Too Blind to See It!

I never could figure out Phoebe’s routine. Some days she’d let herself into my apartment using the key I begrudgingly gave her. Other days she’d stand outside and knock until her knuckles bled waiting for me to let her in.  Part of her charm I guess, keeping us all guessing.
 
Phoebe had a grin from ear to ear. I knew that look. She’d gone out with Jordan the night before. I'm pretty sure they never actually went anywhere. I knew what she was about to tell me, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hear it.
 
“Last night was A-MAZE-ING! I love you Jenna.”
 
“I love you too, but that was all Marc.”
 
“Then I LOOOVE Marc.”
 
“Are you drunk?” I asked because I legitimately couldn’t tell.
 
“High on life baby. High on life.” She planted a big wet kiss on my cheek and walked slowly to the couch. “I’m sore as fuck though. That boy. Scratch that. That man knows how to screw!”
 
“PHOEBE!”
 
“What? It’s true. I knew it. I knew he’d be awesome.”
 
“So do you like him?”
 
“I like what he does to my body.” Her eyes rolled back in her head and she threw her feet up on the couch. “Damn I’m exhausted.”
 
“You didn’t sleep did you?”
 
“Hell no. Why would I sleep when I had access to Jordan Staal’s naked body.”
 
“So what now?”
 
“What do you mean what now? Are you asking me if we are going steady Snow White?... Nothing’s next. He goes back to Pittsburgh, and we both had a night to remember. It’s not clear to me how he’s going to play hockey tonight though.”
 
I shook my head and snickered at her. It wasn’t clear to me that girl would ever change, no matter how hard I tried.
 
“He did say he’d like to see me again.”
 
“See you or fuck you Pheebs?” My mouth was getting just as bad as hers.
 
“Do you honestly think that since I gave him the ride of his life, he all of a sudden wants to make an honest woman out of me? He wants sex Jenna, and so do I.”
 
I love Phoebe; I really do, but the way she behaves with men, the fact that she got together with Jordan last night just to have sex, it made me kind of sad for her. I know it’s the whole internal ID thing, your body needs sex, whatever, but it was her lack of closeness that always made me sad for her. She had no desire what so ever to be intimate with men. Just because you have sex with a man does not imply intimacy. Sharing feelings, holding hands, having dinner together, the little things that make you close to another human being, they all repulsed her. Just like she thought I was missing out because I wasn’t having sex, I thought she was missing out because she wasn’t open to all the amazing things that came with having intimacy with a man.
 
“So, any chance you can score us tickets to tonight’s game?”
 
“I donated my tickets for some charity thing the school paper had. They raffled them off or something, but I could call Zach.”
 
Phoebe sat straight up and hugged me. “You’re talking to Prince Charming again? NO WAY. When did this happen and did he unleash the buffalo on you?” she asked as she reached over and tickled me.
 
“Stop teasing me.”
 
“What? Did he? Did he give you goose bumps up and down your arms? Did he pull you close and kiss you and tell you life hasn’t been the same without you? I know you’re life wasn’t the same without him.”
 
She was right about that, but I wasn’t about to admit that. “Let’s just say we’re friends again and leave it at that.”
 
“Well you have my permission to break it off with Marc now and do what you want with Prince Charming. I got what I wanted. And man was it gooood.”
 
“Oh Phoebe.”
 
“So did Parise pledge his undying love to you? Are you two planning a quickie wedding or what?”
 
“Like I said, we are just friends.”
 
“Yah, you and Prince Charming are just friends, and I’m the Virgin Mary.”
 
I figured now was a good time to change the subject. “Do you want me to ask Zach for tickets or no?”
 
“Yes, please,” she said as she stood and walked toward my bedroom.
 
“Where are you going?”
 
“Too bed. Wanna snuggle?”


I just rolled my eyes and watched as she disappeared into my bedroom.
 
****
 
I knocked softly on Zach’s door, not sure why I was nervous. Everything between us seemed back to normal after last night, but there was something still unnerving about standing there looking at his closed door. Then I realized what it was as he opened the door.
 
My eyes bugged out of my head. I lost all train of thought and went comatose thinking how beautiful he looked standing there only clothed from the waist down. His t-shirt was thrown over his shoulder like he might be intending to put it on, but I couldn’t help praying that he’d forget. “Ah,” I said. Not my finest moment.
 
I’d been lost in his partial nakedness, but when I did manage to pull my eyes away I saw Zach’s huge smile capped off by his amazing dimples. The way he smiled and the way his eyes shined made my heart skip a beat. “Hey Jenna. What’s up? I just got home from practice, did you want to do lunch?”
 
“Ah, No, I mean not today.” Why did I always sound like an idiot when I opened my mouth around him? “I’m here to barter.”
 
“That’s intriguing,” he said, and opened the door for me to walk through. I didn’t stray far from the doorway though, just enough for him to close the door behind me.  “So you want to barter. What do I have that you could possibly want?”
 
“Tickets, for tonight’s game?”
 
“Jenna, of course I’ll give you tickets. I’d give you tickets to all my games. How many do you want?”
 
“Two, but it depends.” I gave him a sexy little smile and finished my thought.  “What do you want for them?” All of a sudden I felt like I was propositioning him?
 
He wore a sly look, and for a second I thought he was going to take me up on my unintended offer. I don’t know if I was relieved or disappointed when he didn’t carry the innuendo any further. “Come down to the locker room after the game.”
 
“That’s it?”
 
“Why did you have something else in mind?” The sly look returned to his face, and it made me blush.
 
“No. I mean I thought you’d make me cook for you or something like that.”
 
“That is a good idea, but I don’t want you cooking for me unless you want to cook for me.”
 
‘I want to cook for you, and if you promise to wear that outfit,  I think we could come up with our own dessert.’ Oh God, it’s Phoebe in my head again. “I’ll cook for you sometime soon K?”
 
“Ok. Your welcome to stay for lunch. I’m making pasta. You know pre-game meal.”
 
“Yes I know and then you’ll go take a nap. Wait did you get a new bed?”
 
Now it was his turn to look embarrassed. “No. I’m sleeping on Zajac’s futon.”
 
“Zach. That can’t be comfortable.”
 
“It’s not really, but it was better than the alternative.”
 
“I suppose it is. But Zach you play hockey for a living. You need to get good sleep at night. Please go buy yourself a bed.”
 
“How about this… In exchange for those tickets, you and I can go shopping and get me a new bed?”
 
Visions of lying on bed after bed with Zach flashed through my mind. I found myself gasping for air.
 
Zach’s face dropped misunderstanding my reaction. “It’s Ok, don’t worry about it. You know I’ll still give you the tickets.”
 
“No, no, of course I’ll go with you.”
 
“Really?” He sounded like an excited five year old. “I mean, it’s not too much trouble?”
 
“I don’t mind. We’ll have fun. Maybe we’ll get you some other furniture while we’re at it.”
 
“Yeah?”
 
“Yeah,” I replied lost in his eyes a bit. “Well, I better let you get back into your routine, I wouldn't want you to lose to the birds that can't even fly.” I made my way toward the door.
 
He grabbed my hand before I could fully exit his apartment. “You’ll still come to the locker room after the game right?”
 
“Of course Zach.” I leaned up to kiss him on the cheek, but he turned his face just enough that I caught the corner of his mouth. I wore a mad blush, but still managed to say, “See you after the game, and thanks for the tickets.”
 
****
 
It was a happy ending for Devil's fans as Zach and his teammates celebrated at center ice and the flightless birds did the walk of shame back to their dressing room without a single goal. All that talent on one team and they couldn't manage to get a puck behind Marty. It was a shame really.
 
The real shock of the night was when Travis Zajac dropped the gloves and all but forced Jordan Staal to go. I'm ashamed to admit that Jordan kicked his ass, but Travis looked like a man possessed and didn't give up until he was forced to. Jordan pounded Travis down to the ice, but Travis just pushed the refs away to go back after Jordan. Travis Zajac was not a fighter, but something or someone caused him to lose it, and I feared that the someone was sitting beside me. Travis left the ice with a game misconduct.
 
Even more shocking than Travis fighting was Phoebe's reaction She gasped at the onset. "Oh Fuck Jenna! That's Travis and Jordan." She looked terrified, and I'm not sure she breathed the entire length of the fight. When Travis skated off the ice with blood dripping down his face she looked horror stricken and grabbed my arm so hard I was about to yell Uncle. Somehow, I didn't expect her to care or at least not show that she did. I was beginning to see through the facade she had been putting up. I'm her best friend, and I had no idea.
 
She all but pulled me to the locker room as the game ended and paced the friends and family room until Zach came in. "Zach is he OK?" Phoebe asked with a slightly frenzied tone, I'd never heard before.
 
"Yeah, he got his ass handed to him," Zach laughed.
 
"Can I go see him?"
 
"They are just finishing his stitches in the training room, but I don't think it's a good idea to..."
 
Phoebe was no longer listening to Zach and as soon as she heard the words 'training room' she was walking through the door with the same name on a plaque. 
 
I didn't think anything of it, but Zach looked a little terrified.
 
She swung the door open and Travis could be seen legs dangling from a high doctor looking table, wearing his underarmor. A man stood close to him dabbing at his eyebrow area.
 
"Travis?" Phoebe said. His name carried the same frenzied tone, and it was obvious she was uncomfortable with her own emotions. Though Phoebe had said very little, and when I asked her, she declared she was fine and went on to tell me how fine she was by sharing with me her best features, she was clearly upset over the fight. In some weird way, I was happy to see her showing emotion over the incident. It's the first time a man had ever moved Phoebe in any way since I had known her. Clearly, two months of having unbelievable sex had turned into something more.
 
The look in Zach's eyes and his startled expression told me something wasn't right and before I could say anything, Phoebe was completely out of my grasp.
 
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Travis spat.
 
At Travis's words, Zach's arm found it's way around my shoulders, and he pulled me in close to him. He was trying to shield me from the blow my best friend was about to receive.
 
"I just wanted to see if you were OK," Phoebe replied her voice a little shaky.
 
"Funny how you didn't call me last night to see how I was doing then. You know why that's so fucking funny… because you were too busy fucking Jordan Staal, I never entered your fucking mind. I heard all about your night with that pussy, he couldn't shut his fucking yap about how good you were.  You rode him like a rodeo star, I think were his exact words. He said you gave him the ride of his life. You couldn't walk when he was done with you is what I heard."
 
"Travis I…" Phoebe was speechless. She didn't know what to say to him. Her words tapered off and she just stood there and continued taking his abuse.
 
"You what? Thought about me the whole time?" The sarcasm dripped off his words and his eyes were filled with rage and hatred. "It was a beautiful thing out there tonight Pheebs. I got to hear all about how he couldn't get enough of your pussy because it tastes like strawberries, and how he ate you out until you begged him to stop. There's one thing Jordan and I agree on, you sure do know how to fuck. I guess it's all that practice. You are nothing but a whore Phoebe, so take your whore ass out of this room and give me some privacy."
 
Phoebe didn't say anything. She turned and walked out of the room, the door slamming behind her. In the same situation, (not that it was possible for me to be in the same situation), I would have been crying hysterically. I would have been reduced to mush. Not Phoebe. Her eyes were glazed over and her expression was cold, but any sign of the emotion that had so recently lived in her eyes was completely gone.
 
"Zach can you please take Jenna home? I just need to be alone for awhile."
 
"No Pheebs. No way! I'm going with you!" The tears I'd been holding back on her behalf broke free and began running down my cheeks. "I'm going with you," I said again, but Zach and Jenna shared a look which resulted in Zach promising I'd get home just fine.
 
"I'll see you tomorrow Jenna girl," Phoebe said like nothing had happened. Like she'd never heard a word Travis said to her, she was completely unaffected. 
 
I protested and tried to follow her as she left, but Zach held me tight to him. "Let her go Jenna. She needs time.
 
"She doesn't need time!" I declared. "She needs me. I'm her best friend."
 
Zach turned me holding on to my arms. He looked right into my eyes, forcing me to stop my hysteria for a moment.  "Jenna. She needs time alone. She needs to deal with what he said to her, and she needs to deal with the fact that Travis said that stuff in front of you. She does need you, tomorrow she needs you, just let her go for tonight."  He bent over and kissed my cheek and held me tight for a moment. 
 
I didn't agree with Zach, but I didn't fight him either, instead I settled into his chest trying to get ahold of my own emotions. I was sad for Phoebe at first, thinking how Travis had said those horrible things to her, but the more I thought about it, the angrier I became. Phoebe's reaction to the fight was a major breakthrough for her, and Travis single handedly ruined everything. I understood why he lashed out, and I couldn't honestly say he was wrong, but Phoebe was my best friend, and he'd just broken her.
 
I was just about to ask Zach to take me home when the door to the trainer's room swung open. Travis stood there looking relieved when he didn't see my best friend. I think I had just a little too long to stew over what had happened. I pulled away from Zach slightly. Gathering all my courage I blocked Travis's path. "You…you have every right to be mad at Phoebe. I get that, but you have no right to treat her like that. You are not a gentleman Travis Zajac, you are an asshole in every sense of the word. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"
 
Travis cracked a smile, just a small smile, but why the hell was he smiling? "Jenna, I do believe that is the most polite way I've ever been told off." He looked past me to Zach." I'd say this one's a keeper Parise."
 
Zach's arm found my shoulder again, and he walked me out of the room.
 
**** 
 
It was almost lunch time. I sat in my usual spot on the bed working diligently to complete some articles for the school newspaper. Ok, maybe that's a bit exaggerated; maybe my working wasn't so diligent. I just couldn't keep myself from looking at the clock. The knock on my door woke me from my mid article comatose. I felt my heart lighten a bit. There were two people I could think of that could be at my door, and either one would be a very welcome site. 
 
I hadn't heard from Phoebe despite the numerous calls I'd made to her cell and the lingerie store. She didn't even return my texts, which she always did. If I didn't hear from her soon, I was going to go look for her.
 
The other person could be a potential lunch date and just to be clear, when I say date, I wasn't expecting an actual date, just someone to share lunch with. It's not like Zach and I had lunch together every day, but usually on non-game days, when he had morning practice, he'd stop and pick up some lunch, and we'd eat around my kitchen table or sitting on the floor at the coffee table. There was no way to know if that was going to be one of those days, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping it would be. I could have used a dose of those dimples.
 
I opened the door smiling brightly, expecting one of the two usual suspects, instead I was greeted by a tall red headed boy, who looked kind of nervous. "Marc!" I said caught a bit off guard.
 
"Hey Jenna, is this a good time?" It must have been one of those questions you ask just to be polite, because he didn't really wait for me to answer. He took a step closer. His lips came toward mine at the same time I was turning my head, and he barely grazed the corner of my mouth. Making us both giggle slightly at how awkward it felt. I mean, once you miss a kiss like that, what do you do? Try again? Ignore it? We chose to giggle.
 
“This is for you, he said handing me a white styrofoam container that was still warm.
 
“You brought me food?” It was kind of an odd thing since we didn’t have plans, but even stranger because he didn’t have any for himself.
 
“Ah no. I ran into Parise on my way up here. He said to give it to you. Did you two have plans or something.”
 
I felt an immediate rush of disappointment that I wouldn't be able to have lunch with Zach. “No, not exactly, we just sometimes eat lunch together.”
 
“Oh. You two spend a lot of time together huh?”
 
“I don’t know really. I never thought about it. No more time than Phoebe and I, I suppose.”
 
"Oh,” he replied simply looking a bit uncomfortable. “I’m here because I was hoping we could talk." He was running his hand through his soft red hair.
 
My first thought was that he wanted to talk about what happened between Jordan, Phoebe and Travis. "Look if you want to talk about the fight last night, I'd rather skip it." I'd finally settled my mind on the idea that 'boys will be boys,' and wanted to let it go at that for the time being until Phoebe was ready to talk to me about it. 
 
He let out a laugh that irritated me. "It's not about that, but I heard Jord kicked Travis's ass."
 
I scowled at him, now just plain pissed off. "Did you not hear me say I didn't want to talk about that?" I snipped. My tone got his attention, which became obvious with his wide eyes.  
 
"Sorry Babe." When did he start calling me babe? I didn't like it. 
 
So if it wasn't about the fight, then I was at a loss trying to figure out what he wanted to talk about. That's when my mind did some quick figuring deciding that 'we need to talk' meant he was breaking things off with me. As soon as I internally decided that was the reason, my whole body relaxed. It was a shocking reaction actually; what girl wants to be broken up with? It's the kind of news that had left me sobbing into my pillow on more than one occasion in the past. Not today, though he hadn't even said it yet and I already felt relief and a strange sense of freedom. Quite honestly, my mind was consumed with the thought that maybe this was a sign that I should be with Zach. 
 
I lead him into the kitchen, pulling two bottles of water out of the frig. I handed one to him and waiting for him to talk. He set it down on the table, and I noticed he had an intent look in his eyes, like he couldn't find the words he needed. Had he seriously never broken up with a girl before?  He caught me completely off guard when his hands went to my hips, and he lifted me up so I was sitting on the counter with him standing between my legs. I tried to hide my look of surprise. "Jenna," he said softly and paused to stroke my hair. He was looking at me like I was someone he'd never really seen before. If this was a break up, it was the weirdest one I'd ever been through. "Jenna, I'm sorry." I was ready for it, the moment he would drop the axe. "I didn't know, and I never in my wildest dreams suspected that someone as beautiful as you…" His hands rested on my thighs now stroking them through my Jeans. He kissed my cheek, and moved his lips back to my ear, placing small kisses in his path. Just as he said it, I figured it out, he wasn't breaking up with me… "I didn't know you were a virgin. I never would have guessed in a million years." His kisses dropped just below my ear as he said, "You just don't look like a virgin."
 
I could feel my body temperature rising, and it wasn't from his kisses. I gave him a small little push. "What exactly does a virgin look like Marc?"
 
His eyes were dark and glazed over. Without answering my question or addressing the anger in my voice, he went back to kissing my neck. "So it's true?" he whispered into my ear letting his lips graze it seductively. I didn’t confirm or deny what he said, but him being so turned on by my virginity scared me a bit and made me feel dirty. "Parise was right, you’re a virgin.”
 
My whole body stiffened. This time I gave him a good shove backward. "Stop, just stop. What do you mean 'Parise was right'?"
 
"Oh Jenna, it was no big deal. We were just in the locker room; you know how guys are. He just kind of blurted it out."
 
"Zach just blurted out that I was a virgin? In front of everyone?" I couldn't disguise how hurt I was
 
"Don't get upset about this baby. Guys just talk when they are in the locker room, and our favorite subject happens to be women. It wasn’t a big deal.”
 
“Well it’s a big deal to me, and I'd like to think that I'm not just some woman!” I hopped down off the counter.

"You're not Jenna."

“I hadn’t even told you, and Zach just tells everyone, simple as that…I don’t mean to be rude Marc, but I need to take care of a few things.” I was trying to politely kick him out.
 
“Come on Jenna. I just want to spend some time with you.” He’d gone from practically trying to molest me to being sweet so quickly, I wasn’t sure how to behave. When he pulled me into him I just pulled away. “You’re mad aren’t you?” he asked.
 
“Yes I’m mad. My virginity is not something that you should be talking about in a locker room. It’s private.”
 
“So private you didn’t tell me.” His mouth turned down and a look of disappointment filled his eyes.
 
“Marc.”
 
“No. I get it. It was something you felt comfortable telling Parise, but you weren’t comfortable telling me.”
 
“It wasn’t like that.”
 
“No? what was it like then?...You know what, never mind. I don’t know if I want to know the sorted details between you and Parise. I’m going to go. I’ll let you…what did you call it…take care of some things.”
 
He was obviously mad, and maybe a little hurt, but he still bent down and kissed my forehead before he saw himself out.
 
I was glad Marc had left; I just needed space to let everything sink in. Still part of me felt bad. In a way he was right. I’d been dating Marc and never told him. Hearing the information from Zach was probably a big surprise, and an even bigger blow to his ego. I felt bad for doing that to Marc, but that wasn’t my biggest preoccupation at the moment. That distinction belonged to the man down the hall.
 
I just couldn’t believe Zach would talk about me like that in the locker room.  How could he disrespect me so much that he’d tell a locker room full of hockey players that I was a virgin? I could imagine the laughing and the comments that followed. I wasn’t embarrassed to be a virgin, my lifestyle was a conscious choice, but it wasn’t anyone else’s business. It hurt even worse that Zach was the one that blabbed my secret. I trusted Zach completely. I never in a million years would have guessed that he would have shared my sexual status like he did.
 
I paced my apartment for awhile wishing Phoebe was reachable. She’d have some words of wisdom for me. Even if she were taking my calls, I couldn't bother her with this. She was always there for me. I needed to do this on my own. I needed to handle Zach with out my typical Phoebe consult.

The anger I was feeling moved me down the hallway at a rapid pace and gave me the courage to place a heavy knock on his door.

"Jenna!" he said sounding more than happy to see me. The smile he had dropped when he took in my expression. "Is everything OK?"

I walked past him without being invited in, turned and looked him straight in the eye. "How could you? How could you Zach Parise? I trusted you."

Zach's eyes didn't display the confusion I expected to see and he didn't ask me what I was talking about. "Let me explain," he said and tried to grab my hand.

I was too quick for him though and pulled away just in time. "What's there to explain? You used me as locker room fodder, a good laugh between you and the guys. Let's all make fun of the poor little virgin girl? I bet your buddies had a big laugh at my expense. Did you tell them it was a conscious choice, and not just cuz I hadn't scored any action? Did you tell them about my romantic fantasy that before I gave myself to someone, I wanted to be 100% committed, head over heals willing to spend the rest of my life with the guy? I bet they laughed about that stupid fantasy."

"It wasn't like that Jenna."

"What was it like Zach? How is it that you took something that personal, something I told you in complete confidence and blabbed it all over the locker room?" My voice was getting louder by the minute, and I was getting more and more furious and upset as I replayed the scene as I imagined it. "Tell me there weren't offers to pop my cherry, or take me to the dark side." I was practically yelling now. "Beautiful Zach, just beautiful. Don't you realize it wasn't anyone's business? How could you do that to me? Why? You're supposed to be my friend."

"Jenna."

"Save it Zach. Go tell your friends in the locker room how the crazy virgin girl stormed in and chewed your ass out." I turned to leave, but Zach grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to him. It's a move he'd made so many times before when I was being irrational, but this time he didn't stop there. He pulled me tight against him and before I could even protest, he moved his lips down to mine. I struggled for a second but Zach didn't let me go. His kiss was soft at first waiting for me to respond, and respond I did. Despite the drama of the locker room, I couldn't help myself. I melted in to him and kissed him back more hungrily than I should have. As soon as he knew I wasn't going to run, his grip on me loosened and his hands wandered my backside as his soft lips familiarized themselves with mine. The butterflies that never accompanied Marc's kisses were attacking me, and now I understood the buffalo joke. I'd dreamed of this moment, when Zach would sweep me off of my feet with a kiss, and Zach didn't disappoint. He tasted so good, soooo good. I would have given up food for life if Zach would just keep kissing me.

His hands moved to my face and my heart fluttered as he slowed down the kiss and inevitably pulled away. Please Don't Stop, my heart screamed! His eyes locked on mine and I noticed that he looked terrified. "I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you Jenna. Never! Go home, and when you know that in your heart, come back and we'll start this conversation