You Can't Break a Broken Heart

Amara’s P.O.V
It’s been a couple of months, everyone just came from some weird week long break. I was kind of freaking out, I was late. I mean I haven’t paid much attention to it… And I’m used to over stressing myself to the point where I miss one period. But I’ve never missed two, and I was late. What had me more worried was I hadn’t been feeling that great. I felt the color drain from my face when I realized that the last time I had felt this way, I had ended up getting news that I didn’t want at the tender age of nineteen.

I sat up immediately and checked my phone for the time, it was like six AM. I pulled on shoes and a hoodie. I made sure I had my phone and walked past the sleeping rock stars. I made it to the door and let myself out. I walked towards the Walgreens we had passed on the way here and walked in. I found the aisle I was looking for and walked towards the tests I was looking for. I reached for them with trembling hands. I really hoped I was wrong about this. I brought the three tests and a bottle of water with me up to the cashier. I ignored the look he was shooting me as he rung up the pregnancy tests. I handed him the money and walked out the door with my bag. I walked back towards the bus and stopped at a restaurant. I walked into the bathroom and decided to find out my fate.

After a few minutes of waiting I glanced down at the three tests and frowned as the first test showed a blue plus sign. The second one was negative and the third was positive. I felt my eyes start to tear up as my stomach churned. What the hell had I gotten myself into?

I walked slowly walked back to the bus, my feet dragging. What would Adam think about this…? What would Brian think about this? Why did I have a really bad feeling about all of this? I looked up as I reached for the door and went back to my bunk. I curled up and ended up falling asleep.

I woke up to someone lying next to me, my head had been resting on their chest. I wiped at my eyes and glanced up to see Adam lying next to me. I felt my face pale for the second time today. “Hi,” I muttered with a sigh.

“Hey, feeling better?” He asked with concern shining behind his bright blue eyes. I nodded while biting my lip. I feel just dandy… You may not after we finish talking.

“Um hey, can we go somewhere to talk alone?” I whispered softly. I felt like there was no easy way to tell him what I had figured to be true. He nodded and sat up bringing me up with him. We walked off the bus and headed to a park. I sat on a bench and played with my fingers while staring at my shoes. I felt him tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear and smiled absentmindedly. “So um, have you ever thought about kids?”

He looked at me curiously before shrugging. “I want to have kids eventually, why?” I bit my lip to the point that I thought it would split open and start bleeding. I felt myself start trembling again as tears threatened to spill all over again.

“I… Um… We… I… I really don’t know how to say this,” I muttered. He grabbed one of my hands and held it in both of his.

“I promise to stay calm if that’ll help,” Adam told me soothingly. I nodded before mumbling about this morning. “Wha… What?” He asked and I ended up glaring at him.

“Please don’t make me repeat it,” I whispered pathetically. Adam pulled me to him in a hug and then spoke softly.

“I promise to be here for you. There’s no need to be scared,” He told me soothingly. I nodded but my mind kept going back to what happened when I was nineteen. Five years ago, something horrible had happened, and I was still getting over it. I don’t think this is going to be easy at all. I looked up at Adam and he looked confused as tears fell from my eyes harder.

“You don’t understand,” I whispered with tears continuing to fall. “I… I had a one night stand,” Before I could continue Adam stood up and looked at me with angry, hurt eyes.

“You’re a fucking bitch. I should have known better. I’m glad this tour is almost over for me. I won’t have to see your lying face anymore. Ugh, I should have known better. We're fucking through in case you haven't figured that out you fucking cheater,” He growled at me before walking off pissed off. I felt the tears fall harder as my mind wandered. I realized right after I had said it that I should have worded it differently. The one night stand I was referring to was a few years ago. It had ended up in a pregnancy… which ended up in a miscarriage. I had been trying to explain that part to Adam but being as upset as I was, I spoke before thinking about what to say.

I wiped my eyes hastily and slowly walked back to the bus. I got in the shower and washed my hair and face. I stepped out and dried off. I pulled on new clothes and when I stepped out I saw Bree, Zacky and Adam hanging out with Chase as the rest of Avenged just sat around the living area. We were moving again, but I knew we’d be at our next destination in an hour or so. I walked to the bunk room and started packing my things up. I sent a text to Mandy asking if there was any way I could stay with her, since originally Zacky had asked me. The only problem with that was that he promised Bree he’d stay with her as long as she needed him too. And I refuse to be in the same household as her, not while I’m working on my law degree.

I finished packing most of my things and I heard Brian ask me something from the doorway, and felt everyone’s eyes on me. I looked back towards Brian to answer his question. He had asked if I was leaving. “Yeah. I’ll text you every day if you’d like. But I have my own life to be getting back to. Don’t get me wrong this was a lot of fun, but I feel guilty for getting money from you guys… Even if I am working for it. It feels like I’m not really earning it,” I admitted keeping my eyes trained on Brian.

He frowned slightly. “There’s got to be more to it than that,” I shrugged before speaking again.

“It’s just my time to leave. I’ll keep in touch, I’m going to be staying with Mandy, and attempting to get a job back at Fire and Ice… Now that I’ve taken that management class, I’m hoping Mel can find some use for me, since she already replaced me,” I stated with a sigh. I really did love my old job. I noticed Zacky glance up at me with a confused look. “It was a last minute decision,” I lied to Zacky, and he bought it… Mainly because he was too wrapped around Bree’s finger to realize I was lying. I pulled out my phone as it started vibrating, “Excuse me, I have to take this. I also have to talk with you Bri,” I stated with a soft smile. I walked into the other room as I answered the phone.

Basically, it was Mandy saying of course I could come live with her and not to worry about it. I smiled in relief and thanked her a million times. When we got to the venue I asked Brian if he would come with me to the airport to help me with my bag. When in reality all I really wanted was a chance to explain more. When we were at the airport, we sat in the waiting area for the plane and I explained the situation to him. He hugged me and promised me that he would be here for me. I smiled thankfully and hugged him real tight as my flight number was called. He kissed the top of my head and I waved as I boarded the plane with my carry on.

I tucked my headphones in my ear after taking off and ended up falling asleep. My dreams were haunted by the past, the present, and all of the possible futures. And all I could do was sit back and watch, helpless… Like always.