Too Blind to See It!

He was being ridiculous and petty. He never even officially told me he thought of me as anything more than a friend. What did he expect me to do, sit around and wait for him my whole life? I wanted to be mad at him. I wanted to say it was all his fault, but it wasn’t. I knew. I’m not stupid, and if I was stupid, Phoebe would have set me straight. I’ve always known there was something there. Did I know that asking Marc to help him would set him off? Did I know that he would completely avoid me for more than three weeks? No, I didn’t know any of that. Reading people and anticipating their feeling, emotions, and knowing their next move had never been one of my strong points. I had no idea Zach would freak out on me, the same way I didn't really know he'd choose that moment to try and vocalize his feelings for me.
 
I hadn't seen him at all in over three weeks. I'd heard him in the hallway a couple of times, and I saw him from my seat in the stands playing hockey like a man possessed, so I knew he was Ok, at least physically. He knew enough about my routine, to know where I'd be and when, at least for the most part. This was a blessing when he wanted to see me and a curse now that he didn't. Now after three weeks I just knew that I missed him.

****

“I think I’m going to break it off with Marc," I told Phoebe matter-of-factly.
 
“What? Why would you do that? Does it have something to do with Price Charming?”
 
“Stop calling him that, and no it’s not because of Zach. It’s because Marc doesn’t give me butterflies.”
 
“What?”
 
“You know butterflies. The ones you get when a guy kisses you or touches your arm the right way.”
 
“I’ve had a guy give me butterflies before but it wasn't from touching my arm. Oh Jenna it's so much better when he touches your...”
 
“Stop it Phoebe. I’m being serious." I should have known that I couldn't talk to her about this.
 
“Ok, Ok. So how much of it is that Marc doesn't give you butterflies, and how much is it that Parise does?"

I gave her a dirty look and didn't respond.

"You might say it doesn’t have anything to do with Parise, but it does. Come on Jenna girl. He’s been a little prick avoiding you like that. I don't care if he gives you butterflies or unleashes a herd of buffalo over your girlie parts, you can't give up a good thing hoping for Parise to come to his senses. What you're doing with Marc is just dating. Dating is fun, isn't that what you preach to me? I should try dating instead of just getting laid. It’s simple, uncomplicated. Marc’s a good guy. You’ve said it yourself.”
 
“He is a good guy, but…” I let my words dwindle off not sure if it was a good idea to go there with Phoebe.
 
“What? But what? What am I missing?”
 
“He’s starting to push me Pheebs.”
 
“Push you?...Ohhhhh. Push you."

"He wants more than I'm willing to give him. Every time we are together he just takes it further and further?"

"So does he know?"

"Know?"

"Know your secret Snow White? Does he know you're a virgin, untouched, the big V?"

"NO!" Marc and I get along great, but we don't have intimate conversations like that.

"Well then can you blame the guy?"

"What do you mean?"

"Honey I love you, and I tease you a lot, but seriously? You've been dating the guy for close to two months now. Let's add that he's not just some guy, he's a freaking professional athlete. You can't blame the guy for trying to get laid. He's been the perfect gentleman, he's always been here when you've needed him. He's a freaking saint. He's pushing you because he wants to have sex with you Jenna. He doesn't know to respect your wishes because he doesn't know what they are."

"I can't tell him that Phoebe."

"So you're just going to break up with the guy? Isn't it kind of harsh?"

"Maybe, I don't know. I don't know what to do. I just don't know what I want." I knew what I wanted, but what I wanted didn't want me. Three weeks, almost four. I sighed. "I don't want to talk about that any more. I want to talk about something else."

"Ok." Phoebe said apprehensively automatically knowing I had something up my sleeve.

"I have a surprise for you. Well I guess it's more from Marc?"

"He's giving me Jordan Staal for Christmas?"

"Kind of."

Phoebe jumped to her knees "Tell me Jenna. Tell me."

"Well, the Pens are playing the Devils on Thursday. Marc talked to Jordan, and he wants to meet you."

"Are fucking kidding me right now? Cuz if you are, I'll never forgive you." Phoebe's smile spread from one end of her face to the other.

"Nope. Marc says Jordan's looking forward to it actually. God I feel like a pimp."

"You'd be a madame Jenna dear. Oh my god. I love you, and I love your boyfriend or whatever he is."

****

Zach, Marc and Travis walked into the gym locker room. Marc's regular gym was closed for renovation, so he called Zach and asked to tag along on his next trip to the gym. Zach agreed despite his recent distaste for his good friend. Zach managed to avoid Marc through most of his workout pairing him up with Travis when he needed a spotter. Two hours later, the three men, drenched in sweat made their way into the locker room and prepared for their much needed showers.

"So you guys ready to take on the flightless birds this week?" Marc asked.

"We're not concerned about it if that's what you you mean." Travis responded letting his attitude slip out a bit.

Marc wore a smirk from ear to ear. "I'm scoring some major points with my girl while they are in town."

"How so?" Travis asked.

Zach couldn't help but cringe at Marc referring to Jenna as his girl, but he all of a sudden found himself interested in the conversation.

"So you know Jenna's best friend?" Marc asked.

"Phoebe." Travis answered and now he was interested in the conversation too.

"Well apparently just looking at my brother gets her panties wet." Marc grabbed a towel from his locker and began wiping the sweat from his face.

"What?" Travis snipped and stopped moving to focus on what Marc was saying.

"Yeah Phoebe's like totally hot for Jordan, and you know Jordan, happy as ever to oblige. He promised to give her the ride of a life time."

"You gotta be fucking kidding me!" Travis yelled, slammed his locker and stormed off toward the shower.

"What's up his ass?" Marc asked.

Zach knew exactly what was wrong with Travis, but wasn't sure he should get involved. He didn't want to cause Travis more embarrassment by explaining so he ignored the question.

"Whatever," Marc continued. "I'm really hoping this gives me a leg up with Jenna. I need to thaw her a bit."

"Thaw her?"

"She's kind of an ice queen; you know frigid. She's fine as long as we're making out, she kisses me like she's ready to fuck my brains out, but as soon as I try get her clothes off she turns icy and pushes me away. God I just need to get between her legs, she's killing me."

Zach could feel his anger pounding at his temples. This was his Jenna Marc was talking about. He wanted to leap across the bench and knock his front teeth out. He balled his hands into fists, closed his eyes and started counting backwards from 10…9…8…

"I know if I can just get her pants off of her, she's going to be so good, Mmmm. All the fucking work I've put into her. God, I need those gorgeous legs wrapped around me." Mark didn't notice the daggers Zach was shooting into his back or the rage in his eyes.

"You don't know anything do you? You think she's just going to give it up to you because you're hooking Phoebe up with your brother? Pft!"

"Is it your time of the month or something Parise? Are you and Zajac on the same cycle?"

"Look you stupid, brainless fuck, do you even know her? Do you know anything about your girl?"

"Yes I know her! Of course I know her. What's your point Parise?"

"My point is you think you know her, but you don't. Jenna's not the type of girl you talk about in a locker room."

Marc didn't get that Zach was warning him. He didn't understand that he was telling him to stop talking about Jenna. He just knew that Zach was pushing him, so he decided to push back. "You're just jealous. You just want to keep her for yourself. You wish it was you getting ready to fuck her. You know how good she's going to be, and you wish it was you getting ready to spread those long legs."

Zach had enough. He snapped, catching Marc off guard. He threw him up against the locker and held him there. "She's a virgin you fucking Moron!" As soon as he said it, he wished he could take it back, but it was too late. He noticed the way Marc's eye's got big, making it obvious that he'd just given out Jenna's most precious secret.

****

I returned from class that afternoon, and stopped at my mailbox in the lobby of the building like I did everyday. I opened the metal box with my key and out fell all my mail. I was either extremely popular all of a sudden or the mailman had made a big mistake. On my knees in the lobby I sorted through the the letters and junk mail. I sighed heavily thinking that God definitely had it out for me. My mailbox not only contained my mail, but Zach's too. I examined the box that I knew was his and tried to figure out how I could stuff his mail inside. Impossible, there was no slot or crack. It could only be opened with a key. "Damn!" I said out loud and struggled with my books, purse and an arm load of mail to the elevator.

I stood outside Zach's door wondering if I'd go to jail if I just threw his mail in the trash, and just as I was about to knock I came up with an even better plan. Piece by piece I started shoving the mail under his door. I giggled to myself. Why hadn't I thought of this before. I was just about to slide the Wegman's flyer under the door when the it flew open. "What are you doing?" he asked peering down at me on my hands and knees.

"Ah sorry," I said and scrambled to get to my feet without looking like a bigger idiot.

I was doing just fine getting up on my own, but Zach reached out and took hold of my arm and pulled me gently the rest of the way to my feet. My skin tingled, and what I felt was way more than butterflies, maybe that's what Phoebe meant by a herd of buffalo. "Your…Your mail," I stuttered like an idiot. "The mailman put it in my box. I just wanted to return it." I looked over at his hand that was still holding on to my arm.

He must of noticed at the same time, cuz he quickly let go and dropped it to his side. "Why didn't you just knock?"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. You didn't have to push it under the door."

Why was he asking me this? Wasn't there an obvious answer? It's not like he wanted to be around me. "I was trying not to bother you," I replied. It seemed like a simple answer, one that would let me quickly make my escape, but I didn't get off that easy.

"Why would you be bothering me?"

Was he completely clueless? "Seriously?" I asked for the second time in 20 seconds.

"Yes seriously. I don't bite."

I totally hated when he used that expression. It brought to my head images that were inappropriate before, but now were plain absurd. Absurd maybe, but it didn't stop my toes from curling. "Come on Zach. You know why I didn't want to knock. I didn't want to see you, maybe piss you off again."

"I'm sorry Jenna." The look on his face showed how sincere he was. "Come in. Don't just stand in the hallway." I didn't want to give in and just walk into his apartment, after all the last time I'd been at that door he didn't invite me in, he said nasty things and then he stayed away from me for a month. I wasn't given the choice though, as he wrapped his hand around mine and pulled me into his apartment.

I was shocked. Completely shocked. He'd done nothing. He had nothing. His apartment was completely empty just like it was the last time I was there. The lone recliner, the TV and no artwork/pictures. "Ah Zach. Aren't you going to get new furniture?"

He laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, eventually. I haven't been much in the shopping mood."

"So why so friendly with me all of a sudden?" I ask feeling like I needed an answer before I could be comfortable with him again.

"We're friends Jenna."

"Zach, it's been almost a month. I haven't seen or heard from you. Now you pull me into your apartment like we're best buds again."

The look on his face was tearing me up inside. "I just needed some space. I'm sorry that I took it out on you . I was just going through a rough time."

There was no doubt in my mind that he was telling the truth, but I felt hurt over him abandoning me like he did.
I wanted to ask about what he said, the not being in a love triangle with me and Marc thing. I wanted to know what he meant exactly, but couldn't bring myself to ask him. I just stood there feeling awkward with my arms crossed over my chest. "Come on sit down," he pulled me toward the kitchen and the bar stools, maybe the only furniture that remained un-scathed in his break-up. He waited beside me until I was seated comfortably and then walked toward the frig. "I have water, beer, and Gatorade Ice? Pick your poison." I chose a beer feeling like I could use a little alcohol about now and watched as he pulled two from the frig, uncapped them, leaned against the bar and slid mine to me. He put his bottle to his mouth and took a long pull. It was a simple action really, but my eyes feasted on him like a lion would an antelope. He should totally do a beer commercial, I'd buy that beer.

"So you and Staal, you're still together."

I wasn't expecting that line of questioning and felt immediately overcome with guilt. Like my answer would be me admitting that I'd been doing something very bad. Then I recalled something that Phoebe had said. "We're dating simple as that."

"It's simple? So you guys aren't getting serious?"

I felt like Zach was probing me. Looking for specific information, when in reality it was him that owed me information. He needed to explain the love triangle comment. He needed to explain why it took him a month to apologize. "Why all the questions about Marc? If I remember correctly that's why you haven't talked to me for a month."

"I don't think he's right for you Jenna. You have to be careful."

I felt myself getting defensive. Had I had serious feelings for Marc, my reaction would have easily been explained. Instead it irritated me that he didn't trust the choices I was making. Who did he think he was, after being absent for a month that he could storm back into my life and tell me what to do? "I don't know Zach. You pull the disappearing act then you wanna tell me what's good for me?"

"Fair enough." Zach said waving his hands in the air in surrender.

I slammed my beer on the counter. "You know what? I gave you your mail, now I need to go." I stood up and stormed toward the door. I wasn't really thinking rationally. I was mad, and hurt and needed more information from him, but I was too polite to ask for it. It was easier to be emotional and storm out.

I made it to the door before Zach caught up to me. I should of expected it, I mean he usually does the right thing when he's acting like a sane person and not freaking out over love triangles and ex-girlfriends. For some reason his grip on me caught me off guard. I gasped as he spun me around. He looked at me for a moment, really looked at me, staring into my eyes. I couldn't look away either, I was just held there by his gaze, wondering what he was trying to tell me with his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry Jenna."

"If you're so sorry then why didn't you come to my door? Why didn't you make the first move?"

He still held me in his grip, but let it soften a bit. "I couldn't Jenna. I don't expect you to understand, but seeing you at my door…"

"On my hands and knees," I added as he paused. We both giggled lightening the mood a bit.

"Seeing you there, I just knew that I really want you in my life. Even if it's as friends. I want you in my life. Will you forgive me?" He made the cutest little pout which he couldn't hold for long and it turned into a dimple filled smile. As you can imagine, that is what did me in.

"I forgive you Zach."

His smile widened before he pulled me into a hug. A full body hug, that had our thighs, hips, and chest pressed against each other. It made my knees go week and unleashed the buffalo.

"Let's go finish that beer," he said pulling me back to the to the bar his fingers laced with mine and a smile plastered on my face.