I Caught Myself

“Cassie?” Zack whined, drawing out the letters of my name.

“Mmmm?” My eyes not bothering to leave the gossip magazine I was flicking through. There I was, sprawled across my bed, lying on my stomach highly content in a comfy pair of black leggings and one of Zack’s warm grey jumpers that was slightly oversized and baggy on me.

The mattress sunk beside me as Zack plonked his bum down, sitting next to me, “Can you help me pack?” he practically pleaded me for help. He was like a puppy wanting an owner’s attention; typically Zack was pulling his most adorable face to win me over. His bottom lip jutted out into a pout and his eyes wide and innocent, silently begging me.

“HA! Izzy, you owe me five bucks!” I exclaimed, yelling out down the hall to my friend, thrilled I had won the bet that we had previously agreed upon of whether Zack would need my assistance in packing up all his gear.

From a few rooms down I heard Izzy groan in disappointment for losing our little bet in which I smiled at my small victory. Zack’s cute expression was instantly replaced with confusion and suspicion; his forehead creasing into a frown and an eyebrow raised inquisitively.

I answered the unspoken question his expression seemed to give away, “I bet Izzy you would need my help and she was stupid enough to have faith in you to pack your own bags.” I flicked my magazine shut before moving off my stomach to sit upright beside him on my bed.

“Hey! That’s not nice making bets about my packing incompetence. You should have some faith in me!” Zack shoved my shoulder playfully.

I shrugged my shoulders, “I couldn’t knock back making an easy five dollars.” With that I pushed myself off of the mattress easing my knees gently onto the floor ready to pack Zack’s stuff. I began gathering Zack’s belongings that were sprawled and scattered across the floor in an untidy manner grabbing a black shirt and shaking it in mid air to rid the creases and begin folding.

“I refuse to be a part of your little games, Cassie.” Zack retaliated playfully still seated on the bed, shaking his head from side to side with arms crossed firmly over his chest.

The black Hurley’s T-shirt I had been folding was obstructing a clear view of Zack. Resting the now neatly folded shirt on my lap to face Zack, I exclaimed, “Hey…if you want to pack all this” I pointed around the room at the chaotic mess Zack seemed to have made during his stay, “then feel free to. I don’t mind losing five bucks to Izzy while I read my magazine and you clean this up.”

Next minute Zack was down crouching on his knees beside me but instead of helping with the packing he had his arms wrapped around my middle enveloping me in the warmest hug. “You couldn’t do that to me” he said while pulling me into a tighter hug, snuggling his head to rest on my shoulder affectionately. His hug reminded me of the way a kid might cuddle their favourite teddy bear, so tightly but with the most adoration.

A wave of heat crept upon my cheeks, tinting my milky white skin a rosy pink blush. Silently willing Zack to let go of me before my face erupted into an embarrassing bright shade resembling a beetroot he had seemed to have read my mind, untangling himself off of me to sit upright and begin packing.

After a quick moment of silence I smirked ready to stir and tease Zack again, “Oh but I could, Zack…only I need that five dollars to go towards your next haircut!”

Dramatically Zack dropped the articles of clothing he was holding in his hands to the floor in mock horror before slowly looking up at me with a clenched jaw. He began shaking his head, “You didn’t just bag out my hair. Tell me you didn’t just mock the ‘fro?”

My smirk grew and eyebrows raised confirming I had very much so insulted his hair, my expression was challenging daring him to retaliate.

“You’re going to regret that!” he promised with a mischievous grin while grabbing my wrists with one hand and beginning to tickle my ribcage with the other in which I squirmed and weakly tried to fight him off.

“No!” I breathed between intense fits of giggles, tickling would be the death of me. My stomach ached from tensing and crunching the muscles, my cheeks were also sore from non-stop grinning.

“Whoa, you guys!” Alex blurted out in shock making his presence known, he was sheltering his eyes with his hands as he leant against the doorframe of the bedroom, “Get a room.”

Zack ceased from tickling me, releasing my wrists from his gentle grip, both of us freezing immediately. It then occurred to me how wrong this situation may have been misinterpreted by Alex. There I was lying on the floor, with Zack on top of me holding my wrists while my body squirmed rapidly and I frequently protested in a breathless manner…

It was then my classic beetroot face made an appearance while Zack turned to face Gaskarth who was still hovering in the doorway. Alex’s hands were now poorly shielding his vision as he peeked through his fingers to see what was happening. “Dude, we have got a room…” Zack deadpanned.

“Oh, so you do. Well that’s awkward.” Alex laughed not seeming the slightest bit awkward or uncomfortable. “Cassie, when you’re done ‘packing’ here I’ll be in my room so you can help me ‘pack’” he suggested, winking flirtatiously before he left Zack and I alone again.

My face was still flushed with heat, I was feeling slightly embarrassed but before I had time to comprehend how uneasy the situation was Zack distracted me with his laughter. I pushed Zack off of me letting him tumble to the floor while I sat upright. “What’s so funny?” I pressed curiously as I hastily picked up my pace in folding the clothes into Zack’s bag.

Zack followed my lead, sitting up straight and gathering a collection of clothes to fold, “Nothing… You would just think that you’d learn not to bag out my hair after being attacked with tickles everytime.” he grinned before adding playfully, “If I didn’t know you any better I’d think you actuallylikedbeing tickled.” he waved his eyebrows suggestively.

I almost choked at what he was implying, acting on impulse and trying to hide my blush I threw the pair of board shorts I was in the midst of folding at him before adding, “Pfft, please, don’t flatter yourself!”

Zack pulled the shorts off of his face, his mouth rounded ready to protest but he seemed to hesitate pressing his lips together leaving us to resume packing in silence. I was slightly curious as to what he was going to say; patiently I folded the clothes allowing him time to gather his thoughts and words. Waiting for him to finish the sentence he hadn’t even yet started was hopeless as he was now tight lipped and we were working in a dead but peaceful silence.

***
“I can’t believe you talked me into helping you pack, Gaskarth!” I exclaimed now kneeling on the floor in Alex’s bedroom gathering his stuff together.

Alex just shrugged whilst he searched under his bed for any stray possessions he missed packing that belonged to him, “You know how hopeless I am, Cass.”

“I can’t argue with that statement.” I smiled before sighing feeling slightly worn out and ready to go home. Alex continued collecting his belongings into a pile while I sort through the stuff placing them into categories before neatly folding and pack away.

Zack was resting on Alex’s bed looking calm and tranquil listening to his ipod, I was feeling envious I couldn’t be doing the same thing. To be honest, I was well overdue to go back home, there was so many things I missed while away here at Iz’s holiday house. Privacy, proper nutritious meals, a normal sleeping pattern, my own bed to sleep in, my parent’s company and even the annoyance of my little brother were just a few things among the list I was craving. Being in Ben’s presence had put me on edge; it was a trial testing my strength. An undeniable temptation lingered, a burning tension wedged between us. There was a strong hatred towards him, the sight of him making me feel physically sick though there was also a pinch of lust that brewed inside stirring with my emotions. Spending time with boys like Alex and Zack made me realise how complex Ben was and I’d grown to learn what I was feeling was not a love but a dangerous lust for him; a lust that was not worth chasing after.

Thinking of evil brought about evil. Interrupting Alex’s, Zack’s and my silent sanctuary stood Ben in the doorway looking rather flustered and agitated, “Have any of you seen my phone?” He boldly asked in a rude and abrupt manner which hit a nerve with me; I was disgusted to think I was lusting after a friggin jerk.

Alex and Zack dismissed Ben’s rather arsehole like behaviour and shook their heads declining to having seen the dickhead’s phone. Ben then looked at me with a cold and spiteful glare resembling a snake; I was the baby chicken that he could easily devour alive. “Have you tried calling it?” I asked in a calm and collected tone trying to remain indifferent.

“Yeah of course.” he snapped before storming off leaving Zack, Alex and I to exchange puzzled and inquisitive looks.

Zack pulled out one of his white earphones that was plugged in his ear as he propped himself up on his elbow to face Alex and I, “What was that about?” he questioned looking stumped in the way an English teacher may look when trying to solve a sodoku puzzle.

Alex and I shrugged simultaneously looking genuinely blank and clueless, Zack responded in a similar manner before deciding to help calm Ben down from his fired up state. “I’m going to go help him find this phone, you guys can keep packing.” he mumbled not really thrilled about volunteering to assist Ben in his foul mood.

“Thanks man.” Alex called over his shoulder to Zack sounding grateful for escaping the horrid duty of helping Ben. Alex and I continued our fast paced folding and packing, we had found a rhythm and pattern making an effective packing system.

Alex was shaking his head still looking perplexed, his brown shaggy hair falling over his warm cocoa eyes, “What is with that dude?”

“Who? Zack?!” I frowned ready to jump to Zack’s defence, not knowing why Alex would have a problem with Zack, especially since he just did us both a favour by dealing with Ben and his mood.

Alex chuckled, “No! Ben, you idiot. He’s all…” He pulled up the hood of his black and white stripped jumper, crossing his arms and pulling a random face that resembled an warped Frankenstein to convey Ben’s grouchy mood. His lower jaw was jutted out revealing his bottom set of teeth, his lips turned downwards while his eyebrows were lowered, pinched together and scrunched into a frown, for extra effect he narrowed his eyes and tucked his face into his neck forming three drastic chins.

I rolled onto the floor in a fit of laughter at the hideous face Alex had crafted in a matter of seconds. My arms were clutched across my stomach as I willed myself to stop laughing due to the ache the hysterical laughter caused. Tears of sheer amusement fell from my eyes, sliding down my cheeks as I struggled to compose myself and catch my breath. By the time I had finished laughing at the entertaining face I sat back upright only to find myself trying to fight the occasional giggle everytime I looked at Alex whose face now currently resumed back to a normal blank canvas. He was smiling at my lack of control and how easily I was amused; that one stupid face he pulled had set me up for a solid ten minutes of entertainment.

When I returned to a much calmer and reserved state Alex continued the conversation, “ …but seriously,” his face and tone were solemn as he resumed folding clothes, “Ben is so damn intense and like almost grumpy and shitty all the time.”

All I answered Alex with was a simple nod of agreement; there was no denying Ben’s angry and intense aura. However I didn’t really wish to explore or propose reasons as to why Ben was currently behaving the way he was, in fact I hated talking about Ben and was wishing the conversation would end.

“He is being a little bitch lately.” a voice added from the bed behind me which startled me. I hadn’t realised Alex and I had company, thankfully it was only Jack and beside him sat Zack quietly.

“When did you guys come in here?” I asked the two of them fairly mystified as to how I missed their entrance into the room. One second Zack was gone, the next he was back with Jack.

“Like, a minute ago.” Jack answered while bouncing on the bed like a super hyperactive child who had overdosed on sugar.

I frowned at Zack searching for further clarity and a tad more detail then Jack’s explanation,“Just now pretty much.” he offered, “Jack and I gave up on helping Ben search for his phone because he kept shit talking us and acting ungrateful…”

“…and well then we heard you nearly dying with laughter and thought we’d come check you were still breathing.” Jack added while ruffling my hair softly like I was a little playful puppy.

“I’m good.” I assured them with a smile before inhaling a big fresh breath of air, “I was just laughing at Alex being a dork.” My mouth twitched as I fought back chuckles from thinking of the absurd face Alex had pulled to mock Ben. “Anyway, how much more packing do we have Alex?” I asked ready to give up on the job.

He looked around the room for any other belongings he may have missed before shaking his head and confirming we were done, with that I zipped up his bag of neatly organised possessions and pushed myself onto my feet. My knees felt slightly sore and my legs were stiff from crouching on the floor for a solid amount of time, so I opted for the plush mattress taking a seat on the bed next to Jack.

“Jack?” Izzy’s voice travelled from her room, her tone sounding unimpressed.

Jack’s response to his name was priceless; he immediately jumped to his feet pacing in circles in a panic of what to do. “Shit, hide me! I’m meant to be packing my bags.”

The three of us sat there uselessly laughing at Jack knowing it was a lost cause hiding him in a room so small from Izzy. There was no way he could get out of helping Izzy pack and he seemed to already know this despite his hopeless attempt at hiding behind Alex’s door. Suddenly Izzy appeared in the doorway of Alex’s room looking exhausted with small beads of sweat forming on her forehead, she questioned all three of us as we anticipated, “Have you guys seen Jack? Apparently he was helping Ben, Jess said but he is meant to be helping me clean up his own mess!”

Zack, Alex and I wore the cheekiest grins before deliberately pointing in sync to Alex’s door to give away Jack’s cover. Izzy immediately swung the door open to reveal a tall and timid Jack pressed tightly against the wall with wide eyes as he was caught. Izzy had him cornered, “Jack, help me pack now or no LOST marathons for a month.” she threatened. With that Jack unfroze from his hiding position, following Izzy out the door wordlessly seeming disappointed his ingenious hiding spot failed.

“Dude, she has to bribe you with LOST instead of sex? That’s whack.” Alex mocked as Jack exited the room.

Before Jack turned the corner to disappear out of our sight he flipped Alex off to which we all laughed at how pathetic Jack could be, he was a funny kid.

“Alright, I’m going to catch up on some ‘Entourage’ with Rian. You guys in?” Alex offered while scrambling to his feet, relieved he had finished packing.

I shook my head and was surprised to find Zack had declined to chilling out and watching TV with the boys as well.

Alex shrugged, “Suit yourselves. Thanks for helping me pack, Cass.” he praised graciously ruffling my hair like Jack had before he left Zack and I alone seated on the bed. The thought of Zack and I alone again caused my cheeks to tint a baby rose colour for reasons I was unsure of and utterly baffled by.

Zack chuckled pushing my arm playfully snapping me out of my self made uneasiness, “What?” I asked coyly curious as to why he was laughing at me.

Zack looked slightly surprised that I was confused, which only heightened my bewilderment. “No seriously, what was that for? What are you laughing at?” I was feeling extremely self conscious, my hands were growing clammy and as usual when anxious, I began to fiddle with them.

Suddenly he began to look awkward and nervous, “Well, look at you…” he began hesitantly though when I did not catch on to his drift he finally offered insight as to what he meant, “You’re blushing.”

“Oh.” I stammered feeling even more self conscious and exposed now I knew he was aware of my embarrassment.

Zack looked away from me, picking at the blanket fluff as a way of distracting himself from meeting my eyes,“You don’t have to hide it from me, Cass. It’s obvious…”

“What is?” I gulped feeling my temperature rise with uneasiness. Oh God. He knew. He knew all about me and Ben and isn’t sure how to cope with it. Maybe he doesn’t know for sure, maybe he just wants to gauge a reaction from me to confirm it’s true…make sure it is certain. Or maybe he senses I’m awkward around him for some warped reason and…” my mind was swarmed rapidly with thoughts and panicked rushed through my bloodstream, my heart rate increasing swiftly. The unintentional but sudden graze of our knees touching then sent my heart flying into overdrive. I bit my bottom lip and quickly shook my head so loose strands of my blonde hair could fall across my face to veil my nervousness.

He finally lifted his eyes to meet mine and in a gentle voice he finished, “You like Gaskarth.”