Too Blind to See It!

For any normal person it was the beginning of a beautiful day. Despite the cold fall temperature, the brisk wind had died down, and the sun shone brightly. People smiled at each other on the street as they passed enjoying the small amount of warmth that met their cheeks from the sun. I didn't know the sun was shining or that people felt a little more pleasant today then other days. My blinds were closed allowing in almost no light. What light that did seep through was blocked by the duvet over my head.  I should have been on my laptop plugging away at the papers that would be due by the end of the week. I should have at least worked on my stories, surely a little bit of my old friends would make me feel better. I didn't want to feel better. I wanted to lose myself wrapped in my duvet sobbing and keeping the rest of the world out. 
 
It wasn't as though my boyfriend since high school broke it off with me. It wasn't as though I'd lost a family member. It wasn't that I caught the man of my dreams cheating on me… or maybe it was. Maybe the man of my dreams was doing just that, or at least he was cheating on the perfection, the dream, I had built up in my mind. All the talk last night, the way he held me and stroked my hair, how he came out and told me he thought Allison was cheating; how could I have been so stupid to think he was interested in me. I actually thought maybe he'd leave Allison, and I'd find him on my doorstep, maybe a little upset over the loss, but still overwhelmed with excitement to be with me, finally be with me.
 
The next time I poked my head out from the covers it was to see where the incessant knocking was coming from. "Go Away!" I yelled from the comfort of my bed, but it just made the knocking more furious. I took a deep breath separated myself from my bed and trudged to the door. 
 
I didn't say anything when Phoebe stood there staring back at me in black patent leather biker boots, fishnet stockings, a shiny black miniskirt, a skin tight red t-shirt and a leather biker jacket.
 
"You look awful!" Phoebe announced. "What happened to you?" 
 
"I'm going back to bed," I stated matter-of-factly and did just that. 
 
Of course it only took seconds for Phoebe to remove her boots and coat and slide into bed next to me. "What's the matter Jenna girl? Did someone die?"
 
I wondered for a second if that was a taunt, a jab at how foolish it was for me to be this upset over some guy that was never mine to begin with. 
 
"Seriously Jenna, what's going on? You're scaring me."
 
"Just leave me alone Pheebs. I'm not in the mood."
 
She ripped the duvet clear off the bed sat up and stared at me.
 
“Phoebe Please!” I yelled, but she just scooped me into her arms and let me sob on her shoulder. “I’m such a mess. Everything’s falling apart around me. I’m not even me anymore.”
 
“You were pretty fantastic last night, so I’m assuming this has something to do with Prince Charming.”
 
I pulled away and gave her an evil look. “Don’t Call Him That!” I spat.
 
Her eyebrows knit together. “What did he do?”
 
"I can't tell you. You'll laugh at me." I wiped my face with the sleeve of my pajamas.
 
"I'm not going to laugh at you. I promise." Phoebe's voice was soft and soothing. On very rare occasions people got to see the real Phoebe, the one that hid under all the sex talk and leather. The real Phoebe, what I called this side of her, was gentle and caring and would do anything to make me happy. Phoebe's family was filthy rich and very cold to their only daughter, having little if anything to do with her while she grew up, that's what the servants were for. Phoebe used to say that she had no idea if her parents even knew she used their money to start up the Lingerie shop. All they cared about was that she was doing something with the money that would keep her occupied and out of their way. It spoke loads for why she viewed men as sex toys and was emotionally closed off to almost everyone on the planet, except me. Phoebe honestly felt like I was her only family, the only person that cared if she lived or died, and when I needed her she was always there for me.
 
"Pheebs," I sobbed out, "he slept with her."
 
"Parise? He slept with who?"
 
"Alllllllison." As her name bellowed from my mouth my head landed on Phoebe's lap. 
 
"Oh Jenna girl, I love you.  I do, but honey she's his girlfriend most people don't have your standards. Did you really think he wasn't sleeping with her?"
 
"I'm so stuuuupid. He told me last night he thought Allison was cheating. Pheebs he just seemed so unhappy with her, and he was telling me how important I was to him and holding me. I know they've had sex, of course they have, but I was thinking that maybe they weren't together like that anymore. I mean how could he sleep with her when he suspects she's cheating."
 
"Do you want me to tell you what I really think or do you want me to say what's going to make you feel better? I can do either, but the last thing I want to do is be harsh if you're not up for it."
 
"Don't worry, my day can not get any worse. Just tell me what you think."
 
She stroked my hair for a moment before she spoke. "I think that guys are guys, even Prince Charming. I think he does like you Jenna, maybe he's even falling in love with you, or whatever you crazy kids are calling it these days, but sex is just sex to most men. Personally I don't see how he can get it up with that monstrosity, but what do I know."
 
I sighed loudly.
 
"What I'm saying is that I think he cares about you. I think he'd love to be with you, but he's confused about his relationship with the creature from the black lagoon and he's got needs. He's a twenty something hockey player who's probably been having sex since he was fourteen. Thats not an easy thing to give up."
 
"He's just not who I thought he was." 
 
"Maybe not baby girl, but he's only human. I want you to find the perfect man for you, I do, but I'm not sure that you'll find him in a famous athlete that has a bimbo girlfriend and hundreds of fan girls waiting for him nightly. It really is a fairy tale."
 
"But it's my fairy tale."
 
****
 
Phoebe didn't open the shop that day. She stayed with me watching re-runs of CSI New York while I slept and cried and slept and cried. 
 
Around lunch time there was a knock on my door. My whole body tensed knowing that almost every day Zach and I ate lunch together when he was in town. I knew full well he'd be standing at my door with something yummy to share expecting me to greet him with a hug and put our lunch on plates or in bowls.  "It's Zach," I told Phoebe and gave her a desperate look.
 
"I'll take care of it," she announced, rolled off the bed and marched to the front door.
 
I stood at the back of the bedroom door trying desperately to hear what she'd say and praying she wouldn't be too harsh. Phoebe was very well versed at harsh.
 
"Well if it isn't Parise." Phoebe said.
 
He must have been shocked to see her open the door because he didn't say anything for a moment.

"Ah, Hi Phoebe. Is Jenna home?" Phoebe really did scare him. I could tell from his voice.
 
"She is home, but she's busy."
 
"Oh, I brought lunch." I almost sensed disappointment in his voice. 
 
"Oh Thanks." 
 
"Ah."
 
"Anything else I can do for you there Parise? I need to get back to Jenna."
 
"Is she Ok? Is something wrong?"
 
"Why don't you ask yourself what might be wrong. Search your soul, and you'll probably figure it out." 
 
The door slammed, and I dashed back into bed. In moments Jenna was back in the room. I laughed a little realizing she had taken the lunch from Zach and was now going through the bag to see what he brought. 
 
"You're terrible Pheebs!"
 
"What? I don't cook, yet I managed to get us lunch. You need to keep up your strength." She winked at me and I gave her a crooked smile. "Let's see what we got here. Oh and don't act like you didn't hear every word that went on out there."
 
"That last part was kind of harsh don't you think?"
 
"No I don't. Look what he's done to you. He should be ashamed of himself."
 
"What happened to it's just sex, and he has needs." I used my air quotes appropriately.
 
"I still believe that, but no one hurts my Jenna and gets away with it….Oh look, look at these sandwiches. Someone brought us lunch from the city today. No one makes a sandwich like this in New Jersey."
 
Just as we were ready to dig in my phone rang. Phoebe picked it off of my bedside table, and looked at caller idea. "It's your red headed Staal boy," she said with a grin, but didn't hand the phone over. 
 
"I don't want to talk." 
 
"You don't have to." She had with an evil look in her eye, and I couldn't dive at her fast enough to grab the phone before she said "Hello….No. It’s her friend Phoebe….She’s a bit busy right now…No you don’t have to call back; she was hoping you’d call. I know she’s free tonight if that’s why you’re calling.”  I swatted at her, but she just backed out of my reach. “Eight is perfect, I’ll tell her. So how’s that brother of yours? ...You’re going to introduce me when he comes to town right?” She giggled. “I think Jordan and I would get along famously.”  I rolled my eyes at her. “I know she’s looking forward to it Marc. Tonight at eight. Bye.”
 
“Phoebe!”
 
“What? I had to get a plug in there for myself.”
 
“That’s not what I’m talking about. I can’t go out with him, not tonight. I have a study group.”
 
“Jenna. If you don’t go out with Marc tonight, you’re just going to sit around here and sulk about Prince Charming. You need to get out there. Come on Marc’s a hottie, and he has it bad for you.”
 
I fell back on my bed and covered my face with the pillow. “I hate you Pheebs!” I yelled.
 
“I know, and once he pops that cherry of yours, you can thank me.”
 
“PHOEBE!”
 
****

And before I knew it there was knock on my door. I took a deep breath.
 
I had reluctantly showered and got ready for the date Phoebe was forcing me to go on. She was right. I wouldn't have gone out tonight, not even to my study group. I would have sat around and felt sorry for myself, but it didn't mean I wanted to go. Phoebe straightened my hair and put my make up on all while trying to remind me what a good time I had at lunch with Marc the first time we went out. She was right, Marc was a good guy, he was cute, and funny and the one quality that used to go without saying...single. She forced me into a tight black strapless dress and heels and pulled my long blond hair around my shoulder. I looked at myself in the mirror, and as always Phoebe made me look beautiful. I knew I looked that way, but I didn't really feel that way.

"Wow," he said and his face reflected what he said.

I smiled up at him, but maybe wasn't as friendly as he'd expected, cuz his face looked a bit disappointed. "Everything OK?" he asked sweetly with a little what I would call worry in his eyes.

"It is now," I replied and couldn't help but notice the flowers in his hand.

Mark wore a dark gray suit, a blue shirt and matching tie. He looked good, no he looked hot. Blue was his color and his eyes popped, and just when I was about to tell him how great I thought he looked, he beat me to it.

"You look… Wow."

"I think you said that."

"No that was just a general wow," he explained. "This wow was very specific. You look stunning." He watched as my cheeks turned pink, but suddenly remembered what he held in his had. He held the bouquet of white roses out to me.

"They are gorgeous," and they were, he did not just grab them from a convenience store. "I hope you didn't go through as much trouble for these as the last time."

"It wasn't trouble the last time or this time. You should have things that are beautiful, and you should have someone giving them to you that cares about what you think and who you are as a person." It sounded scripted, but only because his words were perfect, not because it lacked emotion or sincerity and now it was my turn to blush.

An "Awww," came from my bedroom and soon Phoebe graced us with her presence. "You two kids have a great time tonight." She plucked the roses from my grip. "Have her home before midnight Staal; you know what happened to Cinderella. I don't have to talk to you about safe sex do I? You know wrap that rascal."

"PHOEBE!"

****

"You look really great too," I said as he opened the car door to let me in.

"Thanks. I'm not a big fan of suits. I grew up on a farm you know." I actually did know. Phoebe had been googling the Staal boys ever since she realized she may actually get to meet Jordan. "I have to wear them a lot for games and stuff."

I grabbed the knot of his tie playfully. "Well why don't you go home and change. Let's do something casual."

"No. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have complained. I want to take you someplace nice."

"I really don't mind. I'm not really in the mood for some stuffy restaurant anyway. Let's go back to your place and order chinese."

"Are you serious?"

"Sure, but don't think that I'm inviting myself to your place for anything but Chinese." I winked at him, but I was dead serious.

He blushed instantly. "Oh, of course not. You're serious? Really?"

"Marc. I'm pretty low maintenance. I don't need fancy things or elegant dinners to make me happy. Plus, I've had a pretty bad day. I could use something low key."

"This doesn't mean you have to go change does it?"

I giggled, and gave him a quick "No."

He leaned in kissing my forehead. Marc was very sweet, almost perfect. This was the first time all day that I wasn't thinking of what could have been with someone else.

"So what's the story with Phoebe? You two seem very different."

We sat on the floor of his apartment eating Chinese in front of the window that over looked the City. It was breathtaking. Marc had explained that he could have had an apartment twice this size for the same money if he didn't care about the view, but when he saw this he simply couldn't turn it down. There was something about this view that made it more like a piece of art, almost like the entire city had been captured just for him and put in a painting that he could watch change with time of day and the seasons. It was breathtaking, and I would have made the same decision.

"She's like family, and you're right we couldn't be more different. It's weird, it just works for us."

"She kind of scares me."

My heart dropped to my feet with those simple words, and I couldn't help reminiscing of when another boy was pressed against me on the dance floor saying almost the same thing. Damn, Damn, Damn. I couldn't do this to myself. That other boy had someone already, and here I was with someone that actually wanted to be with me. Someone who was adorable and sweet, and actually told me how he felt. Marc won my internal battle, and I struggled to push Zach out of my mind.

"I'm not surprised that she scares you. I don't think I'd be interested in someone who was completely comfortable with Phoebe."

"So you're interested in me?" He wore a smirk, but it wasn't sly or knowing. Instead it was sort of sweet and needy, like he had hope.

"Do you think if I weren't, I would be here right now?"

"I guess not," he replied shyly. "but I'm really glad you're here right now, that we're here together."

His gaze locked with mine for a minute as he leaned in letting his lips graze mine in the sweetest most innocent of kisses. In the fairy tale that is my mind, it was a perfect kiss. It meant more than friendship, evident by the way his lips stayed on mine; it meant he wanted more by the way they moved ever so slightly, but it meant that he respected me enough not to just go in for the kill all tongue and lust. It was perfect and it made me blush that I analyzed it, cataloged it, and was ready to file the type of kiss before he pulled away. Note to file: Still no butterflies, shouldn't the perfect kiss contain butterflies?

"I hope that wasn't…"

"It was nice," I replied cutting him off and smiling up at him.

"Do you want to watch a movie?"

"You're probably going to think this is weird, but can we just sit and talk and enjoy the view? It's really amazing."

Marc got a knowing smile. "I'll be right back." He stood up and ran to another room while I removed the containers of food and poured more wine.

He came back a moment later, spread a blanket out on the floor and dropped two big couch pillows down. Had the kiss only moments ago been pushy I would have suggested that now was the time to go, but as Phoebe always says, you can tell a lot from a kiss. I felt comfortable, and didn't feel like this was some sort of ploy to separate me from my pants. "Here," he said and thrust a NY Rangers shirt and a pair of sweats into my hand. "As much as I enjoy looking at you in that dress, It's hardly fair that I get to be comfortable, and you don't. They'll be big on you, but I'm sure you can make them work."

I leaned up and pecked him on the cheek. "Thanks."

As soon as I was changed we found ourselves lying stomachs down propped up on our elbows drinking in both the wine and the view.

"We should toast something," Marc said.

"How about New York for providing the entertainment," I suggested.

"I know…" he raised his glass. "To how lucky I am. I have this amazing view that pales in comparison to how beautiful you are." He clinked his glass on mine, but before he could bring the wine to his mouth my lips were there. I'm not sure what made it happen, and if I didn't know better I'd think that Phoebe was behind me pushing me, but it just felt right. It felt good, a little more urgent this time than the last, but still sweet and perfect for the second kiss, yet still without butterflies.

We laid there for hours holding hands and talking about ourselves and our families. Marc talked about his family and describe the nuances that make four brothers growing up together hysterical and adorable at the same time. He didn't hide how much he missed his brothers or his parents, and it was refreshing to see a grown man admit something like that. Marc Staal was really growing on me.

We changed topics from family to the City, as we watched cars go down the street and lights go on and off in buildings. We made up fun stories about the people that were in them and what they were doing right now.

There were two things that were great about the night. The first was that I had no urge to leave. I was having fun, just being with Marc. It was romantic and sweet and comfortable and so I stayed there on the floor for the rest of the night snuggled up against Marc until the morning sun poked out and woke us up from our short slumber I didn't know we had fallen in to.

The other nice thing was that I went almost the whole night and barely thought of Zach. When I did it made my heart ache, but for the most part thoughts of him remained tucked away safely and did't ruin my night.

"Hey sleepy head," I said shaking Marc softly. "We fell asleep."

"Mmm, correction. You fell asleep. I watched you sleep for awhile before I decided to join you. I would have moved you to the bed, but I didn't want to wake you. Is it OK that I let you sleep?"

I leaned over and kissed his cheek then left my head snuggled into the crook of his neck while he wrapped me in his arms. "No, I needed to get some sleep. It was good."

"I know you're going to make me take you home, but can I at least buy you breakfast?"

"As much as I would like that, Phoebe's probably already called the police looking for me. I don't usually stay over, if you get my meaning."

"I think I do, and I like that about you." He gave me a small squeeze, and I took that to mean that he knew I wasn't one of those types of girls.

An hour later, back in my dress and heels, I stood outside of my apartment saying good bye to Marc. He held me close to him and I looked up into his eyes. He was saying that he was going to be in town for awhile and was hoping he'd get to see more of me over the next week. The door down the hall opened up loudly and drew our attention from each other.

"Isn't this cozy," we heard from the boy with the large duffle and the roller suitcase.

"Mmhmm," Marc said, then pulled me in for kiss. He didn't hold back and took our kissing to what I would call the next level. A level that was still completely appropriate after the cuddling, talking and sweet kissing last night, yet it felt uncomfortable in front of the audience that now watched on. "I'll call you later," he said as he pulled away, eyes still locked on mine. "Later man," he added as his good-bye to Zach still with eyes on me. Marc turned and vanished down the hallway.

I put the key in my door in an attempt to get out of Zach's presence as soon as possible, but his hand hit my bare arm and he flung me around. "What the hell Jenna!?!"