You've Got to Hide Your Love Away

Billie was backstage, pacing with a nervous twitch in his eye and a trembling step.

Of course, his nerves didn't stem from the crowd of twenty thousand people he was about to face in two hours. Instead, his deathly fear was of that one girl, who may or may not be making an appearance tonight. What would he do when he had to face her? Apologize? Beg? Play the victim, or turn the other way and pretend it all never even happened? And what if she didn't show up? What would happen to the show without the support band? Maybe a cigarette would give him the answers...or some alcohol...any alcohol. He was mulling over his questions and where he'd place his pack of Marlboro's when he suddenly saw the bleach blonde head of Danielle whirling around the corner.

“Ava! Get your ass over here! What the fuck do you think you're doing? We're on in like 10 minutes!” She shouted, holding Ava's Les Paul in her outstretched hand while trying to balance the Strat swung over her shoulder.

He turned his head, cautiously, not quite sure what to expect.

“Fuck, Danielle. I'm coming. What the hell crawled up your ass and died?” Ava snapped; as if she could ever enter a room quietly. Her head was down, eyes focused on her hands as the righted the bottom of her tank top that looked to be already in an acceptable position. Her fingers fidgeted against the hem, tugging it. She had a thin jacket draped over her shoulders and tight, dark, dark blue jeans. Her long hair looked perfectly in place, but she brushed it behind her ears.

“Aves, girl, where you been?” Andy walked towards the two, hoping to prevent any further arguments. He saw her jump a little at the nickname, then shake her head as if to right herself.

“On the bus. I see you were all looking so hard.” She sighed and dropped the hem of her shirt, looking around at her gathering band mates. She reached out and took the guitar from Danielle, putting her head through the strap. She played a quick riff to check the tuning, then nodded when she was satisfied.

“Fuck it guys. Leave her alone. She's here now and looks fucking hot, so it doesn't really matter.” Dylan interjected, slipping his bass over his shoulders.

“Thank you. See, why can't I get more attitude like that? Veneration is always appreciated.” She grinned half hearted. “So, rather than stand here and talk about it all day, how about we go out and do what we do best.”

“Blow jobs?” Andy suggested. Ava rolled her eyes playfully as Danielle laughed.

“Fuck the audience out of their minds?” Dylan supplied.

“Something like that.” Ava smiled. “Are you fucking ready?”

“Ready.” The three repeated, completing the nightly ritual.

“Okay, let's go.” She turned first, leading the group in the right direction.

She brushed past Billie like he was just another fixture onto the stage as the lights dimmed over the arena, not even giving a second of thought to his form standing by the curtain. Ava took the stage with a look of determination set firmly on her face.

She busted into the intro of their first song without a word to the audience, and the three other followed suit.

“She's doing fucking awesome.” Billie didn't turn to look at the owner of the voice beside him. He didn't even jump at the unexpectedness of it.

Ava gave the audience a Cheshire grin. Billie thought he felt his heart skip a couple of beats.

“You're fucking point, Tre?”

“Looks like you didn't damage her as much as you thought.” He shrugged, satisfied.

“That wasn't really a scheme of mine or anything, you know.”

“Could have fooled me.”

“Who's side are you on?”

“Anyone opposing you on this one.”

“That's so helpful.”

“Anytime.” The drummer nodded.

Silence fell over the two as they stared at the stage. Both were lost in thought and no longer intent on watching the show.

“I need to talk to her.”

“Bill...” Tre warned, crossing his arms.

“I just, I feel like I have to.”

“What are you going to do? Babble and apologize profusely?”

Silence.

“Unless you have a better plan, then by all means, yes, talk to her.”

“I need a drink.” He snarled bitterly and stalked off the stage and back to the nearest cooler.

Tre shrugged off Billie's disappearance and looked back to the stage, letting out a loud wolf whistle when Ava blew a kiss the audience.

Billie bent down and pulled the lid to the nearest cooler open, yanking a beer from the ice. He popped the cap and drank half the can in one go. He felt the vibration of his phone in his pocket and juggled with his half empty beer can to answer it in time.

“Hello?” He yelled over the music.

“Hey, Billie Joe. Wow, where are you?” Adrienne asked.

“Oh, just watching the opening band. Hold on a second.” He walked further away until it was quiet enough for him to notice his ears were ringing. “Adie? You there?”

“Yeah. How's the band?”

“Oh, good, good.” He felt his stomach drop.

“Cool. They gonna be there when I come visit?” He'd forgotten about that. How would he explain a certain singer's hostility towards him? “Billie?” She broke his train of thought.

“What? Oh, yeah. Sorry, Tre was er, trying to tell me something. Yep. They'll be here.” Another swig of beer down.

“Awesome. I searched some of their stuff on iTunes. Girl band? Sounds great. Edgy.”

“Just two girls, actually. But yeah, edgy. That just about covers it.” Edgy was a bit of an understatement.

“You okay? You seem a little off.” She intimated, concern filling her voice.

“Me? Nah, I'm good. Just getting ready for the show and all.” Another swig.

“Oh, well, I don't want to interrupt you're ritual. I forgot California time's like three hours early. I'm just making dinner.” That should have meant something to him. He could see her in the kitchen and he could almost hear the voices of two boys shuffling to the dinner table. That should have been enough to get his head straight and fix things right up; get his mind off of Ava and out of this weird parallel universe where he didn't have any control over himself. But somehow, it just wasn't. And he felt guilty as fuck. “So I guess I'll let you go, run a few laps and all.”

“Oh, yeah, okay.” He added lamely, but neither one seemed to eager to disconnect the line.

“I miss you, Billie Joe.” Her voice sounded forlorn and a little solemn. It broke his heart every time.

“I miss you, too, Adie.” It wasn't a lie. Her smile, her laugh, the way she understood him from all of their years together. The way he knew exactly what was going to happen next when he was around her...

“But I'll see you soon. Three weeks?” She forced a cheerful tone into her voice.

“Yeah, real soon, baby. I love you. Tell the boys I love 'em.” He needed to hear that, needed to remind himself.

“I will. I love you too.”

After the line was disconnected he stared at the screen of his phone for a good five minutes, thinking about...everything. He went to pick up his beer can to sort out his thoughts and was surprised to find how light it was. When had he finished that off? Back to the cooler.

**********************************************************************************

Somewhere between the end of the show and trying to make his way back to the bus, Billie Joe had managed to down five or six more alcoholic beverages. Vision blurred and words slurred, he stumbled around the back of the stadium parking lot, trying to aim himself towards the parked bus and the bunk where he planned to go into a catatonic state for the next twelve hours or so.

That's when the door to the closest bus burst open, shedding a light into the blackness of the parking lot that caught his attention. Through his swinging vision, he saw Ava hop down the stairs and into the parking lot.

“I'm just gonna have a smoke, Andy!” She called into the bus and slammed the door.

She reached into her back pocket to retrieve her pack of cigarettes and a lighter. She held the cigarette between her lips and squinted her eyes in frustration as she struck the lighter multiple times before a flame appeared, lighting it. She took a drag and blew out a long streak of gray smoke, closing her eyes and hitting her head against the bus.

Distracted from his drunken stumbling, Billie tripped and fell on the pavement with a noticeable thud and a string of slurred obscenities.

Ava's head shot up in surprise as she cast around quickly, searching for the source of the sound. She saw Billie's body and squinted, trying to make out the huddled shape of him.

She walked over slowly, gathering the details of the scene. When she was five feet away, she scrutinized him.

“Billie Joe?” She asked, sounding appalled. There was a reproachful look to match the distaste in her voice, but the two were equally wasted on him in his impaired state.

“Ava,” He mumbled, rolling over to face her.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry.” He slurred.

“What the hell happened to you?” She ignored him, hands crossed under her breasts. She wasn't coming any closer; keeping distance and taking a confrontational stance would have been a better weapon if he was sober.

“I'm drunk.” He tried to explain it all, but those were the only words that came out.

“I know.”

“I'm sorry, Aves.”

“Just shut the fuck up.” He had to listen to that one. She cast around, surveying the scene and weighing her options. She sighed. “Come on.” She walked behind him and grabbed his arms, attempting to pull his dead weight up. His feet shuffled against the ground, trying to help her. Finally on his feet, he leaned into her, nearly pushing the both of them back to the ground. She righted the both of them and aimed for his bus.

“Ava, Ava, I'm sorry. I love you. I just wanted...” She ignored his drunken ramblings to the best of her ability, but she was finding it hard to want him decapitated when he was like this. He seemed so simple and sweet – No. She wasn't about to fall for that act again.

She untangled her arms from his, supporting him with the other as she made a fist and pounded on the door. She didn't let up until Mike answered, first looking aggravated and a little scared, then disappointed and tired.

“Does this belong to you?” Ava asked, gesturing towards Billie's body relying on her for support. He was still mumbling about something. She was about to look for something to hit him over the head with and end this misery.

“Fuck.” Mike groaned. “Really, Bill?” He should have realized that scalding Billie Joe once he was this drunk was just a waste of time.

“Can you just take him?” Ava asked impatiently. She was trying to act tough, but it was obvious that she was struggling under his weight.

Mike walked off the last step to help her. Ava pushed Billie and Mike pulled to unhook him; Billie had quite a grab on Ava's arm.

“Mikey,” Billie slurred, falling into his band mate.

“Thanks, Ava. I know this was probably the last thing you wanted to do right now and-”

“Stop, Mike. It's fine.”

“Okay.” Mike nodded, watching her turn to walk away.

“Ava?” Mike called again, not really sure what was going through his head.

She turned around and waited, looking at him expectantly.

“I'm sorry. About all of this. It shouldn't have happened.”

It shouldn't have happened. Ava thought about that. She thought about how different things would have been if she hadn't gotten herself into this mess, how much easier things would be.

But despite all of that, Ava didn't have any regrets.

“Okay.” She nodded this time. She didn't owe him anything more than that. Both of them stood there, waiting for something that neither could name. Without another word said Ava turned and walked back to the bus, blending into the night until her form faded completely.