You've Got to Hide Your Love Away

Billie was on his sixth beer and his last nerve.

He was drunk. He was confused. He was angry.

But most of all, he felt like he was going fucking crazy.

When did it become okay for her to mess with his head like that? Just kiss him and walk away as if they were two totally normal people outside of this crazy situation?

Well, to her, maybe they were.

He hadn't seen her since the kiss; actually, he'd been trying to avoid her at all costs. And she didn't seem to be seeking him out like she was known to do 'discretely' from time to time.

He wondered why she hadn't stopped by, then mentally slapped himself for wondering about her at all.

You're sick, man. What the fuck is wrong with you?

I wish I knew.

Suddenly, he felt a vibration in his pants and jumped, until he realized the culprit was just his phone. He wondered if he'd ever get used to this cellular device bullshit.

He reached into his pocket. Adie, the caller ID flashed across the screen.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Billie. What's up?”

“Not much, babe, you?”

“Are you drunk?”

“...Maybe.” Her heard her sigh and knew the look that went with that sigh. He hated disappointing her, but sometimes it was so hard to be exactly what she wanted.

“Billie....” She trailed off.

“Just a little bit,” He added, trying to save himself and hold onto his dignity.

She sighed again.

“Sorry.” He added lamely.

“Yeah, I'm sure you are. Look, I had some questions about the Adeline shipment that's being sent out Monday and the boys wanted to say hi – you haven't called in a few days – but I don't think you're in the state for either of those two things. So maybe I'll just call back tomorrow?” She wasn't sarcastic or angry, just honest.

When did they have to become business partners? Didn't she just want to talk to him? Talk about other stuff, stuff that mattered. Not that his sons didn't matter, just, there were some things he wanted for their marriage that just weren't happening. He realized that he wanted to talk to her about songs, about the past and future, and funny stories; the kind of stuff he and Ava always fell into talking about.

“We can talk about other stuff,” He suggested.

“Bill, you're drunk. What do you wanna talk about?”

“Stuff, y'know? Like when I used to call you every fucking day and ask you a billion questions about every little thing you did that day when you lived in Minnesota and I was in California.” He was getting all nostalgic and he knew it was desperate. He didn't like the way it sounded on him.

But she laughed, and the sound still made his heart speed up. “Aw, Bill-” She was cut off by a loud noise in the background.

“Adie? What was that?”

“Jakob, what happened? Oh no, sweetie-”

“Is everything okay over there?”

“Yeah, we're fine. Jakob dropped a bowl, I gotta go clean up all the glass and -”

“Adie, just leave it. We were gonna talk.”

“Sorry, Billie. I really gotta go.” She hung up before he could get another word in. He sighed, taking the phone from his ear and shoving back into his pocket. He lifted his beer – was this number six or seven? He decided it didn't matter as he tilted the bottle back and finished it off.

His thoughts floated back to Ava.

You sick fuck, do you ever think about your wife and kids?

He loved his wife, really he did. He loved the way she laughed and smiled, and the way her hair fell when she moved her head. He loved waking up next to her, and he loved the mornings where his kids would come in their room and wake them up, jumping into bed. But all of those things he loved seemed to happen less and less, and the fact that he was seeing more and more of Ava paired with the prior, was proving to be a deadly combination for his sanity.

All of this shit was starting to get seriously fucked up.

***********************************************************************************
Ava and Danielle were behind the stadium, sitting the a patch of grass, sunbathing. Well, if you could call it that. Ava was laying with her face towards the sun, eyes squinting, skin still milky and pale as the moon. Danielle was playing a few riffs than scrambling to get them down in the notebook next to her before another idea replaced the current one.

“How goes the new song?” Danielle asked in between dropping her guitar and jotting down a new lick that she found to be acceptable.

“It's going, I guess.” Ava answered, ever the egocentric lead singer.

“Yeah? When's it going to get back to the band?”

Ava laughed her smoky laugh. “All in good time.”

“You mean when you get enough inspiration from a certain lead singer?”

Ava almost shot up from her position at that, then remembered who she was and the way everyone expected her to act nonchalant like she didn't give a shit about anything and managed to keep her cool. Her sudden rigidness didn't escape a smirking Danielle.

“Danielle, I told you I was done writing odes to Paul. We're estranged. He never returns my letters.”

The blonde rolled her eyes. “As if, you slut. Come on, give me a straight answer here for once.”

“I thought you knew by now that was nearly impossible for me.”

“Try.”

“Okay, fine. Yeah, I'm working on finishing it up. I'm not quite sure where to take it at the moment. How the fuck did you know?”

“Well between the looks you two give each other and your conversation with Andy it wasn't all that hard to piece together.”

“Andy told you? I'm going to kill that little shit.”

“Hey, I'm not going to give him all the credit, I sorta stumbled across you're half finished lyrics.”

“Stumbled across?” Ava raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, I searched through the dark abyss that is your bag and managed to find them. What? Don't look at me like that. If you refuse to give me the deets, I'll just go and find 'em myself. It was fucking good though, or had potential. I can still see the seams. Speak of the devil, here comes lover-boy now.” Ava pushed herself up on her elbows and shook her hair as she used her hand as visor to get a better view. It was a pose she'd stolen from Marilyn, and she knew exactly how it looked. Danielle rolled her eyes and picked up her guitar, losing interest in the current Ava drama.

Billie walked out of the back door into the sunlight and pulled his pack of cigarettes from his jeans pocket. He stuck one between his lips and lit it, taking a long drag before blowing out several perfect rings of smoke.

“Does he not see you, or is he just being a prima donna?”

“The first. I think if he saw me he would run for the hills.” Ava grinned wolfishly.

“Why's that?”

“I sorta kinda mighta kissed him.” Her tone was so cocky there was no room for remorse.

“Sorta kinda mighta? Does sorta kinda mighta involve tongue?”

“Just a little bit.”

“I have to admit, I'm a little surprised by this fuck up of yours. I didn't think anything you did would surprise me anymore.”

“Hey, it wasn't really a fuck up.” Ava ignored the underlying insults in Danielle's comment. She'd learned not to dwell on those too often. “He just sorta freaked afterwards, so I took off without much else said.”

“Naturally.” Ava rolled her eyes at Danielle's tone, pushing her hair back, then smiling with glittering eyes.

“It was fun watching him squirm.”

“Yeah, I've been watching too. You've been making him sweat since day one.”

“Always glad to hear you enjoy those little views into my personal life.”

“Please, Ava. You're our main lyricist and we live in a tiny van ten months out of the year. What the fuck makes you think that you have a personal life?”

“Point taken.” She turned her gaze back towards Billie as he dropped his half finished cigarette and stamped it out beneath his sneaker. He looked up just in time to meet her gaze. He jumped back a little at the sight of her, then tried to keep his cool. She waved and grinned, like a cat sizing up her prey.

“Hey, Billie!” She called out as Danielle fought to stifle a laugh that came out as a snort. Ava shot her a look of mock disgust and the two laughed at that.

“Hey,” He nodded and waved.

“Do you think he'll come over?”

“Doubtful. I'll just have to go to him.”

“Of course you will.” Ava stood up and turned, winking conspiratorially at Danielle before turning sharply on her heel and making her way over to Billie. Danielle stood up, taking her notebook and guitar somewhere else. She decided that she'd already seen enough of Ava's personal life for a lifetime, and could exclude this for now.

At the sight of her marching across the lawn, Billie shoved his left hand into his pocket, hastily trying to remove his wedding ring. He knew it was fucked up, but if she found out now shit would really hit the fan. And just because he wasn't wearing the ring didn't mean that he had to act on his feeling for Ava, did it?

She made it to the wall then turned and leaned her back against it, one knee bent so her foot touched the wall flat.

“What's up?” She was batting those fucking eyelashes again.

“Eh, not much, just came out here for some air.” He answered, reaching into his pocket and pulling out another cigarette. Hadn't he just smoked one? He honestly couldn't remember anymore.

Ava smirked to herself, but the gesture hardly went unnoticed by a distressed Billie Joe. “Air, hugh?” She asked. Then, “Can I have one?”

He nodded then shrugged as he reached for his pocket, feeling the wedding band he'd discarded and nearly wincing when a fresh wave of guilt washed over him. She grinned as she reached out to take it, making sure their hands would touch in the process. He pulled his away at the first contact of their skin, looking away from her face.

“Why are you so distant?” He coughed, like her question had knocked all of their air out of him.

“Why are you so damn pushy?”

“Stalling. Answering a question with a question?”

“Not like you'd answer my questions.”

“Quid-pro quo.”

He sighed. “Why the hell do you think I'm being 'distant', Ava? It couldn't possibly be due to the fact that you fucking kissed me a few days ago out of nowhere and I don't know what to do with that.”

“Out of nowhere? Please, like you didn't see it coming.”

“That doesn't mean it should of happened-”

“That doesn't mean you didn't like it.”

“I never said I didn't like it-”

“So you liked it?”

“You're doing it again.”

“Doing what?” She did that thing where she tried to look all innocent, like bambi in the forest. He wasn't about to fall for it.

“Forget it, I can see this conversation is getting a pointless.”

“No, it's just getting into points that you don't want to talk about.” The one thing Billie Joe was quickly learning about Ava was that she had this tongue-in-cheek way of always getting what she wanted. “Come on, Billie. What do you think of me?”

He sighed, he could feel defeat settling in. “I think that I'm all mixed up about you.”

She was turning closer to him now, their faces less than a foot apart. “And?” She prompted.

“And none of that makes me want you any less.”

She smirked, a silent victory. No doubt she'd been keeping track in her head all along.

“And that,” she started,leaning in so that their lips were only an inch or so apart, “is plenty enough.” When their lips met this time, he was ready.