Worth The Wait

CH 11

Phoebe woke up the next morning annoyed that Mike was lying in bed next to her. She’d woken up that way for the past two days. He didn’t cuddle with her, he didn’t hold her the way that Sid did. All he wanted to do was have sex like she was some sort of conquest, roll over and go to sleep. She couldn’t blame him for falling asleep though, with the way his sex drive was working she didn’t know how he even had the energy to walk. She, on the other hand, wanted to stitch up her hole if it would keep him out of her. She lay in bed afraid to move because she didn’t want to wake Mike up. She thought about everything that had happened since he arrived, the conversations he had with her and the things he told her. She knew something was more different than it had ever been, but her mind and her heart didn’t know what to believe. The words Mike spoke to her hurt more than they should’ve but what she believed had more of an effect on their future. She spent all her time convincing herself that he was faithful to her when he was away, but she just couldn’t deny it anymore. When Mike finally woke up she knew that he didn’t have much time to spend with her before he had to leave. She crawled out of bed to make breakfast before he could attack her and felt guilty for counting down the minutes before his departure.

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Sid couldn’t remember if he slept last night. He knew he went home, dropped his coat on the floor and headed for his bed. He knew he put the television on and laid in his bed limply staring at the ceiling trying not to think about Phoebe or Richards but couldn’t shake them. He wasn’t sure if he dozed off or just got lost in his thoughts. When he dreamed, Phoebe was there. The warmth of her body and the softness of her touch made him rest easily and when he would fall asleep with a smile spread across his face she was his. Not that night though. She was in the grasp of another man. Sid couldn’t even say she was in his arms because he knew Richards could give two craps about her and her feelings. He didn’t know Phoebe the way Sid did. He didn’t look at her the way Sid looked at her and he didn’t give up anything to be with her. No. Instead he played with her emotions and made her believe that he was willing to take care of her so that he could have the perfect trophy wife on his arm and do whatever he wanted behind her back. The worst part was that she fell for it. She fell for all of it and the more Sid thought about it the angrier he got. His heart was in turmoil just thinking of her giving herself to that animal and his emotions were running wild at how stupid she was. Sid knew that Phoebe didn’t love Mike. He knew she loved him yet she was so friggin stubborn; willing to let everything fall apart and permit herself to be miserable instead of breaking off the promise that Richards never attempted to uphold.

Sidney finally got to a point in which is raw anger and frustration overshadowed his hurt and agony. He couldn’t kick himself out of bed quick enough. He knew that by this point Richards had to be long gone. He couldn’t stay forever, he knew the schedule, and Phoebe said he was leaving relatively early in the morning. He threw on his clothes without bothering to notice what items of clothing he was putting on and made his way out the door. He didn’t want to drive but he didn’t want to walk either. He was irrationally angry with Phoebe and he was going to tell her exactly how he felt. Not that he loved her and that he couldn’t stand not holding or, not that when she was in his general vicinity he couldn’t take his eyes off her. Hell, even when he wasn’t with her he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. Not that her existence gave him reason to be a better man. No. He was going to tell her how insane he thought she was for being with someone who wasn’t invested in their relationship. He was going to tell her that she was wasting his time by being his friend and that he never wanted to see her again so that he could uncomplicate his life. Those were the sentiments he was going to so kindly express to her and when he was finished he would walk away and leave her to be with the man she couldn’t give up. His plan was not well thought out but it was simple. Everything would be fine after he got it off his chest. That’s what he kept repeating to himself over and over, anyway.

He didn’t call her to give her any warning that he was stopping by. When he got to her building he parked like a madman and let his racing adrenaline motor his legs to her door. He pounded on it urgently, waiting for her to answer, waiting to hurt her the way she had hurt him. He could hear her fumbling around in her apartment, making her way to open the door. His heart was racing and his face was stoic, there was no turning back now.
When he knew she was directly on the other end of the door he felt a sense on confusion not knowing why she didn’t instantaneously open it. Instead he heard her faint voice on the other end ask, “who is it?” very solemnly.

“It’s me,” he said coldly.

He could hear her take a deep breath and brace herself for opening the door. When it swung open and he was face-to-face with her, all the anger and harsh words Sid planned on laying on her dissolved when he saw the tears running down her face.

“What’s the matter?” he asked softly, stepping into her apartment without asking her if it were okay.

She turned to follow him into her place. “Nothing Sid. It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine,” he rushed to her and cupped her face in his hands wiping her tears away with his thumbs. “What happened?”

“I don’t know,” she broke down crying. She couldn’t hold in her tears anymore. “I don’t know what to think,” she in in-between broken sobs.

“Did Mike do something to you?”

She pushed away from him and paced behind her couch. “I don’t know,” she whimpered.

“How can you not know? You’re hysterically crying and you’re honestly expecting me to believe you don’t know why you’re upset? Richards just left you this morning and you’re crying. What do you already miss him or something?” he bitterly snapped at her in frustration for not knowing what was hurting her so badly.

“No, it isn’t that Sid.” The way she said his name made him want to pull her close to him more than anything. “I’m happy he left. He just…I don’t know. He acted weird the entire time he was here and told me things that shouldn’t have bothered me but did.”

Sid didn’t know what she meant. “I don’t understand Pheebs. How did he act weird?”

She looked up at him with shame in her eyes and then back down. Sid hung his head and felt his stomach tighten because he knew this was stuff he couldn’t handle hearing. “It’s okay,” he whispered without looking at her. “You can tell me.”

“He…all he wanted to do was have sex. I didn’t want to, I barely felt like my permission was required,” she struggled with her words. “He didn’t hold me or care about how I felt, he just did what he felt like doing. He treated me like a whore every time he touched me…I don’t know its just,” she couldn’t finish talking all she could do was break down and cry more.

Sid didn’t want her to continue elaborating. He already had his hand over his stomach, squeezing his eyes shut so that he would be able to semi deal with what she was telling him. He noticed though, how unhappy she was when she talked about Richards. He knew that she was treated horribly the entire time she was around Mike and that the only reason he showed any interest in visiting her was because he knew that she’d been spending so much time with Sid. It hurt him to hear about it for more than one reason. He couldn’t stand to think of her being taken advantage of and it hurt him to know she was hurting. He went to comfort her and wrap his arms around her but she pulled away.

“What’s the matter? Why won’t you let me hold you?” he was confused and hurt and all he wanted to do was feel her against him.

“I don’t know Sid,” her tone suddenly became harsher. “Why don’t you go ask one of the sluts you banged in Philly?”

Sid’s eyes almost popped out of his head. “What?” he yelled.

“You heard me.”

“I know what you said. What I don’t know is why the hell you’re asking me that. I didn’t do anything, where did you even-“ it dawned on him that Richards was telling her lies to keep her away from him. “Are you serious? He comes here randomly after I’m there and brings all these lies with him and you instinctively believe him? God Pheebs. I thought you knew me better than that by now.”

She dropped her head and took an unusually long time to respond. “I know,” she breathed out without looking up at him. “I didn’t think it was true and I didn’t want it to be true but when he told me that I didn’t know what to do and I’m already freaking out because my instinct told me that he’s the one sleeping around, not you. I didn’t know what to think,” she sobbed harder and harder but never looked up at Sid. Her rapid spewing of words registered in Sid’s brain and he immediately went to her and pulled her to him into a hug, not caring if she wanted him to or not.

“Shhhh,” he cooed. “It’s okay. It’s going to be fine Pheebs. I’m right here,” he whispered softly to her.

“I know. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she said through her tears.

“I didn’t do anything, I wasn’t with anyone. He must’ve told you that I was the one with the girl so that I couldn’t tell you the truth first. I mean, he probably assumed I’d already told you stuff and wanted to turn you against me assuming you’d take his word over mine.”

Phoebe froze. “What did you just say?” she pushed away from Sid and looked up at him.

Sid realized what he did. “Pheebs-“

“No. What did you just say? Mike assumed you already told me stuff? What kind of stuff?”

Sid looked at her and sighed in frustration but couldn’t find any words.

“So you spend all this time with me, have some type of proof that my fiancé is out fucking whatever he wants yet you don’t say a word to me? Don’t give me a heads up- even if you don’t know for sure? How could you!” she screamed. “What am I just a conquest for you too? ‘Oh let me see if I can turn Mike Richards fiancée away from him’. You two hate each other! Of course it’s a game!” she turned away, tears still streaming down her face and her heart in shambles.

“Pheebs,” Sid said her name softly and tried to move towards her. He knew he should’ve given her some type of warning about what Mike was like when he wasn’t with her, but he didn’t want to be that person. He didn’t know everything, but still, he should’ve told her and he knew he was wrong.

“No!” she raised her voice pushing him away. “Don’t touch me. Just get out on my home.”

“C’mon, just let me expl-“ he pleaded, not wanting to lose her.

“Just leave.” She made her way to the door and opened it, motioning with her head that she wanted him out.

He didn’t say anything he just locked his eyes with hers and saw all the emotions that she was feeling. There was nothing he could do to make her pain less; she was torn between what she should believe and what she wanted to believe. Sid knew that she trusted him, but her mind was running ramped and she was letting her irrational emotions get the best of her. He walked out and she slammed the door behind him. He knew he should’ve reacted in anger and not have cared that she threw him out, but he couldn’t stand the thought of him being responsible for her hurting even in the slightest.

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Phoebe slammed her door, pressed her back against it and slid down until she was sitting on the floor. She felt so betrayed by both Sid and Mike. Both of them had different stories as to what happened. Her gut instinct was to believe Sid, but if the two of them were as close as she thought they were then she couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t have been honest to her about Mike, even if he merely suspected unfaithfulness. Then again, would she have believed him if he did tell her? Mike was her fiancé which made things complicated, she was supposed to trust him. He was supposed to be honest with her. She was torn and massively confused but in her heart she knew she most likely flipped out on Sid in vain.

She peeled herself up off the floor and went to the couch where she planned on staying until she had to leave for class. She hated the fact that she had a night class and that she wouldn’t get out until almost nine o’clock. She hated that tonight of all nights was when she would have to pretend she was paying attention while her mind would be racing. She hated the fact that she felt alone and that the sun would go down while she was in class, she felt dark enough as it was…she didn’t need to be in it as well.

Phoebe got up off the couch and went to her bedroom to get dressed. When she walked in she found herself in the mist of the very thing she was trying to avoid. Mike had forced himself to be all over her room and Sid just naturally was already there. She went in her closet, put on a tank top and threw a turtleneck overtop with a pair of dark wash jeans and her favorite pair of uggs. She wrapped herself up with a scarf and nice black and white coat that cut just before her knees. She grabbed her books, put them in her bag and made her way out of her apartment. Her mind was racing the entire way there. Walking helped relieve her of the stress she was overwhelmed with and gave her the opportunity to clear her mind. She didn’t want to talk to anyone and she wasn’t going to go out of her way to talk to either one of the guys. She didn’t know what to think about Mike, nor what she would even confront him with, and she didn’t know how to act around Sid. Her gut told her to forgive him because he’d never done anything to hurt her but she hadn’t heard from him either so she figured he didn’t want to talk to her. She thought about him throughout her classes. She thought about how much she missed him when he as gone and now that he was here she wouldn’t get to be with him because she’d practically thrown him out of her life. She vaguely heard her professor talking about the significance of Freud and something about psychology but she hated this class as it was and paying attention was impossible at this point.

When class was over Phoebe applied her scarf and buttoned her coat, prepared to walk home in the cold and said her good byes to the girls she minimally spoke to because of the fact that they were in the same class. She felt the cold air hit her face when she opened the door of the building and made her way outside to make her way home. When she lifted her head up she noticed someone sitting alone on the bench that she was going to pass to make her way off campus. Since most people were gone and it was cold, she found it odd that someone would be sitting there by themselves. With each step she took that brought her closer to the man on the bench she realized that it was Sidney. He was sitting there in a pair of jeans, a hoodie and beanie on his head. His arms were crossed in a feeble attempt to keep himself warm and his head was tucked into his chest so that he could hold his body warmth. As if he could sense her, he lifted his head and their eyes locked, revealing to her just how upset he was.

She slowed her pace and stopped in front of him, a smirk spreading across her cheeks and immediately felt warm. There were no words to be said, she sat down next to him and put her head on his shoulder.

After sitting like that for a few minutes Sid finally broke their silence. “I’m really sorry,” he slightly turned his head in her direction but didn’t want her to pull away.

“No, Sid. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you,” she placed her far arm around his stomach in a hug.

“I know but you’re right. I should’ve been honest with you. I listened to you tell me you had trust issues with him and I didn’t say a word. The thing I need you to understand is that I didn’t go home with anyone. I haven’t been with a girl in a long time and I wouldn’t lie to you. I know you might find it hard to believe but you can trust me.”

“I know,” she whispered. “I know I can.”

“The things that you told me…” Sid swallowed. “What you said about Mike and how he treated you while he was here…I can’t stand it.”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you,” she tried to explain. “I don’t know what saying anything to you about that accomplished. I was just so upset because I was so convinced that Mike was cheating on me. I mean, you never really know how to respond to something like that. And with the way he’s been acting. I don’t know Sid, I just…I feel like I barely know him anymore.”

Sid knew she was coming to the end of her rope all on her own. There was no need to pressure her because the moment for him to be completely honest with her and tell her that she was the one he wanted to spend his life with was rapidly approaching. Instead of making her continue to talk about her emotionally draining revelations he simply asked, “You ready to go home?”

Phoebe nodded which caused to Sid stand up and hold out his hand to her. She interlaced her fingers with his and leaned into him as they made their way to her apartment, both of them knowing he wasn’t going home that night.