Counting down the days

I was woken abruptly by my alarm clock. 6am. Of course it is, Its a work day. I pottered around my flat before going for a shower. When i was clean and refreshed i grabbed a slice of dry toast. Yummy. I don't know why, i love dry toast, it just appeals to me. Screams out at me if you will. Running out the door at 7am i passed the post man. We gave each other a quick hello before i headed off.

Arriving at the small diner i slipped on my apron thing and got to work. Checking that all of the booths were clean before flipping the all so controlling sign. The Open Close sign. You could say that, that little piece of cardboard controls how much business we get. If its left to the Close side we get nothing while if i do flip it to the Open side we get lots of business. Funny that really.

With the sign flipped and everything ready for the customers i went behind the counter, waiting for the morning people. The people who are to lazy to make their own breakfast, the people who want something special, the people who buy others breakfast, the ones who are in a rush. This is their fuel to start the day. The morning rush died down like usual around about 10am. I walked around with my anti-bacterial spray and got to work cleaning up all of the mess and crumbs that have been split during the madness. Soon enough between me and the other waitress we had the place clean.

Its a small diner, there is only ever two waitresses on duty along with a cashier and a chef. Like i said small. I don't really talk to the others. The cashier is snobby, she thinks that she owns the place, she thinks that she is better than everyone because she is the only one who lives in a house that doesn't have a mortgage on or anything like that. The chef, well nobody really See's him. He lives in the kitchen, only coming out to leave work of for his lunch. The other waitress, i hate her. She is what i like to call plastic, fake smile fake everything. She walks in here everyday with her expensive designer shoes clicking as they hit the floor. She thinks she is queen bee and we all have to worship her, Like that's going to happen.

After the place was up to scratch i sat down on a stool at the counter bit. I pulled out a notepad and started to draw. I love drawing, it helps me release all of my feelings. My anger, My love, My sadness, My depression. All of it flows onto the sheet of paper as i express myself. Its a way to escape this reality, a way to run away. I glanced up at the cheap plastic clock on the wall, its thick black hands tell me the time. The help me in a way too. I like to know the time, How much longer i have to either get rid of the moment or to cherish it. 12:30pm. The lunch rush will be starting soon.

Kids come in here for lunch as well as the workers from the near by offices. I should be at collage. I should be part of this rush. I should be one of those care free people at collage. Sometimes i wish i never gave it up, but it was too hard to cope. The stress of classes along with the news of me "curable" disease. It made me crack so i dropped out. I was studying business management and marketing. The two things i love numbers and art. My two sole keepers all rolled into one. But yet, i was too happy there, something was bound to go wrong.

i started the lunch rush when a group of people my age walked in through the door and walked to the furthers booth. They don't seem to get it. They think that because they eat here they own me. They seem to think that they can hurl abuse at me, they think it doesn't affect me. I would fight back but who would believe me, nobody. Simply because they love miss plastic over there. I sighed deeply before walking over to the table that gives so much grief. Taking their order various comments were thrown about. Comments about my looks, my job, the fact that i am not in school. Everything. I'm an easy target to them. Something they can use to pass time. I placed the order up on the sheet for the chef and went back to serving others.

After the lunch rush i served one or two stray people and then placed my apron up on the hook. Time to leave. Time to escape. I grabbed my pay packed and walked out the door without a word to the others. They wont care. I often wounder if anyone would notice when i am gone. Just like that song says If I, if I, if I die inside, Would anyone realize?. Would they, probably not. Only the rare few. Only the one or two. And the people who want things from me.

I wandered around, just letting my feet guide me. Letting them control where i go. I found myself going to the park, It was sunny, peaceful. Empty. Just the good way. There was nobody here apart from me and my thoughts. My emotions. i sat down on the grass with my back up against a tree. Drawing. Emptying out all of the anger and frustration caused by those idiots at the diner. Soon they will get there wish. I will be out of there way. Nobody will have to put up with me. Gone. No longer a problem to the world.

I don't know how long i sat there for. I seemed to have lost track of time. Sometimes escaping does that. But then i came slamming back down to earth. Reality was waiting for me. Nothing else. Very few speak to me now. They distanced themselves from me. said they couldn't cope with my problems. I cant cope with my problems. They said that they just couldn't stay near me, My problems were too much for them. They couldn't help me through my time of need, I always helped them when they needed but most of them ran and hid from me when i needed more help that they ever have. Only one stayed to help me. He still checks on me, everyday. He looks out for me. I don't know what i would do if Matt never stayed.

It was Matt who came to all of the "curing" sessions. It was Matt who made sure i have everything i needed. It was him who never ran from me in my time of need, and now i am a burden on him. Its not his fault. He never deserved this. He should have walked away from that foolish, lost, little girl those many years ago.

I met Matt when we were 8. That was the day i met my best friend. The only person i could confide in. The only person in the world i trusted. It was in the summer term of school. I was the new girl in school. Nobody wanted to come near me. It was like i was something bad. I walked in there with my grey pinafore. My brown hair in pleats. I walked into the canteen shyly. Unaware and unsure. That when he walked over. He made friends and helped me through that tough first day. It was Matt that i ran to when i found out that my mum had left me and my dad. I had only known him two weeks but i still trusted him with everything, and i still do. Eleven years on.

I picked up my notepad and pencil and walked home. It was really dark. Only the light from that street lights lit my way. well only the streetlights that work that is. When i returned to my flat it was 8pm. Matt will be over soon. 9pm sharp, and he is always there. Some say that he babies me. But the truth is he is the only one that understands me. I made myself a sandwich, because I'm not really hungry, and sat down on the couch.

I must have fallen asleep as i was shaken a wee bit. Matt stood over me. His brown eyes were bright and curious yet full of care. I sat up so that there was room for him to sit on the couch as well. I smiled at him and he smiled back.

"How are you feeling today Star?" Matt asked my, his voice was quiet and soft as always.

"Better, I have something to tell you though" Tears were forming in the corners of my eyes. I know whats going to happen. I know i wont be here this time next week, but i haven't said it out loud yet.

"Whats wrong" I took a deep breath before admitting it.

"I went to the doctor about my results yesterday, as you know, and well" Tears were running down my face now. I wiped them away quickly.
"They test said- said that- I'm still ill. The tests shortened my life." I looked up to see his face. Its full of sadness,

"we still have time right? You still have a year don't you" I slowly shook my head. I don't want to tell him. I was hoping that it wouldn't affect him so badly. I looked down and started to play with my figures.

"6 days" I mumbled as tears began streaming down my face. Matt pulled me into a hug, to try and comfort himself as well as me. I don't want to believe and i don think he does either. That's where i fell asleep. In his arms. Holding on to the only thing in my life that went well.