Was I The Only One?

His family didn’t get to see him before he went in for the surgery but arrived 5 minutes after he’d gone in. I explained the them what was going to happen and what had happened already, they were ten times as worried as me but they hadn’t had the ‘talk’ from Joe that I had. Group by group they arrived, first Denise, Paul and Frankie arrived. Frankie kept himself busy with his DS, Paul and Denise sat down on a sofa next to each other with their eyes closed.

I paced the room slowly, staring at the clock that ticked on the wall loudly.

Nick was next to arrive, he sat with Frankie trying to keep him occupied. Then Kevin and Danielle arrived, they sat like his parents. My mom was stuck doing work for Jonas Group and was told not to come, she would just be waiting around like us so she was coming once he was out of the operating room.

It was horrible not knowing what was happening, the time seemed to pass slowly as I watched the clock; but my grandma always told me ‘a watched clock never ticks.’ My mind was in a complete mess about not only his life but our life, we’d kissed and this whole experience made me realise that life is too precious to watch slip away. Living a life of anger towards the ones you loved wasn’t healthy. Life was a series of moments, and if I didn’t hold onto those moments and live each moment to it’s full potential I was wasting my time. I only had one chance at life and this had made me realise that I wasn’t taking my chance seriously enough.

Some may say I was over reacting. We spotted the problem early so there was a very slim chance of the appendix becoming ruptured which would then lead to the major complications. But the chance was still there, and I don’t take little figures lightly. Someone has to be that little figure somewhere along the line and there was no reason for it not to be me or my loved ones, I’d already lost my dad so I was very much so aware of what the reality was.

Everyone stopped what they were doing when the door creaked open, a doctor walked in with a smile.

“Hello, he’s out of surgery now. We’ve put him under some pain medication which will, well has made him very sleepy. So he’s currently sleeping. Would you like to see him?”

Everyone else stood to their feet. Frankie ran over to me, I chuckled and held onto his hand as we followed behind the rest of the family. Denise and Paul went to either side of him and held onto his hands, he was definitely asleep. He had dark rims around his eyes but other than that he looked quite peaceful and serene. I watched Frankie as he let go of my hand and headed to Joe’s side, he poked his arm.

“Joe, wake up.” He moaned.

Denise grabbed onto his hands. “Franklin, no.”

“Well, he has guests. He’s being rude.” Frankie whispered, walking over to Nick and climbing on his knee.

I stood at the back of the room quietly, watching Joe as he twitched and wriggled around. He would have to stay in the hospital for 2 days and then he could go home. In my mind I was already planning out what I would be doing, there was no way I was going to be able to be away from him and be calm.

After being stood there for an hour just watching him sleep, Denise sent me away with Joe’s house keys and told me to be ready for lots of paparazzi. I didn’t want to leave but Denise was going to stay at the hospital for the night meaning I couldn’t. I was going to stay at Joe’s house and eat his food.

Hopefully when I went back to the hospital the next morning he would be awake.

Paparazzi were outside the hospital but across the street snapping away, I went to my car quickly and sped away towards Joe’s house. By the time I’d gotten through L.A traffic Joe’s house was surrounded by paparazzi, I went straight through the gates and parked next to Joe’s car which over powered my car obnoxiously. The flashes were still going off even though I wasn’t insight. I opened the door and slammed it behind me.

I strolled through the home, turning some lamps on as I went. He’d kept it quite tidy which was a surprise, I couldn’t imagine him living here alone. I made myself a cup of tea in the kitchen then decided to go for a nose through his stuff in his bedroom. Immediately I noticed he had made a collage of some of his favourite Polaroid’s on his wall, it made me happy that I was the subject or a part of many of them. He’d also put up all their CD certificates and discs too. I placed my tea to cool on top of his chest of drawers then began to go through them but they were mostly just filled with underwear and socks. I changed into a pair of his boxers then headed into his large closet with my tea.

The sleek wood bounced the white light around the room and the lights above that shone down above his clothes came on too. I put my tea on the glass top of the island in the middle that held numerous drawers. One draw held his ties, the other his sunglasses, the other his jewellery and another held random headbands that he had collected over his time. The whole left wall held suits that were in transparent bags to keep the dust from them, my eyes landed on the suit that he wore to the 3D concert premiere and reminded of us joking about him having an ‘accident’ on it. Then the back wall had hundreds of t-shirts and jackets lined up against it with around 7 shelves piled up with jeans. The right hand wall hosted a large shelf that was designed so that there was numerous boxes in which he had a pair of shoes in each.

I walked over to his t-shirts and began to push through them and pick one. As I was flicking through them I noticed the pocket on one bulging with a square shaped box, curiosity got the better of me and I pulled out a pale blue tiffany box. My heart was beating speedily as I turned the box over, I knew that sometimes they put a sticker on the bottom of the box so they know who it is for and who it is from along with some other specifications. The bottom read;

Ordered by Joseph Jonas
Order date October 20th- received November 15th
Size 6
Type Band ring with a full circle of round brilliant diamonds

I was a size 6. He’d ordered it when we were together and it had arrived just before we had broken up. He’d bought me a promise ring? It wasn’t an engagement ring, the type said it was a band ring. There was nothing else it could be.

In an attempt to calm myself down, I grabbed a random black t-shirt then took his laptop and loaded it up. I climbed into his comfortable bed and let his aroma surround me. I typed in the password I knew he had for everything he own and got onto the computer straight away, I smiled at my ability to do so but smiled even wider when I saw that the background of his desktop was a picture of the two of us. It made my heart ache to see the picture, I was asleep on his chest and he had one arm around me and one finger pushed against his lips signalling ‘shhh.’

I signed onto Twitter and began reading all the worried @replies from the Jonas Brothers fans. There was four Jonas Brothers related trending topics and all of them were at the top.

Juliharrr Joe is alive. Ha! He had appendicitis and is out of surgery, he’ll take a bit to recover. Don’t worry though, he’s fine.

I tried to resist the urge to check gossip websites but I knew I would end up going on them, I checked my emails and logged off to demolish the chances.

I woke up unable to remember when I fell asleep, but I woke up at 8am so I rolled out of bed cleaned around his room and around his house. I wore the leggings I had on yesterday and one of Joe’s denim shirts, luckily I’d brought some fresh underwear with me. I put on some make up that I had in my bag then tied my hair back into a high pony tail then sped out of the house as fast as I could.

As I drove to the hospital I took a detour to McDonalds, I needed some coffee and food so I got my self an egg mcmuffin to tide me over. I ate it quickly in the car park then made my way to the hospital with angst.

God, I hoped he was awake, lazy ass.

Paparazzi were outside of the hospital but not on the grounds, I grabbed my bag and hurried inside of the hospital. I walked the route that I could remember leaving yesterday and soon found myself in the ward where I knew he was. I walked down the corridor and immediately knew it was Joe’s room when I saw it, I was lucky I appeared to have a good memory. It serves me well in times like this.

I knocked on the door gently, just loud enough for him to hear it if he was awake but quiet enough not to wake him if he were sleeping.

“Yep.” I heard his voice croak.

I smiled as I stepped into the room. Joe was propped upright with a pillow under his neck, he had a thin sheet over half his body. Beside him he had a cup of water and his iPhone on the bedside table. He looked very tired, his eyes were dark and he had some stubble going on but the smile he gave me when I walked in the room made my heart soar and my hopes lift. His smile was unlike any other thing I’d seen on a humans face, it was utter perfection. Was I crazy for wanting him back?

It was inevitable we were going to get back together. No longer was it a case of if we were, but when we were going to.

“Hey.” I said walking into the room. I dropped my bag at the side of the chair next to his bed and sat down on it. “How are you feeling?”

He shrugged, “They gave me some stuff for the pain so it’s not that bad. Just uncomfortable.” I watched as his forehead creased, he nodded towards the chair I was sat on, “Do I smell or something?”

I chuckled, “No, but you just had surgery yesterday. I don’t want to hurt you.”

He rolled his eyes, “I’m fine. Come on, I want to snuggle.” I took off my shoes and jacket then crawled onto the bed space beside him, he put an arm around me and showed no signs of wincing. “My appendix is in my stomach area you know.”

I rolled my eyes and stuck my tongue out at him and then placed my hand on his chest. I rested my head in the crook of his neck and traced random patterns on his chest. As I looked at the skin on the side of his neck I found it hard to resist placing a kiss on it, it looked so smooth and inviting.

“Hey Jools…”

“Mmm...”

“I just want you to know that…” he cleared his throat, “Even if I don’t have you like I did. I want you to find that one person that makes you legitimately happy. Someone who, when you wake up next to them just makes your heart soar because you know you’re in love.” I found myself crying at his words.

“Joe…” I whispered.

But he continued. “It doesn’t matter how much it hurts me, you deserve the best and I’ve came to terms with the fact that maybe it’s not me but I can get by knowing you’re happy. But just know this, I will always love you.” I lifted my head from his chest and looked at him, his eyes were shimmering as he wiped the tears from my cheeks. “Because you make me a better person, you make me want to be better at everything I do; you make me want to be better on stage because you make sure I know it’s the closest thing to magic. You’ll never know how the little things you do make me love you so much more.”

I glanced away from him and spotted a dime amongst some other loose change near his phone. I grabbed the dime and held it out in front of him.

“Lets flip a coin.” A smile tugged at the corner of my lips. “Heads your mine, tails I’m yours.”

I flicked the coin and then caught it on the back of my hand. I pulled my hand away. Both of us smiled and giggled.

“Tails, looks like you’re all mine.”