I Caught Myself

I should’ve taken baby steps, I should’ve started by making amends with Zack I cursed to myself as I began to feel frustration-my walk matching this fury as my feet would slam against the ground with each step. At least Zack was talking to me before my reclusion and at least Zack wasn’t calling me trashy or trying to burn our friendship to ashes. “Fucking douche bag,” I spat aloud as I thought about how I’d sympathised with Ben for so long only to be treated like dirt. All my thoughts were consumed with was the mass amount of pure rotten hatred I had grown for Ben while my sympathy washed away sunken by the spite boiling within me.
Once I reached home I abruptly shoved the front door open only to slam it shut with all my strength; the force causing a loud, disruptive shuttering as the impact of the noise echoed through the halls of the empty house. I stormed upstairs to my bedroom throwing my body carelessly onto my bed once I arrived. I threw vicious punches into the mattress while my face was buried into my pillow to smother the screams of anger. There were only three people in the world that had the ability to make me throw ugly tantrums: Ben, Zack and my mother. Those three people were the only one’s who had stuck around in my life and put up with me for all this time. It was those three who I would take a bullet for though could put a bullet through. When I had released all my anger and my energy was drained I lay flat on my back staring at the ceiling wanting my mother to come home from work, lay beside me while she shared soothing words of both advice and reassurance. Wishing for her to receive my telepathic plead to come home instantly was hopeless so I pushed myself out of bed and strolled downstairs to find food.
Passing by the kitchen counter was a bunch of mail and brochures spread across the counter, I never bothered sorting through our mail because I never received letters. Letters are outdated and beyond my generation, why would my friends handwrite letters when they can email in seconds and receive a reply just as fast. The only letters I was sent was junk mail asking me to subscribe to some club or take up some offer…that’s why when I noticed the crisp white envelope pinned under a magnet on the fridge with my name scribbled on it I was shocked.
I ripped the sealed envelope pulling the letter out and unfolding it trying to smooth out the creases on the counter. I read the print scrawled in black pen noting the pressure of the pen applied to the paper as my finger lightly traced the words feeling their engraving from such pressure,

“Please come by and visit when you’re ready,
the world is starting to feel depopulated without you.
I’m missing my friends =(
Hope you’re well,
Zack.”

My eyes scanned the page, rereading the print. I sighed in relief after reading the letter a few times and staring at it confirming it was real, my hands wouldn’t leave the page in fear it would evaporate into thin air. Whatever the dilemma or problem, Zack Merrick would always be a remedy to make everything uncomplicated. A letter was that much more personal and opening the envelope for that first time brought me a sense of curiosity; something so simple made me laugh softly to myself. To think I was struggling with missing or possibly losing Ben resulted in me pushing away another friend, Zack. The three of us weren’t very good at securing this friendship lately but that letter from Zack told me that he was one person I could not afford to lose at the expense of another. If Ben was done with the friendship then so be it but I was not willing to give in and lose Zack too.

I surprised Izzy with a visit to her house, when she opened the door to me her face lit up with such animation it was endearing. She wrapped her arms around my neck pulling me into a hug, she was so excited to see me it was contagious causing me to bounce around in excitement with her.

“I was worried about you!” she exclaimed almost scolding me for putting her through such distress. She released me from the hug and we went inside taking a seat on her lounge to talk. “You wouldn’t respond to my calls!”

“I’m sorry” I apologised sincerely feeling bad for putting Iz through that, especially since I knew how horrible it felt to be excluded or ignored by your friend.

“Are you alright?” she asked tenderly.

“Yeah, I feel much better. Just needed some time out, you know?”

She just nodded slowly though her eyes studied me seeking clues as to what had happen to me. “Do you need to talk?” her face hopeful though her voice soft.

I shook my head refusing to open up to Izzy much like Ben had done with me. She pressed her lips together looking unsure of what to say so I volunteered, “ I just want to have fun being a reckless teen with my friends because this is our last chance before we’re loaded with responsibilities and with Ben like this…” I trailed off.

“I know, it’s disappointing everyone that he is acting like this.” she agreed.
“I’m actually beginning to hate him for it, Iz. He frustrates the hell out of me. Oh and did I mention he is a real good best friend calling me trashy and all…” my pace quickening and I began to rant before cutting myself short not wanting to delve any further, “All I mean is I just want to spend this last summer together with my friends just like all the other great summer holidays we’ve had. I mean it’s our last chance really before we all part our separate ways…and I’m not entirely sure how we can have a great summer with such a pathetic start…”

This time Izzy nodded far more animated and enthusiastically, “… I know how!” she beamed with a dazzle in her eyes as her whole body straightened up. The glimmer in her eyes told me that Iz had some summer plans devised in her head which were always brilliant…