I Caught Myself

“Hey?” confusion evident in Zack’s voice as his greeting became an uncertain question.

“Hey!” I smiled warmly, beaming at the sight of Zack who was again shirtless. I rocked on the heels of my feet waiting for him hopefully to invite me inside his house and forgive me. He pushed the door open widely stepping aside to let me in while his eyebrows furrowed in confusion though a small smile graced his face. We stood in the doorway facing each other, Zack’s hands slipping into the pockets of his board shorts, something he did when he was uneasy. Rather then clarify myself with words I closed the gap between us, wrapping my arms around him into a hug, he responded by pulling his hands out of his pockets to circle my waist though he was still unsure of himself.

“What are you doing here, Cass?” he asked after pulling away from the hug. Zack was smiling mixed with the same bewildered expression while shaking his head as if he was being asked to solve a mathematical equation that just wasn’t logical.

“I’ve come to help you pack your bags silly!” I laughed knowing this would throw a spanner in the works and perplex Zack more so.

His head tilted to one side as he was now entranced deep in his thoughts trying to piece together why he needed to pack bags. I decided to answer Zack’s thoughts “We’re all going to Iz’s holiday house for a few days!” my lips curled into a smile showing my excitement.

His eyes widened with enthusiasm as his head perked back upright, “Serious?” I nodded in affirmation, “Sweet!” he beamed.

“When are we leaving and how long are we staying?” he questioned beginning to climb the stairs while I followed to help begin his packing. Words couldn’t explain how much I adored Zack for being so easily forgiving and accepting.

“Tomorrow around midday we leave, and we can stay for the week, Izzy got the approval from her rents.”

Zack’s room was fairly clean for a guy’s room, don’t get me wrong there was still the odd article of dirty clothing lying on the ground and his bed was poorly made with only a plain navy bedspread pulled over the mattress, voila-to Zack that was a job well done but I did commend his efforts. Jack’s bedroom was the most chaotic boy’s bedroom I’ve ever laid my eyes on before he’d met Izzy and cleaned up his act and bedroom, “a pigsty
…” “it looks like a bomb has hit it…” all those sayings, well they’re an understatement when referring to what Jack’s room used to be. When in comparison to Jack’s room, Zack’s room was you’re neat five star hotel bedroom to Jack’s dodgy one and a half star.

I pulled the big black duffel bag out from the top shelf in Zack’s wardrobe and placed it on his bed ready to pack. Zack was rummaging through his drawers selecting clothes and passing them to me so I could arrange them in the bag. I was thankful Mrs. Merrick ironed and folded all clothing articles before handing them to the family to put away or else Zack’s draw could have been a disaster to sort through.

Zack began handing me a series of T-shirts and singlets, I stacked them in the bag, “Why are you packing so many shirts?” I asked.

Zack’s response was to raise an eyebrow as he looked at me as if I were outright dumb and stupid.

“Well I mean you never wear them half the time anyway!” I proceeded to explain.

He shrugged in defeat recognising my point, “I like to have the option of a shirt or no shirt.”

I laughed while rolling my eyes at his absurd reason for the ridiculous amount of shirts he had packed knowing very well Zack would be lucky to wear three of them the whole trip. Zack threw the next shirt at me unexpectedly, the once folded shirt flying undone landing in my face, I pulled the shirt off my face ready to protest and fire the shirt back at Zack. As I launched the shirt at Zack his phone’s message tone buzzed alerting him of a new text. The noise put me off my aim leaving the shirt I had thrown back at him to land off target settling on the floor to Zack’s left unsuccessful of even touching him. He looked down at the distance between him and the shirt insulting me by chuckling at my poor attempt of a throw before pulling his phone out of his pocket. I poked my tongue out at him folding my arms as I took a seat on his bed waiting for him to deal with the message so he could resume helping me finish the packing. A mixture of surprise and shock washed over Zack’s face as he read the message, I patiently waited for him to provide details though I was curious. I concluded either Zack was a really slow reader or he was rereading the message and I was sick of waiting as curiosity ate away at me, “Who is it from?”

“Ben.” his eyes lifted from the phone screen to reach mine, “He wants to know if we can all hang out and have dinner somewhere tonight before we leave for Izzy’s tomorrow”

“He’s going away with us to Izzy’s?” my face tensed unsure of whether this was a good or bad thing.

“Well, he must be?” Zack looked baffled not really knowing the answer. I just nodded. The last time I had seen Ben he had shut a door in front of my face, we weren’t on great terms…

“Cass, you look worried?” Zack must have noticed how I had pressed my lips together in attempt to suppress expressing my concern, the boy had a talent for spotting the detail.

“Umm, well…not worried. Just not sure if this trip is going to be ideal anymore…” I trailed off. Suddenly Iz’s holiday house didn’t seem appealing, I started visualising the holiday house as too small for both Ben and I, a confine space with no escape from each other, a fragile foundation ready to crumble as Ben and I tore the house down with our verbal boxing matches… Shivers slide down my spine as I began to convince myself the holiday would do more damage than healing.

“Cassie, it’s a holiday with friends, don’t let one person ruin your opportunity of a good time, besides this one person seems to be making an effort to get his shit together.” he said while shaking his phone at me as a reminder that Ben was willing to make plans with the gang and go on holiday with us, “ I’m pretty sure you’ll find Ben’s mellowed out significantly… Just come and stay a night and if you don’t like it, then fine come back home-but give it a chance, alright?” he pleaded trying his hardest to convince me.

I sighed, “Alright, I’ll promise you this Zack, I’ll come to the dinner tonight and I’ll go along to Izzy’s holiday house. I promise I’ll give Ben a chance too, I’ll do my best to tolerate him BUT if he says or does something that pushes me to the edge then I’m leaving. Yeah I know it’s meant to be a holiday for everyone but I’m sure as hell not going to enjoy it if Ben is always on my nerves and I doubt everyone else could enjoy it with him and I constantly fighting…”

Zack seemed satisfied with my response, “Okay, if you give Ben a fair chance and he screws things up then you’re free to go but until he stuffs up you’ll have to enjoy the holiday with me!” he threw a pair of underwear at me playfully.

“Ewww!” I shrieked, “They better have been clean, Merrick!”

*****
Following through with my promise to Zack I attended the dinner with the rest of the group that Ben had arranged. I found myself seated at a large table in a busy but delicious Italian restaurant between Zack and Alex while across the table from us was Izzy, Jess and Ben. The conversation flowed smoothly at the table with everyone contributing their thoughts on the discussion in play. The night was effortlessly enjoyable; I surprised myself with the way I felt at ease joking around with Rian, Jack and Alex, conducting simple conversation with Izzy, Jess and Ben and as usual teasing Zack jokingly. Ben and Jess appeared to be back to their normal selves and if there were any underlying problems between the two I couldn’t recognise it behind their flawless façade. Jess looked so stunning and radiant at the dinner table next to Ben, her face glowing while a smile was planted brightly across her face. She looked so sincerely happy to be with Ben, his hand laced with hers resting on the table and their shoulders innocently grazing one another. Ben too had made an obvious improvement in his appearance since I had last saw him, though unlike Jess he wasn’t radiant. Ben had cleaned up his look…shaved his beard, washed and combed his hair, tidied up his dress sense, a healthy colour had returned to what was a washed out pale face and black bags no longer circled his eyes. Although Ben looked all shiny and new on the outer edges when you looked deep into his eyes you saw a hidden disturbance he was trying to mask from even himself. I studied Ben subtly at the dinner table waiting for his expression to falter or for the slip of a word which could provide me with a hint of some sort, I found nothing though.

“Excuse me, I’m going to go to bathroom” Iz said interrupting the conversation while pulling out her chair.

“I’ll come with you” I volunteered, walking with her towards the restrooms.

“So, Ben’s coming away with us I hear?” I questioned inquisitively wanting Izzy to give me a definite answer unlike Zack’s.

“Yeah, turns out he is.” she confirmed, “Initially he wasn’t planning on it but when he spent the day with Jess she convinced him to come.”

“Oh, so Jess and Ben are on good terms again?” I was so out of the loop right now, my isolation caused me to fall behind on the current events with my friends.

“Well yes, I think? Like you know how Ben cut Jess off for a bit?” I nodded affirmative waiting for her to continue, “Well he eventually came around to talk to her face to face and somehow they made peace then. Jess still doesn’t know what exactly went on with Ben but all she told me was she knew it was a personal struggle by the way he was speaking. If that were Jack though, I’d be a very concerned girlfriend. Of course I trust and respect Jack and his privacy but I’d want to help him…I’d want him to know he could talk to me in confidence. I just don’t understand why Ben couldn’t talk to Jess about it…”

“Hmmm, yeah that’s weird but it’s good news they’re working things out.” I mused.

“Oh of course! Jess has never looked better, when you were taking time out Jess had to come to me to talk about things and she was a mess. She looked so distraught, so to see her looking this healthy is such a relief.”

As Isabelle and I were returning to the table we passed Zack who was at the bar ordering drinks, I made my way towards Zack agreeing to meet Izzy back at the table.

“Hey, do you want anything to drink?” Zack offered as he waited to be served.

“No thanks, I’m good.” I declined.

“How has your night been?”\

“Good,” I answered honestly, “the food is amazing here.” Just the simple entrees alone had my mouth watering and stomach growling for more of the hot appetizing Italian food.

Zack nodded in agreement and then smiled with a realization “Good? You said you’re night was ‘good’?” he said while drawing out the word.

“Oh okay, I get it, you were right, Merrick. I am having fun and Ben has mellowed out.” Zack’s smile was slightly smug though he seemed pleased I was enjoying myself.

“Ben and Jess look happy” I commented maintaining conversation.

“So they should. Especially Jess. Ben seemed to drag her down with him to his low and misery which is stupid seen as his problem wasn’t a big deal anyway.” Zack said while looking back at the table towards Ben and Jess who were in a discussion with Rian, both Ben and Jess laughing animatedly as Rian’s eyes widened and his hand gestures became more dramatic to emphasise his humorous story.

“It wasn’t a big deal? Really?” I wondered unable to believe Ben would go to such lengths and overreact in such a manner to an issue deemed insignificant by Zack.

“Hmm, yeah. Honestly the way he dealt with his ‘problem’ was lame. He was responsible for making it a problem in the first place… but anyway he is working on getting back on track now.”

Zack spotted it too, Ben still had some problems or secrets lingering. Zack definitely had an eye for detail, even he noticed Ben was not fully repaired and that concerned me that this holiday could ruin Ben’s and my friendship ever so easily.