Through Waiting

I barely got any sleep before my alarm went off. I was tossing and turning, unable to let my mind rest and stop racing.

The beeping scared me, even though I was expecting it. I slammed my fist into the snooze button and flipped over, finally feeling tired for the first time since last night. Why does this always happen?

I slid out of bed, shuffling my feet along the wood floors of my now empty house, getting ready to go to school at a sluggish pace.

I washed my face, waking myself up a little bit, then remembered what I was fussing about all night, the whole reason why I was tossing and turning and got no sleep the night before. I rushed through making my hair look decent in a still semi-messy way and threw on some clothes. I skipped breakfast and flew out the door.

I pulled my car into my parking space, confident that today was going to be the day. I’ve finally decided. I’m going to tell Ryan how I feel about him. Hopefully it goes as well as I’m imagining it to go.

My mind was racing as I walked through the front doors of the high school. I took deep breaths, calming myself down. I don’t have to tell him right away, I could wait til lunch, or even after school...

I felt like I was going to burst with all the emotions running through my head. Maybe I couldn’t wait that long.

I had my eyes set on Ryan for a while, ever since he told me he was bi. That was the happiest day of my life, even though he still seemed more interested in girls than guys. I’m hoping that I can sway his thinking, and that today could top that day.

I saw him by our lockers, which were three away from each other. He smiled at me when he saw me, looking up from his phone, leaning against my locker, waiting for me like he always did.

I returned the favor, feeling my cheeks get warm as I thought more about what I was going to do. Thinking about whether telling him would make or break our relationship.

Ryan got a slightly concerned look on his face as I neared and noticed how red my face was.
“Hey, are you alright? You’re really red.” Ryan asked, feeling my forehead, then my cheek.
I wanted so desperately to put my hand over his, tell him that the reason my cheeks were burning was because of my fiery passion for him, and how I longed for him to be mine.

None of those words came out, though.

He dropped his hand. “You’re really warm, Alex. Are you okay?” He asked again.

I looked at the floor and sighed. I looked around, seeing no one else in our hallway yet. Better now than never.

I stepped slightly closer to Ryan, slowly wrapping my arms around his waist, hugging him tight up against me. It was a start.

“What is this for?” Ryan asked quietly, wrapping his arms around me as well.

“What do you think it’s for?” I answered with another question, resting my head on his shoulder, feeling so right, so complete, in his arms.

“I think I might have an idea, but correct me if I’m wrong.” He said.
I looked up at him. “What’s that?”

His lips touched mine softly, suddenly. He pulled away from the quick peck, smiling a little.

“Was I right?” He asked quietly, having some sort of sweetness in his voice.

“Are you sure you wanna know?” I asked, messing with him a little.

“Mhm.” He said, smiling wider, his arms never leaving me, and mine never leaving his.

I felt my face get warm again as I leaned in for the kiss this time. Ryan’s hand reached up and he placed it on my cheek while my hand was placed on the side of his neck.

Our lips parted, both of us smiling.

I looked straight into his icy blue eyes. “Do you want to be with me?”

Ryan hugged me tighter. “I thought you’d never ask, Alex. I’ve been waiting for you to say something.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked

“I was too chicken.” He admitted, blushing, looking at the ground, his hair going in front of
his face.

I pushed it away from his face, smiling, making him look at me again. “I guess that makes two of us.” I leaned to meet his lips again. “I’m just really glad I found the bravery inside me to say something.”

He smiled and kissed my cheek. “I’m glad for that, too.”
We let go of each other, even though my body craved to stay in his arms all day, and he let me get to my locker. More people started filing in, and I wanted to flaunt Ryan off as much as possible.

When we headed to our first classes, I had my hand around his waist, holding him close to me. I saw all emotions ranging from disgust to adoration when people saw us.

We had to split off into two different classes, but before I left him I gave him a kiss in front of a bunch of giggling girls and disgusted guys.

“See ya next hour, Ryan.” I said quietly, still close to his face.

He smiled and kissed me once more. “Bye, Alex.”

He headed off down the hall, and it seemed like as soon as I was separated from him, a huge flock of girls swarmed him to beat him down with question after question about our relationship. How could so many people know already? It couldn’t have gotten out that fast, it’s only been twenty minutes or so. I laughed a little to myself when I knew that almost all of those girls were mad at him, because I know for a fact that all of them asked him out at some point, and he always said no. He was never into any of the girls here, they were all basically whores, and the ones that were decent were already taken by indecent guys.

I hate high school.

I shrugged it off, not worrying about it. It wasn’t supposed to be a secret anyways, I mean, we kissed in front of a crowd of people, and some people even saw it coming. People know and are fully aware of me being gay, and most people accept it, as well as Ryan’s being bi.

I sat in my desk and all I heard was people talking about us. I drowned them out, getting annoyed quickly.

A group of 4 or 5 girls came up to me, beaming, looking at me expectantly.

I started getting a little freaked out. I wasn’t any good at this 5-on-1 talk, my words didn’t roll off my tongue as naturally as Ryan’s did. I was jealous for that fact.

“So how long?” One of them asked, googly-eyed, smiling widely, leaning on my desk, her boobs practically falling out of her shirt. It was really. Really gross.

I directed my gaze to my notebook. “This morning...” I said slowly, unsure of why it was such dire information.

A huge “awww” erupted within the group, making me roll my eyes.

“I don’t really see what the big deal is.” I said quietly.

“Well everyone knew it would happen eventually...” She started, still so annoyingly happy for the morning.

“Which raises my point again. What is the big deal? If you knew it was going to happen, then why are you freaking out so hardcore?” I asked, sounding like I was explaining a basic concept to them. They’re so frustrating.

“Come on, Alex, details, we want details.” Another girl asked, lightly hitting my arm, jumping up and down, smiling just as wide as the first girl. They were totally ignoring my point, trying to make them seem like they’re right for asking all these questions.

I sighed, having enough. “It’s none of your concern, any of the details. Stop being so nosy and mind your own damn business.”

They all looked at me, offended, scoffing, and walking away. I smiled in my victory, free from questions and curiosity that people didn’t need to have.

The bell finally rang and all the talk about us finally ceased. I paid no mind to the lesson being taught and thought about how my life became perfection because of one little thing I did. I smiled uncontrollably and couldn’t wait for next hour.

The bell rang right as the teacher was about to hand out the homework, but before he could say what it was, everyone booked it out of the classroom, so no one heard it.

I saw Ryan coming up the hall towards the class I was just in, meeting me halfway with a hug.

“It was so annoying last hour.” I complained, walking with him to my locker, holding his hand.

“Everyone asking you questions?” He asked.

Before I answered, I opened my lock. I can’t talk and open it at the same time; I get distracted. “Yeah, until I finally told them off, told them that our relationship is none of their business.” I said, closing my locker.

Ryan smiled at me and kissed me. This kiss was so passionate and wonderful, unlike the other kisses he gave me before school started.

Our lips parted, and I immediately wanted to go back for more.

“I love you.” Ryan said, holding my face close to his, both of his hands on each of my cheeks, staring straight into my eyes.

I said nothing, smiling, sure that the compassion in my eyes was enough to say it all. That I loved him, too, that I don’t want to be with anyone else right now but Ryan.

Those three words just never sounded so amazing to me.