A Friend Like Me

Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me.
Suddenly I See - KT Tunstall

Tuesday night. I was having dinner with the Jonai.

And I was still thinking about that kiss on the cheek and whether I'm off the Unrequited Love bandwagon or not.

Honestly, why does love have to be so complicated?

When we arrived at the restaurant, I saw James sitting at one of the tables, alone. He saw me and waved; I waved back.

I turned to Mrs. Jonas. “Is it okay if I go eat with him?” I asked, gesturing to James.

“Yeah, sure,” she said, smiling.

Joe coughed loudly. “You know, I'm going to go with Ava. Someone should, like, make sure they don't do anything or make sure she's safe and all.”

“No!” I protested instantly. “We're in the same restaurant, it's not like James and I are going to do anything.”

“You can't be too sure,” Joe said.

I rolled my eyes. “He's not going to do anything!”

“How do you know?”

“I – ”

“Okay. Joseph, go with Ava to supervise them,” Mrs. Jonas said. “However, I don't want you meddling with their business, got it?”

“Yeah, sure, Mom,” Joe responded, a smug smile on his lips.

I threw Joe a dirty look before walking over to James' table.

“Hey,” I said, my voice dripping with fake cheerfulness.

“Hi,” James said.

The waitress came. “What drinks would you want?”

“Coke,” I said.

“Same,” James said.

“Yeah,” Joe said. When the waitress left, he continued. “I thought British people drink tea.”

I elbowed him discreetly. “Joe!”

“Well, we actually have other beverages other than tea, funnily enough,” James said.

“So,” Joe said, reclining in his chair. “Where did you two meet, anyway? On a cozy little college class?”

“No,” I snapped. “Actually, it was when you told me that Demi's the one who's been there all along and not me.”

Joe fell silent for the rest of the dinner, which was a miracle for him.

“Well,” I announced, standing up, “I'm going home.”

“I'll walk you,” offered James.

“Ava – ” Joe started, but I interrupted him, saying, “Bye, Joe.”

{∞∞∞}

James and I were walking through Central Park.

“Sorry about Joe,” I apologized. “He's usually not like that.”

“It's alright,” James said.

“Oh. Well, that's nice that you understand, then.”

Then, he tilted my head towards his and kissed me.

Which, you know, was completely unexpected.

It's not like I don't like him, because I do. Only, I like him as a friend, not the way he feels about me.
Because, well, the only guy I think I'd ever really, actually love is Joe.

Great. Now I'm thinking of Joe while I'm kissing another guy.

This could very well be a sign of a downward spiral. This definitely isn't –

“Ava?!”

James and I quickly pulled away. Joe was standing there, looking murderous.

Joe sputtered unintelligibly. “You – he – what were you two doing?!”

“Well, what are you doing here?” I responded.

“I don't want you having some guy's tongue shoved down your throat in public!”

“James, can you leave?” I asked, perhaps a bit too harshly. “I need to speak to dear Joseph here.”

James shrugged. “Alright. I'll see you, then?”

“Yeah, yeah,” I said distractedly.

I turned to Joe. “Before you came, there wasn't anybody else here.”

“I don't care,” Joe snarled. “Do you think I want people to call my best friend a – ”

“A what?” I challenged. “What exactly are they going to call me? Like you should talk, anyway, you were the one that nearly slept with Camilla! Besides, you saw him kiss me on Friday!”

“God, Ava, we're in public! Demi would never do that. At least she knows what to do in public, unlike you.”

“Oh, so it's the Demi card again? Can't you make up your mind for once?”

“You kissing him in public!”

“Why should you care?!”

“I told you, he's not good enough for you.”

“So who is, Joe?” I retaliated. “Tell me one guy who fits your little standards for dating me. And while you're at it, tell me why you think James is so undeserving.”

“He'll never love you like I – like another guy does,” Joe said angrily, stumbling over his own words.

Except he almost said “I.” So. Is that hint number two (the first one was yesterday) that he finally saw me as more than his best friend that's practically his sister?

Ugh. Stupid Joe. Now I feel all mushy inside and I don't have the strength to counter him.

“So who's this 'other guy' you keep talking about who loves me so much, then?” I asked quietly.

“No one,” Joe mumbled.

And guess what? He did that mouth movement again.

“Tell me,” I pressed.

“Look,” Joe snapped. “I don't need to tell you, okay? The last thing I need is another person trying to dig into my love life. So stay out of it.”

That stung. Because 1. What the…? Then what was yesterday? What about those Requited Love Hints? 2. The way he said that was just so harsh and…and cruel, and 3. I do want to be part of his love life.

“Well,” I said, my voice trembling, “good. Because you don't have to worry. I don't even want to be a part of that. And you stay out of mine, too.” I swallowed before continuing, because that stupid knot at the back of my throat was tightening more. “But really, I'm worried about you. You've been acting so distant and I just – I don't know why.” I turned my head so he wouldn't see me crying.

I'm not going to cry. I'm not. I closed my eyes, willing the tears to just…I don't even know what. To stop leaking out of my eye and just shoot back into my eyeballs.

Although that would be a bit creepy.

“It's nothing,” Joe said.

“Fine,” I said, turning away from him, about to march away.

However, I thought of something that sounded witty to say, so I turned back around

“And for the record, stay out of my love life, too,” I said triumphantly, only to remember I just said that earlier.

Uh. Well. That was incredibly stupid.

“And…stop trying to control who I date,” I added. “James is an amazing, sweet guy. And unlike you, he never argues with me and actually respects me.”

You know what I need? A love guru, or whatever. Or maybe a psychologist. Someone that can help me with this stupid Joe situation. Actually, you know what? Maybe if I hadn't decided to see how great Joe's personality is, how his smile can light up a bad day, and how his laugh and his voice were the best sounds in the whole world, maybe I wouldn't be stuck in this stupid rut I've been stuck in for years.

Eff this.

Why am I such a bad “love reader” or whatever they call it, anyway? Why can't I just look at Joe and tell if he wants to take our relationship to the next level?

Oh yeah, because my love life has been practically non-existent until now. I've only had one boyfriend in my life (not counting James) and all we did was go on a date and kiss. Then I broke it off, because Joe made Much Better and I thought it was about me.

Ha. Well, isn't that just bitterly hilarious. Hilarious. I knew it. I always have moments where I think Joe actually wants to be more than friends. I never learn, do I?

I trudged through the rest of Central Park miserably. It's hard to believe that I was so happy this morning and last night.

Remembering what happened last night, I touched the spot on my cheek again. My mind flashed back to the feeling of his lips against my cheek and the way it made my heart skip a beat and my insides to melt. And when he whispered in my ear, making me giddy.

I need some expert advice on this.

So, I turned on my cell phone and dialed.

“Hello? Kevin? I need to talk to you.”