I Will Remember You

A Box of Memories (Part One)

“Awe, Rae,” Max whined as the guys waited to board their bus to drive them over to the arena for the game, “where’s my good luck kiss?”

“Yeah, you gave Sidney one,” Kris put in. “We should get one, too!”
I rolled my eyes. These guys were ridiculous. After only twenty-four hours with them, I felt as if we’d grown up together and they were my big brothers. “No way,” I said as Jordan yelled, “Free good luck kisses from Markie!”

I was ready to slap him as the guys lined up in front of me. “I’m going to kill you,” I growled in his ear before placing a kiss on his cheek.

“That doesn’t count,” he pouted. I rolled my eyes and gave him a quick peck on the lips before attempting to shove him out of the way. I had gone through about five of the guys before Sidney came to my rescue.

“Alright, that’s enough!” he laughed, wrapping an arm around me. I glared up at him but couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief since Evgeni had been next in line. The man in question cursed at us in Russian before turning on his heel to get on the bus. I couldn’t help but get the feeling Sidney cut in at the time he did on purpose.

“Took you long enough,” I whined as we walked to the bus together, his rough hand wrapped protectively around my smaller, softer one.

“Oh, Raya,” he chuckled, pulling me in for a quick kiss. “I’ll see you after the game.” And with that, he stepped on the bus, leaving me to fend for myself for the next couple of hours.

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After the bus pulled away, I slowly made my way back up to my hotel room. The quiet was extremely eerie to me since I had been around such loud people for the past day and a half. It still amazed me that that’s all the longer it had been. The boys made me feel like I had known them my entire life, rather than just over twenty four hours.

I flopped down on to my queen sized bed and stared at the ceiling for a good twenty minutes, just thinking about everything that had happened. I grew tired of this, though, and pulled out my cell phone. I had several missed calls and a few texts from people I assumed that I went to school with. I passed a good hour talking to my aunt on the phone and replying to the texts, even though I had no idea who they were from.

“Now what?” I asked myself as soon as I ended the call with my aunt. I decided to give Addy a call and see if she would want to hang out but she didn’t answer. “Ugh!” I cried in frustration, mentally punishing myself for denying the offer of going to the game. I grabbed the remote and turned it on, anyways, just for background noise.

After watching the first period, I drifted around my room, going through everything that I had bought the day before taking off the tags. As I shoved my suitcase back under my bed, I felt it hit something heavy. Confused, I pulled my suitcase back out and threw myself under the bed to take out the object in question. My heart faltered as my hand landed on the heavy wooden box Linda had given me. I pulled it out as I got up, nonetheless.

“Okay, you can do this, Raya,” I whispered to myself, sitting cross legged on my bed with the box in my lap. I took several deep breaths before opening the lid. I opened my eyes and slammed the lid shut. I just didn’t have the strength to do it. Not yet, anyway. “Screw this,” I said loudly to no one in particular. I got up, leaving the box on my bed and grabbed my boots and coat. “I’m going to the game.”

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“Rae, you’re our lucky charm!” Marc-Andre exclaimed as soon as he saw me standing in the locker room when the team burst through the door. Ray Shero had insisted that I meet them in the locker room when the game ended to celebrate with them. After talking with him in his luxury box for half of the game, we had gotten to know a lot about each other. It was nice to talk to an adult about nothing of great importance for once. He told me that the guys just couldn’t stop talking about how excited they all were that I had become part of the Penguins family, which made me laugh. Now here I was, being attacked by a bunch of sweaty hockey players. Gee, thanks so much, Ray!

“Guys, I love you and everything, but you smell really bad,” I laughed, trying to get them off of me.

“No really, you brought us good luck!” Max yelled right in my left ear.

“Yeah, your new coach had nothing to do with that,” I said sarcastically. The guys laughed and thankfully released me.

“Well, I’m glad you have some confidence in me at least, Miss Markov,” said none other than Dan Byslma himself. “But if you’d please excuse us while we have a discussion, the boys will join you outside as soon as they’re changed.”

“Of course,” I blushed as I retreated back towards the door I had come in through. Having the attention span of a small child, though, made me wander aimlessly around the empty halls rather than just stand patiently and wait for the team to get ready.

Nearly five minutes had to have passed when I finally found a door that sounded appealing and didn’t have a ‘DO NOT ENTER’ or ‘EMPLOYEES ONLY’ sign on it. Regardless, I looked around before pushing it open only to feel like I had walked into a gigantic freezer. I squinted as I continued walking and found myself about five yards from the ice. I took a few more steps forward and eventually stopped shivering as I got used to the frigid temperature. I had never been in any arena this empty and it was too cold for my liking without the thousands of human bodies keeping the air warm.

Although I had been working at Mellon Arena for nearly two seasons and had grown up a hockey fan, I had never been this close to any rink, let alone set foot on one. I hesitantly held my foot over the ice, debating on whether I wanted to do this for the first time alone. When my toes were mere inches from the surface, though, my mind was made up for me.

“Oi!” I heard a gruff male voice yell. “What d’you think yer doin’?” he yelled as the sound echoed around the whole building. I let out a yelp before turning and running in the direction I had just come from.

I ran as fast as I could without really paying any attention to where I was going because I could hear the security guard chasing after me. When I turned to see if he was still following me, I collided with something extremely solid.

“Ouch!” I exclaimed as I fell to the ground with a thud, bringing a hand up to nurse my shoulder, which had taken most of the force.

“You need to be more careful where you are running,” a deep, amused voice said with a Russian accent. I looked up to see Evgeni grinning down at me and groaned, falling completely to the ground. The sound of rapidly approaching footsteps had me jumping up in another instantly, though.

“Help me,” I whispered to Evgeni, wrapping my arms instinctively around his stomach as I hid behind him. He pulled me back in front of him and wrapped his large arms around my waist instead. “What are you doing?” I hissed.

“Pretend you are my girlfriend,” he said in a low whisper. In that moment, I felt the Earth shift. My head became fuzzy and I forgot what I was agreeing to as I slowly nodded my head and placed my hands around his neck, pulling us closer together.

“She with you, then?” I heard the security guard choke out from behind me as he fought to catch his breath.

“Yes,” Evgeni replied simply, his grip around my waist tightening.

“A’right then,” he said grumpily but I didn’t move until I heard his retreating footsteps vanish completely.

“You’re a life saver,” I sighed as I (reluctantly) released my arms from around Evgeni.

“You get into trouble often?” he asked as the two of us started to walk down the hall together. I was counting on him to lead us in the right direction.

“Well, I really have no idea,” I answered. “See, my memory was kind of erased,” I added, playfully elbowing him in the arm.

“I am very sorry, Raya,” he said sincerely, looking down at me. The intensity of his eyes and regret in them knocked me breathless.

“Relax, I’m just joking with you,” I laughed shakily, trying to recover from the unexpected reaction I was having to just being around him. My head was screaming for me to drop the conversation entirely because I had Sidney, but the rest of me wasn’t responding. Or rather, the rest of me had no desire to respond.

“Oh,” he said and we faded into a few awkward seconds of silence. “Why you decide to come to game?” he finally asked.

“I don’t know, I got bored at the hotel,” I shrugged. There was no use telling him the real reason. It’s not like we were really friends, or anything.

“Raya, you are a terrible liar,” he chuckled, smirking down at me. I glared back up at him.

“Why are you accusing me of lying?” I asked, trying not to give away the fact that he had caught me.

“Because I know that you are,” he said matter of factly. I was about to retort but decided that there was no use arguing with him. Somehow, this man could see right through any façade the rest of humanity seemed to fall for. I couldn’t explain why, but he just saw right through me.

“I tried to open the box that my friend’s mom gave to me,” I mumbled, but I knew that he could hear me.

“Tried?” he said questioningly.

“I couldn’t do it,” I sighed. We had come to a standstill by now in yet another deserted hallway. (Seriously, where was everyone?)

“You were afraid,” he stated. I simply nodded as I hung my head. “Не бегите от ваших опасений, Raya,” he said in a low voice. (Do not run from your fears, Raya.)

“I can’t help it!” I exclaimed, suddenly angry and annoyed again. A look of surprise crossed his face, like he couldn’t fathom how I understood what he said.

“You speak Russian?” he asked, ignoring my outburst.

“Yes, I speak it!” I yelled, my voice echoing off the walls. “My parents were fucking from Russia!”

“Calm down, Raya,” he pleaded, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“No!” I screamed as I shook it off, leaving a burning feeling where it had been. “I can’t do this, Evgeni! It’s just all too much. I can hardly remember anything. I feel like I recall something but then it just slips away faster than it came. My parents are gone but I’m still expecting to go home after all this and tell them all about the experience. I can’t stand being alone because all it does is make me miss them more. I was hardly ever by myself and I just didn’t know what to do when you all left,” I rambled as tears began to fall down my face. “I can’t do this,” I choked out, ready to collapse at any given moment.

“Shh,” he whispered, pulling me into his strong embrace just as my knees started to wobble. “Это все будет хорошо. Не волнуйтесь. Я не собираюсь оставлять Вас,” he spoke softly in my ear as my crying slowly subsided. (It will all be okay. Do not worry. I am not going to leave you.)

“Спасибо,” I finally whispered as I gave him a tight squeeze and pulled away, brushing my face free of tears. (Thank you.)

“Пожалуйста,” he said back and reached down to wipe away the last tear that had just fallen from my eye. (You’re welcome.)

And we just stayed like that, staring into each other’s brown eyes, both wondering what the hell just happened. Then it was like some gravitational force was pulling our faces closer and closer together until finally our noses were nearly touching. And then everything came crashing back down as the sound of someone clearing their throat interrupted.

“Um, we’re all ready to pack up and head to the air port,” Flower’s voice cut in nervously. Evgeni and I both jumped about two feet backwards and muttered responses as we looked over to see Marc-Andre and Kris looking at us.

“So, uh, thanks for saving me,” I said awkwardly to Evgeni as we walked over towards his teammates.

“Sure,” he said evenly, his tone serious. I sighed as we fell into step with Flower and Kris and continued in the direction Evgeni and I had been walking before we stopped.

“Carry me!” I exclaimed, jumping on Kris’s back when the uncomfortable silence became too much for me to handle. I caught him off guard and he almost dropped me, but recovered at the last second.

“Geeze, girl, what did you eat during the game?” he exclaimed. “You must have gained about forty pounds!”

“Hey!” I yelled and slapped the top of his head, making me laugh. “Hurry! We can’t be the last one there!” I laughed as he began to run towards the exit. When we reached the door, he slowed down, though.

“Listen, about what was going on back there,” he started but I cut him off.

“Kris, it wasn’t anything,” I sighed. “Evgeni helped me get out of a situation with the security guard and we were on our way to you guys when I had an emotional break down. He was there and he helped me through it, that’s all,” I shrugged.

“Flower and I weren’t going to tell anyone,” he replied, slowing his pace even more as I hopped off his back. “Just be careful, Rae, okay? I don’t want anyone to get hurt,” he added and I felt my stomach drop.

“I don’t want anyone to get hurt, Kris,” I smiled. “You don’t have to worry, alright? Sidney’s the one I like.”

“Okay,” he said skeptically as we stepped on to the bus. Immediately I was attacked by something very heavy.

“Markie, I don’t want you to leave!” the person whined as I tried to shove them off of me.

“Maxie, I don’t want to leave,” I said back, adding a pout for the effect. “But I have school and stuff that I need to worry about.”

“We’ll teach you!” Jordan yelled from the back of the bus.

“Thanks, but no thanks,” I laughed while a whole chorus of responses rose up from the team.

“But you’re our good luck charm, we need you!” Tyler exclaimed, causing me to laugh some more.

“I’m going to miss you guys tons, but you know where to find me when you get home,” I smiled as I took a seat next to Sergei, who seemed to be the calmest of the males on the bus. “I don’t know how you deal with these guys on a daily basis,” I whispered to him causing the Russian man to laugh.

“You get used to them,” he replied.

“Come on, Rae,” Max begging, plopping down in front of us. “Just come to Dallas with us at least.”

“No, because then you’re just going to keep saying that for every game on this road trip,” I said defiantly.

“You know you want to stay with us for the next nine days,” he replied, wiggling his eyebrows up and down.

“Yeah, right,” I laughed, putting my hand to his face to turn it around.

“Would it really be that bad?” Jordan asked pleadingly, appearing at my shoulder.

“Guys,” I sighed, “you know that I want to stay with you in the worst way, but it’s just not what’s best for me right now.”

“Alright,” they all said in unison, going back to their previous seats, waiting for a few more members to board the bus so we could go to the airport. While we waited, I struck up a conversation with Sergei, since we hadn’t really had a chance to converse yet. We talked mostly about his life but I told him the basics about me and why I was in the position that I was.

“Okay, we’re here!” Coach Bylsma announced after what seemed like a minute.

“We’re where?” I asked as everyone around me stood up.

“At the airport,” Sergei said, looking at me strangely.

“Oh, I didn’t even realize that we had left the arena!” I replied to his questioning glance.

“Oh, Raya,” he laughed, patting me on the back as we got off the bus with the rest of the team. I smiled back at him and almost lost my footing on the steps because of it.

“Watch it there, Rae,” Sidney laughed, helping me down the rest of the way.

“My hero,” I sighed dreamily, causing him to laugh harder. He wrapped his arm around me as we made our way through the airport. “I’m going to miss you,” I mumbled, burying my face into his side.

“We’ll be home before you know it,” he smiled as we came to a stop outside of my terminal. “And I’m just a phone call away if you need me.”

“You mean when I need you,” I said seriously, making him laugh.

“I’m going to miss you, too, Rae,” he said, pulling me in for a tight hug before pressing a quick kiss to my lips. “Remember, if you need anything, don’t hesitate to call.”

“Let me know when you guys get in,” I called as I started walking towards my plane and he towards his. He responded with a wave and just like that, I was alone again.

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I cried the entire trip back to Pittsburgh. I tried everything to distract myself. I watched the movie they played. I listened to my iPod. I even tried to strike up a conversation with the middle aged man beside me, but his life was so boring it almost put me to sleep.

It was like heaven when I finally stepped off the plane in the Pittsburgh International Airport. I immediately saw my aunt, uncle, and three cousins waiting for me just outside the gate. Feeling extremely overjoyed to see someone familiar, I ran into my aunt’s waiting arms.

“Oh, Raya, we missed you so much,” she cried into my shoulder. I didn’t say anything and just hugged her tightly back.

“It’s good to have you back with us, Rae,” my uncle said, pulling me away from my aunt to hug me himself.

“How was your trip, sweetie?” my aunt asked as our group made our way to get my luggage.

“Long,” I replied. It wasn’t a lie, I just left out the part about being completely miserable.

“Well, all of your friends have been calling the house nonstop asking about you,” my uncle put in as the six of us waited for my beat up old suitcase to make it’s way towards us.

“Really?” I asked in disbelief. I couldn’t remember having any friends when I left, but I guess the calls and texts I had gotten while I was in Chicago had to have been from someone.

“Yes, they’re all very worried about you but I told them that you would contact them when you were ready,” my aunt answered.

“Thanks, Aunt Lara,” I said, relieved. I was becoming more and more comfortable with the family that had disowned my parents all those years ago. Perhaps this was a sign that my memory was coming back in pieces after all.

“Now, let’s get you home and get you rested. You must be exhausted!” my uncle exclaimed.

“Just a little,” I laughed, thinking about how tired I actually was after spending the past two days with a very energetic group of people.

“I know those boys can be a handful, but they’re a good group of guys,” he smiled down, putting an arm on my shoulder.

“They really are a handful,” I laughed again. “But I love them all to death.”

“That’s good,” my aunt smiled, seemingly pleased that I wasn’t a complete wreck after what I had been through the past week.

“How can you love them if you just met them, like, two days ago?” my cousin, Stefani snapped, finally saying something for the first time since I had gotten out of the hospital.

“Stef!” my aunt, uncle, and two other cousins, Jeffrey and Jeremy, exclaimed. She just cracked her gum obnoxiously and glared at me. I sighed before answering.

“It’s okay,” I told the rest of my extended family. “They’re just very easy people to get along with. And when you’re stuck on a plane, bus, and the same hotel floor as them for forty-eight hours, you become very close, very fast,” I said to Stefani, keeping my voice as even as I possibly could.

“Whatever,” she rolled her eyes and quickened her pace to get ahead of the rest of the family.

“Sorry about, Stef,” Jeffrey, the older of the twin boys said to me.

“Yeah, she’s just jealous that you got to spend two whole days with her ‘future husband’,” Jeremy said, putting air quotes around ‘future husband’. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Who’s her future hubby?” I chuckled.

“Geno,” the twins replied in unison. My stomach dropped for the second time that day.

“Oh,” I said quietly as the five of us reached their SUV. I hung my head but still noticed the nervous glance the two boys exchanged, like they knew they had said something wrong.

The rest of the car ride was awkward between me and my relatives. No one knew quiet what to say after Stefani’s outburst. When we got back to the penthouse, I politely excused myself to my room and cried myself to sleep, wishing more than anything that I had chosen to go to Dallas with the only people who could keep me smiling.