I Can See The Fire In Your Eyes.

I grabbed my cigarettes off of the dresser and slid them into my back pocket. I pulled my graduation gown over my head and walked out of my room.

Matt, Jimmy, Val and Kerry were sitting downstairs, chatting about something.

The very second my foot touched the bottom stair the front door swung open and Brian walked in. My heart began beating faster.

His eyes locked on mine, he dropped his suitcase and I ran to him. His strong arms engulfed me in a hug.

-flashback-

"Ivy?" Brian asked as he slowly opened his eyes.

It was about three in the morning, I was sitting Indian style on the bed. There was a pile of crayola markers on Brian's stomach and I was coloring in his tattoos.

"Hmm?" I asked my coloring never ceasing.

"What are you doing?" he asked, his voice cracking.

"Coloring." I stated.

"Zack!" I yelled. Brian groaned and covered his eyes. He came running into out of the bathroom, his toothbrush in his mouth and foam all over his chin.

"Clean that fucking mess up." I instructed. He went back into the bathroom, spit the toothpaste out, rinsed his toothbrush then came back.

"Clean that up!"

He folded his arms over his chest and frowned, "No mommy. It too big."

"Shut up and pick the goddamn bottles up before I kick your ass!" I said then went back to coloring.

Brian laughed softly.

"Oh my god. I've missed you." I said, my face was buried in his neck.

"I missed you too baby."

"Don't ever do that to me again."

"I wont." He said then let me go.

The phone rang. Val jumped up and answered it.

"Ivy. Its for you." She said then handed it to me.

I held up one finger, signaling I'd be back in a second.

"Hello?"

"Is this Ivy Howard?"

"Yes. Who is this?" I asked, slightly confused.

"This is Amanda with Dr. Reed's office. I was calling to tell you that we need you to come back. Something showed up on your last cat scan and MRI. It looks slightly cancerous so we'll need you to come in as soon as possible." She said.

"I'll be in tomorrow." I said then hung up.

Brian walked into the room.

I quickly wiped the tears off of my face and stood up.

"Whats wrong?" He asked, concerned.

"Nothing, nothing." I said then straightened out my gown.

"Ivy, I know you better than anyone else and I fucking know you don't cry unless the world's crashing down around you."

"My cancer came back."

The expression on Brian's face was hard to handle.

Zack came running into the room, waving the camera around like it was a deadly weapon.

"Let's see what these little lovebirds are up to." He said then zoomed in on my face.

"What do you mean?"

'"I fucking have cancer!" I yelled.

"Whoa." Zack said then turned the camera off.

"C-cant they get rid of it like last time?" Zack stuttered.

"Yeah. You cant go...I love you too much." Brian said then hugged me.

I lost it and cried on Brian's shoulder. Zack rubbed my back.

"They said that if it came back again then I'd be stuck with it and I'll die."

"How? I mean why would he take you from us?"

"I don't fucking know?! God fucking hates me!" I yelled then tore away from them and ran upstairs.

"Wait. Slow your white ass down!" Kerry yelled as she chased me up the stairs.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" She yelled as she threw my door open.

"They're my boys I just cant leave them. They're my life." I said, my face was buried in my pillows.

"What do you mean? You're not going anywhere." She said as she sat next to me.

"Yes I am."

"Where babe?"

"Hell. I'm fucking dying Kerry."

"No." Is all she said.

I nodded slowly. I could literally feel my heart breaking in my chest. There was a light knock on the door, Matt, Brian, Johnny, Jimmy, and Zack walked into the room. Val and Treva were close behind.

I sat up.

"Oh my boys." I said then hugged all five of them at the same time.

"You're like our mom. Well, the closest thing I've had to one." Jimmy said then kissed my forehead.

Matt gave me a sympathetic smile, "I'm going to be lost as fuck with out you."

"Ahh! I cant believe this. I'm gonna kick god's ass then bring you back from hell. To here. Which is the same thing." Zack said then hugged me tightly.

"I'm gonna miss you like hell. All those mornings of 'Wake up Johnny...your little friend wants to see you' will be greatly missed. Fuck. I don't know what to say." Johnny said then hugged me

At this point in time it didn't matter that I'd slept with Matt or that Id fought with him. What matters is...how much I love him. It doesn't take a kiss, or sex to prove how much we love each other.

He wrapped his arms around me, for a second I thought my bones would crush under the pressure of this hug. But I didn't. I needed it.

We stood like statues at the gate. Vacation's come and gone too late. There's so much sun where I'm from. I had to give it away, had to give you away. And we spent four days on anIsland at your family's old hotel. Sometimes perfection can be It can be perfect hell, perfect...

Hours pass, and she still counts the minutes That I am not there, I swear I didn't mean For it to feel like this Like every inch of me is bruised, bruised And don't fly fast. Oh, pilot can you help me? Can you make this last? This plane is all I got So keep it steady, now Cause every inch you see is bruised

Now every word of every song I ever heard that made me wanna stay Is what's playing through
The in-flight radio, and I And I am, finally waking up