No Place in My Heart for a Criminal Like You

I woke up extremely early in the morning. It was pitch black outside and the moon shone brightly through the window and into the bedroom. The reason for waking up was because the heat in the bed was unbearable. The warmth radiating off The Joker’s body was almost as if there was a radiator gripping onto me. As he was now in a deep sleep, his grip had loosened slightly, but it was still quite firm. I wanted to wriggle out of his grasp, but I didn’t want to wake him up. Instead I kicked the blankets off of my legs and let the cool air breeze over them. However, I still felt uncomfortably hot.

As I breathed up into my face to cool myself down, I noticed that The Joker’s quiet, humble snoring had stopped. I felt as if he was now watching me, so I stopped making any movement, afraid that I might have woken him up. But, sensing that I was hot, he slowly started to undo my shirt buttons, while I continued to pretend to be asleep. After the buttons were undone, he softly peeled the shirt off me and then placed it on himself. I expected him to settle back down afterwards, but instead I felt him crawl out of bed. I listened to the dresser draws opening and closing and figured he was changing into his clothes, while I lay in bed confused.

After the noises of the dresser stopped, his footsteps made their way around to the front of the bed. I opened my eyes just a notch and saw him opening the bedroom door, in his full usual attire.

When he had left and the door had closed, I still lay confused at why he had left. Strange as it sounds, I felt lonely. I rolled over and the place where he once lay was empty. The sudden lack of body heat had made me feel cold again. Why am I so awkward? Why do I have be unhappy with something at all times? I scooted over to The Joker’s side of the bed where it was warmer, because of his warm body. It helped slightly and I fell back into a deep sleep.

The brightness of the sun woke me up, as it beamed down into my eyes. My eyes fluttered open and then I instantly shielded them from the sudden bright light. I stretched in the bed and let out a loud sigh. Eventually, I stood up from the bed and shivered as the warmth from the bed was lost. My feet touched the cold floor, sending a shock throughout my whole body.

I looked out of the window next to the dresser and I now had a better view of my whereabouts, since it was dark when I had first arrived here. There was a long stretch from the house to the tall gate at the bottom of the path. It made me wonder who The Joker had to kill to get a beautiful place like this. The thought made me feel ill. A couple of unmasked henchmen were parading the boundaries, along with the stereotypical guard dogs, looking relatively calm at the moment. I still didn’t want to be on the bad side of any of them.

When one of the men turned their head to look through my window, I jumped back when I realised that I was standing in my underwear only and I quickly closed the green velvet curtain.

I contemplated leaving the room to stretch my legs, but first I needed clothes. I still attempted to open the bedroom door, just to check if there was anyone actually out there. At first, I thought the handle was just a bit stiff to open, but after jiggling it around for a bit I realised that he had locked me in the room. This sent a wave of nausea through my body. I instantly felt uneasy, as if I was trapped. In fact, I was trapped. It almost made me feel claustrophobic, even though the bedroom was more than big enough for me. It was the whole idea of being locked in a room, just like an animal would be in a zoo.

I felt panicked and I didn’t realise that I was now frantically clawing at the door while thumping my fists against it. Once I had realised, I took in deep breaths and stopped myself from doing anymore damage to the door or to myself. I looked around the room for some sort of time telling device, but I didn’t succeed in finding one. I felt even more lost and anxious. While searching the room, I noticed a piece of paper lying directly in the middle of the vanity table.

In black, messy letters there was written;
WILL BE BACK SOON. BUSINESS TO DO. GET DRESSED. – J

I stared at the note confused. I didn’t even know where my clothes were. I placed the note back down on the vanity table and looked around, searching for my clothes. Figuring that they weren’t in the bedroom, I decided to check the ensuite bathroom. Sure enough, they were there, on the floor in a neat and folded pile; except these weren’t the clothes that I had on yesterday. They were new. They weren’t anything special, just a simple white v-neck t-shirt and denim shorts. On top of the clothes was a make-up kit. I smiled, wondering if it was for his make-up also. My smile grew wider, when I realised that he was actually caring for me. The Joker was actually looking after me and buying me clothes.

I opened the make-up kit and inside, was a black eye liner, mascara, blusher, various shades of eye shadow and red lipstick. After pulling on the clothes, I applied some of the make-up. But not too heavy, just a thin line around my eyes and some mascara.

When I was finished, I opened up the bathroom mirror/cabinet to keep the make-up safe. I struggled to fit it in, but eventually I managed to rest it on one of the cabinet’s shelves. As I closed the mirror, I let out a piercing shriek while jolting around, as I noticed The Joker inches behind me in the mirror. I gripped the edge of the sink, in terror, my heart racing faster and faster. He smiled evilly, noticing how shocked I looked and then let out a little chuckle.

“Did I scare you, puddin’?” he asked as he came closer to me, leaning against the sink.

I simply nodded my head in reply, at a loss for words. Continuing to approach closer and closer, he gripped both of my hands which were on either side of the sink. “Sorry, puddin’,” he apologised not so seriously. He said it with a smirk, being sadistic; he found pleasure in other people’s discomfort.

His body was now touching mine and the strong smell of gasoline and gunpowder was radiating from him. It was strong and smelt fresh.

“Mmm,” he mumbled as his hand trailed up my side. He planted a rough kiss on my cheek and then pulled away from me. I’d never have thought a simple kiss on the cheek, would have done so much to my body. I felt light headed and taken aback. Since when did he start showing affection like that?

As I followed The Joker back into the bedroom, I managed to squeak out, “So, where have you been?”

“Why? Did you miss me?” He retorted quickly.

“I was just curious, that’s all.”

“So you didn’t miss me?”

“No…I mean, yes…I mean…uh…yes, I did miss you,” I admitted, awkwardly. He’d probably know if I was lying anyway. What was the point? He seemed to like this answer, as his lopsided, smug grin spread across his face.

“That’s what I wanted to hear,” he grumbled, huskily before licking his lips.

He approached me again, but this time I grabbed his shoulders to stop him from coming closer. Bad idea. He began glaring at me, as if I had just punched him in the face and insulted him. However, I stayed strong.

“You still haven’t answered my question. Where have you been?” I repeated.

“I told you,” he said sharply. “I had business to do.”

I sighed heavily. “What kind of business?”

His breathing was becoming more rugged as his anger continued to rise. He turned away from me and answered, “None of your business.” Why was he hiding what he did from me? It’s not as if I didn’t know what kind of things he was capable of, yet he continued to ignore my question. Now, I felt as if I was sharing the same amount of anger as The Joker, knowing how all of the sessions held with him, back in Arkham, were a complete waste. I thought I was changing him. Making him into a better man. Obviously, it didn’t work.

So why do you still see some good in him, Harley!? Why do you think you can change him still? Why can’t you just face the facts and see that a monster like him, can’t be changed!? Why are you still determined to change him, when you know it’s not possible?

After lecturing myself, I turned my focus back to The Joker. “Why do you have to hide it from me? Just admit to me, what awful thing you did. Prove to me, that all of the sessions were just a waste of time.”

He turned around and bellowed, “Fine! Wanna know what I did?! I blew up your little office in Arkham! Happy? Is that enough proof?” He asked, smarmily. “I already told you, you couldn’t change me, but you didn’t listen because perfect little Harleen Quinzel is always right. She is the psychiatrist after all.”

I stood staring at him shocked, my eyes like saucers. Not only had he blown up my house, he had decided to blow up my office too. For some unknown reason, he felt the need to blow up everything I had.

“Go on, Harley. Tell me I’m a bad, bad, bad, bad man. Slap my wrist and lecture me to never do it again,” he teased cruelly with a lick of his lips. He came closer to me as he mocked sympathy, “Poor, little, naïve, Harley. So confused and unaware of the realities of the world.” He grabbed the back of my neck and violently brought my face closer to his. “Open your eyes and see that you are. Never. Gonna. Change. Me,” he growled. After staring at me for a few moments longer, he crashed his lips down onto my own in an aggressive kiss. He was fucking bi-polar! He was only doing this to confuse me and it was working tremendously. I was taken aback by the sudden mood change and I resisted the kiss at first, feeling dazed, but unfortunately I caved in and kissed him back. Just as I was relaxing into the kiss, he broke away and continued to look at me angrily. I seriously didn’t understand him. What did he want from me?

I collapsed onto the bed behind me, completely overwhelmed with the many emotions running around my body. The Joker’s intense glare continued as he made his way for the bedroom door. Before he left, he grabbed something off of the vanity table and through it onto my lap. It was a Gotham Daily newspaper.

“You made front page,” he muttered angrily before he left the room. I attempted to dash towards the door before he closed it, knowing that he was going to lock me in again. Unfortunately, he slammed the door in my face before I could stop him. I whimpered as I tried to open the door, but his grip was too tight for me to even budge the handle.

“Please,” I whined, helplessly through the door. He ignored me and persisted on locking the door. “No,” I exclaimed as I thrashed my tiny fists against the door. I could practically hear him smiling manically at my whimpers. Then I heard his footsteps fading away down the hallway and I burst out into tears as I slid down the door. I hadn’t been here a day and already I felt as if I wasn’t able to cope. I just needed some fresh air and I’d be fine. But he didn’t even allow that. I hadn’t eaten anything, nor had I drank and I felt fatigued from lack of good sleep.

Still in tears, I made my way over to the bed where the newspaper lay. I picked it up and saw an image of me and an image of rubble which used to be my house. The heading read “Arkham Psychiatrist Missing?”. I couldn’t bring myself to read the article. What was the point anyway? I knew what had happened, I didn’t need a reminder. I threw the newspaper at the wall in fury and stood up from the bed. I pulled back the curtain and opened the window for some fresh air. The sun was now setting into twilight, just visible above the trees. I inhaled deeply, sitting down on the window sill, absorbing all of the clear oxygen. It felt good and already my infuriation was dying down. I watched aimlessly at the guards, still parading the stretch of land with their rottweilers.

As there was nothing else to do, I decided to crawl into bed. I couldn’t even do the crossword in the newspaper because I didn’t have a pen or a pencil. ‘You know who’s’ probably slamming them into people’s faces. Stupid jerk. I lay in the bed attempting to go to sleep, but I failed as my stomach was growling furiously. It hurt too much. I rubbed it to try and soothe the pain, but it didn’t work.

While I gripped onto my stomach as another loud growl erupted, I heard the door being unlocked. In the doorway was The Joker standing with a plate in his hand. He eyed me, gripping onto my stomach and asked, “Hungry?” Knowing fully well that I was starving.

I nodded my head perpetually and then he made his way into the bedroom. He placed the plate on the bed next to me and then proceeded to taking off his trench coat. On the plate were a couple slices of pizza. I eagerly grabbed one of the slices and took a bite out of it. As I chewed on it, The Joker watched me while sliding off his gloves. I usually had a strange fear of eating in front of people, but because I was so hungry I didn’t care. I continued to indulge in the pizza.

Once his gloves were off he walked over to me and sat on the edge of the bed next to me. He wrapped an arm around me so that he was gripping my arm and bringing me closer. “See. I’m not so much of a monster,” he assured me, whispering near my ear.

“I didn’t say you were a monster,” I told him between bites.

“You were thinking it.”

“Giving me food, doesn’t change my perception of you anyway, even if I did think you were a monster.”

“Well what is it that you want, Harley?” He asked as I started on the second slice.

“All I’m asking is that you let me out of this bedroom. I can’t take it in here any longer. Just let me stretch my legs and I’ll be fine.”

His eyes rolled up as if he was thinking and contemplating my want. “Hmm…okay, puddin’. But promise me you won’t run off.”

“Where would I go?” I asked monotonously. “You’ve destroyed everything I have.”

Feeling full, I placed the half eaten slice of pizza back on the plate and then picked the plate up.

“Come on, then,” The Joker ordered as he stood up from the bed. I followed him with the plate in hand out of the room.

I heard the sound of the TV and the chit chat of The Joker’s henchmen coming from downstairs as The Joker placed an arm over my shoulder protectively, when we entered the living room. My eyes darted to the ground, when I felt all eyes of the henchmen on me. They had previously been playing a game of poker on the round table, but everyone had paused just to glare at me walk past.

Eventually, we made it through to the kitchen and The Joker’s arm immediately dropped from my shoulder. I placed the plate on the kitchen top and then asked, “Do you want that bit of pizza?”

“No,” he replied as he grabbed a glass from one of the cupboards and then ensued to pour water into it. He slid the glass towards me once he had finished pouring and then ordered firmly, “Drink it.” I obliged and gulped the drink. He was obviously trying to get on my good side again, for some weird reason, hence confusing me further. He was like a puzzle with no fitting pieces. He’s impossible to figure out, but that just made me for fascinated with him. “Okay?”

I nodded in reply and the placed the glass on the counter. “That’s all I want from you. All I’m asking is that you don’t trap me in that room anymore.”

“I’m not… ‘trapping’ you in that room. It’s for your own good. I don’t want you getting hurt. I’m only protecting you. When I’m not around you, I lose my mind. You’re my responsibility now and I need to protect you from people like them,” he said pointing at his men sitting at the table still. “Don’t think that I’m doing this just to be cruel. ‘Cause I’m not. This is for your benefit only and I only want you to be safe. I’d at least expect you to be thankful for that.”

I stared in awe at him and his little speech. His words of protection made me want to melt. I felt vulnerable towards him now, with his chocolate brown eyes gazing into mine. As if I was in a trance, I began to move in closer to him. I kissed him on the lips softly and the pulled away after a few seconds. “Thank you.”

After being led back upstairs to the bedroom and climbing into bed, I was the one pressing towards him instead. He neglected to wrap his arm around me that night, knowing fully well that I was just as cold as I was the previous. He was testing me, I knew it. He wanted to see what I would do. Giving into the temptation, I scooted closer to him and wrapped an arm around him. It was unbelievably awkward and it didn’t help that he was smirking at me. I ignored him, eventually the awkwardness dying down slightly. Not being able to keep my eyes open any longer, I feel into a deep sleep.