Status: Finished.
To know you is to hate you.
As much as it pains me.
It makes less sense that you could ever understand. You think that de ja vu is strange? You have no idea. I lost entire moments of my life, while other moments were hazy; almost like a dream. The car ride from my home to the hospital was just that. I remember colourful glimpses of passing cars and the distant sound of low voices. The sound of my heart beating in my chest was the only thing I was sure of. I was positive I was still alive and that stung more than I ever thought it could.
The next thing I really remember was walking in through the hospital doors. Twitch was talking to me, reassuring me it was all going to be fine while Fink was cursing and shouting about how useless I was. No change there then.
I sat down between my wife and Mike, my head remained bowed and my body slumped back against the cushions. Around me the waiting room buzzed with activity. I heard the wails of a child as he was whisked off into the A&E and I was taken back to the time Joseph had broken his arm when he was a kid. It had been one of the rare occasions when I was actually home and it was me who had taken him to the hospital. It had been an awful experience to hear my child screaming like that and just thinking about it tore at my heart all over again. I was really too emotional for my own good.
Mike and Adi briefly spoke to each other but I am guessing both were too nervous to even hold up a conversation. I couldn’t blame them, I was the same; it felt as if butterflies had bred in my stomach.
“You’ll never go through with it.”
I stiffened.
“What do you mean?” I thought.
“You couldn’t survive without us. You know it, I know it, he knows it. Come on buddy, we’re your safety net.”
“You want to kill me. How are you my safety net? Tell me that?”
“I know you Billie. From head to toe; and that’s being literal.”
“Well you carry on being literal. But you’re going.”
Then he said it; the one thing that he knew would make me think twice.
“What about Twitch? Will Mike still love you without the reverend?”
I shook my head and attempted to block out his mocking voice. A strong hand took hold of my arm, Adi’s voice washed over me and my weeping eyes were brought up to meet Mike’s worried face. I could tell by the look on his face that he was urging me for an answer; but he wasn’t going to get one.
We were called to the doctor’s office within a matter of moments. Mike and Adi both held onto my arms as if I were some sort of fragile doll that they both were fighting for. I sighed and allowed them to carry on with their protective ways; who was I to stop them, I didn’t know who I was anymore.
We were lead into a room with four large chairs, an oak desk of the highest standard and bookshelves linking the walls. The doctor, a woman I came to know as Eva Jennings, smiled kindly at us from behind the oak furniture.
“Please, all of you take a seat.” She gestured to the chairs and without further prompting, we sat.
She placed her hands in her lap, one long, slender leg was crossed over the other and her glasses sat high upon her nose. But her smile was the main attraction; It was so genuine. A smile that just screamed ‘I am going to help you.’ I believed her even before she spoke.
***
This is heart retching. We were asked to leave the room after Doctor Jennings was given a briefing of Billie’s recent behaviour and medical history. Naturally he didn’t want us in for anything else; Privacy was everything I guess.
The next thing I really remember was walking in through the hospital doors. Twitch was talking to me, reassuring me it was all going to be fine while Fink was cursing and shouting about how useless I was. No change there then.
I sat down between my wife and Mike, my head remained bowed and my body slumped back against the cushions. Around me the waiting room buzzed with activity. I heard the wails of a child as he was whisked off into the A&E and I was taken back to the time Joseph had broken his arm when he was a kid. It had been one of the rare occasions when I was actually home and it was me who had taken him to the hospital. It had been an awful experience to hear my child screaming like that and just thinking about it tore at my heart all over again. I was really too emotional for my own good.
Mike and Adi briefly spoke to each other but I am guessing both were too nervous to even hold up a conversation. I couldn’t blame them, I was the same; it felt as if butterflies had bred in my stomach.
“You’ll never go through with it.”
I stiffened.
“What do you mean?” I thought.
“You couldn’t survive without us. You know it, I know it, he knows it. Come on buddy, we’re your safety net.”
“You want to kill me. How are you my safety net? Tell me that?”
“I know you Billie. From head to toe; and that’s being literal.”
“Well you carry on being literal. But you’re going.”
Then he said it; the one thing that he knew would make me think twice.
“What about Twitch? Will Mike still love you without the reverend?”
I shook my head and attempted to block out his mocking voice. A strong hand took hold of my arm, Adi’s voice washed over me and my weeping eyes were brought up to meet Mike’s worried face. I could tell by the look on his face that he was urging me for an answer; but he wasn’t going to get one.
We were called to the doctor’s office within a matter of moments. Mike and Adi both held onto my arms as if I were some sort of fragile doll that they both were fighting for. I sighed and allowed them to carry on with their protective ways; who was I to stop them, I didn’t know who I was anymore.
We were lead into a room with four large chairs, an oak desk of the highest standard and bookshelves linking the walls. The doctor, a woman I came to know as Eva Jennings, smiled kindly at us from behind the oak furniture.
“Please, all of you take a seat.” She gestured to the chairs and without further prompting, we sat.
She placed her hands in her lap, one long, slender leg was crossed over the other and her glasses sat high upon her nose. But her smile was the main attraction; It was so genuine. A smile that just screamed ‘I am going to help you.’ I believed her even before she spoke.
***
This is heart retching. We were asked to leave the room after Doctor Jennings was given a briefing of Billie’s recent behaviour and medical history. Naturally he didn’t want us in for anything else; Privacy was everything I guess.