I Caught Myself

It was daring to nap while Izzy was responsible for driving us home safely, so when I noticed the faint rise and fall of Zack’s chest and his soft breathing I couldn’t help but admire him for entering a slumber; it was a brave and bold move. The drive home was becoming long and tedious with each and every road sign and car that blurred passed, it seemed a never ending trip. The shadowing fear of death never ceasing to linger the whole ride home adding to the strong desire for home to only be around the corner. My legs were beginning to fidget with agitation, pins and needles torturing them from lack of circulation and movement. Distracting myself from the discomforting pinching feeling in my legs I began examining Jack and Izzy in the front seat. Jack’s hand was casually resting atop of Izzy’s whom was controlling the gear stick; it was the cutest thing I’d witnessed in weeks. A gesture so simple triggered a craving for that to be me; having a reassuring hand to hold. Underneath that physical touch Jack and Izzy were sharing was chemistry, a strong electric connection so forceful it could knock you out on impact. They were inseparable nearly magnetized; it was almost scary and surreal how powerful their gravitation towards each other was. It was so stupid for me to be thinking how close to perfect the couple were, Jack and Izzy’s feelings for each other should be regarded as dumb young love yet witnessing this moment made me question how absurd ‘young love’ really was. Was placing all faith and jumping into the deep end for another person when so young really that ridiculous, after all even with age on our side do we ever learn not to make mistakes?

Jack shifted his eyes from the ordinary, bland scene of cars driving by his window towards Izzy where he was caught analysing her side profile. Jack’s dark brown eyes were transfixed on Iz, starring so intently at her in silence absorbing all of her before he proceeded to speak. “Can we stop at Maccas Iz before we arrive home?”

Izzy nodded affirmative, immediately flicking her right blinker on to change lanes early in preparation to turn into the next McDonald’s outlet. Jack twisted his body around to face Zack and I in the back seat, a smile graced his face when he realised Zack was deep asleep. He then readjusted his body to face me directly whispering, “Do you mind if we make a quick stop at Maccas?”

I shook my head with a smile indicating I was not bothered by the idea in the slightest. In fact it sounded brilliant; it meant stretching my now numb legs and feeding my stomach which had begun to growl with hunger pangs.

Within no time Izzy was turning the van into Maccas and awkwardly reverse parking in a spot within an isolated McDonald’s car park. She eventually settled on her fifth parking attempt, accepting her poor reversing skills and shutting off the car engine leaving the van stationary and crooked barely between the two white marked lines.

I softly nudged Zack, gently shaking his shoulders to awaken him from his sleeping state, his eyes slightly opening before properly adjusting to the dim interior car light. A near inaudible grumble escaped Zack’s lips as a form of protest to leave him in his peaceful, sleepy state. “Wakey wakey,” my voice ringing softly,“it’s time for a feed!” My index fingers gently poking his toned stomach as I pestered him to join the rest of us for Maccas. Zack wrapped his hands around my wrists with a tight grip to cease me from poking him any further; he then pushed himself upright on the car seat in defeat and slid out the door waiting for me by the passenger door. I followed him sliding out of the car, Zack slamming the door shut behind me before we broke into a walk side by side.

My fingertips helplessly tingled as if each one were being tickled lightly by a feather; the temptation to impulsively lace my hand with Zack’s was strong and enduring. All within one swift motion I gently brushed my hand against his, Zack registered the gesture however I couldn’t decipher his response. Taking a leap of faith, this time I laced my fingers with his taking hold of his hand firmly. Suddenly Zack leaned inwards sending my heart into overdrive and my cheeks flaming red at the thought of him about to sneak a quick sly kiss on the cheek; instead he surprised me, his lips lingering intimately close near my ear. His breath was warm and tickled my ear as he whispered his plea gently, “Stay at mine” My breathing pattern was shaky and unsteady, I stole a few quick deep breaths to calm myself before I matched my eyes to his and nodded in agreement. My limbs were like goo, weak and lovesick from the thrill of Zack’s attention and intimacy. Zack smiled coyly unable to hide his content with my agreement to spend the night with him. Managing to gain such a reaction like that from Zack gave me an adrenaline rush that surged in my veins right through my body, electrifying every fibre within me.

“Can I help you there?” The voice was just faint noise in the background of my mind, I was too distracted from holding Zack’s hand to register the question was directed at me. That’s why, when the question was repeated with less patience a second time my cheeks turned a bright hue of red. Zack had to give my hand a tight squeeze and shake to bring me back to the present day. I realised a young girl with a bad case of acne sprinkled messily across her face awaited behind the counter to take my order with furrowed, bushy eyebrows and a sour expression. I cringed from a mixture of my humiliation in front of Zack and the awkward appearance of the girl waiting to serve me. “Sorry, umm just a medium cheeseburger meal” I muttered not even fully processing what I was ordering. Truthfully, I hadn’t thought about what my stomach desired, Zack’s presence had me spellbound. While Zack placed his order I tuned out again, this time examining the girl who was now punching buttons on the register roughly. Her hair was of wire looking texture tied in a tight bun at the nape of her neck and looked as if it had been drenched in grease. Her eyebrows were the same as her hair, untamed, thick and an intense dark brown. Although she possessed a small, skinny frame every movement seemed draining and of extra effort to her. It appeared the sour expression she currently wore made residence on her face permanently, throughout the whole duration of her assistance not once did she dare smile or indicate she was capable of compassion. “That’ll be $14.75” the girl stated in an unamused, monotone, not a hint of inflection in her voice.
Zack passed her the amount, putting his hand up to stop me before I could manage to vocalise my protest to pay for my meal.

****
“Honestly, I could get used to this” I confessed to Izzy within the confines of the female McDonald’s restroom.

Izzy turned the tap off, cutting off the small basin sinks supply of running cold water. She flicked the excessive water droplets off her fingers whilst she wore a bemused expression on her face. “Get used to what?” She pulled two sheets of paper towel from the dispenser to dry her damp hands before making eye contact with me.

“This…thing?” I hesitated, unsure of my word choice, “…whatever it is, with Zack.”

Izzy smirked smugly as if she were a crystalballer having already predicted this confession. “All I’m going to say is it’s about damn time…”

“Yeah, yeah whatever.” I rolled my eyes, “I still stand by my claim that it has been completely platonic up until this point.”

“That’s what you think Cass, but you two pushed the meaning of platonic to the limits…really, I swear the only people you were trying to fool with this platonic bullshit was yourselves. Everyone else saw the potential in you two and now it’s all finally happening!” She exhaled as if having held her breath all this time upon waiting for the moment Zack and I pursue more than friendship.

“Shit just got real, Iz. He’s paying for my Macca’s and everything!” I winked as I pushed the door open before exiting the bathroom. Izzy giggled as we made our way to the car park to reunite with the boys who were waiting for us by the van.

The remainder of the van ride home was quiet, from this I learnt actions speak louder than words. Zack and I were holding hands with finger intertwined. I struggled to disguise the beaming ecstatic feeling rushing through me. The remainder of the ride home my mouth was feeling sore from a twitching smile, it was difficult for me to oppress the ‘giddy teenage girl’ in love grin. Zack made it that much more difficult just by sitting beside me. I could feel his gaze fixed on the side of my face seen as I dare not look at him in case my gooey grin escaped. Heat rose to my cheeks tinting them with a rosy blush knowing Zack was watching me intently.

“Merrick, grab your bags and get out!” Izzy joked as she pulled the van to the curb out the front of Zack’s home.

A sigh of relief escaped my mouth knowing we were finally home however my insides were like un-popped popcorn kernels in a microwave, bouncing up and down in excitement. Finally Zack and I were guaranteed privacy which ultimately meant an opportunity for intimacy.

Not knowing how to inform Iz and Jack I’d be bunking with Zack without avoiding a fuss I cleared my throat ready to take a ‘rip it like a bandaid’approach. “Errr well I guess this is my stop too…”

Izzy’s eyes instantly flickered to the rear view mirror, shooting me a smug look with an eyebrow suggestively raised. My instant reaction was to look down, immersing my concentration on the simple task of unbuckling my seatbelt. “Oh is it Cass? Well in that case you better hurry grab your bags and get to it. Wouldn’t want to hold up your fun…”

Jack snickered enjoying Iz’s taunting.

“I think you’re meaning to say you want us to hurry up getting out because we’re holding up YOUR fun with Jack…” I retorted

“Whatever, we’re all going to be having the same fun here.” Jack interjected before dropping an awkward bomb singing, “Bow chicka wow chicka wow wow, am I right?” He bluntly questioned Zack with a toothy grin and a seedy wink.

Zack chuckled before rolling his eyes, avoiding the question all together by sliding the door open and piling our bags onto the sidewalk. Once he was done I slid across the seats leaving the van to meet him on the sidewalk and slammed the door shut.

The passenger window was immediately wound down, “Oh it is so on!” Jack yelled from his seat while nodding at the thought he was right.

Zack gathered a pile of the heaviest bags leaving me with the two lightest, his sweet gestures were adorable to me. I was beyond smitten with his attempts to impress me.

“Goodbye Jack and Izzy” Zack dismissed their teasing while I waved a farewell to them both. We then took our cue to leave, taking the bags and moving to Zack’s front door knowing if we’d stayed on the sidewalk Iz and Jack would’ve interrogated and taunted us for hours.

As the van pulled away from the curb, Jack stuck his head out the window bellowing at the top of his lungs “Bow chicka wow chicka wow wow” while thrusting. We heard his tune fade away as the van drove further down the street into the distance.

Zack exhaled dramatically to emphasis the peace now Iz and Jack had gone. I chuckled while Zack awkwardly juggled the bags searching his pockets for his set of house keys.

“Did you need a hand?” I volunteered feeling guilty Zack was preoccupied with all the baggage with I was carrying practical feathers. I’d been so useless just consumed in admiring Zack’s arm muscles that were apparent and flexed from lifting the weight of the bags.

“Could you just grab my keys from my left pocket please, I can’t reach them?” he shifted the bags away moving his arm so I could dig out the keys in his pants pocket.

“Got them” I smiled before unlocking the front door and moving aside so Zack could fit through the doorway with the majority of the bags. He immediately dumped the bags once inside.

Zack rubbed at his sleepy eyes, “I’m stuffed.”

“Me too.” I agreed with a yawn.

Without exchanging another word I followed Zack upstairs to his bedroom. We kicked off our shoes and Zack removed his shirt before collapsing onto his mattress. As if it were a usual routine for us, I shifted closer towards Zack and he snaked his arm around my waist. It was immediate comfort laying there still wearing Zack’s baggy jumper and leggings from that day. Although I was beyond tired I fought to stay awake wanting to enjoy the privacy and intimacy of Zack’s company. I cherished him holding me closely, feeling the rise and fall of his chest gently breathing and the proximity of him so close I could feel his warm breath tickle my neck. This moment I feared would end tonight and not carry on in the morning now the trip was over. It didn’t stop me hoping though that Zack and I could move forward even though we were back to reality at home. I remained optimistic this could be way more than a summer fling.