Was I The Only One?

I was so clouded with anger I didn’t even think what I was doing. Instead of breaking down in front of him like I thought that I was going to do. I stared at him for a moment in shock then stormed past him, I knew where I was going and I knew what I was going to do and I knew it was wrong; but none of that mattered. I felt like I needed to do it, I needed to show her how much it hurt and how much she had ruined my life and our friendship. I was going to tear her body limb from limb, I was going to make her body burn so she could feel how my heart has scorched for months.

Emma had betrayed me in the worst possible way. She’d ruined the one thing in the world that meant the most to me; I didn’t want to hear her excuses, they were worth nothing to me. I just wanted her to pay. Emma had lost me as a friend and she needed to know it.

As if led my fate, just as I turned the corner to the lounge area Emma was walking out with Chelsea behind her. When Emma looked at me her face turned to panic, she knew. She knew that she’d been caught.

“You bitch!” I screamed, lurching forward. I swung my fist and punched her as hard as I could, my knuckles crashed against her right cheek bone. Emma stumbled backwards under my force. “You ruined everything for me! Everything!” I cried.

“I’m sorry!” She shouted back, she stood upright again and looked at me. “It wasn’t meant to happen.”

“You’re such a selfish whore!” Emma stood in the same spot, crying tears of shame. Everyone in the lounge were watching us, shooting questions. “How could you do that to me, after everything?”

With all the anger inside of me I couldn’t help it, I swung even more raged punches at her. She grabbed my shoulders and attempted to push me away, but with my added height I was still able to do some damage. As soon as we became entangled in a rage of fury I felt someone’s arms around my waist, I was dragged away from her kicking and flailing.

When I looked down I cringed at what I saw, “Joe, get off me!” I screeched jumping out of his sickening grasp.

“What the hell Julia? Why are you acting like a crazy lunatic?” Nick shouted at me, looking from Emma’s red face to mine

“Why don’t you tell him, Emma.” I spat, “Or you Joe, why don’t you tell Nick all about your little secret.” I said with pure venom pouring from my mouth, I looked at their mortified faces, neither of them daring to speak. “Oh, suddenly silent are we? Why don’t I do the honors then?”

“Julia…” Joe’s voice spoke from behind me, “Don’t do this.”

I glared at him, “I hope you feel every ounce of pain you put me through.” I whispered to him, my voice laced with evil.

“Juliana!” I heard my mother’s voice snap from behind me. I turned away from Joe with a smirk.

“Those two,” I pointed my fingers at them, “Had a little fun in the Bahamas.” Everyone stared at me in bewilderment, unable to accept it or not yet working it out, “She cheated on Nick with him, and he cheated on me with her.” I clarified.

Emma’s face was suddenly flooded with tears as she turned to Nick. He had gone pale, his face was blank of all emotion. “Nick I…” Emma tried to speak.

“Is it true?” Nick whispered to her, trying to keep the conversation quiet, but everyone else was so silent that everyone could hear.

I smirked with satisfaction as I watched her break down just like I had. “It was a mistake…”

Nick turned his head to look at Joe, I glanced at him too. Joe’s face looked a pale shade of green as he stood, petrified and worried. In lighting speed, before I could even act, Nick had stridden over and punched Joe so hard that he stumbled back into the wall. I gasped along with everyone else as Nick and Joe just stared at each other, I cautiously stepped forward and put my hand on Nick’s arm.

“Nick, come on, lets go. I’ll drive.” I whispered to him, he stood still for a moment then turned to look into my begging eyes, “Please…”

He nodded slowly. I nodded back, grabbed my bag from my mom and followed Nick out of the crowds of people and towards the back of the venue. He stormed ahead, security paced in front of him and some walking behind me. Almost robotically he headed towards my car, shielded by people and climbed inside. I quickly climbed inside and laid my bag on my lap then hurried to find my car keys, obviously being impatient Nick reached into my bag himself and pulled the out. I took them from his grasp and started the car, it purred to life but I revved hard and sped away making my tires screech.

The atmosphere in the car was tense. We sat in an awkward silence as I drove the route to the Jonas home. Nick sat with his elbow holding up his head, he looked completely blank of all emotion, he just stared out the window as I drove.

“Can we go to your house please? I don’t want to go home.” Nick croaked out, without a second thought I changed my journey and headed towards my house, “Thanks.” He whispered sadly.

I wanted to cry too, but I’d cried enough. I’d been sad for too long and this was just icing on the cake of shit that my life had been lately but for Nick this was the pain I went through. I parked up on the driveway and as soon as I stopped the car, Nick climbed out. I followed suit and opened the front door, Nick stepped in and went straight to the lounge. He took off his converse, jacket then fell face first onto the sofa.

I giggled at him, “Want a diet coke?”

He stuck his hand in the air and made an ‘o’ shape with his fingers, I smiled even though he couldn’t see me and walked into the kitchen. I took off my shoes as I stood at the fridge then grasped two cans of ice cold diet coke and took them into the lounge. When I walked in Nick was already setting up ‘Just Friends’ in the DVD player.

“Well done.” I congratulated him and handed him, “Here’s your reward.”

He forced a smile, “It’s a good reward.” He confirmed cracking it open.

Nick and I sat in each others company easily, though our minds were filled with thoughts and worries we managed to sit through the whole movie and actually laugh. Not a fake or forced laughter but easy, true laughter. It felt natural, like nothing was wrong in the world. I loved to laugh, laughing was my favourite thing to do, it conjures up such happiness that it just erases all the bad things in your mind just for a few moments and it brings you peace. A wonderful, spectacular calm in the storm, it proved that even in moments of grief that the sun will come again… it may just take some time but it will come around.

During the movie we didn’t say anything and once it was finished, we were both yawning and close to dropping off to sleep. “Come on, I’ll make the bed in my room up for you.”

I stood up along with Nick, I stepped to head up the stairs only to be “Thanks Jools, I really appreciate it.” Nick wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug.

“I know how you feel, it hurts… lots. But it’ll get better.” I whispered to him, hoping to encourage him at least a small bit.

The air between us was clogged, it was hard to pick out anything in our mangled thoughts to speak about so instead I silently pulled the sofa bed in my room out and set it all up for Nick. Without much of a warning Nick began to peel the jeans from his legs, I looked away awkwardly and went into my bathroom with a set of soft pyjama shorts and a shirt in my hands. I changed speedily in there and prepared myself for bed.

When I returned Nick was already under the covers, laid on his side with the cover pulled right up under his chin. It made me sad to see him so broken, he looked like he’d given up. It also made me sad to know that I looked like that and that my loved ones were in the seat I was in right now; having to see someone they cared for defeated. While I lay in bed, I found it difficult to sleep with the knowledge of Nick being awake. So I didn’t sleep until I heard Nick snoring slightly and breathing deeply, it gave me some comfort to know he was in an unconscious state where his thoughts could no longer plague him, but I did worry for one thing; his dreams could plague him.

My dreams haunted me often, they were sometimes the worst part. It was as if all of my subconscious mind was letting every memory of Joe I had come to life and slip me into a false sense of security in my dreams. They gave me the sense that everything was alright and nothing had happened. On the other hand, nightmares could bring you more fear than reality itself.