Too Blind to See It!

This was the day, the very moment I'd been waiting for, maybe from the day I met Zachary Parise. I'd longed for this moment when he'd tell me that Allison was out of his life. Sometimes for his sake, but more often for mine. I'd imagined it so many times, and in the dress rehearsal my mind created he'd tell me using eloquent words he'd carefully chosen, then he'd grab me and kiss me, our first kiss. There I was living the moment I'd been waiting for, yet it was nothing like I imagined. 
 
"You told her to get out? Allison?" I asked. It was a stupid question, who else would he be talking about? 
 
He stood up and started pacing, pulling at his hair. "I was right. I didn't want to be right. I caught her. I knew it. I just knew." 
 
He was giving me blurbs, sound bites, and I wanted full out information. I stood up and grabbed his hand, pulling him down on the couch next to me. "Take a deep breath," I instructed. "Now tell me what happened."
 
I wanted information because I was excited, happy, over joyed. I just needed him to tell me, to hear him say he was done with her. Maybe that made me a horrible person, for wanting Allison away from Zach, but I was relishing in what I could only have imagined was Allison's unhappiness.  
 
He took another deep breath. "I came home early. The team wasn't going to be home until tonight, but something told me I shouldn't wait.  I just felt like I needed to come back for some reason. Coach cleared me to leave, and I took a red eye back. I couldn't sleep on the plane, I tried to, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't sleep. So by the time I got home all I could think of was crawling into my bed and sleeping all day long. I was so damn tired Jenna. So tired that I didn't even notice the clothes thrown all over the living room. I walked right past them into our bedroom, and there she was cuddled up with that son of a bitch in my bed."
 
"Oh Zach, I'm so sorry." As much as I wanted things to be over for him and Allison, it was clear how hard this was for him.
 
He put his head in his hands, and I had to fight the urge to hold him, to pull him into me.  After a few minutes he ran his hands through his short brown hair and continued. "They scattered like rats trying to cover themselves, get clothes on, make explanations. It was almost laughable, watching their little dance. I didn't leave either, I just stayed and watched them. I didn't say a word, not a damn word." Zach was quiet for a minute, and what he did next scared me a little. He laughed.  He laughed loudly and rubbed his face.
 
I wasn't following. "What? What's funny about that?"
 
"You wanna know who she's been sleeping with? Who she threw everything we had away for?" I nodded, wondering if it was actually someone I would know. "Mike Del Zotto. Fucking Del Zotto." 
 
How or why Allison would give up what she had with Zach for the NY Rangers' rookie was beyond me. I had nothing, no words. I could tell him she was a fool, a freak, an idiot and I'd be right, but I wasn't going to pour salt in his already opened wounds.
 
Zach laughed again, a scary laugh this time. "There is something really wrong with me Jenna."
 
"What are you talking about Zach?" I actually thought considering everything he'd just experienced, he was handling this pretty well.
 
"I knew she was sleeping with someone else. I knew I'd find out who eventually. It was just a matter of time, but I didn't expect to actually see it for myself." He paused and laughed a bit again. "Do you wanna know my first thought when I saw who it was, when I figured out who she'd been screwing around with? I thought 'for the love of God, why did she have to pick a rookie. Do you know how much shit I'm going to take in the locker room over this?' I really wasn't upset, I wasn't even that mad, I was worried about my reputation in the locker room. There is something so wrong with this, with me." His voice still carried a sick laugh. "The little shit ran out of there so fast it almost made my head spin. He wasn't even man enough to face me, and he had no interest in waiting around to see if his whore would make it out alive. Finally when I couldn't take looking at her face anymore, I told her to get out. I gave her two hours to get everything and get out of my apartment. I want her out of my life Jenna. I never want to see her again."
 
I couldn't do it anymore, watch him struggling and not offer him more than a simple ear to listen. I reached out and touched his shoulder, but he flinched away like I burned him with my touch. It worried me, but only for a brief moment, because he turned and looked at me, like he was seeing for the first time who it was that was touching him. Just a moment later he held me in his arms, he'd scooped me up like a rag doll and held me pressed to his chest. One arm held my back, while the other held the back of my head. He didn't say anything, and I was more than OK with that. Seconds passed, then minutes with no words just our bodies pressed together. My body relaxed into his, but it didn't stop the butterflies that teased and taunted me, making me feel incredibly stupid that I had even considered a life that didn't have butterflies in it.
 
He'd held me so long that his breathing started to shallow. I could feel how tired he was. "How about we get some sleep?" I offered in a whisper. Having had only three hours of sleep myself, I was almost as tired as he was, and in an effort to make him feel better, sleep was the only thing I had to offer. His grasp on me loosened, so I stood taking his hand and lead him to my bedroom. I'm not sure I was thinking clearly pulling Zach Parise by the hand into my bedroom. 
 
All thoughts of how sexual this was or how it would look if someone else was watching were washed away when I looked around my room, clothes scattered everywhere my bra hanging on the back of a chair. Red faced, I dropped Zach's hand and started picking up the clothes. I'm not a sloppy person, I never let my room get like this, but I'd been so scattered, so thrown off that I just let it go the last couple of days. I tossed my clothes in my hamper, hearing a small giggle from Zach who was clearly amused with my embarrassment. I turned around to see him shirtless crawling into my bed. Can I just tell you how good he looked, tired, distraught, but hot as hell. I couldn't move, just took in the smooth skin of his chest and the defined mussels of his pecks and his arms. I imagined running my hands over his smooth hard surface of his body. I had never never been this attracted to a man in my entire life. I spent a moment feeling thankful that he didn't tell me the news about Allison the way I had planned it in my mind. I couldn't have handled a kiss from him. My eyes glazed over, and I was once again lost in my thoughts, when Zach called to me from the bed.
 
"Jenna, aren't you coming?" He pulled back the covers on my side of the bed.
 
Could I do it? Could I lay in bed beside him and not touch him? I was starting to panic. What if he touched me, I was sure I'd spontaneously combust. "I'll just go sleep on the couch." That was the best solution I could come up with, but he wasn't having it.
 
"I won't bite. I promise." He laughed a little to himself at me knitting my eyebrows together. His words were of no comfort, maybe I wanted him to bite. Oh My God, I was turning into Phoebe. "Come on, I could really use the company." He patted the bed where he'd pulled the duvet back.
 
I've never been so conflicted in my life. Having sexual thoughts like this was not a regular occurrence for me. It's not that I was super human or monk like; I just had strong beliefs and strong values. I did my best to avoid having these types of urges so I could maintain what was important to me. These thoughts weren't just making me uncomfortable, they making me sweat, which made me worry that I was going to stink. I don't know how long I stood there pondering the situation, but the next thing I knew Zach was no longer in bed. He was behind me with hand pressed firmly to the small of my back ushering me into bed. Visions of my honeymoon were coming into play. Honeymoon…I wasn't sure I'd make it till this afternoon with all my current assets intact. I crawled in hoping he didn't think I was a freak. I was acting like one, but I hoped he didn't notice or that he didn't care. He laid beside me and before I had the chance to panic Zach had me wrapped in his arms. He didn't ask permission, he just pulled me into him, to his bare chest and settled me into the crook of his neck. 
 
Zach fell asleep quickly like this was an everyday occurrence for him. For me it wasn't so easy. I laid there wrapped up in Zach in a complete state of bliss. Allison was finally going to be out of his life and he was going to get a chance at real happiness. I just hoped that he'd want me to be part of his happiness. Zach smelled good, like a combination of soap and cologne. I breathed him in feeling like I could lay here like this for the rest of my life. I'm not sure when it happened, but I eventually fell asleep.
 
**** Wake Up Call
 
"Holy Shit! Jenna! What did you do?"
 
I sat straight up in bed completely unaware of what was going on, and feeling the slightly intoxicated feeling you get from being thrust from a deep sleep. "Phoebe?" I asked recognizing her voice, but not being able to clearly make out her form yet. She was turned around with her back to the bed and her hand over her eyes.
 
"I'm surprised at you. I mean I'm all for a good spontaneous roll in the hay. I actually live for them, but not you Jenna.” She was tapping her foot. "Dear god please tell me you used the condom I gave you."
 
What was she talking about? I turned around and realized what she'd walked in on. I let out a little laugh. The scene was perfect for Phoebe's wild imagination. Zach was still asleep with no shirt, covers pulled up just far enough so she couldn't see his jean clad bottom, but his chest on full display with me cuddled into it. Yeah all signs pointed to what Phoebe was imagining.
 
"Pheebs, it's not what it looks like!" I whisper yelled.
 
"You know I'm gonna want all the kinky details Jenna, but I'll wait till you both have clothes on. I'll catch you crazy kids later." 
 
"NO!" This time I forgot the whisper part and Zach started to stir. 
 
"What's going on?" he asked sleepily.
 
"I'm just going Zach no need to run off. I wouldn’t want to interrupt another little morning romp.”
 
“Phoebe!” I yelled at her and made Zach giggle.
 
Zach’s feet hit the floor, and he looked at his watch. “You don’t need to leave Phoebe. I actually have to go.”  What? He had to go?

“No, no, don’t go Zach. I know once you get it once you can’t stop, you need to do it over and over again. I’ll just go.”
 
Zach was standing now, putting his shirt back on. “No Phoebe, really you can stay. Last night was amazing. I don’t think I could take it again. She’s an animal that one.”
 
Phoebe let out a loud laugh, and I finally realized they were just screwing with me. “Very funny. Gang up on the virgin girl. Go ahead.”
 
They both laughed and Zach made his way over to the bed. “Thanks Jenna. I need go to take care of things now.” He kissed my forehead. “I’ll see you later OK?”
 
I nodded, and Zach was gone. I didn’t want him gone. I wanted him back in my bed. (Ok, not quite like that.) “PHOEBE!” I shouted at her.
 
She wasted no time and crawled into bed with me. She grabbed the pillow and put it over her face. “Oh this pillow smells just like him,” she squealed and kicked her legs in the air.
 
I grabbed it off of her, and the stupid girl inside me wondered if it really did smell like him. “Stop it. Stop making fun of me!” I demanded.
 
“So tell me! Was it everything you expected? Did you do it more than once? Please tell me you did it more than once cuz the first time, eh. The second time is always better.”
 
“Phoebe!” I yelled trying to get her to shut up.
 
“What? I gotta tell you, I’m surprised Price Charming got you to give it up so quickly. I didn’t know he had it in him.”
 
I finally had enough and hit her hard with the pillow. A huge pillow fight erupted. I thrashed her with my pillow until finally I had her pinned and was beating her to a pulp.
 
“Uncle!” she cried out, and I got off of her. We play mean when we really get into it.
 
I collapsed back on my bed, still wishing Zach were here, and wondering what was going on at his place. Was Allison really gone? Would she be waiting for him, pleading for him to take her back? Even more importantly, would he?
 
“Pheebs, you know nothing happened right?”
 
“Of course Snow White, I know, but a girl can dare to dream.”
 
“You dream of me having sex? That’s just gross.”
 
“Not of the actual act, but of you loosening up, letting your hair down a little.”
 
“You know what I dream?”
 
“That Prince Charming would make an honest woman out of you?”
 
“I dream that you’d fall in love… Oh and that Prince Charming would make an honest woman out of me.”
 
“I knew it. And you can just forget that love stuff. It's not going to happen.”
 
****
 
Hours passed. I busied myself with little things like showering, working on a paper due next week, cleaning my apartment. I wasn't about to have a replay of what happened this morning. What was I thinking though. Like Zach was going to end up in my bedroom again, and if he did I had to be very careful it might mean more than that he was tired. I was just getting ready to start laundry when I head banging from the hallway. I opened my door and saw Zach standing there struggling with a large mattress.
 
"Zach? Is everything OK?" It wasn't that he was moving the mattress that concerned me as much as the way he was doing it. Banging it into everything, cursing and trying to throw it toward the elevator.
 
"Fine! It's fine!" he snapped.
 
I was hurt by his tone, but considering the situation and the stress he was under, I tried to overlook it and give him space. I guess he noticed the hurt look in my eyes cuz when I turned to go back into my apartment Zach caught my arm.
 
"I'm sorry Jenna. The last thing I want to do is take it out on you." He paused and put his hand through his hair. He was more frustrated than I'd ever seen him. "I just can't deal with this stuff. I can't sleep on this bed again. I want it out of my apartment, and all the other shit too. I just want it gone, and maybe I'm getting out a little aggression.” He paused for a moment, just looking at me. “Forgive me?" he asked with a much softer tone and an adorable little pout.
 
"Of course," I said smiling at him, and it earned me a glimpse of those Parise dimples. "Can I help?" I asked.
 
"Not sure it's safe to be around me right now. I should get one of my teammates to come over and just get rid of all this shit once and for all."
 
"Well if there's anything I can do. You'll ask right?" I looked at him through my eyelashes totally flirting. I didn't mean to, that's not how I normally behave in front of Zach. Usually I'm just Jenna, not some freaky girl looking to get busy with him. I caught myself and straightened up. 
 
His smile was still present maybe even a little brighter now. "I will I promise," and with that I went back inside.
 
At the time it seemed like a great idea calling Marc. I mean Zach needed help and Marc was his friend. No good deed goes unpunished as you'll soon see.
 
"You don't mind, and you're sure you're not busy?"
 
"Not at all. Depending on traffic, I should be there in half an hour."
 
"Oh and Marc. I don't want him to know I asked you to help him. Is that OK?"
 
"Sure. No problem. I'll make up some story about why I’m there."
 
****
 
Later that night I stood outside Zach’s apartment and knocked.
 
“Jenna. What are you doing here?” Zach’s tone expressed no pleasure in seeing me and his face reflected the same sentiment.
 
I was taken aback by the icy reception, but I thought I’d continue with my reason for being there. “ I thought I’d invite you to dinner.”
 
“Oh you’re not having dinner with Marc?” His tone was snappy.
 
“No. I’m not having dinner with Marc? What gave you that idea?”
 
“I ran into him in the hall earlier. He helped me get rid of my furniture, the heavy stuff.” Zach moved aside for me to be able to look in, but didn’t invite me in like I had expected. To my surprise his apartment was nearly empty. From where I stood, I could only see a TV and a recliner that must have been tucked away in another room because I hadn’t seen it before.  “Marc told me he was here to see you. He said you guys have been getting along really well. I figured you two had plans, a date or something.” Clearly he was annoyed because of the tone and the fact that he hadn’t actually invited me in.
 
“Well we don’t so do you want to come over or not?” I snipped back at him.
 
“No. I’m doing fine. I just need some time alone without distractions.”
 
So is that what I am? A distraction? “Fine. I’m sorry about what happened with Allison. I really am, but you don’t have to take it out on me.”  I was about to tell him that I’d be at my place if he changed his mind, but then he cut me off.
 
“Is that what you think. That I’m pissed off about Allison? Whatever Jenna. I just need to be alone.”
 
He wasn’t? It wasn’t Allison that made him treat me so badly.  “What did I do?”
 
“I just can’t do this with you. I can’t do it. I’m not going to be in a little love triangle with you and Staal. I’ve been through enough shit already with one woman; I won’t do it again!”
 
He was yelling at me, and I simply didn’t get it. I didn’t get why he was acting this way. “Zach! What are you talking about? Why are you freaking out?”
 
“Jenna. Please just go.”
 
I had tears poking the back of my eyes. He never talked to me like that before. He was my Prince Charming, ‘was’ being the optimal word. I turned without saying goodbye and walked back to my apartment. I know we weren’t a couple but he broke my heart.