You Can't Break a Broken Heart

Bree's Pov

Today was the day of the funeral and I wasn't sure how to feel or act. Part of me wanted to sit in my room and cry the whole day but I couldn't do that, Derek wouldn't have wanted that. Derek would have wanted me to give for so long before moving on with my life, but I couldn't do that. I couldn't move one. I just couldn't.

Derek was my brother and so much more. He was always there to pick up the pieces from heartbreak, he was my savior. I threw my show across the room before sitting back down and letting the tears take over.

I heard Jacoby walk into the room but I couldn't face him. I felt him wipe my tears but if anything that made them fall faster. I just couldn't stop crying, no matter how hard I tried. I didn't want to be the person that cried during the whole funeral but that's how it seemed to be turning out.

If Jacoby couldn't get me to stop crying who would? Derek wasn't here, I was doomed to cry for the rest of my life. And it wasn't fair. Why did Derek have to leave me? Why did he have to leave at this point of my life?

Why couldn't he have left after I got married? Who would be there for me if Derek wasn't? My side of the church would be empty without Derek. Derek would have filled it for me but he wasn't here now. But why did it matter, I'm not getting married. Love wasn't for me and if anything Derek dying just proved it.

Maybe I should have said no to Zacky's date. He wanted something I couldn't give him. He was looking for love and love wasn't for me. No matter how perfect he said we were it wouldn't work in the end and maybe I should just break it off before someone gets hurts.

I just didn't want to hurt anymore

- - -

I clutched Jacoby for dear life while Tobin held Chase tightly. I hadn't stopped sobbing since we had left for the burial. I couldn't even watch them put Derek into the ground, it just hurt that much. I knew it would be on tape in case I wanted to see it but I don't think I ever could. I don't think I would be emotionally stable to watch them put my brother into the ground for all of eternity.

Derek didn't deserve that but that's what he wanted. He wanted to buried so he could be remembered but I'd remeber him even if he was cremated.

My felt my heart literally break in two. Nothing I felt before compared to this pain, it hurt worst than any break up or even when our parents died. I felt everything shut down and crying only seemed to make it worst. My whole body ached and my head hurt beyond words but I couldn't stop the tears, they had a mind of their own.

I missed Derek it was simple as that.

- - -

We were at some kind of gathering after the burial, I didn't want to be there. I wanted to be back in the room crying my eyes out alone. I didn't want to hug people after they gave me their consolations. I didn't care if they were sorry, they didn't hurt like I did and I wanted someone other than Jacoby know what I was going through but none of them knew, they never would either.

I sighed as another group of people walked over to where Jacoby and I were sitting. I glanced up to see Max walking up with Robert, Bryan, and some guy I didn't know. He was probably their new lead singer. It make sense they brought him since they were on tour at the moment.

"Maxie," I cried softly pulling him into a hug.

"Breely," Max replied just as softly pulling my closer. "How ya holding up?"

"I don't know how to continue without him."

"He wouldn't want you to sit here in misery, he'd want you to move on with your life."

"But how am I supposed to do that without him?"

"You just take small steps and eventually you do move on," Max replied before looking around. "So hows the love life? Hows Alex?"

I frowned at that name and turned to Jacoby who pulled me into a hug knowing how I was feeling.

"Her and Alex broke up," Jacoby explained leaving out certain details.

"What? I thought you were engaged and all that jazz." Robert asked floored.

"He left her at the alter," Jacoby whispered but I heard him just fine.

I bit my lip feeling an old wound opening. Alex was a sore spot for me, I thought he was the one, I really did but wasn't.

Max suddenly laughed, "well since you're on a lead singer streak here; meet our new singer Craig."

The sides of my lips twitched upward, "it was only three I'm moving on. No more singers, sorry Craig."

Jacoby nodded, "she's on to guitarists now. She's dating Zacky Vengeance now."

Byran snapped his fingers, "damn and I thought I had a chance for a minute there."

Robert smirked and winked at me, "well give me a call when you move on to drummers."

I nodded before excusing myself to grab something to drink.

"So you and Zacky V?" A voice I could never forget asked from behind me.

"Alex," I greeted through gritted teeth before turning around. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

Alex shrugged before grinning, "came with Dan. So how ya been? Haven't seen you since the wedding."

"The wedding you walked out on? You mean that one?"

"You still haven't moved on? Come on its been what 7 years?"

"Two."

"Are you sure because I thought it was in-"

"Two."

"Oh well anyways so how are you and Zacky Vengeance doing?"

"Just peachy, why?" I asked, wondering how the hell I was gonna get Jacobys attention.

Alex shrugged and took a drink of water, "just wondering. You don't seem like the girl that would just sit by while Zacky goes off doing whatever he pleases."

"What do you mean?"

"Well last time we went on tour with Avenged, since I was engaged and all I would stay on the bus like a good boy, but that didn't stop Gates or Vengeance from going to bars and strip clubs all the time."

I thought back to all the time I had spent with Zacky, he hadn't gone to strip clubs right? No, he was always with me and Brian was always hanging with Amara. There was just no way.

"That was then, this is now. They don't do that anymore."

"You so sure about that? How do you know they aren't at one now?"

I gulped how did I know that? How could I be sure? I know Zacky said he wanted to give us a chance but until then how could I be sure? Even then how could I be sure he wasn't gonna cheat on me if we did get together?

I wanna believe in love
I wanna believe in something bigger than the two of us
And I, I wanna breathe again
I wanna go back to the days, the days I had my innocence
I wanna believe again

I bit my lip knowing that was Zacky's ring-tone. But did I want to pick up? I glanced up to see Alex smirking at me, he grinned at me. "I think we should give us another try."

"I don't, I think what we had is over and you should go crawl back to whatever whore you have this week."

"Aww don't be like that. What does he have that I don't have?"

I glared at him, "too long of a list to name. Now excuse me my boyfriends calling."

"Hey," I answered the call still glaring at Alex.

"Whats up? I'm bored and no one will talk to me." I could practically hear Zacky pout through the phone.

"Why won't they talk to you?"

"Because apparently I can't stop talking about you."

I smiled for the first time that day before blushing, "thanks. Can you hold on for a moment."

Without waiting for Zackys response I put my hand over the phone and turned to Alex, "biggest difference between you and Zacky is he can bring a smile to my face any day while you just make me nauseous so buh bye Alex. Hope to never see you again."

"Hey, I'm back." I said to the phone, turning away from Alex.