Was I The Only One?

I was going to have to face the thing I’d been avoiding; him.

With the knowledge that I was going to be seeing him I left nothing to chance. I’d bought a new dress, accessories, shoes, bag… everything but the kitchen sink. I’d gotten all of my hair pinned back into a stylish up do, loose with a few curls dangling around the sides of my face.

My dress was nothing short of incredible. It weighed a ton but was so worth it. The intricate design was completely sequin embellished in a mix of dark sea green with blues and black; it had a scoop neck line and shoulder pads which led down to three quarter length arms with a zip enclosure up the back centre. I paired it with some mesh design heels ankle boots, a multi stone diamond dome ring and some stunning 1900 style pear drop platinum earrings that when the light hit the diamonds created a spectacular light display.

In true party style I went for the black smoky look but also but a few hints of deep green in there as well. I had little blush on my cheeks and my usual nude colour foundation spread evenly all over my face. I made sure my lips didn’t over power the dress so I went for a simple clear gloss as my lips have quite a bit of colour without lipstick or coloured gloss on anyway.

As far as travel went I had no idea whether I would be in a car or limo with him or even if I would be in the same car. Hopefully I wouldn’t be, it would be very awkward. Even though I knew it was going to be awkward at the actually concert I knew there was lots of things he had to do and many people for me to talk to as distractions from each other; though distractions are only flickers in the corner of my eyes whenever he is around.

My mom was coming too, but she went for a simple black dress that cut off at her knees and a pair of small heels, but she still looked beautiful as always. She wandered around the house while I sat on the stairs with my Blackberry in my hand as I prepared to post my first tweet since the break up.

Juliharrr Off to watch @nickjonas & the administration kill it at the Grammy Noms, tune in! (twitter hibernation is over :])

Once I’d posted the I placed my Blackberry back into my satin black clutch which was tightly packed as I’d put the bundle of letters in to give back to Joe, I spotted my gloss and put another layer on my lips. The time was getting closer to 6:30pm which was when we were told the car would be picking us up. I decided to try and call Emma again, she hadn’t been answering and was the only one I could ask about the car without sounding like an idiot. Frustration was even more evident when it went to her voicemail again.

I’d zoned out but was soon snapped back to reality by my mom shouting at me that the limo was here. As soon as I heard the word limo my heart burst into a raging fire inside of me, which means I’d have to spend thirty minutes in a car with him and his family.

I volunteered to lock up the house so that I would have a few more seconds to compose myself. I was falling apart inside but I needed to create a fake image that I was confident and perfectly fine along, I had to strut towards that car as if I was on a cat walk with complete grace and no signs of worry. I had to show Joe that I was stronger than he thought.

Once I’d locked up the house I gripped the keys tightly in my fist and spun around, the limo was still running and the driver stood in a suit and hat holding the door open. I could see the seat at the door had been left and Emma was sat with a smile on her face waving frantically at me, I smiled and waved back. Each step made towards the sleek black box made my heart pound just that bit harder against my rib cage, it was worried it was going to burst through my skin for all to see. My heels seemed to be the loudest thing to me; the clacking of them against the side walk rang through my ears loudly.

When I reached the door I smiled at the driver, “Thank you.” I said to him as I climbed inside the car.

Emma grinned madly at me with all her teeth. She wore a beautiful white vest with a brown skirt and a multi chain pearl and crystal necklace. Some diamond stud earrings donned her ears, one hidden by her curled hair that she left over it in comparison to the one visible due to the hair tucked behind her ear. I spotted a pair of my suede BCBG dante heels that I had let her borrow and shook my head.

I didn’t dare look around me, but I knew I had to.

My eyes landed on the adults who were on the long sofa like seats up the side of the limo. First was Denise, then my mom and then Paul. Denise greeted me with her beautiful and loving smile, she wasn’t angry at me from what I could tell. Paul was next to Kevin who was whispering into Danielle’s ear to the left of him. Then I saw him.

He wore a red t-shirt paired with a leather jacket- a look I always loved on him –and a pair of black jeans tucked into some black boots. His hair had grown a bit so the curls were more evident and I loved that on him. I loved everything on him except the look on his face.

Joe was looking at me, his face completely baron of emotion. Inevitably we were looking at each other, I wanted to look at him and he wanted to look at me so we ended just holding eye contact for a few seconds. A small pleading smile played on his lips, so I returned it. I offered him an awkward smile and tilted my head at him while shrugging my shoulders.

After that short exchange I turned to Emma who was almost bouncing out of her seat. “You okay?” She asked, high pitched and excited.

I cleared my throat, it was all dry. “Yeah,” I croaked out, “Excited?”

She just laughed at me and began babbling about how good Nick was in rehearsal and all the people that were going to be there. As much as I wanted to try and pay attention I couldn’t, he was so close and I could feel his eyes on me all the time. It made my itchy.

Emma kept on slapping my hands whenever I went to scratch my neck with my new false nails because she knew the skin on my neck got really red whenever I scratched it which tended to be a lot when I get nervous. And I was very nervous. Emma managed to keep me talking all the way there, whether it was just with her or by making me talk to the rest of the family who seemed to understand the awkwardness of the situation.

The limo came to a stop on the red carpet. Immediately I grabbed my clutch and Emma’s hand then basically dived out of the door. “Ow, Julia my hand!”

I quickened into a brisk walk down the red carpet with a woman in black trying to keep up and escort us there but she was too slow. The cameras flashed as we rushed past, we must have looked intriguing to them walking at such a pace into the concert.

Once inside I pulled her into the ladies restroom and began to hyperventilate. “Emma, I can’t do this.” I bent over grasping my stomach.

“Oh, I thought you were doing so well!” She told me in that annoying ‘I’m trying to make you feel better’ tone friends always seem to have in moments like this.

I stood up right and began to pace, “I thought I could do this for Nick but I can’t. It’s killing me, Emma.”

I looked at my face in the mirror, so rigged and tort; it was not attractive. Emma stood a bit behind me and I looked at her in the mirror, begging for help.

“You can do this, you know you can. It’s going to hurt but you just need to push it aside and think of all the reasons you agreed to come tonight, okay?” I slowly nodded, taking a deep breath. “Now, there is a hot piece of sexy in that room waiting for me under the title of Nick Jonas. I refuse to stand in here any longer.”

I burst into laughter so quickly I actually spat on the mirror. “Nice. “ I commented sarcastically, following Emma out quickly before anyone else came in and I embarrassed myself further.

Emma laced her fingers with mine and I gripped her hand tightly, she led me through the classical corridors and out into the concert hall. Circular tables dominated the floors while the ‘regular’ folk were stood up on the shelf as I like to call it.

Emma and I were both shocked when they erupted into screaming, I looked around me to see what artist had walked in but no one was there.

“They’re screaming at us, idiot.” Emma chuckled, pushing my shoulder then waved up to the Jonas fans. I smiled nervously and looked up to them. The crowd of girls were snapping pictures and shouting down to us, I gulped and waved to them before glancing back around me.

“Ah!” I squeaked. A young looking man had stopped in front of me. He wore a bit of scruff over his face but he had striking deep blue eyes with a profound jaw line and mousy brown hair that tousled James Dean way. He was extremely good looking. “Sorry, you shocked me.”

“You shocked me, you’re very beautiful.” I gawped at him and felt suddenly embarrassed, I could feel my ears heating up. He smiled crookedly, “Ah, I see, you’re one of those ‘ear’ embarrassed ones.”

“I see you’re one of those confident chat up boys.” I retorted a small smile playing on my lips.

He nodded with a grin, “James.” He held out his hand for me.

I looked at it then behind him to where I could see Joe, he was staring at me with wide eyes; he was scared or me talking to another boy. I flicked my eyes back to James who was waiting for my name patiently with his hand out still.

I slipped my hand into his, “Julia.” I smiled, that smile turned into a grin when he carefully lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it.

I glanced to Joe, his eyes were narrow slits as he stood hunched over with his fists clenched. I’d finally gotten to him.