Far Too Long

Danielle awoke with the sun beaming directly into her eyes. She groaned and pulled a pillow over her head as she rolled onto her left side away from the window. The minute her body moved she realized that she was in an immense amount of pain. Not only did she feel like she had been hit by a freight train, but she had this nagging feeling that someone was squeezing her brain constantly. Danielle sat up and the minute she did she wished she hadn’t. The whole room began to spin rapidly and it made her stomach churn. She threw her feet over the edge of the bed intent on hightailing it to the bathroom, but when she did so her feet knocked over a small plastic garbage can. She grabbed it quickly, thankful that it had been right there, and threw up into it. When she was finished, Danielle laid back on the bed and took a few deep breaths. This was exactly what she hated about drinking. Sure she always had a fantastic time while it was happening, she just always wanted to end her life to put her out of her misery the next day. Since college her drinking binges had diminished. She no longer ‘went out for a few drinks’, when she drank, she drank to get drunk.

She looked around the room that she was in and realized that it was Jon’s. When had she gotten to Jonny’s? She thought. More importantly how had she gotten to Jonny’s? The last thing Danielle remembered was being out with Patrick. She remembered him and the never ending supply of drinks he seemed to provide her with. She remembered dancing with him all night. She remembered the nasty death stares that were sent her way. She remembered...Danielle’s hand immediately went to her mouth. “Oh. My. God.” She muttered to herself out of shock. She had kissed Patrick. Patrick had kissed her at one of those bars he had taken her to...and she had kissed him right back.

TJ burst into the bedroom when he had heard Danielle throwing up. “Danielle?!” He called out in concern. “Baby are you okay?” He asked seeing her with her hand covering her face. “Can I get you anything?” Danielle merely shook her head at TJ. “But baby, you..”

“Go away.” She ordered. TJ sat on the edge of Jonathan’s bed and stared at the love of his life with widened eyes.

“Danielle please don’t..”

“TJ!” She shouted. “Leave me the fuck alone. I’m not feeling good! I’m not doing this right now so go away.” Danielle ordered as she pointed at the bedroom door that TJ had just let himself in through. He stood to his feet silently.

“I know you hate me right now, but you need to..”

“I don’t need to do anything, TJ. You fucked up. Don’t you dare go telling me what I have to do.”

“Danielle..”

“I’ve got a whole fucking list of things that you should do. One – keep your hands to yourself.” Danielle screamed as she began counting with her fingers, her temper rising with no signs of stopping. TJ had pushed her over the edge. “Two – keep your lips off of women that are not your fiancé. Three – keep your fucking dick in your pants. Four – grow the fuck up. Five – get the hell out of this room. Six – grow the FUCK up! Seven..”

“ALRIGHT!” TJ yelled over Danielle to get her to hear him. “I made a mistake. It didn’t go any further than what you saw, I swear on my life, but I will do whatever it takes to make this right.”

“I don’t want to hear it TJ. Save your lies for someone who might actually believe them.” Danielle told her ex fiancé bitterly. “Close the door on your way out.” She stated, inadvertently telling him yet again that he needed to leave.

“Danielle I am not going anywhere.” TJ stated stubbornly.

“Well, fine! But I don’t think Jonny’s going to let you stay here. He’s already got one new roomie, I doubt he’s up for another.”

“You are not staying here, Danielle.”

“Oh, no? Since when do you have any right to tell me what to do?”

“Since the minute you agreed to marry me.” TJ told her, his own anger rising rapidly.

“I don’t remember much from last night, TJ, but I do remember that I am no longer your fiancé.” TJ’s heart sunk even further into his chest upon hearing those words and seeing the icy cold look coming from Danielle’s gorgeous eyes. He had hoped that she hadn’t remembered throwing her engagement ring at his head last night in her drunken state. “You can’t play that card anymore.”

“I’m not leaving without you, Danielle.” TJ stated, trying to sound strong and assertive even though he was scared to death.

“You know what, Teej?” She questioned sarcastically. “I think you’ll be leaving real soon. You’ve got hockey to return to. Unless you want to request a trade! But I doubt they would put you on the team when both their superstars hate you.” She stated, referring to Jonathan and Patrick. TJ let his head fall into his hands. He had never seen Danielle like this; so bitter and angry and hateful towards him. He looked back up at her, his heart shattered into a million pieces in his chest, and realized that he didn’t know if he would be able to fix this.

“I’m not giving up on us, Danielle. I am going to make you see that I am truly, from the bottom of my heart sorry.” Danielle hated herself for allowing those words to make her an emotional wreck. She hated that she was bawling her eyes out in the middle of Jon’s bed as TJ stared on. She so badly wanted TJ to make this all better. She wanted him to turn back time and fix all of this, but she knew that he couldn’t do that. TJ couldn’t make the images of him with that woman leave her mind. He couldnt make her trust him again. He couldn’t make everything better. Not this time.

“I always forgive you, TJ! I’m not doing it this time. I’m not going back down that road! I will not let you walk all over me anymore.” She told him and she meant it from the bottom of her heart. “I’m done.”

“Baby....Danielle, please! Please, please, please, please, please don’t say that! Come home! Let me fix this. I’ll be perfect. I’ll be everything you’ve ever wanted. Just come home and let me show you that I can be better for you!” TJ pleaded desperately.

“All I ever wanted was for you to love me. All I ever wanted was for you to only want me the way I want you.”

“Baby I do love you! You’re all I want Danielle.” He assured her as he took her hand in his. Danielle shook her head at TJ.

“If I was what you wanted then you wouldn’t have been with that woman at the bar.” She informed him. “I can’t do this anymore, TJ. It’s tiring.” When TJ’s eyes met hers, Danielle could see the tears forming. He quickly wiped his eyes as a few began to fall. TJ got to his feet and left the bedroom as he heard those words. He didn’t know what to do with himself. Those words had just ripped his whole world apart.

As Danielle watched TJ leave the room her heart ached. She loved that man more than anything but she just couldn’t do it anymore. She was tired of being walked on and taken for granted. It was the final straw. Danielle curled into a ball on Jonathan’s bed as she began to sob uncontrollably, remembering all the good times she and TJ had shared over the past five years. Her head told her that she was doing the right thing...too bad her heart was telling her something entirely different.