I Caught Myself

It sounds kind of creepy but after getting dressed I went to check on Zack and see if he’d risen to see the day finding myself watching him enraptured in tranquillity. Zack sleeping was so serene and blissful it brought a smile to my face seeing his body sprawled lazily across the bed and the side of his face squashed into the pillow. I laughed at the way his eyes were squished and his mouth gaped open, he looked ridiculous. Stupid me found this a little too amusing and laughed that little bit too loud waking Zack.

“Cassie! What the hell are you doing?!”he groaned still half asleep, his body remaining still.

I tried to suppress the crooked and guilty grin on my face; it took all my control to gain a composed expression while I shrugged trying to look innocent. Suddenly he launched a pillow at me gutting me right in the stomach. I threw the pillow aside and crawled onto the bed to poke and prod him, tugging on his hair to both annoy and fully wake him.

He tried to shoo me away and roll me off the bed, “Come on, Zack! Get up already, it’s almost midday and I’m soooo bored.” I whinged.

I began to lightly trace the tattoo inked on his left shoulder softly with my fingers. “ I’ve prepared you pancakes” I bargained hoping it would motivate him.

No response. It wasn’t enough tempting him with food surprisingly so I put ‘Plan B’ into action, skipping to the bathroom with a wicked smirk and mischievous sparkle in my eyes. Letting the cold water from the taps run over my hands I quickly bolted back to my bedroom where a motionless Zack lay allowing the cold water from my hands drip onto Zack’s relatively warm back.

His body flinched instantly, “Cassie! Piss off!”

“Wakey, wakey Zachary!” I said cheerily placing my cold hands directly on his back and face, this was too much fun.

He let out an irritated groan signalling defeat as he rolled over and began to stretch. I took that as my que to escape before he gained revenge; I skipped down the stairs to the kitchen ready to prepare Zack pancakes.

As I poured the pancake batter into the hot pan I heard Zack trudge down the stairs and take a seat on a stool propping his elbows on the bench for support.

“Smells good” he complimented.

Grabbing a glass and making my way to the fridge I collected both the juice and fresh fruit I’d prepared earlier. I knew Zack’s routine too well, he couldn’t function properly all day without a decent breakfast and juice in the morning otherwise if he missed out he was Mr. Grumpy Bum. Pouring his juice then serving him a plate he placed some freshly cut strawberries and blueberries over his pancakes then in a zombie like state grabbed cutlery for his meal.

“Where is your shirt for the table young Mr. Merrick?!” I asked in mock disgust as he rubbed his face struggling to awake himself properly.

“Where is the rest of your dress for the table Miss Adams?” he challenged me with a cheeky smirk.

My jaw dropped and my instant instinct was to look down and check the dress I was wearing was in place. It had slightly hiked up causing me to tug at the ends pulling the dress down only adding a small amount of length to it.

“You just wish you had legs like mine to wear a dress as hot as this.” I fired back teasingly, right as I finished Jess appeared out of nowhere agreeing with me, “Nice dress!” she praised.

“Where did you come from?” I jumped startled by her presence while Zack chuckled shovelling a bite of pancakes in his mouth.

“The front door was open” she shrugged with a laugh propping herself on a stool next to Zack. I served Jess a plate then flipped some pancakes onto Zack’s plate, “See, Jess likes my dress. You got served!” I said with a feeling of victory.

“If it means more pancakes then I’m not complaining” he held his hands up in defeat.

The kitchen fell silent as Zack and Jess ate. When Jess finished she asked for a small second serving which astonished me seen as Jess was very weight conscious- her figure was one thing she never wanted to lose and worked hard to maintain. This must have been written very obviously over my face because she joked, “Don’t look at me like that! I just have a lot of feelings right now…”

“That you feel the need to eat?” I offered her the plate though raised my eyebrow judgementally reminding her of the regret she feels when she indulges or binge eats. The plate was tempting Jess though she hesitated, “Cassie, just let the poor girl eat! She’s only bones practically.” Zack insisted while flicking water at me as he washed his plate in the sink. I playfully punched Zack on the shoulder and he feigned pain.

“I’m going to shower because as Jack would say, ‘ I smell like balls’ ” Zack proceeded upstairs.

“Eww” Jess and I cringed in unison.

Jess then resumed to eating her pancakes without a word, ‘Jess’ and ‘quiet’ were two words never associated with each other. She always had something to say and her pattern of practically everlasting silence was odd.

“How are you going? I asked her quietly feeling sad to see my friend so distressed. Black bags circled her eyes-though she made a decent attempt to hide them with concealer. She looked worn out, her usually shiny, silky caramel hair dimmed dull and her skin although a sun kissed golden tan didn’t glow. Her usually happy go lucky smile was missing too… Jess pressed her petite lips together poking the contents remaining on her plate with her fork.

“He won’t really talk to me…” she began slowly with a weak voice, “When I ask what’s going on or what it is bothering him he won’t answer. He just dismisses it and changes the conversation as if he is trying to distract himself by ignoring it! I don’t know what to say or do, I don’t want to lose him…” she trailed off worried. “Do you think it’s something I’ve done?” fear trembling in her voice.

“No.” I responded instantly without missing a beat, “It’s not your fault, Jess. Believe me. Ben is like this sometimes…” I lied. The only time Ben shut down like this was when something seriously bad occurred like a death. To bottle up his feelings of frustration like this wasn’t right, Ben was a helpless firecracker with a short wick to burn.

“Do you think he would talk to one of the boys at least seen as he is upset with you and I right now?” she asked with hope.

“Maybe?” I couldn’t guarantee that unfortunately.

Jess nodded pushing the untouched plate of pancakes away from her unable to stomach the food anymore. She began scratching the side of her neck absent minded, a habit of Jess’ when she was unsure, nervous or frustrated. Snapping out of her daze she gathered her long caramel hair pulling it back into a low ponytail before letting it fall from her hands back over her shoulders and she then tucked a few lose strands behind her ears so it was completely out of her face.

“Isabelle and I are going to the movies today if you wanna come?” her mood brightened a fraction.

“What are you going to see?” I asked curiously.

“Umm we’re not sure yet, we were just going to rock up to the cinemas and choose a movie and session time then.”

I considered the invite before deciding to stick to the original plan of hanging with Zack doing whatever; I didn’t really feel like sitting in the cinema because I woke up with too much energy for that.

“Thanks but I’ll pass because I promised Zack last night we would hang out.” I declined.

She nodded acceptingly then checked her phone. “I better get going then, Izzy should be coming to pick me up real soon!” she stood up gathering her bag hurriedly. “I didn’t realise the time.” she laughed.

“Hurry then and get your arse moving.” I joked.

“Thanks for the pancakes, Cassie! Tell Zack I said bye!” she yelled over her shoulder while shutting my front door behind her rushing out to her car to get home in time for Izzy.

As one unexpected guest left another shortly arrived, it didn’t faze me seen as friends dropped into my house without notice frequently. My family got used to the common visits, even the few at irregular hours, in fact they even catered for my friends buying extra food for when they dropped by. Zack appeared after showering, his curly hair still slightly damp and smelling of the fresh scent of soap. My front door swung open and Jack entered shutting the door behind him, “Hey Cass! Hey Zack!” he greeted before making his way straight to the pantry scavenging for food.

“What are you up to?” I asked, pushing myself up onto the kitchen counter taking a seat while Zack moved for a stool.

“Looking for food” his head buried in the back of the cupboard engaged in a thorough search for something to eat.

I rolled my eyes,“I mean today. What are you planning on doing today, Jack?” I spelled the question out in black and white.

“Nothing,” he pulled his head out of the cupboard standing up straight with a bag of chips in his hand, “ Iz is at the movies and I was going to go with her but she said I couldn’t go because only people with vaginas are allowed, so that’s why I drove to Zack’s house but his car wasn’t there so I’d figure you guys would be here.” He took a seat besides Zack ripping open the chip packet and scoffing a handful in his mouth.

“Where’s Rian and Alex? Zack took a handful of the potato chips.

“Rian’s working and Alex is having ‘brunch’ with a date- what a faggot.” Jack shook his head in disgust at Alex, “Speaking of pansies, you smell like flowers Zack. It’s real cute.” he mocked.

“It’s better than ‘balls’ ” I exclaimed.

Jack chuckled at the mention of ‘balls’, “So what are we gonna do?” he questioned once composing himself looking from Zack to me for answers.

“We haven’t really planned anything” Zack said as he stretched back on his stool.

Not really caring for what the plans for today were I only had one mission on my mind, to snoop and see what information the boys had about Ben’s issue. I was focussed on shifting the conversation casually to Ben to see what clues or details I could find to potentially solve Ben’s Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome. This was a much difficult task then it seemed due to several factors including trying to both shut Jack Barakat up while getting him to remain remotely serious and getting the boys to reveal secrets to a girl which involved going against guy code. Providing any details to me that Ben may have shared with the boys would stereotype and scar them as whipped if they did by chance share personal guy’s information to me.

“Wouldn’t it suck if-” Jack began, I groaned though immediately cut him short, “if Jack lost his voice for the day.” I shut him down, Jack flipped me off.

The last thing I wanted to begin was Jack’s ‘wouldn’t it suck if…’ game seen as it was endless and would not resolve the reason for Ben’s odd mood swings. Deciding to cut the crap early after rejecting Jack’s game I preceded my mission.

“So what is going on with Ben lately?” I asked curiously trying not to seem too eager for their answer. For a split second panic washed over Jack’s face which he then covered up by looking down and messing his hair until he regained composure facing Zack and I again.

“I dunno, but who cares?!” Jack said too quickly to make me suspicious he knew something he was not willing to share.

“Maybe we should because we’re his friends? Or Jess? Yeah, maybe Jess should care seen as she is his girlfriend?!” sarcasm dripping through my voice.

“Look Ben’s just got some shit to sort through now and he needs some time to work through it for himself.” Jack concluded ending the conversation. I silently cursed to myself at my failure, Jack was the one person in the group I couldn’t somewhat manipulate.

I sighed, “Could you guys please talk to him and make sure he is alright? It’s just that Jess is worried and I promised I would help her.”

Jack nodded, “I’ll keep an eye on him, I promise.”

“I’ll try talk to him and check he is okay.” Zack made eye contact with me reassuring his promise with a solemn expression.

I suppose I felt slightly better knowing the boys were going to make an effort though I wished the situation was in my control better. Both Ben and Jess used to share their issues and seek advice from me making problems between them a lot easier to resolve; with details from only one party the task was a lot more complex. For now I just had to put my faith in Zack and Jack to help put Ben’s feet back on solid ground.