Worth The Wait

CH 13

Sid’s eyes popped open as he realized someone was knocking on his door. He contemplated letting whoever it was knock until they got bored so that they would finally leave but then he realized it could be Phoebe and he couldn’t kick himself out of bed fast enough.

“I’m coming,” he yelled in his groggy state. “Hold on a second.” His hair was a mess and he needed to find a shirt. As doubtful as it was that Phoebe was on the other end of the door, he still prayed for it. When he opened the door in his tired state his heart dropped to see Jordan staring back at him. Not Phoebe.

“You look great man.” Jordan waltzed through the door passed Sidney.

“Yeah,” he rolled his eyes. “What are you doing here?”

Jordan turned to face his friend. “I know what happened last night man. I saw you chase her down the stairs. I saw her hysterical and I saw your heart drop down into your balls when she walked out. So…what the fuck happened?”

Sid sighed and dropped his eyes to the ground. “I don’t want to talk about it. I’m an idiot, I’m such a fucking idiot.”

“Probably.”

“Man, I went to her place and told her that I loved her.”

“That was part of the plan wasn’t it?”

“Yeah…that part was. She freaked out and told me that by sleeping with me all she did was prove to me that I could never trust her.”

“So what? Was that some type of cop out for her to turn you down?”

“No. I don’t think it was. She just rambled on about how she wasn’t good enough for me. She was crying and I freaked out.”

“So she told you she didn’t love you then?”

“No.” Sid rubbed the back of his neck with anxiety.

“She told you she loved you and you left anyway?”

“No. She didn’t say anything!”

“So….?”

“I got frustrated and the things she was… or wasn’t saying just hurt so fucking much so I left and when I got to your place I wasn’t thinking and felt like everything was ruined so I went up to the first girl I saw and brought her upstairs.”

“Oh shit,” Jordan gasped.

“Yeah, it gets worse. We were half naked and I was so wrapped up in trying not to think about her that right before we were ready to hop into bed she showed up to tell me she loved me and found me with whoever I was with.”

“Well had I known you were with another girl I wouldn’t have sent her upstairs.”

“Wait. You saw her?” Sid was caught off guard, he didn’t even think about her running into anyone else.

“Yeah man. She ran in like a bat out of hell looking for you. She was frantic. When I looked into her eyes and saw how upset she was I knew she really loved you and got over my disapproval shit real quick.” Jordan was so sincere that Sid just closed his eyes and shook his head. “Shit…” he sighed. The tone in his voice reflected that he’d never felt so low in his life.

“Yeah I’d say you royally fucked up.” Jordan wasn’t sugarcoating anything. Sid was an idiot. He knew that. He just didn’t need to have it confirmed by his friend. It was a little more than he could handle at the moment. “What’d she say to you?”

Sid sighed in frustration. “She told me I was exactly like Richards…and I can’t blame her for saying it. I…I feel so incredibly guilty. It hurts me more than you could imagine to know I hurt her so much. And the worst part? I sent her running into Richards’ arms. I shouldn’t have slept with her…everything would’ve happened perfectly but it got out of hand. I just couldn’t help it. I love her. I don’t know what to do. I know she loves me but she’s so hurt that she’ll marry that asshole anyway.” Sid sat down and dropped his head in his hands.

Jordan sat down next to him and patted his friend on the back. “I know this probably goes without saying but how do you know for sure that she showed up to tell you that she loved you too?”

Sid lifted his head up and glared at Jordan. “Okay, Okay, I know. You’re right man.” Jordan confessed. His voice had a hint of humor to it. “I just was trying to make you feel better.”

“Yeah, thanks, but nothing is going to help. I feel like shit. I’m not even hung over or anything. I didn’t drink a drop. I just don’t know what to do.”

“You think she’d talk to you?”

“No. Probably not. I can’t blame her though.”

“Well. Let me ask you this. As bad as you feel now, is it something you can get over and learn to move on?”

Sid thought about it for a second. “No. I don’t want to live without her man. I just don’t. I don’t wanna just date her for a while or just have sex with her. I want to be with her everyday and live our lives together. I love being with her and talking to her. Everything.”

“You’re positive?”

“Yeah. I am.”

“Okay then. Can you deal with not talking to her before we leave tomorrow?”

“No. It’ll drive me crazy. It already is.”

“Then you gotta do something about it. I know I’m not the best to get advice from and I’ve been critical of your relationship with her from the beginning, but I know that when Eric brought home Tanya he looked at her the same way you look at Phoebe. And he still does. I know that I was skeptical when he told me the same things you’re telling me now, but since he’s been with her I’ve never seen him happier. And each day it gets better and better for him. I believe you, and I think you guys could end up together happily like Eric and Tanya, and ya know, maybe make me an uncle again down the road,” he joked which put a slight smile on Sid’s face. “If I hadn’t seen my brother fall for someone as hard and as committed as he is to Tanya I would have a hard time understanding what you’re explaining to me. But I’ve seen it and as gay as it sounds I definitely do believe in forever.”

“You do?” Sid asked condescendingly as he turned to look at his friend unconvinced.

“Yeah. Just because I’m young and it hasn’t happened for me doesn’t mean you don’t have it with her. If you really believe what you’re telling me- that she’s the girl you’re gonna spend the rest of your life with. No reservations. Then you can’t give up.”

Sid let out a deep breath and absorbed the words his friend was saying to him. “Thanks man. You’re right. You’re totally right. I’m just surprised to hear you talk about this kind of stuff. I’m actually surprised I’m talking about this kind of stuff.”

“Eh, it’s not a big deal really. Let’s just not make it a daily thing.” Jordan laughed as he stood up to get himself a drink.

“Okay. One last thing then. What the hell do I do to make this up to her?”

“I literally have no idea,” Jordan chuckled at Sid for asking him something like that. “You’re going to have to figure that out on your own. Just man up and do what you gotta do.”

“She’s got to hate me.”

“I don’t know about that. I think it’s that sick thing where she hates you because she loves you so much.”

“Well, I guess I’ll find out. If she’ll even talk to me.”

“Well if she doesn’t I’m sure I could always get you the number of the girl you almost hooked up with last night,” Jordan sarcastically joked at Sid.

Sid glared at him showing his Jordan that he was clearly not amused. “Alright, alright! I’m sorry! Completely inappropriate,” Jordan yelled trying to hold back laughter.

******************************************************

Phoebe curled up in her bed and didn’t move once she got home. She had to go to school and with finals coming up she knew that if she spent all her time in the library then maybe she would avoid seeing Sidney. She found it more surprising that in all the years she’d spent with Mike and everything he had put her through, she never felt as heartbroken than last night. She knew he had every reason to be angry with her. She hadn’t made things easy on him. But for him to immediately have the intentions of jumping into bed with another girl devastated her. She figured that no matter who she was with, as long as they played hockey that kind of hurt would be her life. The thing was she could handle being hurt by Mike. It was being hurt by Sid that made it hard to breathe and impossible to function.

She forced herself out of bed and put cucumbers over her swollen eyelids so that the puffiness from her crying would go down. Every time she thought she would finally be able to push everything out of her mind it would overwhelm her and she would breakdown and start to cry. She hated herself for what she’d done. She hated the fact that she slept with Sid even though she was in love with him. She hated the fact that she cheated, that she pushed away the man she loved and caught him in the naked arms of another girl. A skanky, ugly girl. But still, he would have slept with her had she not walked through that door. She was relatively surprised he hadn’t called her and she hadn’t heard from him, but for all she knew it was because he went back upstairs to his whore. She had to numb herself to the pain she was in because she had to study for finals. As hard as it was she was going to ignore what was going on in her heart and head because it was too damn complicated for her to sort through. She couldn’t handle it.

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Sid didn’t know if showing up at her place would be enough. He didn’t think she would make it easy for him. He didn’t know if she would even be home, but what he did know what that he had to at least try to talk to her before he left. They would be gone for a week and for all he knew she would move on with her life and he wouldn’t be in it. He couldn’t blame her if she didn’t forgive him but he wasn’t going to give up. He couldn’t. She was worth fighting for.

He eventually found himself standing outside her door, pounding on it and begging her to open up not long after Jordan left. When he realized that it had been over ten minutes and he heard not so much as a peep from the inside of her apartment he knew she wasn’t home. He felt his throat tighten because he was afraid she packed up and went to Philly, but then again that wasn’t an option.

He didn’t know where to go to look for her. He didn’t think she would be at school normally she wasn’t there at this time on this day. He thought maybe she went to her sisters to be with her niece and nephew but then again he didn’t think that she would be able to fake being happy for the kids she loved so much. He was aggravated and anxiety was making his body unable to rest. He started walking without paying much attention to where his feet were taking him. When he found himself standing in front of the Starbucks he first met Phoebe at Sid felt his heart sink. He went in and got a coffee. Not because he particularly wanted one, but because he hoped that it would somehow lead him to her. It was a way for him to grasp onto her and he would take everything he could get at this point. He eyes darted around the room like a paranoid lunatic, but he wanted a glimpse of her- as unrealistic as it was.

He sat down at a small table in the corner so that he could have some time to himself. The background music distracted him just enough so that he wouldn’t visibly freak out but soothed him to the point where he could logically think about what he’d done. He knew he was an idiot. He had everything anyone could ever want, yet he messed up the only thing he ever really cared about. He was naturally amazing at hockey. His skill and smarts at the sport made him millions and rewarded him with adoration by more people than he could handle, but he was never really satisfied until she walked into his life. Sid remembered watching the movie Fools Rush In years ago with an old fling. Matthew Perry’s character stuck out to him, he remembered a line he said, “you are everything I never knew I always wanted.” At the time Sid couldn’t understand what he was saying but now…now that he had everything he never knew he always wanted, he couldn’t believe how badly he messed it up.

Sid didn’t realize how long he had spent sitting in Starbucks thinking. After only intending to spend a few minutes he ended up spending a few hours. The sun was down and he knew that time was running short before he had to leave tomorrow and with desperation electrifying his body, he ran full sprint to Phoebe’s. When Sid found himself approaching the front of her building he noticed her entering the building. He picked up running again so that he could catch her before she got to her apartment, that way she would have to talk to him.

He ran through the door and sprinted passed her, grabbing her shoulders and looking her in the eyes. She screamed as she wasn’t expecting any of what was happening and was completely caught off guard.

“Phoebe,” he puffed out, clearly out of breath.

“What do you want?” She pulled away from his grasp.

“Please, just talk to me. I need to talk to you,” he pleaded.

“Sid, there isn’t anything to talk about. Just go. Our lives are so going down two different roads. It’s okay. Really. Just leave.” Sid could tell by the sadness that oozed out of her tone that she was hurting just as much as he was. He knew he had some type of hope to hold on to.

“I can’t leave without talking to you. We’re leaving tomorrow for a road trip and I can’t go until you just let me explain.”

Phoebe sighed and flickered her eyes upwards implying that all she wanted to do was go to her apartment. “Whatever, fine. I’m just not doing this in my hallway.” She turned to walk upstairs and he followed right behind her. When the door closed behind them and they were safely in her apartment she threw her books down and turned to face him. “What do you need to tell me? Huh? That you weren’t about to have sex with that slut? That everything you’ve been saying to me is true and that you’ve really changed? Because it’s really obvious!” She was screaming at him but it wasn’t malicious hate. It was hurt and tears were starting to well in her eyes. “I get it, okay? It’s how guys in your shoes are. I’ve learned that.”

“No! Phoebe. That isn’t me anymore. I know you don’t believe me after last night, and I wouldn’t either, but I’m an idiot. I fucked up. When you didn’t say anything…after I told you…I just I- I didn’t know what to do and it hurt so much to think you didn’t…feel the same way, I-“

“You what? Needed someone else? When you love someone you don’t jump into bed with someone else three seconds later!”

“Look, I know. Okay? You’ve gotta believe me, I know you know I love you. I wish I could take back what I did, it hurts me so much.” He walked close to her and cradled her face in his hands. “I love you… and I know that you love me or else you wouldn’t have even showed up last night.”

He had her caught. It was true. “It doesn’t matter,” she said defiantly.

“And why not?”

She hesitated before answering, “Because I’m leaving for Philadelphia next week.”