No Place in My Heart for a Criminal Like You

I sighed heavily to myself as I left the bedroom wearing the Harley Quinn outfit yet again. I couldn’t wait to get out of it and get rid of it already.

“J!” I called out as I searched for him along the corridors. There was no answer, so I tried again. “Joker!” Still no reply. I walked downstairs just to see if his men were still there or if they knew where he was. They all seemed to be there, excluding The Joker himself. Some were lazing on the sofa watching the TV while others were sitting around the poker table playing with cards. “Has anyone seen The Joker?” I asked still looking around the room.

In return all I got was a mere grunt and a shrug of the shoulders. They didn’t even bother to turn their heads around to look at me, which was even more annoying. I wouldn’t be surprised if they even heard me at all, but only answered so that I’d stop talking to them.

I groaned loudly as I stomped my foot agitatedly. “Ugh! Where is he then?! He just told me to get ready and now he’s not even here! What happened to him!?” I shouted to myself more than anyone else.

“He went out,” one goon replied, actually looking up from his cards this time to look at me.

“Why didn’t you say that in the first place?! Where did he go?”

“Not sure. Boss said he’d be back soon. Didn’t tell us what he was going to do. He wanted us to tell you that he’d gone out.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me instead of acting all nonchalant?”

“Well someone ate a dictionary! And I did just tell you didn’t I?! Don’t start getting all hormonal on me!”

I rolled my eyes with a growl at his stupidity as I began marching back and forth having nothing else but to wait for The Joker’s arrival. It’s times like these where I felt as if I could kill him. One minute he’s telling me to get ready as soon as possible and the next he’s not even ready himself, which is kind of hypocritical.

As soon as I heard the front door open I spun around and started towards the door. “Where have you been?” I exclaimed as I rushed towards him.

“A little eager aren’t we?” He asked, closing the door behind him.

“Eager? I’m annoyed! And don’t try to change the subject. Where were you just now?”

“For me to know and for you to find out,” he replied smarmily as he walked past me and into the living room where his men were. I followed him still irritated.

“Stop with the riddles and just tell me where you were!”

He simply scoffed in return and turned his head to the TV screen completely ignoring me. I turned my head also when the episode of The O.C that was previously on the TV screen was interrupted by an important news broadcast.

‘We’re sorry to interrupt your current television programme, but GCN have just received an urgent video recording that will concern all of Gotham.’

I didn’t even have to see the clip to know that The Joker was somehow part of this.

’Hello all of Gotham-’ The Joker started as soon as the recording had begun, but it was cut off when he switched the power button off.

“Let’s go shall we?” He asked as he clapped his hands together glancing at everyone in the room. Before he had a chance to leave the room, I grabbed his arm firmly.

“What have you done?” I asked slowly with my teeth clenched.

As a reply he let out a squeaky, loud laugh before saying, “Why do you assume that I’ve done something terrible? Am I really that obvious? Besides you’ll find out exactly what I’ve done all in due course. But we won’t find out what it is if you don’t hurry up.” He shook my grip off and then grasped my arm instead, beginning to tug me along.

“NO!” I screamed as I pulled myself away from him. “Don’t grab me like that! I can make my own way out and I don’t need you to push and pull me everywhere!”

“Well, to me it seems like I do since you are failing to move right now! We need to go otherwise we’ll be late! Now, HURRY UP!” He bellowed as he picked me up around the waist so that I was being carried sideways.

“I have legs! I can walk by myself!” I shrieked as I was carried out of the house and past all of the men embarrassingly.

“Shut up!” He yelled getting sick of my constant screaming. Once we reached the van he threw me to my seat and strapped me in. “Safety first,” he sang nasally and then slammed the door shut angrily, before making his way around to the driver’s seat. His men piled into the back and then The Joker started the engine.

“Tell me what you’ve done!” I shouted as he began driving off calmly towards the city.

“I told you, you’ll find out soon enough!”

“Why were you on the news? What are you trying to hide?”

“I’m not trying to hide anything, I just want this to be a surprise for you, puddin’! But you’re not letting that happen for me, are you toots?” He said in a low growl.

“I hate surprises. So you may as well just tell me now because I’m not going to let this drop. You’re just going to have to listen to my constant whining all the way to Gotham and I’m sure you don’t want that. So are you going to tell me or not? Because believe me, I can talk like this forever. If you haven’t noticed, I love to talk. So that’s what I’m going to do. Just talk until you tell me what you’ve done. Whatever it is, I’m probably not going to like anyway so there really isn’t any point in this whole surprise, is there? Are you-” My sentence was cut short when he turned the radio on full blast so that the music played over my voice. The current song was A Little Respect by Erasure. I still tried talking over the top of it but it wasn’t working to well. He even began to mime the words to the song, which annoyed me even further.

’I’m so in love with you. I’ll be forever blue. What religion or reason. Could drive a man to forsake his lover. Don’t you tell me no, don’t you tell me no, don’t you tell me no, don’t you tell me no. Soul, I hear you calling. Oh baby please, give a little respect to me!

Normally I would have loved to laugh at The Joker miming the words to Erasure but at a time like this, I was just too annoyed and angry. Instead of laughing, I let out a frustrated scream. The Joker laughed loudly at my misfortune. Finally having enough, I turned the radio off, but was soon turned back on by The Joker. We continued to turn the radio on and off, until The Joker snapped and grabbed my hand viciously before I could turn it off again.

“Touch the radio one more time and I swear I’ll break every bone in your pretty little hands!” He shouted over the top of the music. I snatched my hand away from him and frowned as I turned my head to look out of the window angrily. I knew better than to try and turn it off again because I knew that he was a man of his word and he would actually break my bones if I even tried.

I had nothing else to do but to listen to the strangely unfitting music playing extremely loud in the van while I waited to see what surprise The Joker had up his sleeve.