No Place in My Heart for a Criminal Like You

Joker POV

It was almost painful to suppress the laugh, when Harley admitted to loving me. Who wouldn’t laugh? Obviously she got a bit too excited and didn’t realise what she was saying. Still, I found it funny. At least, now I know for sure. She’s almost as strange as me for saying such a thing. I almost found it cute, how ecstatic she was after coming out of the police station. Almost. This was her first night out as Harley Quinn, however, and you can’t blame her for having all this adrenalin rushing through her.

Deliberately, I didn’t say anything back. I wanted her to try harder. Not saying anything, will only result in her wanting to impress me more. Eventually she’ll learn to impress me without wanting to. Eventually she’ll be able to do things on her own without me telling her what to do. Only then will I tell her that I love her. But as of now, she’s a lot like a lost puppy. If it wasn’t for me, she wouldn’t have a clue on what she was doing. Basically, she follows me around and does every little thing that I say. It’s kind of annoying really. She doesn’t have a mind of her own. I like it when she puts up a fight and refuses to do what I tell her. It’s more of a challenge for me and it covers her weak side. Slightly.

Another problem with Harley; she’s weak. Mentally, I mean. She cares too much for other people and her morality. Physically, I think she’d be able to put up a good fight. Although she’s not as strong as me. Obviously. She has swung a few punches at me, however, and she’s a lot stronger than she looks. All this physical strength wasted on an ethical, principled, righteous altruist. Such a shame. Sooner or later, I’d be the one to change this.

Clearly, I was getting to her. It wasn’t long now till she is completely consumed by madness. Because madness as you know is like gravity. All you need is a little push. And I’m the one that’s going to push her over the edge. Not literally. But then again… You never know. I had not intentions of killing her though. My intentions were to break her spirit completely.

Poor girl. So different from what she was, yet still so naïve. You can’t say I didn’t warn her, because I’ve warned her over and over. I told her that she shouldn’t try to ’help’ me and she should leave the whole “you’re-not-a-freak” act alone. But she didn’t listen. And that’s her problem; she never listens. I do find this whole new Harley Quinn disposition quite entertaining, however. Especially Gordon’s reaction to it. I’d love to see all of Gotham’s reaction to the new Harley. Once again, I’ll show them that even the most innocent do-gooders of Gotham can break and reveal who they really are. Insert evil laugh here.

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Once we had returned to the manor, Harley practically skipped up the stairs and to our room. I followed a little less enthusiastically.

“Wasn’t that so much fun?” Harley almost squealed as she jumped up onto the bed. I merely shrugged my shoulders indifferently. “What’s wrong with you Mr Grumpy?” She asked as she started bouncing up and down on the bed.

“Small procedures like that don’t really get me excited, puddin’.”

“Oh, ok Mr I’m-Too-Good-For-This-Kind-Of-Procedure. What are we doing next, hmm? Is it something that you’ll find more of a challenge? I’d like to see what you get excited about.”

“Well, uh, I haven’t really thought about it…You know, I haven’t seen that bat in awhile. I’m starting to miss him. An encounter with him might liven up the scene, don’t you think? And that way, once you have your first run in with the bat, you’re sure to get noticed. Gotham will finally know and remember the name Harley Quinn.”

“Ooo!” She screamed as she clapped her hands feverishly. I smiled sincerely at her. This is exactly how I wanted her to be.

After calming down from her fervent episode, she jumped off the bed and suggestively sauntered over to me, eyeing me lasciviously. “So…Mr J. What…excites you?” She asked seductively as she grabbed my tie.

“Well…” Before I had a chance to finish my answer, she turned me around and pushed me down onto the bed, grabbing my wrists so I was pinned. I must admit, I was shocked by her sudden animalistic desire but mostly I just found it entertaining. I let out a small chuckle at her lustful, yet playful manner.

“Pinned ya,” she giggled as she straddled my waist. She began smearing her already smeared make-up along my neck as she ravaged it with kisses. Why did she keep doing this? She really confused me sometimes. It’d be just cruel even for me, if I pushed her away again. I guess she deserved it this time anyway. Trust me, I’m not going soft. However, I didn’t like the fact that she was being the one in control and I needed to let her know who’s boss around here.

As I was about to roll her over, she stopped kissing and pushed herself up off the bed.

“What are you doing?” I asked irritated.

“Oh, I thought you weren’t interested,” she stated smarmily with a wink. I sneered at the fact that she was trying to tease me. The little rascal. I applauded her confidence now, although I somewhat pitied her. I assumed she knew by now that I didn’t take lightly to people teasing me, tormenting me, making fun of me or anything that made me feel weaker than them in that matter. I was the joker around here, not them. She wasn’t teasing anyone but herself really. She’s the one who forces herself onto me. Although, a very beautiful and attractive girl, I held hardly any sexual desire for her. So the gesture didn’t affect me at all, except for being slightly irritated at her for thinking she could get away with it. She should know by now that I don’t let an act like that just slip by.

With a chuckle, I lay my arms under my head as I looked up to the ceiling. “Oh, I like you. You‘ve got spunk.”

“You’re boring me. I’m going downstairs for a drink,” she informed nonchalantly as she turned on her heal, her blonde hair flicking in the process.

When she reached for the door handle, I quickly grabbed her wrist tightly and spun her around to face me. Aggressively, I slammed her against the door with clenched teeth. Contradicting the response I was expecting, she erupted into a fit of girly giggles. “Glad I amuse you,” I muttered huskily and angrily. She simply let out a little moan in response, with a cheeky smile plastered across her face. Still annoyed, I continued to frown at her, breathing heavily. Randomly, she licked the tip of my nose and let out another giggle afterwards. I stared at her no longer angrily, but quizzically. She was a strange one. Again, straight out of nowhere, she slapped me across the face gently with giggles following. And then again. And then again.

My confusion began to grow with everything she did. Finally, I’d had enough of being slapped no matter how gentle the slaps were. I knew it was exactly what she wanted, but I grabbed the back of her hair, tilting her head to the side before I bit into her neck.

Hey, I didn’t say didn’t have any sexual desire for her.