No Place in My Heart for a Criminal Like You

I woke up, still not knowing what time it was. It was a dull day today. The sky was a light greyish colour and dark clouds were slowly emerging into one another. I sensed a storm coming. My arm lay limply across the bed, where The Joker had once been. I automatically assumed he was doing ‘business’ again, until I heard shuffling coming from the ensuite bathroom. The bathroom door was slightly open and every now and then I could see a section of The Joker’s body moving around. Curious as to what he was doing, I stood up from the bed and made my way over to the bathroom.

Through the crack I could now see that he was dressed, without his trench coat and gloves. He had not yet realised that I was up and didn’t acknowledge my presence advancing towards him.

Without a second thought, I opened the door wide so that he knew I was there. “What are you -” I cut my sentence short when I looked in the mirror and noticed that he wasn’t wearing any make-up. My breath came to an immediate stop and I felt my stomach do a whole twist.

When The Joker realised that I was standing in the doorway, his eyes squeezed shut and his hands attempted to cover his face. His back still to me, he turned slightly and rested his forehead against the wall with a thud. His hands were now shaking, in shame and in anger.

“Get out,” he breathed against the wall. I felt the tears brim my eyes when I realised how upset he was that I had saw him without the make-up. I never knew that his scars pained him so much and it hurt to know he felt that way about them. His back was now heaving as he vented his anger and I continued to sympathise for him and tears were now rolling down my cheeks softly. Although I couldn’t stand to see him like this, I stayed in my place. One reason being that I was completely paralysed with shock and the other being that I wanted to help him, hold him, soothe him and tell him everything was alright. I knew he wouldn’t take kindly to the latter, but I felt the need to do it. Show him that someone cared about him.

I took a step further into the bathroom and he twitched violently hearing me come closer. “It’s -” I started teary eyed, but he cut my sentence short with a loud bellow.

“GET. OUT!” His voice reverberated of the tiled walls creating a noisy echo. Normally, I would have obeyed him when he was in this disposition, but my mind forced me to stay with him. The sympathy towards him overpowered the feeling of fear and I know longer felt as if I should cower from him in defeat.

I attempted to place a hand on one of his shoulders to ease him round to look at me. He viciously jolted my hand away from him when I made contact. That didn’t stop me from trying again. “Just look at me, please,” I begged, while he made little grunts, growls and groans in protest of my touch. “It’s okay. It’s okay. Please. Just look at me.” As I continued to plead and soothe him, he continued to shuffle away from me making irritable sounds in the process.

Finally, having enough, he grabbed my wrist when I had attempted to turn his face to look at me by placing a hand on his cheek. “I DON’T need your sympathy!” he growled furiously as he turned to look at my teary face. “Leave me alone.” Without the make-up, he actually looked really handsome. Even though the scars were quite noticeable, they weren’t as noticeable as they were when he tried to cover them up with make-up. It’s not fair that such a perfect face had to be scarred like it was. I saw through the scars still and saw the beautiful human that he was. Why would he want to hide that by painting over his whole face?

“Calm down. I don’t care about the scars. I don’t care.”

With clenched teeth and his grip tightening around my wrist painfully, he said, “Why would you care? Why would you care about a monster like me?”

“You’re not a monster!”

“Gotham’s citizens think otherwise. All they see is a hideous freak. They’re all the same. Why can’t you see that? Why can’t you see what everyone else sees? An ugly creep, who enjoys terrorising the city, hmm? You’re blinded by your instincts. Your instincts to help me and make me better. I wish I could pull the wool from your eyes and show you that they’re all right and I’m just a hideous monster causing chaos all over Gotham. Why can’t you see that, hmm!?”

“I don’t care what other people think!” I screamed at him. “I actually care about you. You have no reason to be ashamed of your scars. Don’t listen to what other people say about you. Take my word and believe me when I say I don’t care about the scars.” His grip on my wrist had loosened and his hand was now travelling up my arms and onto either side of my face. My hands slowly and hesitantly wandered up to his face. When he didn’t budge, I slowly placed my fingers on his scars, feeling the imperfections softly. He twitched every now and then when I had gone over a bump, but he still didn’t bring my hands away from his face. With his thumbs he wiped away the tears that were still falling down my face and then he brought me in closer to kiss me on the lips. I did so willingly and my hands moved from his face to his greasy, wavy hair, instantly getting tangled.

After the kiss he had ordered me to wait in the bedroom, while he finished getting ready. I obeyed and mindlessly sat on the edge of the bed awaiting his arrival. Eventually, he emerged from the bathroom, with his face now fully painted. I sighed at that.

“You don’t need that make-up, you know,” I told him.

“Being a clown is my trademark, Harley. How do you expect me to go out into Gotham without people knowing who I am?” He asked as he fastened his tie around his neck.

As I stood up from the bed, I questioned, “You’re going out again? What are you doing now?”

“A bit of this, a bit of that. More of this than that though,” he explained cryptically. I couldn’t help but smile at him as I walked over to him.

“Please don’t go out. If you go out, I’ll have to be locked in this room again and I don’t want that,” I whined as I pulled grabbed his tie and pulled him towards me. I placed a quick kiss on his lips when I had finished speaking.

I pouted playfully when he denied me. “Sorry, puddin’. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“Can’t I come with you?” I asked not letting go of his tie.

“No. Not yet anyway. One day, when you’re ready, I’ll take you somewhere with me. But right now, all I want you to do is stay in here and be a good girl for me.”

I sighed, “Fine.”

He patted my head patronisingly as if I was some kind of dog. I let go of his tie and moodily walked over to the bed and lay down. I watched sulkily as he slid his gloves and trench coat on. He noticed my pout and shook his head at me.

“You’re like a little kid. Turn that frown upside down, little miss grumpy.” I sighed and turned away from him, playfully. He chuckled and said “I’ll be back soon, puddin’.”

The door closed then locked and then he was gone, leaving me feeling lonely and bored. My thoughts running around my head didn’t help my loneliness. I just kept replaying recent events in my head and I couldn’t get rid of them. Most of them were based on The Joker and I realised that I would do anything for him, as if I was under a spell. I felt lost without him and I desperately need him around me.

For some unknown and obscure reason, I was totally and unhealthily in love with him.