A Friend Like Me

Hold on to what you've been given lately
Hold on to what you know you've got
Hold on to what you've been given lately
Hold on, 'cause the world will turn if you're ready or not
Hold On - KT Tunstall

My laptop propped on the counter, I fiddled around with the Final Cut Studio I received yesterday, editing a short film I was working on about a couple meeting at a coffee shop; it set in the 1940s.

Yes, I know it's the day after Christmas, but I want to work on this, especially because I actually have Final Cut Studio. And yes, I know that I most likely have a future of being a workaholic.

“Hey Av,” Joe murmured as, coming into the kitchen, he wrapped his arms around my middle. He rested his chin on my shoulder. “What are you doing?”

I smiled. “Editing.”

Joe watched along with me as I, watching for mistakes, replayed the film. “You should make it pan up to a cloud shaped like a heart at the end.”

“…What?”

“A heart-shaped cloud. That would be so cool.”

“You're such a hopeless romantic, Joe.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

I smiled even wider. “No. But that doesn't mean I'm putting the heart-shaped cloud in.”

Joe squeezed me. “Wanna know a secret?” he quietly said into my ear.

“Always.”

“I – that kiss – that kiss yesterday…Ava…I don't want to forget about it.”

The butterflies in my stomach multiplied.

See here, Joe hasn't brought that kiss up since it happened. Afterward, we shared knowing smiles, but we didn't talk about it.

Which, you know, isn't really surprising, knowing us.

“Neither do I,” I replied softly.

Joe wrapped his arms more tightly around me. “We should go somewhere today. Just the two of us.”

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Does this think what I think it means?!

Joe and I are on a roll! First the kiss(es) from yesterday and then this potential date!

I've never been happier. I couldn't be happier.

Because honestly, this is everything I've ever hoped, ever imagined this would be – actually, more. That kiss yesterday far surpassed all the fantasies I've collected over the years that consisted of kissing Joe. This was real. I finally had it.

Just…God. After so many years, I have what I've been yearning. I've been waiting for this for so long. We're not even dating yet, but we've actually kissed. WE KISSED!

And see, the thing was, I didn't know kisses could make people feel that way. I mean, well, I did. I knew people described kisses as special. I'm not stupid. I knew about those romance books where the heroine talks about how it makes their insides melt, their lips like liquid fire.

It's just that I didn't really believe it until now.

Only before I could respond, Nick walked into the kitchen, toward the refrigerator. He stopped when he saw Joe and I. He blinked at us, looking at us oddly.

Joe withdrew his hands almost immediately.

“Okay…hi guys,” Nick said tentatively. “Ava, can I talk to you?”

I nodded.

Joe touched my side. “See you later,” he said.

As I left with Nick, I heard him singing loudly, “Lucky I'm in love with my best friend…”

Just two days ago – just last week, actually, I disagreed with that song.

Being in love with your best friend? Lucky?

No, definitely not.

But now, yeah. I felt lucky. So, so lucky. I felt that this thing between Joe and I was real. That love wasn't a curse or a result of misfortune. It was all that it was hyped up to be. Beyond that, even.

And is it just me, or do the colors seem brighter?

“Did you tell Joe yet?” Nick wanted to know as we got to his room. “And what's going on?”

“What are you talking about?” I answered.

“You two haven't fought at all since you came up to get him after he ran off to his room. Both of you have had these giant smiles plastered on your faces. Did you two finally come clean about your feelings?”

I looked away from Nick. “Um. No. Not yet.”

Nick sighed. “What about the study abroad?”

Oh right. I'd forgotten about that.

Thank you, Nick, for that. For someone who should take up a career in mediating or psychology, you can be quite the mood dampener.

“No,” I said slowly.

“Dude, the longer you wait, the worse it's going to get,” said Nick bluntly.

I bit my lip. “Fine. I'll tell him tomorrow.”

“Why not now?”

Uh, because I finally got what I wanted and I don't want to ruin it with a “Hey, Joe, just so you know, I'm going to study abroad at Prague for five months.”

“Because,” I stated, “he's too happy right now. I don't want to just ruin it for him, you know? Tomorrow. I'll tell him tomorrow.”

“That doesn't make sense.”

“Okay, see here, the joys of Christmas are just winding down right now. Like, he's really happy right now. I haven't seen him this happy in a long time. I don't want to ruin it for him.”

Nick rubbed his temples. “Okay. Just keep in mind, the longer you wait, the worse are the reactions.”

I shrugged. “Whatever. I'll tell him tomorrow.” I jogged down out the room and down the stairs before Nick could say anything.

As I passed my room, I noticed Joe in there, holding the picture he gave me for Christmas. He was sitting cross-legged on the bed. The tip of his tongue poked out from between his lips, something I've noticed over the years that he does when he's extremely concentrated and determined. The picture, flipped over, rested in his lap as he struggled to lock the clasps at the back that held the back in place.

I smiled to myself and walked on. It looked like Joe wanted to be alone.

However, I stopped at the bottom of the stairs when a pair of hands slid over my eyes.

“Joe,” I said as he said, “Guess who?”

Joe withdrew his hands from my face and pouted as I turned to face him. “Hey, that's not fair! How did you know?”

I laughed. “Your hands, Joseph. Like…I can tell by the texture of your ring and –” I stopped, nearly telling him that the other reason was that only his touch made my heart flutter (which doesn't really makes sense but whatever) “– and the way your hand feels.”

“Let's go out,” said Joe, grinning at me, “for a drive.”

“A drive? It's snowing outside. Plus, that would waste gas, wouldn't it?”

“We can go have lunch.”

“Lunch?” I repeated as Joe took my hand in his. “Okay.”

Besides, it was hard to argue with him when the memory of yesterday's kiss was so fresh in my mind. God…the way his lips pressed against mine. How, even though it was only for a moment, his hold on me made me feel safe and warm.

“See you down here,” Joe said, giving my cheek a soft peck.

I touched my cheek after Joe left, still rooted to the spot with a silly grin on my face.

{∞∞∞}

“Wait,” I said as Joe headed not toward the car, but down the sidewalk, “where are we going?”

Joe stopped. “Park. It's a few blocks from here and it's so beautiful there when it's snowing.”

Sticking my hands in my pockets, I sauntered over to him, grumbling, “Okay, fine.”

Joe, when I got to him, reached for my hand with a small smile on his face.

But teasing him, I shook my head. “Nah, Joe, that's something you do on a date and this wasn't a date. You'll have to ask me first if you want one.”

Joe's eyebrows raised slightly. “A date. So…I guess we can't do anything date-ly then, like…kiss?”

“Joe, you're weird.”

Joe turned me towards him, his hands gripping my elbows as he grinned down at me. “Hey, but I drive you crazy. Face it, if I left, you wouldn't know what to do.”

I shook my head. “No. Actually, I think that I drive you crazy.”

“Really.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Really.” Then I leaned in towards him, but pulled away just as his lips nearly met mine (believe me, it took a LOT of willpower). “Hey now,” I said, giggling. “I told you, this wasn't a date. You have to ask me first if you want one.” I ducked out of his arms.

Laughing, I ran over to the car, jiggling the doorknob as Joe said, “Yeah, you better run!”

Seriously, I know I complain a lot about Joe's immaturity and whatnot…but these are the moments I'll miss when I go to Prague. Submitting that application was the thing I regretted the most right now. I mean, seriously. Why did I even do that?

And I know, it'll help out with my career and all, but…in Europe?

Joe sprinted over to me and pressed me against the car, holding down my wrists with his hands. “What would you do if, because of what you just did, I got in the car and drove off without you?”

“Hunt you down and then eviscerate you,” I answered.

“Eviscerate, huh?”

“Disembowel. You know, take your organs out.”

Joe pulled a face. “Gross.”

“Now let go of me.”

“No.” He pressed his forehead to mine. Forgetting about our little game, I tilted my head forward to kiss him, but his hand snaked up to my face and held it there. “I thought this wasn't a date.”

I swatted his shoulder with the back of my hand. “Tease. Let's go home.”

Joe was smirking. “Are you sure you want to end this…non-date thing so quickly?”

“Joe.”

Joe laughed. “Okay, okay. Here,” he said, stepping to the side, opening the door for me.

Getting into the car, I crossed my arms and, when Joe got in, said, “Honestly Joe, you're such a tease.”

Joe grinned at me. “Hey now, you started it.” When I didn't respond, he took my hand in his. “Okay, Ava, sorry.”

I slid my hand out of his. “Shut up.”

Joe backed the car up as he chuckled.

“Are you laughing at me?” I questioned with mock anger.

“Aww, Summers,” Joe said, sticking his bottom lip out. “Come on, just let me hold your hand. Look, I've even got my cute face on.”

“Your cute face.”

“Yeah. Well I mean, I always have my cute face on – it's my normal face. I have it on twenty-four seven.”

“Eyes on the road, Joseph.”

Ignoring me, Joe slipped his fingers between mine. “Hey, Av….”

“What?” I asked, giving up the little fight as Joe stroked the back of my thumb.

“I…I…so…uh…what are we now?”

“I don't know.”

Right on the boundary of being friends and dating. Which, you know, actually really isn't that bad of a place to be. Well, I mean, it is but like…we kissed, so probably right on the edge of the boundary, but this time, we were right on the edge of dating.

“But,” I continued, deciding that this was the semi-start to telling him the truth, “I think we're like…on the boundary of best friends and dating. However, I think that we're sort of…leaning to the dating side. I mean, that is…are we?”

“Yeah,” Joe said, turning his head away from the road and looking at me, smiling. “Yeah, we are.”

{∞∞∞}

“Looks like no one's home,” Joe noted as we pulled into the empty driveway.

“Yeah,” I said as I opened my door and got out.

“So anyways,” I said as I stepped into the house, turning to him, “what do you want to do? We can watch a movie or –”

Joe had kissed me though, stopping me from finishing the rest of my sentence. His fingers curled at the back of my neck.

I pulled away. “Or – or we can do that,” I murmured.

Honestly, sometimes I should just shut up. Then, I'd stop blurting out Dan Humphrey-like phrases in the middle of our rare romantic moments.

Joe, however, grinned at me. Wrapping his arms around me, he pressed his lips to mine again. His hands traveled down to my hips and my hands ran through his hair. He gently pushed me backwards until I felt the cool wall against my back. Joe pressed himself against me more, issuing a soft sigh from me. And then I melted against him, my legs going weak, Joe now my support.

Pulling away, Joe groaned, his hair tousled where I ran my hands through it. “Why did we wait so long to do this?” he whispered.

“I don't know,” I admitted and leaned in to kiss him again.

Only the Gods of Interruption decided to grant me the blessing of another interruption, this time in the form of Nick (as per usual).

“Whoa!” Nick exclaimed incredulously. “Um. Sorry, but did I miss something?”

You know, I'll just add “Kill Nick by dawn” to my bucket list of things to do, which also include “Tell Joe about Prague” and “Tell Joe I love him.”

Joe pulled away, furiously red in the face. “Oh. Whoa, dude, what are – what are y-you doing here? I thought you were gone.”

Nick shook his head. “No. Mom, Dad, Ava's parents, and Frankie went to go see a movie. Kevin and Danielle are here in the house somewhere.”

“You need to work on your timing,” I told him.

But Nick ignored me. “So…are you guys dating now? Told each other everything?”

“Um,” I said, praying to God that Joe wouldn't get suspicious of the “Told each other everything?” part, “we're – uh – we're quasi-dating? – and mind your own business.”

Nick shrugged. “Sorry, dude. It's just that all my life, literally, all I've seen you guys do is…like…be best friends. I'm happy for you guys.” Then he actually smiled at us. Showing his teeth. Nick never smiles showing his teeth, unless he really is happy.

But there's Nick for you. The smoother-over who likes it when there's peace and hates it when there's this war thing going on.

For a seventeen year old, Nick is awfully formal. And he probably knows that I haven't told Joe yet, because as he left the room, he jerked his eyebrows upwards quickly, widening his eyes at me and glancing over to Joe, as if to say, “Tell him, before it's too late.”

Jeez. I know. That's why I'm telling him tomorrow.

Honestly, I mean it this time.

{∞∞∞}

Having time alone to myself, I pulled out the packet I received in the mail about the Study Abroad program at NYU. I pulled out the crisp pages from the manila envelope that I had hidden under my textbooks. Flipping through the pages, I stopped when I saw the calendar.

January 16 – Student arrival

May 14 – Student departure

Don't get me wrong, I've looked at this packet multiple times already. It's just that…those five months seem bigger now. Longer. More unbearable. More pronounced.

And I dreaded it even more, especially telling him. But I had to.

Even though it was nearly six thousand miles away from Joe (when he's in LA). Even though Prague was nine hours ahead of L.A.

Okay. I'll tell him tomorrow. I'll tell everyone tomorrow. I'll take them out to a nice dinner and tell them. Even though I know that's just about the general plan everyone makes when they have to announce something grim, it pretty much works, right? Besides, I can't just tell them in some type of family meeting. But really, not everyone's clueless about this. Nick knows. So do my parents, whom I've told to keep quiet, because I wanted to announce the stupid thing myself.

“Ava?” Joe asked, opening the door a few inches wide. “You in here?”

Even though I was sitting, I jumped about a foot into the air. My heart raced and I slid the papers madly onto the desk. Not caring (for once) if it got crumpled, I grabbed the top paper and flipped it over.

“H-Hey,” I said, trying desperately to seem calm as Joe entered the room and not like – well, like I was reading a packet on a study abroad program of which Joe knew nothing about.

Joe beamed at me and I felt another pang of remorse and dread. I returned the smile uneasily at him.

“You alright?” Joe asked. He sat down next me as I nodded. “Because you look a bit…worried and sad or something.”

God. He knows me so well. And because of that, it's now harder to leave him.

“Yeah,” I said hopefully reassuringly (except that, you know, my voice was wavering a bit). “Yeah, I'm fine.”

Joe put an arm around me, drawing me close. “Okay. But…you can tell me anything, Av.”

I rested my head on his shoulder. “I know.”

“Hey,” Joe said softly. “There's something I need to tell you. Meet me outside.”

“In the snow?”

“…I kind of want to…like…fit the mood or something. Like…make it all nice and – and stuff.”

I nodded. “Okay.”

Joe got up, a nervous smile on his face. “See you later, then.” He walked slowly to leave, but stopped when he got to my desk. He turned to me, grinning. “What's this, writing something?” He picked up the paper – the acceptance letter that I had flipped over hastily.

“No!” I said as he turned it over, standing up.

Still, it was too late.

Joe's crooked grin faded, the corners of his mouth turning downwards as his eyes scanned the first couple of lines. He sucked in his lips, his mouth thinner than I've ever seen it before. His free hand balled into a fist and the vein running up his forearm protruded more noticeably. His eyes slowly drifted from the paper to me. His jaw was clenched.

“Ava,” Joe said slowly. “What's this?”