Was I The Only One?

He was leaning in for a kiss, I could tell. My whole face stiffened as I watched him, just as his lips were about to touch mine I sharply turned my head to the side so his lips landed on my cheek. I could feel my heart pounding against my chest and the tears pricking at my eyes, I glanced up at him; I’d completely crushed him. His eyes were shut tightly. His teeth were clenched on his bottom lip. Slowly he stood up straight just as the song drew to a close.

I mouthed ‘I’m sorry’ to him as he robotically clapped for Kevin and Danielle which prompted me to. As soon as he’d clapped for an appropriate time he left me on the dance floor and disappeared into the crowds. I followed his lead so to not look like a loner stood on the dance floor alone, no one really looked at me as I pushed through as they were all talking excitedly about the dance and looked at each others pictures. I tried to find where he had gone but I failed, it was as if he had just vanished from the wedding or had hidden himself very well.

Hanna came up to me once she saw me stood alone amongst the tables and chairs while everyone was dancing, “Come on, have a dance.”

She clasped her hand around my wrist and pulled me back to the dance floor, I danced with her and some of the Jonas cousins plus one of their Aunts too. I tried to stay focused on having fun but I was always looking for Joe. I did see him but I was forced to dance to at least 5 songs before I got the chance to escape and even then I desperately needed to go to the bathroom.

After messing around with my dress I managed to relieve myself, wash my hands and touch my up make up. I took my own sweet time in doing so as I wasn’t really in the partying mood anymore. More the ‘I want to chill in my pyjamas and watch James Bond kick ass’ mood.

I snuck out of the ladies room and quickly sped across to the kitchen that was in the corner out of the way of everyone and everything. My taste buds were itching for some more wedding cake and I hoped I could get some in there. A few people watched me curiously as I scurried across the room in an attempt to remain inconspicuous. I pushed the door into the kitchen and looked around, all the waiters and waitresses were just hanging around drinking tea with the chefs.

“Let me guess, you’re here for cake?” One of the waitresses giggled.

I blushed and nodded, “How’d you know?”

“The other bridesmaid who was sat at your table came in too, she ate about three slices. Emma is it?”

I burst out laughing, “Yes, is there any going spare?”

She shook her head, “I’m afraid Emma ate the last that we were allowed to give away, sorry.”

“Oh,” I frowned, “that’s alright, thanks for everything. You all did brilliantly today!”

I got a round of ‘thank you’ from them then made my way back outside, I pulled the door handle just to walk smack bang into someone else trying to enter the kitchen.

It was Nick. “Oh, sorry!” He exclaimed, “I wanted some more—”

I cut him off, “Cake? Sorry, your girlfriend ate it all.” I told him sticking my bottom lip out.

Suddenly, ‘Single Ladies’ erupted through the speakers. My breath hitched in my throat; I knew exactly where he’d be, he’d be on the dance floor.

I didn’t bother going to watch him do the dance. He didn’t need me putting a downer on his joy. So, I spent the night keeping my distance from him and hiding the best I could whenever he came near. It was hard. I wanted to talk to him about our moment but I couldn’t, I wouldn’t, it wasn’t fair to him to have me continually there. Not when I was determined to not be with him, he’d made it clear that he wanted to give us another try. I wasn’t going to shut him down again; I didn’t like hurting him.

………….

After the wedding, we were snowed in but I made it my business not to go out. I stayed in the hotel all the time watching movies and YouTube incessantly; yes it was torture but at least I wasn’t hurting him, right?

2009 was the first time I had experienced Christmas and New Years Eve without the Jonas family. I went to Taylor’s for my Christmas meal so that my mom could go and see everyone else, she brought back presents they had gotten me; each of them had. Emma came over on the night of Christmas day for a few hours to see me too. New Years Eve I spent at Taylor’s too, she had thrown a huge party and had kindly invited me. Emma went over to the Jonas home to be with Nick along with my mom.

It was the hardest thing I’d done, those times were the times I held dearest to my heart and the times that I had the best memories. I spent the time I was alone crying and the time I was with others trying not to cry. It felt like a part of me had died and reminded me strongly of when my dad had died, everyone asking if I was okay and me lying to them.

It was now New Years day and Emma had promised to spend it with me. We’d obviously chosen to go shopping at the Beverly Center, so met up with her at Starbucks. When I walked in she was already sat with a hot chocolate that had a tower of whipped cream on it and a strawberry frappachino in front of the seat opposite her.

I waved excitedly as I spotted her and she waved back, I made my way to her and gave her a hug then sat down. “Hi!”

“Nice of you to arrive, people were starting to think that frap was for my imaginary friend.” Emma scolded jokingly.

“Well, sorry I nearly revealed your deepest secrets.”

She faked a gasp with a cheeky smile. “So, how were your holidays?”

I shrugged, “Urm, shit?”

“Ah,” she laughed, “everyone missed you though, especially lover boy.”

“Thanks for making me feel even worse.” I sighed, “I’m trying to help him by avoiding him.”

“Oh, after your love tango at the wedding?” I glared at her, “Sorry, well, you can’t avoid him for much longer.”

I cleared my throat cockily, “Why’s that then?”

“Because, tomorrow is my beautiful boyfriend’s first show,” She said with complete smugness. “And that is another check on my argument successes.”

I grabbed my frappachino and stood up, “Come on, let’s spend so much money I forget I have to be there tomorrow night.”

Emma laughed and followed suit. We strolled around the shopping mall doing exactly that, I bought lots of new things but nothing completely useless… apart from that iPod cover, I didn’t really need that but it was cute. I got some clothes that I’d wear often and shoes that were nice and practical, Emma courteously reminded me that I was turning into my mother so I immediately picked up three pairs of high stilettos and bought them.

“So, you’re still coming tomorrow right?” Emma questioned as we walked back to our car, paparazzi snapping cameras from the distance.

“I don’t know, probably, I don’t want to miss it.” I replied. I pulled my keys from my satchel as I approached my car, “I’ll text you about it all tomorrow?”

“Yeah! Make sure you do!” She shouted as she jogged to her car.

I waved to her then climbed into my car. I slung my bag into the passenger’s seat after pulling my blackberry from it, I dropped it between my legs as I pushed the button for the roof to go down and turned the radio on. ‘I’m in Miami trick’ came through my speakers and I grinned and began making the noises along to the song.

I pulled my Ray Bans from the car door and put them on to block the L.A sun, in my rear view mirror I spotted Emma pulling to a halt behind me. I turned around in my seat and kneeled on it with a grin, she stood up on the seat of her red Volkswagen beetle convertible that she had donned ‘Ladybird’.

She piped her horn at me and I got to my feet on my chair, she was obviously listening to the same song as me. Simultaneously we shouted, “I’M IN LOS ANGELES BITCH!”

Emma jumped down to her seat and drove off honking her horn loudly, I laughed at her and sat back down too. Before I set off to drive I picked my blackberry up and went through my texts and replied to them. Then I saw something that I was not expecting.

New text message: James