Was I The Only One?

“Julia Bell, get the hell out of bed!”

The loud voice of Nick Jonas woke me up after my three day bedroom hibernation, I intended on keeping it going for the rest of my life but of course as soon as they came back to LA it was no longer an option. I cringed as he whipped the sheets away from my body and the cold pricked at my skin, I sat upright and rubbed my eyes that were filled with junk.

“Wow, you look like crap.” Nick sat down next to me and began wiping under my eyes with his thumb. “You need to see some sunlight, let me take you shopping?”

I groaned and leaned my head into my lap, “Nick, I really don’t want to.” I mumbled.

“Well, tough luck, you’re getting out of this house.” He stood up, grabbed my arms and dragged me to my feet reluctantly.

He pushed me towards my bathroom then disappeared outside of my bedroom. I stood, slumped forward and looked around my bathroom. There was no way Nick was going to let me get out of this so I decided to suck it up, slide out of my pyjamas and shower.

As the water rushed down my body like a fast flowing river I made sure to scrub myself as clean as I could, my skin was quite rough but mainly it was dry so when I lathered on some body wash it drank it up like a dog after a 4 mile run. I did have to admit though, I did feel better now that I was going to do something other than mope about the house and I wouldn’t rather do it with anyone other than Nick.

I’d always been the organised type, the one who likes her own company but loves to be with other people; so my being in my coma I haven’t been able to feel happy and secure. My gratitude to Nick was beginning to grow, the Jonas aurora was a comfort to me, kind of like a teddy to a young child. Once I had my comfort, I was almost fine, I could function a bit better.

I put on some baggy jeans and a white vest, then just because I saw them I hung some black beads around my neck then slipped my feet into some gladiator sandals. I quickly blow dried my limp hair and tied it all back into a messy bun of wavy strands of semi dry clumps of hair. I looked pretty tired, my eyes were half closed and there were obvious dark circles under my eyes that were even more potent thanks to my lack of make up. But I just couldn’t be bothered to put any one, plus I knew Nick was waiting for me so I didn’t want him standing with my mother as they both complained about Joe and I.

When I finally slammed the door to my bedroom shut, I slowly went downstairs to where Nick was stood at my front door; with my mother. They both shot me a smile, I returned a slight up turn of my lips to them then headed outside.

The light hurt my eyes, I had to spend my walk to Nick’s Mustang rubbing them and sucking in large breaths of clean, fresh air. When I was inside Nick’s car, it even smelled like Joe, I peered into the backseat to see one of Joe’s hoodies thrown on the floor behind Nick’s seat.

I sucked in a breath and slowly let it out.

After a while of Nick just driving, me with my feet up gazing out the window, he finally spoke. “How hard is it?”

I sighed and slowly turned my aching neck to look at him, “Hard.” I replied simply, running my tongue over my dry lips.

I could see Nick’s lips twitching, he was dying to defend Joe, or mention him. I could almost see the word Joe written across his lips. He copied my action and ran his tongue over his lips too, but the corner of his lips continued to twitch a bit. “Emma misses you.”

Nice save. “Yeah, well, I miss me too.” I admitted, my voice cracking a bit. I cleared my throat and cracked my knuckles.

After another few moments of silence, Nick spoke again. “Did you forget you had a cat? Muffins is at our house, him and Elvis are best friends.” I didn’t smile, I loved Muffins but Joe bought him for me, he was just another reminder. “We can pick him up after we’ve gone shopping.”

I nodded my head ever so slightly, “Sure.”

When we arrived at the mall, Nick found a parking spot quite easily, he put on a beanie then was set to go. Not many people go shopping with the intention of looking for a Jonas Brother so he shouldn’t get recognised that much, plus most kids were in school now. We walked side by side into the large shopping complex and made our way to our first store, it was all quite quiet considering and music played at a moderate tone through out the mall.

As I searched the racks of clothes with Nick I got into a settled state of mine, fashion was something that managed to make me focus on something other than Joe and even hardly think of him at all. This was all because I was focused on looking for new clothes, something fresh.

Nick paid for my new things, which consisted of four new tops, three pairs of jeans, a jacket and a couple of accessories. Then we decided McDonalds would be good, so we drove to the nearest on, went through the drive through and sat in his car with our food. I picked at some fries and sipped on a cup of ice cold diet coke while he ate a full blown Big Mac meal.

“How come we’re eating inside your car?” I asked, “You never let J---“ I stopped myself, “Everyone else.” I corrected, a lump in my throat from the fact I almost said his name out loud. Now his name was on my lips, waiting…

Nick smiled and threw a fry in his mouth, “Because you, unlike my brothers and girlfriend, can keep the food in your mouth.”

I chuckled at him, but soon I could feel it coming; the need to talk about Joe. “Does he… does he know you’re with me?”

Nick turned to look at me, his face emotionless, “Yes, he does. He’s not very happy about it, especially since you aren’t answering any of his tries at contact.”

“I haven’t looked at my phone or internet since we got back, I almost went online but I didn’t.” I told him truthfully.

Nick smiled softly at me, “Come on then, let’s go get your cat.”

I chuckled at his odd sentence but tried to ignore the butterflies in my stomach, there was a possibility I could see Joe in the next fifteen minutes and I had no idea if I could handle it. What would happen? Would I cry? Would I hate him, or would I love him? It was all up in the air. I needed to just look fear in the eyes and kick it to the side.

I began to get nervous when we were twisting through the familiar streets towards the Jonas household. Everything was the same, except the obvious things like extra or less cars at some of the houses and the grass was a bit duller now it was dropping to a slightly lower temperature. I felt like I was going to be sick from nerves when we turned the corner to the Jonas family home, a place I used to smile at the sight of.

I could barely make one foot go in front of the other when we walked towards the front door, as far as I could see no cars were missing so all the family were in, my only hope for him not being there was if he had taken Elvis out for a walk but that was soon crushed when I heard Elvis barking at the sound of us walking closer to the door. Nothing had changed much though, the flowers in the yard were still blooming and bright, the windows were still spotless and the house still looked as it a fairy had sprinkled cosy dust all over it.

We stood at the front door, just took a deep breath and placed my hand on the handle.