You've Got to Hide Your Love Away

Ava sat on the couch across the room from Adrienne and waited. Adrienne looked around the bus, pretending to survey the half mutilated beer cans and and torn Mick Jagger poster with polite and mild interest. Ava looked down at the floor and scratched a mosquito bite on her leg with more concentration than necessary.

“Listen, Ava,” Adrienne started in and Ava's stomach rolled. Ava's mind raced around the fact that 'Listen' was rarely a good conversation starter...and by rarely, she meant never. “I'm really not sure how to ask this, and it might be totally crazy,” She affected a forced chuckle and brought her hand to tangle nervously in her dreadlocks, “but are you fucking my husband?” The final part of the question came out in a mad rush. Her eyes were pleading as she finished the question, begging Ava to extinguish her growing doubt.

And Ava, who had never lied to anyone before, wasn't about to start now.

So she stared at the floor and bit her lip, of course.

She heard Adrienne let out a shaky sigh and looked up to see the other woman with her eyes shut and hand over her mouth. “Oh god,” Ava barely heard her mumble. Her hair fell and covered her face.

“I'm sorry,” Ava offered, even though she knew it was of no consolation. “I didn't know he was married and I know that doesn't make you feel any better and I just got in deep and-” She cut herself short when she heard the incoherent babbling escape her lips. “I really am sorry and I never wanted to manipulate things or hurt your marriage,” She shrugged, quiet.

Adrienne looked up at her, her lips still parted. “Is that supposed to make it any better? Or did you just have to get that out for the sake of your conscious?”

Ava cringed at the verbal blow, partially because it was true but mostly because she knew she deserved it. Hadn't she pulled the same line on Billie's apology? Accepting an apology was always forced and didn't help to abate any anger on the recipient's part. The apology was a selfish move, and anyone who said otherwise was full of shit.

Ava felt like a prisoner in her own skin; she felt dirty and ugly. And it was all her own fault.

“Do you love him?” Adrienne asked and Ava's eyes nearly doubled in size.

“What?” She blinked back.

“Do you love him?” Adrienne asked again in the same even voice, waiting for the answer. Ava bit her lip and nodded, holding back the tears she felt building. There it was, that terrible, retching feeling in her stomach and temples, behind her eyes. She tried to swallow back the guilt, but there was so much she knew she might choke on it.

When Ava looked back again, she saw that Adrienne was composed, but there was the littlest bit of horror in her eyes. She stood up and turned to leave, but stopped and rested her hand against the door. Ava watched, waiting for the calm before the storm to end and anticipating the wrath of the century.

She didn't get it.

Adrienne turned around and looked at her, really looked at her. Like she was trying to figure everything about Ava out – not to size her up or anything like you'd expect, just to understand her.

“Y'know,” She started in pursing her lips, “Thanks for being honest with me. I don't think you're all bad, and I bet if it weren't for this shit, we'd get along.”

Ava gave a hard laugh and shook her head. “Funny, Tre told me something like that.”

Adrienne shook her head and gave a soft chuckle. “The man can't pick out a half decent outfit for himself, but he always knows the answers.”

Ava hoped she was right about that.
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Billie Joe staggered off stage, a grin of elation plastered on his face after the great show. He handed his guitar off to the nearest roadie and accepted a hand towel from another. He wiped the sweat from his face and slung it around his shoulders, laughing outright at something Tre said. His huge grin ceased to waver.

Until he saw Adrienne.

She had her arms crossed and that look he'd know anywhere.

We need to talk.

He could feel the muscles in his face dropping, and everything moved in slow motion. People were bustling around preparing to dissemble the equipment and the crowd was roaring and he could hear Tre laughing- but none of that mattered. Nothing existed aside from his wife and that look.

“What's the matter?” He asked her, dawning his best clueless face and hoping to deter her from the scent of the trail. She didn't waver.

“Come on,” She ordered with her eyes set in stone. She turned to walk down the cement corridor to his dressing room. He was in for some serious shit.

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“Ava?”

She felt a hand on her shoulder give her a gentle shake and turned. She jumped at the sight of Danielle, when had she gotten back? Ava looked around the room, visibly confused. How long had she just been staring at the wall in a catatonic state?

“Ava, are you alright?”

“She knows,” Ava blurted out, and she felt her heart start to race and her body shake.

“Who knows what?” Danielle asked, pushing Ava over the slightest bit to make room for herself on the couch. She put an arm around her friend and rubbed her back.

“Adrienne. She knows. About me and Billie,” Ava choked out and Danielle's eyes grew wide.

“Holy fuck, Ava. You and Billie? Still?”

She nodded and hated how worthless the realization made her feel.

“Jesus, Ava,” Danielle shook her head and sighed.

“What do I do?” Ava asked, curling her knees underneath her chin and hugging them to her chest. She looked more small and helpless in the position than Danielle cared to think about.

“You're asking me? I don't think it's my place to tell you.”

“But you've always been so eager to tell me what to do before,” Ava nearly whined and watched her friend with wide eyes.

“Yeah, and you always told me to fuck off.”

Ava rolled her eyes. “So what? You don't have anything for me now?”

Danielle shrugged apologetically. “Sorry, fresh outta good advice. I think I wasted the last of it on Dylan, and you and I both now that he still needs it more than you.”

“Well how the fuck am I supposed to know now?”

“The adulteress's book for dummy's?” The joke fell flat and Danielle shrugged it off. “You're just gonna have to follow your heart or some shit like that.” She shrugged again indifferently and reached for her cardboard cup of root beer, taking a long and noisy slurp from the mangled straw.

“So I'm fucked.”

“Yep.”