually.

I blushed, “I got lost, saw the balcony doors and figured if I came in through the first floor I’d be able to make my way back.”

Joe let out a little chuckle at that one, “That sounds right.” He stated with a smile, I wasn’t looking at the castle anymore but him.

“What about you?” I mumbled, “Why are you pacing the grounds?”

“Couldn’t sleep.” He replied smoothly, he wriggled his mouth around and sniffed upwards; his nose running in the cold. I watched him as his eyes dragged over me, but before they got to my face he stopped and looked at my bulging pocket. With hurt in his eyes he pulled the letters out of my pocket, I just looked at him blankly; I didn’t really know what to feel. “Are these…”

“Yep.” I nodded jerking my head down to look at my hands.

“But,” he paused and cleared his throat, “you haven’t even opened them.”

I bit my bottom lip and looked up at him, “Yeah, I haven’t and I’ll tell you why.” I sighed, “It’s hard enough to forget about how amazing you are and how special you made me feel without reading about it.”

“Made you feel…” He repeated, obviously hoping I would elaborate.

I groaned, “Yes, made me feel. Before you cheated on me and made me feel like crap, like I wasn’t even worth it. Before you let someone take me away from you in the club.” I rattled off the list, my voice cracking with emotion now and again. “You used to be everything, my whole life revolved around you and now it’s like I’m lost. I need to find myself and if I read those letters I’d… I don’t know.”

He was crying silently now, where as I was choking on sobs and drowning in my tears; he could even cry more beautifully than me. I couldn’t handle it anymore, I was falling apart and it was the last thing I wanted to do in front of him. I stood up and began to walk back towards the castle. Though, I wasn’t that lucky to just walk away from the horrific conversation; it followed me… or more precisely he followed me.

“So that’s it?” His voice was at all different pitches as he yelled from behind me, his voice getting closer with every letter that came out of his mouth. “You just dump all that on me then walk away?”

“Yeah, pretty much.” I continued to march forward.

I squeaked in surprise when he gripped onto my arm and spun me around to face him. “I love you more than anyone I know. I’m only twenty years old, I was stupid to cheat on you and it’s the biggest regret I have because by doing it I pushed away the one thing that held me together.”

My heart pounded as if I’d just ran a marathon as I looked at him, soaking in all the words he’d melodically put together. They plucked at my heart strings and brought emotional tears to the brim of my eyes which then snaked down my cheeks. I tried to think of something to say about to him as we both looked at each other with burning anger and love, it was hard, my thoughts were clouded and I couldn’t form a sentence in my mind. We stayed like that until we had both relaxed and calmed down the sudden anger we had managed to conjure up.

“Let me walk you to your room?” Joe pleaded stepping back to create more of a space between us. The space gave me my own area to think straight. In reply to his question I nodded slowly, he smiled back and we both began walking towards the château.

It was quite easy to walk along side him but I was trying to make myself look graceful and attractive, eventually after almost tripping over my own feet I gave up and just plodded along side of him. I kept my arms folded over my chest and eyes forward and followed my misty memory of the corridors to finally get to my room. I stopped outside of it and went to turn the brass knob and walk inside, Joe’s hand on my forearm stopped me.

I withdrew my hand from the cold brass then turned to face him, he held out the letters in front of me.

“Inside of each of these letters are hand written lyrics to songs that we’ve listened to together since we were little kids, from songs on barney that we danced to when we were little to I’m Yours that we listened to for three weeks straight on the set of JONAS.” He explained slowly. “I didn’t know what to say but the songs say everything that’s on my heart; you.”

I almost died from the blow of romance that hit me, Joe suddenly seemed ten times as cute and I wanted to be with him ten times more. I was smart not to read those letters because just hearing what was inside of them almost transformed Joe into a twinkly eyed, wide smiling thing that could turn anyone into a puddle of mush with just one glance.

I cleared my throat and let out a long breath, I looked up and made sure he was looking into my eyes. I didn’t want him to think that I was lying.

“I’ve known you all of my life and I love you, I really do.” I admitted placing my hand on his chest. “But I can’t do this anymore.” I whispered to him, I ran my tongue over my dry lips. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He nodded but made no effort to move. I couldn’t resist it any longer, I slid my hand from his chest around to his back and moved forward to press myself against him in a tight hug. I laid my head in the crook of his neck and sighed happily, this was where I wanted to be but not where was best for me. We both savoured the moment before, at the same time, we separated ourselves.

“Goodnight god bless.” Joe said making a wide grin come to my face. My dad used to say that to us every time he’d shut the door and turn the light off once we’d been put the bed.

I let out a happy chuckle, “Goodnight god bless.” I repeated back to him quietly then went into my room quietly.

……………

The next morning everything was chaos, everyone was rushing around checking every little detail, all the bridesmaids were getting their hair and make up done at the same time meaning that the dresses were all getting mixed up and still Danielle was tweaking everyone’s hair to how she wanted it to be. We all made sure that Danielle got away and got herself ready instead of making sure everyone else was fine.

Emma and I were the first to be done and dressed in our beautiful royal blue dresses. We had to sit and resist the urge to go on twitter or on our phones and resist eating or drinking anything so to avoid major disasters in the form of spillages or stains; which was a high chance if Emma or I ate or drank anything in our dresses. I was really hungry too. I watched Brenda dance around with the flower girl Charlotte, their dresses swishing as they twisted from side to side swinging their arms flamboyantly.

I stood up and wandered around the large room. Each individual bouquet of white roses all intertwined were lined up on a long mahogany table with the names of each bridesmaid on a small card taped to the table, the maids of honour had more green leaves in theirs to create a small difference but not so big of a difference; they all still connected. The shoes were on a small shelf underneath the table, each pair was tailored to the bridesmaid’s height to make us all of somewhat equal height; for example mine only had a small heel so that I wouldn’t be taller than Joe for the dance and Emma’s had a higher heel so that she would match Nick’s height (for once) for the dance. Everything was thought of and taken care of.

“Right girls! Time to get your shoes on; we’re heading downstairs in fifteen. Once you have your flowers and shoes please head to see the girl who did your hair and make up for touch ups! Thunder-bridesmaids are go people!” shouted Perry one of the wedding planner’s assistants.

I chuckled and walked back down the length of the table to where my items were at.